turtletwo Posted October 23, 2010 Group: Royal Member Followers: 35 Topic Count: 1,192 Topics Per Day: 0.19 Content Count: 7,264 Content Per Day: 1.18 Reputation: 15,710 Days Won: 194 Joined: 07/15/2007 Status: Offline Share Posted October 23, 2010 I am still unsure as to whether it is okay to not attend my dad's funeral. I know for a fact that God understands and so would dad. My mom said she did (she is also unable to attend for medical reasons.) Dad knew how very difficult it is for me to travel and the severity of my condition. Last trip 'knocked the stuffings out of me' physically. Causing terrible flares of this disease I have. But the rest of the family is another story entirely. I know they will condemn me and perhaps never forgive me. I hate to cause such feelings, but I honestly don't have a good relationship to speak of with any of these persons, anyhow. I want to do what is right. But that has to be for myself, as well as for others. It's a tough decision! I thought that I had come to peace that the Lord was leading me to just stay home and remember my very recent trip to dad's and the happy memories that were created there. I would like to remember dad like he was then...alive. (God in His Goodness knew that dad was about to die and gave me that blessing of a final visit. In less than one week, dad was taken from this earth.) I have been to two funerals in my life. Both were traumatic for me and actually prolonged my grieving process. The funeral is very soon and I still have nagging thoughts that it is expected of me to attend. Even though another sibling is not, without a real excuse like my serious health causes. I keep praying God will give me direction. A clearcut sign. Like a phonecall from the hostile family members, so we can make peace. I have been made to feel very not welcome. (This is another reason that I hesitate to go. A friendly call would do wonders to reassure me...) I have no money for a motel. I feel awkward staying at the house of my brother, who was the caregiver of dad and resented my 'not helping'...even though I can barely function daily with this disease! My brother's ongoing bitterness over that is evident in that he refuses to even speak to me on the phone. Meanwhile, another close relative with a violent temper has screamed horrible things at me on the phone for hours and even threatened me. I am scared to face this person. Plus, my disease causes me to make loud involuntary noises which I can not control. Like belching and hiccups that make me sound like a seal. This would be disruptive to the funeral and embarrassing to my family. For they have not yet witnessed me in my full blown distorted face twisting spasms or these sounds, because my visit to dad was so brief. So all would be shocked and I'm sure they'd be then wishing then that I'd never come. Please give me your thoughts on what you would personally do in this complicated predicament I'm in. Thanks. Time is running out and I'm mentally exhausted from the relentless indecision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isaiah 6:8 Posted October 23, 2010 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 426 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 3,633 Content Per Day: 0.58 Reputation: 222 Days Won: 13 Joined: 03/23/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/26/1978 Share Posted October 23, 2010 I am still unsure as to whether it is okay to not attend my dad's funeral. I know for a fact that God understands and so would dad. My mom said she did (she is also unable to attend for medical reasons.) Dad knew how very difficult it is for me to travel and the severity of my condition. Last trip 'knocked the stuffings out of me' physically. Causing terrible flares of this disease I have. But the rest of the family is another story entirely. I know they will condemn me and perhaps never forgive me. I hate to cause such feelings, but I honestly don't have a good relationship to speak of with any of these persons, anyhow. I want to do what is right. But that has to be for myself, as well as for others. It's a tough decision! I thought that I had come to peace that the Lord was leading me to just stay home and remember my very recent trip to dad's and the happy memories that were created there. I would like to remember dad like he was then...alive. (God in His Goodness knew that dad was about to die and gave me that blessing of a final visit. In less than one week, dad was taken from this earth.) I have been to two funerals in my life. Both were traumatic for me and actually prolonged my grieving process. The funeral is very soon and I still have nagging thoughts that it is expected of me to attend. Even though another sibling is not, without a real excuse like my serious health causes. I keep praying God will give me direction. A clearcut sign. Like a phonecall from the hostile family members, so we can make peace. I have been made to feel very not welcome. (This is another reason that I hesitate to go. A friendly call would do wonders to reassure me...) I have no money for a motel. I feel awkward staying at the house of my brother, who was the caregiver of dad and resented my 'not helping'...even though I can barely function daily with this disease! My brother's ongoing bitterness over that is evident in that he refuses to even speak to me on the phone. Meanwhile, another close relative with a violent temper has screamed horrible things at me on the phone for hours and even threatened me. I am scared to face this person. Plus, my disease causes me to make loud involuntary noises which I can not control. Like belching and hiccups that make me sound like a seal. This would be disruptive to the funeral and embarrassing to my family. For they have not yet witnessed me in my full blown distorted face twisting spasms or these sounds, because my visit to dad was so brief. So all would be shocked and I'm sure they'd be then wishing then that I'd never come. Please give me your thoughts on what you would personally do in this complicated predicament I'm in. Thanks. Time is running out and I'm mentally exhausted from the relentless indecision. No advise to be honest, but what I can do is this... Lord I pray for my sister turtle two, I pray for your shalom peace your perfect peace to rest on her now, I pray you give her your wisdom and understanding in this situation, and if its your will for her to go to her dad's funeral, I pray that you will heal her body and give her the strength to carry one and go and come back and not be wiped out but rather rested and full of your peace. In Jesus' Might name. Amen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LadyC Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 TT, if it's causing you this much stress, and you're pretty sure that there will be tension as well as financial hardship, don't go. remember your dad the way he was. funerals aren't for those who have passed away anyway, they're for the ones left behind. IMO, the only reason that i would consider going if i were in your shoes, would be out of spite for those that didn't want me there! and that's not a very christian attitude on my part. stay at home and have yourself a private memorial for him. or not so private. if you have people near you who knew him, ask your pastor to hold a brief memorial for his loved ones that can't attend the funeral. we did that for one of my cousins' funerals several years ago, because several of the family members lived in texas, and the funeral was in california. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ayin jade Posted October 23, 2010 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 44 Topic Count: 6,178 Topics Per Day: 0.87 Content Count: 43,798 Content Per Day: 6.19 Reputation: 11,244 Days Won: 58 Joined: 01/03/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted October 23, 2010 Keep in mind that grief can bring out the worst in folks too. Chances are there will be more hostility not less from them. Myself, I probably wouldnt go. As long as your mother understands, thats really all that matters in the family. As for the others, it sounds like even if you went they would find fault with you. Why bother going for their sake? But thats just me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 Praying! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladypeartree Posted October 23, 2010 Group: Royal Member Followers: 37 Topic Count: 542 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 33,008 Content Per Day: 5.05 Reputation: 23,821 Days Won: 236 Joined: 06/21/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/23/1953 Share Posted October 23, 2010 you know my opinion ( I posted in the prayer forum ) but I will pray that you get peace after this is over because no matter what you do you cant please all of the people so you need to do what is best for you and at least then ONE person will be ok Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
other one Posted October 23, 2010 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 29 Topic Count: 599 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 56,254 Content Per Day: 7.56 Reputation: 27,983 Days Won: 271 Joined: 12/29/2003 Status: Offline Share Posted October 23, 2010 That's very good advise LPT. TT right now you need to do what's best for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningGlory Posted October 23, 2010 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1,022 Topics Per Day: 0.16 Content Count: 39,193 Content Per Day: 6.09 Reputation: 9,977 Days Won: 78 Joined: 10/01/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted October 23, 2010 I agree with Lady C, TT. I wouldn't go either because of the extreme difficulties it would create for you and the fact that you don't get along with those people anyway. Have your own memorial service where you live and remember your dad the way YOU want to remember him. It doesn't matter what any mortal thinks of your decision; the Lord knows your heart. The location isn't important and having a memorial of your own is a really good idea. Praying for you, sister; may God comfort and heal you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2Joyful Posted October 23, 2010 Group: Royal Member Followers: 4 Topic Count: 48 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,901 Content Per Day: 0.35 Reputation: 365 Days Won: 29 Joined: 08/16/2009 Status: Offline Share Posted October 23, 2010 TT, I'm also praying for you to receive the answer YOU need. But to be honest, I'm more concern about you and your health than anything else right now. God bless... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RebekahDavid Posted October 23, 2010 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 320 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 3,166 Content Per Day: 0.45 Reputation: 23 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/31/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted October 23, 2010 Blessings dear sister, *hugs praying here too for the Lord's peace to come to you about this the fact that you had peace when you decided not to go is a big indication in my humble opinion. love your sister in Christ, Rebekah David Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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