an embarassing problem

[littlfairy]

='Sir Gareth' date='Aug 2 2009,

I have been praying about this for some time and need help with it.

There is a woman at my church, very nice and religious, she is a sunday school teacher and head of VBS every year. She is also very attractive and wears tight/revealing clothing to church (not like really bad but bad enough.)

I'm not sure if I should say anything to her or what but i find myself being attracted to her and since we are both married that is very wrong. I want to serve Christ and do his will and this is an embrassing problem to talk about but i feel i need to ask someone for advice.

i loved the reply by MorningGlory. loved it loved it. gonna save this. I actually think this problem is not only a single case, of course it is not! I am just wondering why I only see this one thread about it, I think it displays how truly you, Sir Gareth, want to do the RIGHT thing.

i think already by talking about this issue in this forum here, you get more comfortable with handling this problem, right?

I think you are a leading by example that you come forward with such an issue. Your wife can be proud having you..

cya, Moritz

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talk to me on the web-based chat http://www.knuddels.com - my Nickname is LittlFairy

[Believer1997]

The bible is clear on modesty in dress for women. Perhaps this woman you are speaking of has never read, or paid attention to that part of the bible. A godly woman should not dress in a tempting or revealing outfit because it can / will lead to sexual thoughts by the opposite sex. I went to this church with my husband who is not a christian. Many of the young girls / women dressed in extremely short, tight mini skirts. My husband was very disapproving of this. He said, these women are a distraction and they want to advertise, or they wouldn't do it. I spoke with the assistant pastor about it (it was his daughter) and he just laughed it off. He said that his wife picked out the girl's outfits. Personally I think it is a sin to dress in a manner to tempt a man (or woman) to committ adultery in his / her heart. I believe this backed up by scripture. Of course some people would think lustful thoughts if the person wore a burlap bag, but that is beside the point. When I was a teenager we did not have that problem, or if it did happen the person in question was approached by one of the women churchmembers about it.

As you say, there are women would could wear a sackcloth or Prairie Dress and "tempt" a man... It does not have a lot to do with clothing. It's nature - and God made that. He also made it clear that we are to avoid lusting and coveting. Prayer is the only way to address this situation. Pray, ask for strength and forgiveness and center yourself in the Lord.

[Fez]

I would agree that the challange to deal with this temptation lies with you, and not with her. If I had to have asked every woman that I had been attracted to over the years to please do something about tempting me, half the population would be walking round with paper bags on their heads!

Instead I wear "the paper bag", and I do it by walking away, turning in another direction, and prayer.

Even tried closing my eyes, but tripped over the curb one time!

[Believer1997]

I would agree that the challange to deal with this temptation lies with you, and not with her. If I had to have asked every woman that I had been attracted to over the years to please do something about tempting me, half the population would be walking round with paper bags on their heads!

Instead I wear "the paper bag", and I do it by walking away, turning in another direction, and prayer.

Even tried closing my eyes, but tripped over the curb one time!

[Fez]

You lovely woman you

[Sir Gareth]

I thank you all for taking the time to help me.

I appreciate the advice and I will continue to pray to the Lord for help in combating the flesh and it's worldly desires.

In truth it wouldn't really be a problem if not for the fact that about 75% of the things I take my kids to at the church shes involved with or in charge of, makes it hard to avoid her.

But thank you again fopr your help and advice.

[tjhawks1]

The bible is clear on modesty in dress for women. Perhaps this woman you are speaking of has never read, or paid attention to that part of the bible. A godly woman should not dress in a tempting or revealing outfit because it can / will lead to sexual thoughts by the opposite sex. I went to this church with my husband who is not a christian. Many of the young girls / women dressed in extremely short, tight mini skirts. My husband was very disapproving of this. He said, these women are a distraction and they want to advertise, or they wouldn't do it. I spoke with the assistant pastor about it (it was his daughter) and he just laughed it off. He said that his wife picked out the girl's outfits. Personally I think it is a sin to dress in a manner to tempt a man (or woman) to committ adultery in his / her heart. I believe this backed up by scripture. Of course some people would think lustful thoughts if the person wore a burlap bag, but that is beside the point. When I was a teenager we did not have that problem, or if it did happen the person in question was approached by one of the women churchmembers about it.

It's sad that this is going on in church. When was the last time you heard a message on dressing modesty. It's part of the moral decline. We want to say it's all on the world and when you look in the mirror we are part of the problem. This is a huge issue for me and people like your assistant pastor are not helping matters. We as christians don't look like christians. It's sad when these girls look like Paris Hilton and see no problem with it.

[~Magdalena~]

I have been praying about this for some time and need help with it.

There is a woman at my church, very nice and religious, she is a sunday school teacher and head of VBS every year.

She is also very attractive and wears tight/revealing clothing to church (not like really bad but bad enough.)

I'm not sure if I sshould say anything to her or what but i find myself being attracted to her and since we are both married that is very wrong.

I want to serve Christ and do his will and this is an embrassing problem to talk about but i feel i need to ask someone for advice.

Please don't take offense at this but your lust happens to be your responsibility to micromanage -- not hers, not other women's and not the church's.

You need to stop regarding this as her issue; it clearly hasn't been her issue at all, but yours, and only yours, from the start.

If you make it an issue with her, you will wound her heart, and brother, no matter how much you struggle, it's not worth it to do that.

Please seriously consider taking responsibility for yourself instead of making this her problem. PLEASE.

Attraction and lust are two different things. Also, as children of God we do not want to cause any to stumble. So I must say that not only is this his and her issue, but ours also. We bear one anothers burdens...this is biblical.

It most certainly would NOT be Biblical to COMPEL another to bear your burden, however.

Again, his lust, or attraction, whatever you want to call it, resides in his mind only. It remains his responsibility to manage, not hers. The problem with not recognizing it as such would be where will it end? Where will the line be drawn? Because those inclined to palm off their issue onto someone else will never be satisfied. Having been in churches where young ladies dressed completely "modestly" (no cleavage showing, full skirts below the knee neither clinging nor tight, etc.) this did nothing to deter men from being "attracted" to them or complaining that the young lady and not himself should somehow bear responsibility for this. Again, suggesting that anyone else should micromanage another person's mind, heart, and above all, choices, would be nothing short of utter foolishness. Folks may rail against this all they please but it will not change reality one bit: YOU, not someone else, bear responsibility for guarding and directing your thoughts. Why? Simple: no one else CAN. No one can reach inside you and make you think one way rather than the other, or steer your thoughts in some direction not another. Case in point: despite speaking logic and truth here some still insist on pretending the situation to be anything other than precisely what it so obviously reveals itself to be: a case of one person trying to make another responsible for things only he could possibly affect, rather than taking responsibility himself. That in itself should tell you how impossible it remains to try to alter someone else's thoughts, when even speaking the truth cannot shake people out of such a predisposition nor others from supporting the delusions and fantasies that feed that predisposition and then pretending to extract a Biblical case for retaining them no less! God have mercy on us all.

[~Magdalena~]

As you say, there are women would could wear a sackcloth or Prairie Dress and "tempt" a man... It does not have a lot to do with clothing. It's nature - and God made that. He also made it clear that we are to avoid lusting and coveting. Prayer is the only way to address this situation. Pray, ask for strength and forgiveness and center yourself in the Lord.

Amen. The solution that CAN work, and that won't damage someone else in the process, lies here.

[~Magdalena~]

I would agree that the challange to deal with this temptation lies with you, and not with her. If I had to have asked every woman that I had been attracted to over the years to please do something about tempting me, half the population would be walking round with paper bags on their heads!

Instead I wear "the paper bag", and I do it by walking away, turning in another direction, and prayer.

GOOD for you, Fez!! It's very encouraging to see a man step up to the plate here with the truth on this matter.

Going to step out of this thread now, to do a little self-management of my own regarding my own issues -- namely, not to get embroiled in endless controversy arguing the point. Truth has been spoken, and God, not Magdalena, bears the responsibility of turning the lights on in other people's hearts and minds. So ... *wave* ....

Edited August 4, 2009 by ~Magdalena~