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stillwaters
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stillwaters

stillwaters

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Some of you may know my son has left his wife...he has formed another relationship...he says he is not committed...but "she" is in the picture.

My problem is feeling I am in the middle...hearing our daughter-in-cry her heart out and I'm listening to his side.

The daughter-in-law calls my son some pretty bad names...she is hurting and I understand it...but I feel she wants me to fix this problem and I don't think I can or will try to...I'm trying to give my son Godly, motherly advice...he may or may not take it...

The daughter-in-law thingks she has done nothing to help the marriage break down...she is not asking for any advice.

I am finding, I'm angry . I think I need to make some clear boundaries about what I will hear or won't hear.

This is also an old problem for me...feeling like I need to please someone else and I can't.

Any thoughts from you brethren?

rockswillcryout

rockswillcryout

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Wow. This must be really difficult for you. I pray the Lord will give you wisdom each time you speak to both your son and your daughter in law.

You said you feel like your dauighter in law wants you to fix the situation. Has she asked you to? If it were me, I would make it clear that the issue is between her and your son and that your involvement will only make things worse. Offer to be a mediator, but not a counselor, if they decide to meet and talk at some point.

Otherwise, the best you can do for now is just listen. Does she have a mother? Is so, perhaps she feels closer to you and it's easier to talk to you.

UndecidedFrog

UndecidedFrog

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Posted

Dear stillwaters,

This is just my opinion. If you don't like it, you don't have to accept it. DISCLAIMER: I am not a christian.

My recommendation is to stay clear of this situation, too. If you want to help, offer to pay for a mediator or a counselor.

I would not counsel them yourself. You are involved because you are his mother and her mother-in-law. I think it is unfair if either one tries to use you against the other. Try to tell them that you are sorry for their situation and be neutral.

Regards,

UndecidedFrog

RGR

RGR

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Posted

I have to agree. I would suggest that if either one of them are looking for advice, they should seek some sort of counseling. The situation could well be that they reconcile and there could be hurt feelings over things that you advised, even though you meant no harm. I would step aside IMHO!

tsth

tsth

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Love your son, and tell him the Truth. Show him what the Word says.

In His Love,

Suzanne

rejoicevermore

rejoicevermore

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Isa 58:6  Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke?

7  Is it not to deal thy bread to the hungry, and that thou bring the poor that are cast out to thy house? when thou seest the naked, that thou cover him; and that thou hide not thyself from thine own flesh?

8
artsylady

artsylady

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Posted

You probably don't want her to feel abandoned either. Maybe you could continue the relationship (ie, going to lunch, shopping, whatever) and set a boundary with her. No talking about your son... period. And if she crosses that boundary and begins to talk about your son, politely correct her and remind her of that boundary. You can pray with her as well. If she has no other mother figure, maybe she still needs you for the time being.

Guest Kandi

Guest Kandi

Posted
Posted (edited)

stillwaters

Sounds like pretty good advice to me.

This is your son and I think it is your right to tell your daughter-in-law that you will not listen to her talking about your son. It is your right to tell her you will be with her only if she does not talk about your son. And we all know it takes two to make it and two to break it.

I hope you can work it out. I pray that you will have strength to do what you know is best. :o :hug:

Edited by Kandi
artsylady

artsylady

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Posted

And tell her that if she wants to talk about your son, to talk to a counsellor. I just posted a site where you can get live Christian counselling over the net - completely anonymous, free - what more can ya ask for?

tsth

tsth

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Posted

When did the Truth go out the window? And to our own children??? Remember when we used to speak the Truth in love?

In His Love,

Suzanne

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