Throwing in the Towel

[InfoCentral]

This is the last straw! I went to do my taxes with her today and then a bombshell was laid out on me. She had taken out $40,000 from her 401K and told them not to deduct any taxes either. Which in California, she isn't allowed to do without my consent. Spent all the money on herself. Nothing for me and the kids and then hit me with a huge tax bill. Now instead of looking at a $3000 tax bill I am looking at a $13,000 tax bill coming up in a few weeks! Surprise...surprise. And to show her disgust with all things religious...her parting shot is "consider it a donation too." This being a reference to my church donation.

[1peterlight]

Can I ask where this all started? Has it been ongoing for years, or was there a clear turning point?

[InfoCentral]

Oh yeah, its been going on for years. Every one just keeps telling me to hang in there and pray about it and it will get better. Guess what? It has gotten radically worse through the years and now its gotten to the point she wants to clean me out of every dime I have.

[joi]

As I see it, casinos, vacations and property in her name only are big red flags. If she is about to get a divorce and you have

signed away any property you may be left high and dry. We have friends whose spouse has spent all their savings in a casino.

These are retirement aged people. Just be careful until you can see where things are going.

Other one had a great idea, if you want to try and save your marriage.

I pray for you, your wife and your son. Each of you need to love and to be loved. May Father grant it to each of you.

[InfoCentral]

Nope, enough is enough. Things are not going to get better no matter how much I want and pray. I think God gives us wisdom for a reason and it is quite apparent that things are heading in the wrong direction radically. God never promises that marriages are all going to work out. As a matter of fact the Bible states that some will leave and to let them go. Unfortunately for me she has decided to stay and I can't get rid of her no matter how many times I tell to just go. She feels she can do whatever she wants and her divorce lawyer told her that I can't kick her out of the house. So guess what? I can only assume she is in the process of cleaning out all of her accounts so those aren't available for mutual property dissolution. The writing is on the wall it just a matter of this point if I want to wait and see myself get dug into a big hole or take action and cut my loses as they sit now. She has totally stopped working so she can maximize the spousal support benefits. This is why she is cleaning out the accounts to support herself and gain the time she needs to say that I was the total support. She got wise advice and she is using it. I can wait and become a victim of I can do something about it. I feel now is the time to act!

[Guest Butero]

You have done all you can do. Don't stop praying, but at the same time, if I were you, I would get a good divorce lawyer, and fast. You are in a state with no fault divorce laws, so you are going to wind up paying alimony, even though it appears she is causing all the problems? In your state, if I understand the laws right, it doesn't matter if she leaves you, or you leave her? Either way, you are going to wind up paying. I honestly don't know why any guy enters into a government sanctioned marriage in the state of California? The laws are all against them.

My adivise would be to keep seeking God, but get a good divorce lawyer.

[Da Servant]

I just can't take it any longer. She is trying her hardest to make things as unbearable as possible for me. She says she want a divorce and I'm ready to give it to her. It takes two to continue and I can't form a relationship by myself.

I know what you're going through, InfoCentral. My wife and I went through the same thing some time ago. Keep yourself seeking after God first, no matter how much it hurts. God loves you and will never leave you nor forsake you. Trust in him.

P.S. Do not seek a divorce lawyer unless she actually serves you with divorce papers. Satan is working big time to try to destroy your marriage. He doesn't fight so hard unless there is a threat.

P.P.S. We are glad that we did not get divorced, my wife and I. We now have three very beautiful children that God has blessed us with and our relationship is stronger.

[Guest Valnomi]

If you have been praying for as long as you say and things getting worse, perhaps God has answered your prayer and you are just not listening. One is allowed to divorce after a spouse has committed fornication.

[InfoCentral]

We have legal separation here in California which is basically the same thing as divorce. I am sure when I serve her with those papers she will counter me with divorce papers. She has already said she just want to be free and wants to be divorced if we separate. If not my pastor assures me since she is not a christian that she will get a boyfriend in short order and I can have my divorce on adultery grounds.

[MorningGlory]

We have legal separation here in California which is basically the same thing as divorce. I am sure when I serve her with those papers she will counter me with divorce papers. She has already said she just want to be free and wants to be divorced if we separate. If not my pastor assures me since she is not a christian that she will get a boyfriend in short order and I can have my divorce on adultery grounds.

You don't need 'grounds' for divorce in this day and age. You just file and you will get one and, if it was me, I would be gone....taking what was left of my assets with me. It may not be Scriptural but neither is the kind of marriage you describe. Praying for you, brother.