refugepsa91 Posted December 1, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 331 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 5,961 Content Per Day: 0.76 Reputation: 61 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/25/2002 Status: Offline Share Posted December 1, 2004 Oh by the way...not to sound selfish or anything...but as a women...I respond much better to my hubby when he starts a serious conversation with me that he begins with his own faults and how to improve them...we discuss them then move into mine. I don't feel like I'm being attacked. See what I mean? Love and Blessings, Angel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orr v'emet Posted December 1, 2004 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 26 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,672 Content Per Day: 0.23 Reputation: 11 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/12/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted December 1, 2004 Carlos, God bless you for giving the boldness to share your problem. I want to also say that even in this tough time in your marriage you have the desire to work things out and make a change. Many men in society would rather turn around and run when the going gets tough so I pray God's blessings on your marriage. A few thoughts: I wonder if you have stopped to take a full account of yourself and your contribution to the matter. There seems to be a great deal of focus on all that she is doing wrong and then you say that your response to her is ungodly. Almost like an eye for an eye kinda thing. You know it's true that you can't change anyone but yourself. Perhaps you should take a long hard look at yourself and see what you need to be doing. There have been a couple that have talked about making sure you are in a right relationship with God and that things will fall into place after that. There is some truth to it. Though you and your wife are in a difficult place right now, if you are in a right relationship with God you will begin to see your wife through His eyes and that will radically change your perspective. Pray God will soften your heart and give you the desire to love your wife as Christ intended for you to. Pray that your wife would also be sensitive to the Holy Spirit so that she will respond to you in a way that would glorify Christ as well, just because she may feel that you aren't following Christ (or however your put it) doesn't give her the right to respond in ways that you have described. That's not what being Christ-like is about. Hope you don't mind my being so straight-forward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
other one Posted December 1, 2004 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 29 Topic Count: 599 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 56,264 Content Per Day: 7.56 Reputation: 27,993 Days Won: 271 Joined: 12/29/2003 Status: Offline Share Posted December 1, 2004 Carlos, Here a 10 by 20 storage building rents for about 35 dollars a month. It has ended many quarrels. I might add that one of my work team mates wife started running around with about everyone at her work place (an air force base) that would make whoopee and ended up pregnant twice before running off and trying to take his two kids. She has given him H**l for a year and a half over every conceivable thing...... so I must say that in the scheme of things you are still in a pretty ok position. Be careful not to end up like this person. I don't know how affordable it would be, but a "Weekend to Remember" seminar put on by the Family Life organization will do wonders for any relationship. My wife and I have been and the things we learned have enhanced our lives together for many years. It was a couple of hundred dollars as I remember for the hotel room and all (which was a bit much for us), but I will say that it was worth every penny. Check it out if she is ok with it also. It was one of the most enjoyable weekends I remember. (except for camping of course), and there were several divorces stopped that weekend as we were later told by a cousin of mine that works with Family Life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlos123 Posted December 2, 2004 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 61 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,015 Content Per Day: 0.14 Reputation: 97 Days Won: 4 Joined: 07/12/2004 Status: Offline Author Share Posted December 2, 2004 Thanks for the additional input ya all! Thank God for this forum and the opportunity to talk somewhat freely about this with others in the Body. You all are helping me, not only by your valuable input and ideas, but perhaps even more by your kindness in listening to me and showing some concern for me and my wife. That is a wonderful thing to behold! The biggest single problem I have are my emotions. I guess I have to admit that, even though I absolutely hate the way some women are led about by their emotions (most I should say). Kind of ironic that my own emotions should seem to control me so much that I am being led about by them just as much if not more than my wife is. While I sort of know what to do in my head, my heart (if one can distinguish the head from the heart) wants to do something different. I want to hold things against her. I don't want to take the risk of having her continue to step all over me. I want her to pay for how she has treated me and how she has embarrased me in front of our daughter. I don't want to love her as Christ loves the church. I don't want to....I don't wanna (can you see me trying to hang on to my pacifier while my dad tries to take it away from me ). I feel this enermous emotional wall whenever I start drawing closer to her again which rises up and hinders me from expressing love to her freely and without constraint. Things she has done in the past come to my mind and cloud my enjoyment of our relationship in the present. Please pray for us both as I have a lot to work out in our marriage. It's certainly been no fun for a long time and I am so weary of it that I have little will to do much of anything. Yet I also don't want to walk around with a failed marriage. It's not honoring to the Lord and it certainly is not a good testimony. I do not believe that God gave me the freedom to marry my wife and worked in our lives to draw us together by accident. I have always believed and still do that God has a purpose in all this and that He can bring good out of it if I will but trust Him and walk by faith. May the Lord have his way with both of us. May He break me from any pride and stubborness that may be in my heart. And may he help me to love not only my wife but also His Body, purchased with His own blood. Both seem to be a mess to me but He thought it worthwhile to die for us all even while we were yet sinners. If my wife as part of His Body was worth dying for who am I to turn my back on her? What arrogance to think that my wife is less worthy of love than that which the King of Kings and Lord of Lords has bestowed on her through His death! Tears come to my eyes at the thought of such arrogance when contrasted with the patience of God and kindness of God in drawing me to Himself still. How often have I come to this point in my life it seems. A sinner at the foot of the cross looking up at the one who died for me. I am so sorry Lord. So very sorry..... Carlos Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ayin jade Posted December 2, 2004 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 44 Topic Count: 6,178 Topics Per Day: 0.87 Content Count: 43,799 Content Per Day: 6.19 Reputation: 11,244 Days Won: 58 Joined: 01/03/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted December 2, 2004 I definitely need to look at my wife in a new light. I just can't love her through the mirror of how I see her now. To be frank I am incredibly fed up with women and their emotiions through all this and I probably have some repenting to do there too. I definitely need to have the Lord soften my heart toward her. For right now it is rock hard. I definitely need to have Him heal my wounds for I have been wounded time and time again. I find the last statement in the above quote interesting Ayin. That I repent for feeling as I do. I have generally seen feelings as not something you repent from. They just are. I can repent from wrong thinking and wrong choices but I guess I have never really considered it very possible to repent from wrong feelings. That's interesting. I will have to think about that some. Likewise the thought of praying that I repent seems a bit ackward from a spiritual standpoint given that I have always seen God laying the responsibility to repent squarely on our shoulders. I suppose you might have meant for me to pray that God might help me get to the point of repenting which certainly can't hurt but if I need to repent then I should do so. Can you elaborate more on what I need to repent from? Feel free to tell it like it is. I want to learn and get over this situation in our marriage and there is no question that there are things I should repent from though I sometimes don't see very clearly what I should repent about. The bad feelings are definitely a problem but these bad feelings are caused by things that I am believing or holding on to in my heart. It would seem that those are the things that must be brought to the surface and repented from. Until that happens the bad feelings are most likely going to stick around and make it very difficult if not impossible to love my wife. Last year, I found my hubby passed out drunk on the chair, just before Christmas. I have a Viking temperament. I was not happy. I was livid. He repented and agreed to stop his drinking and to restore his walk with the Lord. Now I needed to get past the anger and forgive him. It was hard. I wanted so much to act out on my anger. I had to give it all to the Lord. I needed His help to get past the hurts. My anger was wrong, and I knew it, yet I had a hard time letting go of it. I prayed that He help me to let go of it when I didn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlos123 Posted December 2, 2004 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 61 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,015 Content Per Day: 0.14 Reputation: 97 Days Won: 4 Joined: 07/12/2004 Status: Offline Author Share Posted December 2, 2004 O sacred Head, now wounded, with grief and shame weighed down, Now scornfully surrounded with thorns, Thine only crown; How pale Thou art with anguish, with sore abuse and scorn! How does that visage languish, which once was bright as morn! What Thou, my Lord, hast suffered, was all for sinners Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlos123 Posted December 2, 2004 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 61 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,015 Content Per Day: 0.14 Reputation: 97 Days Won: 4 Joined: 07/12/2004 Status: Offline Author Share Posted December 2, 2004 (edited) Well put Ayin Jade! Thank you. That took courage on your part to not only admit what your hubby did but also to tell it to me as you see it. We need more Viking courage like that in the Church! I hope I did not exasperate you. In your very last statement about being as clear as mud you came accross as just a wee bit miffed. Carlos Edited December 2, 2004 by carlos123 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ray Posted December 2, 2004 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 281 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 789 Content Per Day: 0.11 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 04/03/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted December 2, 2004 Some suggested reading that might be helpful......... men are mars women are from venus Every Mans Battle Boundries for couples Every womens desire This books can found in a christian book store. IF that doen't help pray, pray and pray some more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catsmeow Posted December 2, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 439 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 7,315 Content Per Day: 0.93 Reputation: 356 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/21/2002 Status: Offline Share Posted December 2, 2004 Luke 6:37 Judge not: and you shall not be judged. Condemn not: and you shall not be condemned. Forgive: and you shall be forgiven. NEVER HOLD A GRUDGE IN YOUR HEART!! Thanks for sharing the verse catsmeow. This verse is thrown about all too often in Christian circles in an authoritative way as though by sharing this verse alone one's, like me, might see the error of our ways. I wonder if you could be more specific catsmeow. Do you think holding a grudge is to be judgemental? Do you see me holding a grudge? Do you see me as not walking in forgiveness? If so can you be specific about what I have said that leads you to believe so? I am not disputing that I am perhaps guilty of some of that only trying to better understand how I might be doing those things and perhaps not seeing what I should be seeing. I wouldn't like you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catsmeow Posted December 2, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 439 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 7,315 Content Per Day: 0.93 Reputation: 356 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/21/2002 Status: Offline Share Posted December 2, 2004 Carlos: About grudges....I pray you NEVER hold a grudge. It hurts YOU...more than anyone else. I'm not intimating you hold grudges. Only YOU and God know that. It's none of my business. But just in case that happens **(a grudge) PLEASE .....forgive. Just do it. Do the "Nike thing"...and "just do it!"...LOL! Forgive always. Always, always, always forgive... You might do that...but someone else reading this post may not and it might help them to think, "I need to forgive so and so..." Forgiveness is a wonderful and precious gift that Jesus gave each of us. We just do the same.... Bless you, friend... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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