Giving advice without pushing people away

[damo1]

so how do you give advice to a man who refuses to allow god to deal with the damage he has done he is lucky that he did not get hurt by the youth pastors husband do you just continue putting the hand out be their when he rings or as i suggested whack him real hard with the thickest bible

Oh, do you know how many times I have felt like whacking someone over the head with the bible! Jesus, whack, Loves, whack, You! Whack, and one more to get my point across..

But Grace is an amazing thing.

Pray for him, stand on your faith, and even if he refuses to let God deal with the situation, God will anyway.

Pastors fall as hard as anyone else, sometimes harder. We should treat them like anyone else, human and a sinner. We place them in positions of trust, and when they disappoint us we are shocked and outraged. That is a normal reaction to have, but that is where we need to be the example they should have been setting. We should always be the example to anyone around us, pastor, elder, or child.

Their standing matters not.

Our stand does.

thanks fez at least you can see were i am coming from its what i tend to do even though i moved from the small farming community i often get asked how can you be seen with him as i keep in contact with some off the people i got to know

i never done what many do he knew he could be him self around me

i just thought i would throw that one in to see what others might have to say when it comes to giving advice

[joi]

If it were me I think I would respond more to being told of the profound love of Christ than otherwise.

You have been given some good advice here. Praying for God to grace your friends is a good way to begin!

[Selasphorus]

easy said try that with a friend who was a pastor what gets me i want to beat this guy over the head with the bible but its as if i am treading a fine line i try my best not to judge him or do what the other members have done by shunning him from the community he left his wife and two daughters got involved with the youth pastor he thought no one new what he was up to i sort off picked up something was wrong but did not want to get in on the gossip that already was circulating among the members and the elders what got me he put on a whole different face during the Sunday morning service

my self and another guy who did the Emause walk were the only two he trusted his wife really helped me under stand my wife and often talked to me when i needed advice she is a filipina her self she ended up loosing her rights to settle in Australia and has had to face her family and friends fez would know what she has had to deal with

so how do you give advice to a man who refuses to allow god to deal with the damage he has done he is lucky that he did not get hurt by the youth pastors husband do you just continue putting the hand out be their when he rings or as i suggested whack him real hard with the thickest bible

it doesn't matter what his position is/was. God is no respector of persons. we're to treat everyone the same. as a pastor, he knows better than anyone what he has done, as well as the fallout from it. bottom line, he's just a human.

regarding advice, in my experience if you're offering it unsolicited, you're not only wasting your breath you may be pushing him farther from resolving his relationship foremost with God, as well as with anyone else directly involved in the situation. if he's a true believer, i promise you God is dealing with him every second he's awake. whether or not he yields to the Lord is completely his decision. how do i know this? i turned my back on God for 24 years, as well as some people involved with a particular situation (perhaps not as serious as your friend's, but i'm a tenacious sort. once my mind's made up, that's it.) and for 24 yrs i had no peace, no joy, no contentment. i just wanted to be left alone. a lay preacher friend from my youth, with whom i spent many hours witnessing and soul-winning some years ago, asked me a little over a year ago how things were with me and the Lord. i told him i didn't want to go there, didn't want to talk about it. he responded with no problem; when you get ready to talk, i'm as close as the phone, and left it right there. and when the Spirit finally started having some success tearing down the wall i'd built around my heart, i called my friend one night and told him i wanted to talk. he said i'll be there in 10mins., and he was.

the point is, that's all YOU can do. let your friend know you care, and you're there for him. then leave it alone. the Lord will deal with him; and He knows so much more about dealing with humans than we do. in the first place, He created us. and over countless millenia, He has seen and heard it all from us. all you can do is love your friend and pray for him. and when he gets ready to talk, be ready to listen.

John 3:17 (KJV) ¹⁷ For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

[gdemoss]

Sometimes we are not supposed to be the ones who tells them anything. Sometimes God has simply raised us up to be the one who prays that God will lead them to what they need. But I do love testifying about what God has done for me when I come in contact with someone who is in a similar position as I once was. There is nothing like hearing someone testify that they once had your problem but found an answer that fixed the problem, to give one hope.

Your dealing with two women who are headed for divorce. If your relationship has ever had problems and God led you to solve them then there is all kinds of testimony in that personal experience. I am currently in the middle of a separation that God is working miracles in to revive us. In the end, if God so chooses to repair the damage, I will have an amazing testimony to give unto the broken hearted heading for divorce, but my trial is not yet finished. God be thanked and praised in all! His judgments are true.

[damo1]

easy said try that with a friend who was a pastor what gets me i want to beat this guy over the head with the bible but its as if i am treading a fine line i try my best not to judge him or do what the other members have done by shunning him from the community he left his wife and two daughters got involved with the youth pastor he thought no one new what he was up to i sort off picked up something was wrong but did not want to get in on the gossip that already was circulating among the members and the elders what got me he put on a whole different face during the Sunday morning service

my self and another guy who did the Emause walk were the only two he trusted his wife really helped me under stand my wife and often talked to me when i needed advice she is a filipina her self she ended up loosing her rights to settle in Australia and has had to face her family and friends fez would know what she has had to deal with

so how do you give advice to a man who refuses to allow god to deal with the damage he has done he is lucky that he did not get hurt by the youth pastors husband do you just continue putting the hand out be their when he rings or as i suggested whack him real hard with the thickest bible

it doesn't matter what his position is/was. God is no respector of persons. we're to treat everyone the same. as a pastor, he knows better than anyone what he has done, as well as the fallout from it. bottom line, he's just a human.

regarding advice, in my experience if you're offering it unsolicited, you're not only wasting your breath you may be pushing him farther from resolving his relationship foremost with God, as well as with anyone else directly involved in the situation. if he's a true believer, i promise you God is dealing with him every second he's awake. whether or not he yields to the Lord is completely his decision. how do i know this? i turned my back on God for 24 years, as well as some people involved with a particular situation (perhaps not as serious as your friend's, but i'm a tenacious sort. once my mind's made up, that's it.) and for 24 yrs i had no peace, no joy, no contentment. i just wanted to be left alone. a lay preacher friend from my youth, with whom i spent many hours witnessing and soul-winning some years ago, asked me a little over a year ago how things were with me and the Lord. i told him i didn't want to go there, didn't want to talk about it. he responded with no problem; when you get ready to talk, i'm as close as the phone, and left it right there. and when the Spirit finally started having some success tearing down the wall i'd built around my heart, i called my friend one night and told him i wanted to talk. he said i'll be there in 10mins., and he was.

the point is, that's all YOU can do. let your friend know you care, and you're there for him. then leave it alone. the Lord will deal with him; and He knows so much more about dealing with humans than we do. in the first place, He created us. and over countless millenia, He has seen and heard it all from us. all you can do is love your friend and pray for him. and when he gets ready to talk, be ready to listen.

John 3:17 (KJV) ¹⁷ For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

hi selasphorus

all i am doing is just listening and being their when he needs me i have had to show him that i am their not to judge him but some times i wonder if by just being a friend has made it worse to were he avoids dealing with what he knows he needs to deal with if you can understand were i am coming from

i have seen the pressure put on pastors and i have seen what they have to deal with i also understand were you are coming from as i have also been their my self walked away from god made it hard for the people who knew me in the church that i was a member off to track me down got rid off all that i had brought and burnt my christian cd and bibles i even moved to a town were their was not a church as the town i moved to was a another small farming community

little did i know the people god had put in my path prayed for me and did not stop praying god answered their prayers

i have been praying that god would put some stable christian men in his path as he knows some off the other pastors their are at least 12 churches and i know that he will be welcomed and not judged

he took on a church that was good at dictating telling the previous pastors what they could preach from the pulpit and what they could not preach he came from a charasmatic up bringing the church he took on was a very traditional church i even asked him why did he apply he said he felt he could bring some change but he saw once he settled into the roll he had a hard task

what hurts is the way he has been treated and the gossip that has been circulating he is very brave for staying in the community as he owns his own home and does not want to sell it

i have not judged him or the youth pastor he got involved with when i am with him i just ask god to get rid of what i might be really wanting to say i even told the women he is with i will never judge you or ask why as i could pick up that she thought i was like the members in the church and she has seen that i am different

with his first wife that had to go back to the philippines all i am doing is praying that she lets go of the anger and moves on

what i am asking god is should i just continue being that friend with out judging him and is it helping by letting him be him self as he has a good heart their have been times were i just wanted to whack him but i had to give what i was feeling over to god

[Selasphorus]

easy said try that with a friend who was a pastor what gets me i want to beat this guy over the head with the bible but its as if i am treading a fine line i try my best not to judge him or do what the other members have done by shunning him from the community he left his wife and two daughters got involved with the youth pastor he thought no one new what he was up to i sort off picked up something was wrong but did not want to get in on the gossip that already was circulating among the members and the elders what got me he put on a whole different face during the Sunday morning service

my self and another guy who did the Emause walk were the only two he trusted his wife really helped me under stand my wife and often talked to me when i needed advice she is a filipina her self she ended up loosing her rights to settle in Australia and has had to face her family and friends fez would know what she has had to deal with

so how do you give advice to a man who refuses to allow god to deal with the damage he has done he is lucky that he did not get hurt by the youth pastors husband do you just continue putting the hand out be their when he rings or as i suggested whack him real hard with the thickest bible

it doesn't matter what his position is/was. God is no respector of persons. we're to treat everyone the same. as a pastor, he knows better than anyone what he has done, as well as the fallout from it. bottom line, he's just a human.

regarding advice, in my experience if you're offering it unsolicited, you're not only wasting your breath you may be pushing him farther from resolving his relationship foremost with God, as well as with anyone else directly involved in the situation. if he's a true believer, i promise you God is dealing with him every second he's awake. whether or not he yields to the Lord is completely his decision. how do i know this? i turned my back on God for 24 years, as well as some people involved with a particular situation (perhaps not as serious as your friend's, but i'm a tenacious sort. once my mind's made up, that's it.) and for 24 yrs i had no peace, no joy, no contentment. i just wanted to be left alone. a lay preacher friend from my youth, with whom i spent many hours witnessing and soul-winning some years ago, asked me a little over a year ago how things were with me and the Lord. i told him i didn't want to go there, didn't want to talk about it. he responded with no problem; when you get ready to talk, i'm as close as the phone, and left it right there. and when the Spirit finally started having some success tearing down the wall i'd built around my heart, i called my friend one night and told him i wanted to talk. he said i'll be there in 10mins., and he was.

the point is, that's all YOU can do. let your friend know you care, and you're there for him. then leave it alone. the Lord will deal with him; and He knows so much more about dealing with humans than we do. in the first place, He created us. and over countless millenia, He has seen and heard it all from us. all you can do is love your friend and pray for him. and when he gets ready to talk, be ready to listen.

John 3:17 (KJV) ¹⁷ For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

hi selasphorus

all i am doing is just listening and being their when he needs me i have had to show him that i am their not to judge him but some times i wonder if by just being a friend has made it worse to were he avoids dealing with what he knows he needs to deal with if you can understand were i am coming from

i have seen the pressure put on pastors and i have seen what they have to deal with i also understand were you are coming from as i have also been their my self walked away from god made it hard for the people who knew me in the church that i was a member off to track me down got rid off all that i had brought and burnt my christian cd and bibles i even moved to a town were their was not a church as the town i moved to was a another small farming community

little did i know the people god had put in my path prayed for me and did not stop praying god answered their prayers

i have been praying that god would put some stable christian men in his path as he knows some off the other pastors their are at least 12 churches and i know that he will be welcomed and not judged

he took on a church that was good at dictating telling the previous pastors what they could preach from the pulpit and what they could not preach he came from a charasmatic up bringing the church he took on was a very traditional church i even asked him why did he apply he said he felt he could bring some change but he saw once he settled into the roll he had a hard task

what hurts is the way he has been treated and the gossip that has been circulating he is very brave for staying in the community as he owns his own home and does not want to sell it

i have not judged him or the youth pastor he got involved with when i am with him i just ask god to get rid of what i might be really wanting to say i even told the women he is with i will never judge you or ask why as i could pick up that she thought i was like the members in the church and she has seen that i am different

with his first wife that had to go back to the philippines all i am doing is praying that she lets go of the anger and moves on

what i am asking god is should i just continue being that friend with out judging him and is it helping by letting him be him self as he has a good heart their have been times were i just wanted to whack him but i had to give what i was feeling over to god

brother, there is nothing you can do beyond loving and praying for him. as i said, if he is a true believer, God is dealing with him. as a pastor, he knows better than most of us what his situation is as well as what he needs to do. you have to keep in mind we humans are creatures of free will; we choose our course. and in choosing our course, we also choose the consequences of our action. anytime we choose sin, the ultimate consequence is always death, figuratively and literally.

often times things don't happen overnight; i chose to resist God (and be miserable) for 24yrs. if your friend is a child of God, he'll live an empty existence until he heeds the Spirit. as i said before, there is nothing you can do other than love him and pray for him.