deciding not to remarry *tear*

[firestormx]

First I just want to remind you how much Christ loves you, and how he has a purpose for you. GOD will never tell you to do something and not let you pray and seek him on it first. So thats my first advice to you. Seek GOD on this as you clearly have been doing. Stay at the feet of christ. Not for answers, not for any selfish reason at all, but just to draw closer to him. Seek him first, and his will and desire for your life will become clear. Someone earlier said that it's satan that wants you to rush. I agree. take your time, pray and seek GOD and he will show you the way. As for the whole marriage, single, or not single question. I have always been told, by almost everyone around me, that when jesus said that the only expection for remarriage was fornication ( KJV ) , that fornication clearly meant sex before marriage. I prayed and fasted. read my bible and sought GOD with all my heart and the only answer i got to start with was peace in my heart over the issue. But no specific answer. A short time later, is when he started taking me into the greek and hebrew. The whole marriage question I started seeking him about 10 years ago. Recently he showed me 1 Cor. 5:1. In that verse Paul uses the word fornication 2 times. In the greek it's the same word also that Christ used in the verse about marriage. but in 1 Cor. 5:1 it's clearly used in regards to incest, so prematial sex can't be the only definiton of the word. My point in saying all this is just that after all these years of seeking Christ on this issue he still continues to teach me more and more as I keep him as my focus. That's what I would recommend. Just keep Christ as your focus, and let GOD minister his truth to you. Remember, GOD's love will correct us, imbrace us, cover us but it will never condemn us or humilate us. GOD could have put him in your life for many reasons. Only GOD can tell you why. Don't give up, don't give in. Stand strong in the power of his might, remembering he did not give us a spirit of fear, but of love power and a sound mind. The Holy Spirit will lead you in to all truth. May the peace and love of GOD be with you always.

[gdemoss]

As I said, in the multitude of counselors is wisdom. Lots of great advice on seeking God through prayer on this issue. Listening to what God has to say about it. These things are very wise yet I didn't hear the voice of God from within for three years after my conversion. Instead I was only hearing the many voices that were crying out to me from men. Incidentally it seemed as though I was able to hear a common voice among the people that was the voice of God speaking to me through them. Listen to the confirmation the spirit is giving so far in this thread. He has said through multiple people:

Slow down and take it easy. Seek God in prayer. Wait for God to respond.

Lets continue to talk about it.

Gary

[The_Patriot21]

Your on the right track in reading the Bible, praying about it also, but you should also take it a couple steps further. Praying about it with a pastor or trusted friend is good, but let me emphasize this, go to your boyfriend, tell him what your thinking right now, and pray about it with him, together, that Gods will be done. Ideally, your right-marriage is between one man and one women, but on the other note, divorce in the Bible has always had finality to it, and God understands, that especially in your situation, that its not unfaithful-your husband was unfaithful to you when he abused you, and in essence hes the one that broke it off. But, Marriage-whether for the first time, or the second time-its a big commitment, it will change your lfie. Im not saying its right or wrong-Im saying that right now, theres no such thing as to much prayer. and you should definetly keep your boyfriend in the loop about it, and have him pray about it with you, so that God shares his will with both of you.

[Guest LadyC]

i read your post and my heart just aches for you... but girl, just because you feel that way even while you're reading the Bible doesn't automatically mean that it's God speaking to you! God is not the author of confusion, satan is! and it's clear that you're torn, your heartbroken, and you are in confusion. and it's when you're getting stronger in your walk with God that satan is going to strive his hardest to confuse the issues.

God has forgiven your past. you became a new creature in Christ after your divorce. you need to walk forward in the grace that God has showered you with! I can tell you this much.... i know without a doubt that God was in charge of my second marriage. He brought my 2nd husband to me. i never doubted that it was God's hand, no matter how many people (even on worthy) insisted that God would never do that because i'd been previously married. i knew better. i knew God HAD blessed me in a second marriage. and even though there were some rough years in the middle, times when i questioned God about why, times when i wanted to leave, God always gently reminded me that He was in charge of this marriage, and He had not released me. so i stayed, and today i'm so grateful that I didn't walk away from the greatest blessing God has ever bestowed on me.

[nebula]

About my previous divorce, before I found the Lord I divorced my husband because he was verbally abusive and violent, it was a toxic situation.

Marital unfaithfulness is Biblical grounds for a divorce. Some of us consider abuse to be "marital unfaithfulness."

This is probably going to sound weird to you, but my divorced father found himself drawing closer to a widowed friend (he had been friends with her and her husband as a couple), and they both heard the Lord's direction on them becoming married to each other. My stepmom has been the most wonderful influence on my father I have ever seen!

For this and other reasons, I question if the "no divorce, no re-marriage" rule is more legalism than grace.

But since I believe that God chooses his followers before birth I guess I was a Christian even then..sort of.

No, if you died back then you would have gone to Hell. You aren't a Christian until you actually have the Spirit of God living within you.

I am no longer convinced that God wants me to be happy, I don't think that is His goal for us, he wants us to be HOLY, and happiness- TRUE happiness will come from that. Man's idea of happiness is different than God's idea. If I believe that remarrying would make me happy (which I do), but I find out that it isn't what God wants, I would rather do what GOD wants, and THAT is what would make me happiest.

While I agree holiness is important, the idea that God wants us miserable isn't His way. The key is to what makes us happy. If happiness is about getting married, then you have made an idol out of marriage. And from what I've seen of a lot of couples, they are miserable in their marriage.

So the real focus isn't about "happiness" but whether or not your life in the Lord blossoms or is squelched in the relationship.

[bornagain2011]

I have been thinking about the marriage thing some more and talking to my boyfriend about it. We both agreed that I would be commiting adultary to remarry. The Bible says what it says. But it also says, “But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace”, At the time I was an unbeliever, me and my ex husband both were (he still is). I had not yet been reborn in Christ. So now I am wondering if despite the fact that we got married in a church, it wasn't a valid covenant because we were both nonbelievers and didn't believe in the covenant.

After reading everyones posts I feel alot better, I think God forgave my divorce, but I still might be spiritually bonded to my ex husband, unless the marriage wasn't ligitimate infront of God in the first place because we were both nonbelievers.

Someone earlier said something that peaked my interest, and me and my boyfriend had a talk about this as well, someone said that if I would have died before I was a believer I would have gone to hell. Well, I am not sure. I believe in predestination, God has chosen us before birth, His plan is that we will eventually be reborn in Christ. So some would even say that I couldn't die before I became a christian since I am suppose to go to heaven. There have been cases of people who have tried to shoot themselves and weren't able to and then became a Christian. About a year and a half ago I was going to end my life, I was a new ager (a whole nother ball of wax) and didn't receive Christ yet. That day I took my daughters to my parent's house and called off of work to go and ... off myself, I wonder if I would never had been able to do it since it was against God's plan? When I told my boyfriend about my depression he told me "sometimes people turn to Jesus and he helps them" and I cried and cried, but that was the turning point that lead me to Christ.

Sorry, went off on a tangent! I appreciate everyone's comments and advice, some things really made me have an "aha!" moment!

God bless!

[gdemoss]

One must ask the question "Did Paul address the issue of divorced people who come to Christ in 1 Cor 7?".

What does one who has been divorced do when they come to Christ?

Paul address a group he labels as unmarried along with widows since neither would have a spouse.

8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

Is there any proof that Paul addresses divorced people as unmarried? Yes.

10And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

The wife who divorces her husband is considered unmarried but isn't allowed the option of remarriage because she was commanded to stay married by the Lord but chose to leave anyway. The husband is simply commanded not to divorce his wife. Both of these are commandments to those who are Christians and married. But my point is that Paul calls her unmarried.

On what grounds is remarriage permissible then? When it is necessary for the purpose of avoiding fornication which those who partake in are told that God will destroy because they join Christ to a harlot (1 Cor 3 & 4). Jesus said that everyone who could become celibate for the kingdom of heaven should do so but he also said that not every one can receive it.

The problem we face as sinners who become saints is leaving the principles of the letter of the law to follow the law of Christ and love our neighbor as ourselves. We easily become bewitched like the Galatians when we try to figure out what the law says instead of working toward living in the Spirit and making decisions based upon what true damage or good will come of them. A lot of people who come to believe find themselves in a minefield of sin and sinful things and have to figure out the best way out without causing greater damage than they were just being in the sin itself.

As was mentioned earlier by many, pray, pray, pray. Waiting upon God is always a good idea. Don't get caught up in trying to follow the letter of the law and being made perfect by it as you cannot be. You must be perfected through the sanctification of the spirit.

Gal 3:2 This only would I learn of you, Received ye the Spirit by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith? Are ye so foolish? having begun in the Spirit, are ye now made perfect by the flesh?

Hbr 7:19 For the law made nothing perfect, but the bringing in of a better hope [did]; by the which we draw nigh unto God.

In Jesus Name,

Gary

[coheir]

Rom 7

1. Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth?

2.For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.

Paul makes it clear he is speaking to men and women under the law. If you are saved by the blood of Jesus christ you were never and are not under this law.

[Littlelambseativy]

Tough yes there are 2 people in this situation I say that there are more. The children are very astute at sensing, particularly in this situation, a persons feelings and motives. I suggest as have many that the 2 parties pray about this together. If this is going to be a relationship of husband and wife they need to pray together about this and seek God's face, but take into account the rest of the family. God brought him into her life for a reason.

There are times when we read the Bible and see one thing and then another day read the same passage and wonder why we did not see that before. Perhaps we were not open to it at the time and our daily experience and what we hear affects the interpretation of a particular passage. Yes, look for the coming of the Lord as if it were to e today but live as though He were not coming for another 20 years. In the ensuing 20 years would you find another to spend your days with when your children are grown and gone or will you be longing for the one who 'got away' ? Your past is your past it is under the blood do not look to it. Look to the future and though there is much about the rapture and end times in the news, leave that to the Father for He and He alone knows the day and the hour. Read about it look forward to it and expect it but we are in the world and God want you to be a happy Christian - fulfilled in every way.

[bornagain2011]

Okay okay! Can't we all just get along? LOL! I know everyone is trying to help me, and I really really do appreciate that!

I have been praying and praying about this. And I think not being at peace with the idea of getting remarried is maybe God's way of answering my question. I believe that even though I wasn't a Christian when I got married and divorced doesn't mean it wasn't binding before God.

Despite my decision to remain single, my boyfriend seems at peace with it. We are both still happy spending time with eachother. In fact today is his birthday! I got him a few presents I think he will like! A mens devotional, a Bible dictionary, and the book Mere Christianity by CS Lewis.

The confusing thing is to figure out where to go from here. What would we label our relationship? I told him I still consider him my boyfriend. But what do you do when you have made up your mind that it wont go anywhere? I guess maybe just enjoy spending time with eachother until another woman enters his life that he falls inlove with. I don't want to trap him into this situation, it isn't fair to him. I guess I will just wait and see what happens. Maybe God will reveal something to me.

God bless!