Teenagers and sex

[ted]

When all else fails, a good shotgun keeps the wolves away quite nicely!

t.

[Kabowd]

When all else fails, a good shotgun keeps the wolves away quite nicely!

t.

lol..now see, you sound just like my brother. On more than one occassion he has threatened guys who have liked me or "tried" stuff with me...haha. One time he came to pick me up after school and I was late coming out. But when I walked out the doors I saw him (my brother) coming across the schoolyard headed straight towards this boy and his friends who had flirted with me and made some very sexual comments towards me. Anywho..he looked like a gangster because he had just come from work and was wearing this dark suit and sunglasses...lol. He walks right up to the guy (it seemed like it was happening in slow motion), he stood right over him, took off his glasses, got right in his face and goes, "Never again. Nuff said?"...lolol. The boy just shook his head yes, his eyes were as big as baseballs he was so scared..it was hysterical!! We got in the car and busted out laughing. He never bothered me again though.

[ted]

lol..now see, you sound just like my brother. On more than one occassion he has threatened guys who have liked me or "tried" stuff with me...haha. One time he came to pick me up after school and I was late coming out. But when I walked out the doors I saw him (my brother) coming across the schoolyard headed straight towards this boy and his friends who had flirted with me and made some very sexual comments towards me. Anywho..he looked like a gangster because he had just come from work and was wearing this dark suit and sunglasses...lol. He walks right up to the guy (it seemed like it was happening in slow motion), he stood right over him, took off his glasses, got right in his face and goes, "Never again. Nuff said?"...lolol. The boy just shook his head yes, his eyes were as big as baseballs he was so scared..it was hysterical!! We got in the car and busted out laughing. He never bothered me again though. 

See?

Sometimes it just takes a little persuasion.

(I have teenage daughters )

t.

[darkest_red]

and I have her on a short leash.

DONT do that, you'll just push her further away from you and, in all likelihood, into the arms of the 'friend'....from the arms to the.... you get the picture, right?

And can I say that a lot of you are being very unfair about teenagers. Not all of us just care about sex etc. And adults can be just as about themselves as all teenagers supposedly are. Don't make the mistake of thinking all teenagers are the same as the one's you see on T.V. In fact, I hate programmes like The O.C etc which convey all teenagers as sex mad etc when not all of us are like that. A lot of have morals and principles. And that's not forgetting that there are adults that have pretty messed up lives too.... work for Social Services and you see more than enough of that. Don't get all high and mighty, age doesn't necessarily bring wisdom with it.

[Shelby]

Absolutely Darkest Red,

I am not lumping all teens together, but there are things that are indicitive of them. Not too long ago I was one. And though I would not admit it at that time I know now that I was not as clear headed as I could have been. There is so muh going on in a teens life, physically, mentally, etc. ALOT

Sure many adults have even more screwed up lives, but that isn't what we are talking about here. I think that the way that some of you say to go about it, kind of scaring her into submission, if it works will only do it for a while. It is time to build a different type of relationship. This time is critical. Like Tess said, don't push because you don't know where she will run.

I really believe it is about communication and opening up thise lines. I know you might have thought they were open, but, she didn't feel that. Boundaries are good, and now you know that you might want to know exactly where she is and go meet the parents when you drop her off for an all nighter.

It is time to catch her before she gives up on herself. They stats show that teens who are involved in a sport or extra curricular activity are less likely to have sex irresponsibly, or at all, let alone stay away from drugs and alcohol. It also helps with self discipline, and raises grades by virtue of have a GPA to stay in certain clubs and sports. I would encourage her to get involved in a sport or group at school. Drama is always fun, you get to act out, choir, debate, all sports, swimming is always great and takes a lot fo conditioning. I think all swim teams become very close knit and high achievers.

Good luck. But don't slap her with the truth, she is young but not that young. She knows what is right and wrong, and chances are she is just as dissappointed if not more in herself.

[Nicks Girl]

darkest red, you're right not all teenagers are like that, but a majority are. being a teenager is hard, most of the time our hormones are talking, and we do things we know we shouldn't. It's too tempting. I managed to resist the temptation, to do anything with other guys. I had some great friends who helped me through it. Also, my parents were great. I can talk to my mom about anything, and well, my dad had very high expectations of me, and was very involved (even from 1500 miles away) in my "romance" life. I never really dated anyone until my husband came along, and it was so wonderful, because we had saved ourselves for each other. Teens need to be listened to, and cared about, and there needs to be consistency with behavior. They should be kept accountable to where they are at all times. I myself made sure my parents always new where I was. Fortunately, my friends were always around with me, so they kept me straight

There needs to be boundaries, and she needs someone to talk with.

My father and other guys around me were a HUGE part of my WANTING to stay a virgin until I got married. They encouraged me to save myself for the RIGHT guy who wasn't gonna leave me after, or find someone else. My best friend growing up was a guy, and it's amazing, we NEVER had any romance between us. I often asked... "why don't you date this girl or that girl?" And similiar things, and he would be like. "Because, I want to wait for the right girl." That blew me away. He was a Christian guy, who was GORGEOUS, well-mannered, he never treated ANY girl like an object, or was checking out girls. He had an amazing hold over his emotions, and mind. That impressed me.. and while I never wanted to date him, lol. I wanted a guy like that. I found my husband, and I love him so much.

I couldn't imagine if we had ex's in our past, that shared what only we do, and should. It would be truly heartbreaking.

[ChadB]

I just got married a week ago and my start has already been very rough due to the fact that my wife had 3 sexual partners prior to getting married. She feels dirty and used. She feels like she is not worthy of a healthy sex relationship with her husband(me) just because she spent so much time messing around before we found each other. I remained a virgin for almost 28 years and was never with anyone in any way prior to marriage. This however has complicated the problem because now she feels bad because I waited for her and she didn't wait for me. Sex is so much more than something physical. It is so very spiritual and emotional. The physical part is nowhere near the top of the list. With all this said I can only say talk to her. Don't start off by pointing out the fact that she messed up. Let her know that you are there for her. Tell her your concerns and the dangers of what she is doing. Let her know that sex prior to marriage is not healthy not just because of the dangers of disease but also because of the emotional effects it has on individuals and their spouses. We have gotton to the point in society where we think that our bodies are ours. That we can do what we want and say what we want just because its "what" we want. Our bodies are first and foremost a temple to be used to honor and glorify our Lord. When you marry you extend that. Our bodies are still first and foremost used for the honor and glory of God but also as a means of intimate expression between a husband and wife. Using your body for anything less will only have negative effects down the road. I hope your daughter can see that her activity hurts her parent(s), her body and her future emotional stability.

On a positive note its definitely something that can be overcome. It just takes patience and love and a lot of prayer. I would maybe try to see if(if possible and your daughter is willing) she could talk to someone who has been where she is at now. Let them tell her what sorts of problems this activity can cause. I will pray for you and your daughter.

[irishcowboy]

if she has been engaging in any type of activity as this, it would be a good idea to get her tested for STD's.......

some of them if left un treated can do permanent damage, where others have no cure......

I have heard from a reliable source that there will be an announcement soon that there is a treatment for HIV now, and the government of ( i think ) south africa had offered to purchase this treatment for 150 million dollars from this group that has developed it, and will then take over all the rights to it..... that 150 million was refused......

anyways.....

it would be a good idea to get her checked out..... and if it is possible, you may wish to find the other party(s) that were involved ( contributing to the delinquincy of a minor )......also, statitory rape..... yes, a minor can also be charged with this as well.....

my kids dont like the idea that i raised them on short leashes ( so to speak ) but now, they are not having the problems those that had no leash are.....

anyways..... just something to think about.....

mike

[Kabowd]

it would be a good idea to get her checked out..... and if it is possible, you may wish to find the other party(s) that were involved ( contributing to the delinquincy of a minor )......also, statitory rape..... yes, a minor can also be charged with this as well.....

I know this isn't the topic, but this actually varies from state to state. Typically, sexual intercourse with a minor by a non-minor (at least 5 years older than the victim) is statutory rape and is punishable by law in the United States. It's the age of the victim and/or the age difference between the victim and the perpetrator that determines whether or not it's statutory rape.

[Nicks Girl]

I think it's kind of unfair for people to press for statutory rape charges.. when both parties consented. This goes on someone's record, and sticks with them for life, when they didn't actually rape anyone. How would you feel if the parents of the boy involved (just as an example) pressed charges against your daughter for sleeping with their son? Regardless of their ages. It's an unfair thing. You rarely see the girl charged with anything, it's always the boy involved.