Help! How to ask husband to stand up for us

[Rosiegirl3]

Hello all, new here and hoping for some biblical advice.

My husband is definitely not a man's man but he is really good at loving The Lord and loving me through his actions and words. My problem is that he doesn't stand up to defend anything pretty much ever. He is very passive.

We recently left our church (he had been attending for 15ish years) after major drama with the leadership not acting in accordance with the bible. It took a reaaaally long time for him to come to the decision with a lot of pushing from me but ultimately a clear cut prayer for the Holy Spirit to give us a direct answer.

When we got married (and even now sometimes) he does not actively protect me from his mother and her drama. (She's not that bad, just really needy and that creates drama). He just seems to think drama should not exist therefore he doesn't need to deal with it.

Lastly - and this is my current issue - he has been working for a guy who treats him like he's nothing. My husband works really hard for this guy's business and out of 17 paychecks this year, 4 have come on time. 3 in a row got missed and were finally paid a month late, and 1 from May is still missing. The boss will set up skype meetings with my husband and then just not show up - with no communication before or after about not attending. The boss is constantly getting sidetracked with new projects and ways of doing things and my husband just goes along with it even though it is really hard on him and ultimately not good for the guy's business. He ignores my husband's advice and expertise even when he asks him for it in the first place. My husband will also write emails to his boss with questions about current projects and never get an answer.

I know my husband feels like this is a good opportunity in his industry to work for this guy, but he is so stressed out all the time trying to keep up with the boss's crazy antics and live up to his own as well as his boss's high expectations. I have been gently hinting that maybe he should look for another job or just stick up for himself so this crud stops happening, but he just shuts down and gets all moody and does nothing. I think this is immature and a wimpy way of avoiding conflict but I can only say so much to him without being disrespectful.

I pray for him all be time with these issues but I'm wondering if there is something I can say or do to get him to get his butt into gear to stand up to people when it's appropriate and necessary.

HELP!?

[Rosiegirl3]

Ps. The main thing I wish he would do is ask his boss to simply pay his paychecks on time and communicate better. My husband seems to think this is too delicate to bring up and is afraid of making his boss mad.

Grrr.

[Guest LadyC]

men. their loyalty to bad employers never fails to amaze me! this is really not uncommon, but like it or not, you're not going to change him. not regarding his boss, and not regarding his mom. 

 

keep praying... not for your husband to change (after all, his passive nature is part of what you fell in love with and chose to marry!) but for God to help you respond better in the absence of your husband's defense. let God be your defender. i know it can be frustrating, and sometimes it may seem like things will never improve in that department, but God is working on your husband... and although the temptation to "nag" about these things will only interfere with the work God is doing, and prolong your agony.

 

and trust me, i've learned all this the hard way.

[other one]

decent paying jobs are not laying around just everywhere and it's kind of hard on a guy to take a chance of loosing the job he has.    That kind of boss usually doesn't put up with much from employees who disagree with them and it may be that your husband doesn't want you to loose his income.     What he's doing with the late paychecks is illegal in most states.   It may be that the Boss is just totally incompetent and the business would fall apart without your husband.

 

I would only say that if you want him to stand up to his boss, you should be prepared to be jobless.

 

Start looking for him a new job.

[Rosiegirl3]

Thanks guys!

[Guest]

Welcome~!

~

 

Praying~!

[another_poster]

A couple of things worth noting.

1. The majority of people do not like conflict. Different people have different ways of dealing with it.

2. Like it or not many men will not react well to being told what to do.

 

Hopefully you know your husband well and can determine a good approach. I would suggest trying to express how it makes you feel. While also mentioning that he seems stressed and you love him and don't want him to be stressed. Of course if he is like me then a subtle hint is being smacked with a baseball bat and the softly softly approach won't work. 

Also for me my approach to things at home and work were very different. For example at work I loved making a sort of list to follow. However give me a list of jobs at home and one could be certain none of it would get done. So just because something works at home does not mean he will take the same approach at work although he might! I also know that I was reluctant to change jobs even though I had a bad job. Didn't really make sense to give up a job with no certainty of getting another one. Perhaps he is worried. There are pressures guys often have to appear strong and not complain and to be able to cope with anything. This may be playing a part as well.

[Guest]

Praying~!

[Belle8327]

Praying for you all!