how to love those who mistreat you

[ladypeartree]

Just a word of caution .... please watch what you say to her without another person present as it sounds as if she is " bad mouthing " people who see her for what she is and you need to make sure she cannot tell everyone that YOU said things that you have not ( such as the worship group incident )

[josephine tomczuk]

hi.

i have a 'friend' a church who, when we first met, seemed so on fire for God, so strong, so wise... you get the picture.

then she started 'confiding' in me with her problems, the biggest one being lack of money. she said she had no food on the table to eat, no work, and the work that she does get isn't much because her boss isn't good; her husband, also a strong man of God, is in a far away country being persecuted.

my heart broke for her. i prayed with her for 1 week non-stop. she said the Lord had shown her she needs to pray with someone for 1 week and then breakthrough would come. during this time she was angry with everyone and said she didn't want to talk to anyone else except me, and that i shouldn't tell anyone of what we were talking/praying about. then she started talking about suicide and said her husband felt the same way. she didn't want to do anything she was asked to do in church, like tea&coffee or the sunday school. she wanted to be involved in the worship only. i reasoned that she was too depressed about what was going on to bother about much else, and just needed to receive in terms of ministry and encouragement, feeling that she didn't have anything to give from within.

then she asked me for money. i was down on cash anyway, & my husband & i have to count every penny while providing for our baby son; but my heart was so heavy for her i kind of had to beg my husband to let me give it to her - and he's a giving man. after all, she said she didn't have food to put on the table. at least we haven't got to that point. when it came time to give it to her she acted very shocked and said that i didn't have to. i just put it down to embarrassment of her situation.

the next time we prayed, again she was dejected. she felt bad because she had got angry with God and thought He had abandoned her. i counseled her again, telling her this guilt was from the enemy, that it was good that she had got convicted and repented, time to move on. by this time, we were near the end of the week. i reminded her of that fact, but she asked me why i was so focused on this time frame. had God showed me? she forgot that she was the one who told me. that day she told me that she wanted to spend her birthday with me alone. i felt a bit honored that she valued me so much as a friend.

then another time i was having a conversation with my pastor, and her name just came up. my pastor then told me that actually she had been going around the whole church telling everyone her problems. i didn't get it. i just thought that she had become desperate for a solution, seeing that week had come and gone. it hadn't clicked in my mind yet what was going on.

then another person asked me about her. this person is the lady who welcomed her into her home and gave her a place to stay. my 'friend' had told her that i had told her to go into the worship group. not so! we ended up talking, and i found out that she's actually really rude to everyone at church, refuses to go by the schedule we're all put down for in terms of tasks and ministry, because she doesn't want to do tea&coffee, she wants to be the next Joyce Meyer - her words, not mine.

i also found out that she's lazy, doesn't want to work, so of course her boss is annoyed with her, but good enough to let her stick around. if it had been anyone else, you know she would have been outta there. she's not starving either. she's picky. doesn't eat certain foods. not like she's a vegeterian or has a strict diet because of health, she's just fussy. she had to be practically coerced to helping around the house, and then she thought she was being picked on. then i found out that with the tiny amount of rent she has to pay, she has the nerve to go around the church, ASKING everyone for money, like she's a little puppy lost in the big wide world. and her father-in-law sends her money from overseas. before she was living in this country for seven years, rent free, studying free, everything paid for.

she still smiles at me. i feel so disappointing. she sends me texts asking me if i'm angry with her. i find it difficult to think about her now, let alone pray for her. Tuesday coming is her birthday. i feel we still must meet but i have no idea how to approach this. all i can think is that she's so manipulative. & i'm a fool. i forgive her, but i don't even know how i can look at her and still feel as caring as i did before. i still care. big let down though. usually i'm good with confrontations, and letting things get out in the open, but this somehow is different.

any thoughts? much appreciated...

Many times we are trying to fix others, when in fact, who and what they are is something for us to see in ourselves that we may see it, confess it, deny it place any longer in our lives and grow more close to Christ... all people when come into our area of life are opportunities of allowing God's Spirit within us to minister unto them and learn more of the greatness of our Lord through such...

You have picked out her faults as you have traveled around to others in speaking about her with her not being there??? What sort of behavior does this fall under? If we truly love Christ we will do things in His way for His glory... gossip is a hated sin by God and it is defined as speaking of others with them not present to receive the exhortation in order to change. Ask God to forgive your actions of disobedience with the ones this has occurred and together go to this woman and speak of these things with her. It is the Biblical way in which we are to operate one to another. Clearly this woman needs you and the others for there is no telling what sins has her encumbered and weighed down but handle in prayer your own wrongness that your work may not be hindered!

Matt 7:3-5

3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

KJV

I read in your post the desire to help this woman, and I know what the Lord asks is not the easiest way but it will yield what you desire to give Him, our Lord, Glory to His Name... Love Steven

i really don't agree.

i did not seek out others to gossip about her faults, they came to me, including our pastor, to warn me of what she is doing. and even then it was not gossip. i'm the one trying to figure a way to talk to her about it in the open, remember? did you read any of what i wrote? i don't feel i have disobeyed, as i continued to pray, however difficult. nobody's perfect, but i have a problem with people manipulating me, and i think you would too. that's just a fact, not a judgement, however much i wish it weren't even a fact. actually, reading your post, i feel a little judged, seeing as its clear that you did not read mine, at least not carefully. but think what you want, i can't force any opinion upon you.

[josephine tomczuk]

Most people who have a kind heart have put themselves out for people who have sometimes treated them poorly. You must remember that people have the potential and ability to disappoint time after time ... we cannot allow their actions to affect our walk with God or our desire to help others. Pray for this woman and forgive her for being callous and rude. That is not to say to continue setting yourself up to her schemes - but forgive her, she needs prayer to get her life in order. Blessings to you!

i'm not so naive as to not ever expect this, but as agua has said, she really got to me. thanks for the encouragement though.

Is she even born again? Pray for her, and in a loving way rebuke her actions. I'm surprised the pastor hasn't talked with her about her conduct.

Matthew 18: ¹⁵"If your brother sins against you,^[b] go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. ¹⁶But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'^[c]17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

God Bless You

she's been to the pastor, that's why the pastor warned me. whatever they talked about is between them.

[josephine tomczuk]

Most people who have a kind heart have put themselves out for people who have sometimes treated them poorly. You must remember that people have the potential and ability to disappoint time after time ... we cannot allow their actions to affect our walk with God or our desire to help others. Pray for this woman and forgive her for being callous and rude. That is not to say to continue setting yourself up to her schemes - but forgive her, she needs prayer to get her life in order. Blessings to you!

i'm not so naive as to not ever expect this, but as agua has said, she really got to me. thanks for the encouragement though.

You were naive though. This is part of our learning to be whole with Him.

Blessings

She was also being obedient

Luke 6:29-31

30 Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back.

NKJV

Love Steven

thanks for sticking up for me here, i'm now confused about your earlier post. anyway, my words were harsh in reaction to you. i just don't like it when people jump to conclusions without getting the facts straight. if i am in the wrong, and i see that i am, i'm the first 1 to admit it.

[josephine tomczuk]

anyway, met her again today at church. i felt better than i thought i would afterwards, because of prayer.

i thank God for His grace, and for making me see her from a different perspective somehow. i can take a step back and yet still love her and pray for her. maybe because it makes sense now that in her head, she really thinks she's got it so bad, and can't see much else except circumstance and situation, and therefore also cannot see the effect this has on other people. i'm not trying to excuse her, i'm not trying to judge - actually i'm trying to understand. i know i don't have to justify myself, but looking at the other things people have posted in response, i just thought i would make myself clear.

thanks guys for trying to help. guess the only thing she, and i, did need was prayer.

[ladypeartree]

[josephine tomczuk]

ladypeartree, you are so wise, you have the answer to every problem in your signature. love it!

[enoob57]

hi.

i have a 'friend' a church who, when we first met, seemed so on fire for God, so strong, so wise... you get the picture.

then she started 'confiding' in me with her problems, the biggest one being lack of money. she said she had no food on the table to eat, no work, and the work that she does get isn't much because her boss isn't good; her husband, also a strong man of God, is in a far away country being persecuted.

my heart broke for her. i prayed with her for 1 week non-stop. she said the Lord had shown her she needs to pray with someone for 1 week and then breakthrough would come. during this time she was angry with everyone and said she didn't want to talk to anyone else except me, and that i shouldn't tell anyone of what we were talking/praying about. then she started talking about suicide and said her husband felt the same way. she didn't want to do anything she was asked to do in church, like tea&coffee or the sunday school. she wanted to be involved in the worship only. i reasoned that she was too depressed about what was going on to bother about much else, and just needed to receive in terms of ministry and encouragement, feeling that she didn't have anything to give from within.

then she asked me for money. i was down on cash anyway, & my husband & i have to count every penny while providing for our baby son; but my heart was so heavy for her i kind of had to beg my husband to let me give it to her - and he's a giving man. after all, she said she didn't have food to put on the table. at least we haven't got to that point. when it came time to give it to her she acted very shocked and said that i didn't have to. i just put it down to embarrassment of her situation.

the next time we prayed, again she was dejected. she felt bad because she had got angry with God and thought He had abandoned her. i counseled her again, telling her this guilt was from the enemy, that it was good that she had got convicted and repented, time to move on. by this time, we were near the end of the week. i reminded her of that fact, but she asked me why i was so focused on this time frame. had God showed me? she forgot that she was the one who told me. that day she told me that she wanted to spend her birthday with me alone. i felt a bit honored that she valued me so much as a friend.

then another time i was having a conversation with my pastor, and her name just came up. my pastor then told me that actually she had been going around the whole church telling everyone her problems. i didn't get it. i just thought that she had become desperate for a solution, seeing that week had come and gone. it hadn't clicked in my mind yet what was going on.

then another person asked me about her. this person is the lady who welcomed her into her home and gave her a place to stay. my 'friend' had told her that i had told her to go into the worship group. not so! we ended up talking, and i found out that she's actually really rude to everyone at church, refuses to go by the schedule we're all put down for in terms of tasks and ministry, because she doesn't want to do tea&coffee, she wants to be the next Joyce Meyer - her words, not mine.

i also found out that she's lazy, doesn't want to work, so of course her boss is annoyed with her, but good enough to let her stick around. if it had been anyone else, you know she would have been outta there. she's not starving either. she's picky. doesn't eat certain foods. not like she's a vegeterian or has a strict diet because of health, she's just fussy. she had to be practically coerced to helping around the house, and then she thought she was being picked on. then i found out that with the tiny amount of rent she has to pay, she has the nerve to go around the church, ASKING everyone for money, like she's a little puppy lost in the big wide world. and her father-in-law sends her money from overseas. before she was living in this country for seven years, rent free, studying free, everything paid for.

she still smiles at me. i feel so disappointing. she sends me texts asking me if i'm angry with her. i find it difficult to think about her now, let alone pray for her. Tuesday coming is her birthday. i feel we still must meet but i have no idea how to approach this. all i can think is that she's so manipulative. & i'm a fool. i forgive her, but i don't even know how i can look at her and still feel as caring as i did before. i still care. big let down though. usually i'm good with confrontations, and letting things get out in the open, but this somehow is different.

any thoughts? much appreciated...

Many times we are trying to fix others, when in fact, who and what they are is something for us to see in ourselves that we may see it, confess it, deny it place any longer in our lives and grow more close to Christ... all people when come into our area of life are opportunities of allowing God's Spirit within us to minister unto them and learn more of the greatness of our Lord through such...

You have picked out her faults as you have traveled around to others in speaking about her with her not being there??? What sort of behavior does this fall under? If we truly love Christ we will do things in His way for His glory... gossip is a hated sin by God and it is defined as speaking of others with them not present to receive the exhortation in order to change. Ask God to forgive your actions of disobedience with the ones this has occurred and together go to this woman and speak of these things with her. It is the Biblical way in which we are to operate one to another. Clearly this woman needs you and the others for there is no telling what sins has her encumbered and weighed down but handle in prayer your own wrongness that your work may not be hindered!

Matt 7:3-5

3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

KJV

I read in your post the desire to help this woman, and I know what the Lord asks is not the easiest way but it will yield what you desire to give Him, our Lord, Glory to His Name... Love Steven

i really don't agree.

i did not seek out others to gossip about her faults, they came to me, including our pastor, to warn me of what she is doing. and even then it was not gossip. i'm the one trying to figure a way to talk to her about it in the open, remember? did you read any of what i wrote? i don't feel i have disobeyed, as i continued to pray, however difficult. nobody's perfect, but i have a problem with people manipulating me, and i think you would too. that's just a fact, not a judgement, however much i wish it weren't even a fact. actually, reading your post, i feel a little judged, seeing as its clear that you did not read mine, at least not carefully. but think what you want, i can't force any opinion upon you.

i did not seek out others to gossip about her faults, they came to me, including our pastor

You traveled should have they traveled! My apology

However Loved one it really isn't about us- it is about Christ... we all should exhort one another to the obedience of His Word that we may grow! If you found me harsh it was not written that way from my heart, but gossip is the speaking of someone out of their presence to another in a negative light. When the actions of one is brought up (even if it is truth yet is in a negative light) they must be present so that the exhortation properties of encouragement can be put in place. Our Lord wishes us to be clinging to His heart and mind not to our own and if a million pastors practice talking behind the back it is still gossip! If the whole of humanity says something is right and God's Word says otherwise .... I would always want others to tell me my doing is wrong shown in Scripture that I may change than remain wrong in His Holy Word...

This is said in love to you... Steven

[josephine tomczuk]

hi.

i have a 'friend' a church who, when we first met, seemed so on fire for God, so strong, so wise... you get the picture.

then she started 'confiding' in me with her problems, the biggest one being lack of money. she said she had no food on the table to eat, no work, and the work that she does get isn't much because her boss isn't good; her husband, also a strong man of God, is in a far away country being persecuted.

my heart broke for her. i prayed with her for 1 week non-stop. she said the Lord had shown her she needs to pray with someone for 1 week and then breakthrough would come. during this time she was angry with everyone and said she didn't want to talk to anyone else except me, and that i shouldn't tell anyone of what we were talking/praying about. then she started talking about suicide and said her husband felt the same way. she didn't want to do anything she was asked to do in church, like tea&coffee or the sunday school. she wanted to be involved in the worship only. i reasoned that she was too depressed about what was going on to bother about much else, and just needed to receive in terms of ministry and encouragement, feeling that she didn't have anything to give from within.

then she asked me for money. i was down on cash anyway, & my husband & i have to count every penny while providing for our baby son; but my heart was so heavy for her i kind of had to beg my husband to let me give it to her - and he's a giving man. after all, she said she didn't have food to put on the table. at least we haven't got to that point. when it came time to give it to her she acted very shocked and said that i didn't have to. i just put it down to embarrassment of her situation.

the next time we prayed, again she was dejected. she felt bad because she had got angry with God and thought He had abandoned her. i counseled her again, telling her this guilt was from the enemy, that it was good that she had got convicted and repented, time to move on. by this time, we were near the end of the week. i reminded her of that fact, but she asked me why i was so focused on this time frame. had God showed me? she forgot that she was the one who told me. that day she told me that she wanted to spend her birthday with me alone. i felt a bit honored that she valued me so much as a friend.

then another time i was having a conversation with my pastor, and her name just came up. my pastor then told me that actually she had been going around the whole church telling everyone her problems. i didn't get it. i just thought that she had become desperate for a solution, seeing that week had come and gone. it hadn't clicked in my mind yet what was going on.

then another person asked me about her. this person is the lady who welcomed her into her home and gave her a place to stay. my 'friend' had told her that i had told her to go into the worship group. not so! we ended up talking, and i found out that she's actually really rude to everyone at church, refuses to go by the schedule we're all put down for in terms of tasks and ministry, because she doesn't want to do tea&coffee, she wants to be the next Joyce Meyer - her words, not mine.

i also found out that she's lazy, doesn't want to work, so of course her boss is annoyed with her, but good enough to let her stick around. if it had been anyone else, you know she would have been outta there. she's not starving either. she's picky. doesn't eat certain foods. not like she's a vegeterian or has a strict diet because of health, she's just fussy. she had to be practically coerced to helping around the house, and then she thought she was being picked on. then i found out that with the tiny amount of rent she has to pay, she has the nerve to go around the church, ASKING everyone for money, like she's a little puppy lost in the big wide world. and her father-in-law sends her money from overseas. before she was living in this country for seven years, rent free, studying free, everything paid for.

she still smiles at me. i feel so disappointing. she sends me texts asking me if i'm angry with her. i find it difficult to think about her now, let alone pray for her. Tuesday coming is her birthday. i feel we still must meet but i have no idea how to approach this. all i can think is that she's so manipulative. & i'm a fool. i forgive her, but i don't even know how i can look at her and still feel as caring as i did before. i still care. big let down though. usually i'm good with confrontations, and letting things get out in the open, but this somehow is different.

any thoughts? much appreciated...

Many times we are trying to fix others, when in fact, who and what they are is something for us to see in ourselves that we may see it, confess it, deny it place any longer in our lives and grow more close to Christ... all people when come into our area of life are opportunities of allowing God's Spirit within us to minister unto them and learn more of the greatness of our Lord through such...

You have picked out her faults as you have traveled around to others in speaking about her with her not being there??? What sort of behavior does this fall under? If we truly love Christ we will do things in His way for His glory... gossip is a hated sin by God and it is defined as speaking of others with them not present to receive the exhortation in order to change. Ask God to forgive your actions of disobedience with the ones this has occurred and together go to this woman and speak of these things with her. It is the Biblical way in which we are to operate one to another. Clearly this woman needs you and the others for there is no telling what sins has her encumbered and weighed down but handle in prayer your own wrongness that your work may not be hindered!

Matt 7:3-5

3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

KJV

I read in your post the desire to help this woman, and I know what the Lord asks is not the easiest way but it will yield what you desire to give Him, our Lord, Glory to His Name... Love Steven

i really don't agree.

i did not seek out others to gossip about her faults, they came to me, including our pastor, to warn me of what she is doing. and even then it was not gossip. i'm the one trying to figure a way to talk to her about it in the open, remember? did you read any of what i wrote? i don't feel i have disobeyed, as i continued to pray, however difficult. nobody's perfect, but i have a problem with people manipulating me, and i think you would too. that's just a fact, not a judgement, however much i wish it weren't even a fact. actually, reading your post, i feel a little judged, seeing as its clear that you did not read mine, at least not carefully. but think what you want, i can't force any opinion upon you.

i did not seek out others to gossip about her faults, they came to me, including our pastor

You traveled should have they traveled! My apology

However Loved one it really isn't about us- it is about Christ... we all should exhort one another to the obedience of His Word that we may grow! If you found me harsh it was not written that way from my heart, but gossip is the speaking of someone out of their presence to another in a negative light. When the actions of one is brought up (even if it is truth yet is in a negative light) they must be present so that the exhortation properties of encouragement can be put in place. Our Lord wishes us to be clinging to His heart and mind not to our own and if a million pastors practice talking behind the back it is still gossip! If the whole of humanity says something is right and God's Word says otherwise .... I would always want others to tell me my doing is wrong shown in Scripture that I may change than remain wrong in His Holy Word...

This is said in love to you... Steven

i wonder at how you didn't highlight in my original quote how i was trying to apprach the situation, as i'm usually quite good at confrontation, and how i reminded you that that was what i was trying to do in my response to your reply. aren't you the one who's just looking for negativity now, beloved?

of course it isn't about us. i already told you the outcome anyway. don't try to put a negative spin on something that has already been resolved just because you want to prove a point or because i managed to point out something to you.

and i should think if you were in some kind of trouble and you didn't know, but your pastor did, you'd like for them to come and talk to you about it. and if its to warn you away from someone doing you some kind of harm, i think you'd welcome their words especially! even if it was someone you thought were your friend and cared. after all, didn't Jesus warn the disciples about the yeast of the pharisees without them being present? and these people were spiritually responsible for their brethren.

just think about it next time, instead of just jumping in and judging like that. because its way harsh and i really do doubt that its out of love. it seems more plausible to me that you feel somehow superior. but i wouldn't be able to judge that, so i won't say that's a definite.

try to understand. i've let go, why can't you?

[enoob57]

I fear even my own deceitful heart before God from which the fear of God lies. He alone knows it and daily reveals ugly dark portions that still need to be put beneath the Life Blood of our Savior! How then can I be this person you speak of above? It is clear that the path of this is set and your feet are firmly engaged into its direction... as with us all we give an account to our Lord in the end... Let peace be between us for the sake of the mercies we both share in Christ...

Prov 21:2

2 Every way of a man is right in his own eyes,

But the Lord weighs the hearts.

NKJV

May we all care more about the weight of a matter than ourselves...

Love Steven

I wrote this earlier this morning and then set about examining my stand on gossip with The Lord and seems I owe you a heart felt apology! The Lord has corrected me!

The house-hold of Chloe had informed Paul about some of the flagrant sins in the church at Corinth (1 Cor 1:11), and he didn't rebuke them for it because there's a difference between "religious gossip" and honest concern. Covering sin never brings blessing to a nation or an individual (Prov 28:13; see Deut 17:1-7).

(from The Bible Exposition Commentary: Old Testament