Husband stayed out all night

[Guest mnipper]

I'm 29 and my husband is 25. When we started dating, everyone talked about the change they saw in him. He wasn't hard any more, he had really calmed down. He said he was ready to settle down, we got married, and slowly but surely he has turned back into the wild rebel he was when we met. His friends are for the most part single and younger than he is, wild partiers who do what they want to and have little morals. He has other friends that are married that I really like, but we don't hang out with them as often as I'd like to. We've been married two years now, and I can't get him to talk about buying a house, kids, no future plans. He has a really cocky attitude that I'm not going to tell him what to do, he'll do what he wants to, and if I don't like it, I can go live with my parents. This past weekend, we had a big argument about our friends, my lack of friends, and the quality of his. We also argued about a party we had been to a few months ago, where later in the night I ended up being the only girl left, and had to listen to the four guys cuss and try to out-do each other with stories. I finally asked my husband a few times if he was ready to go. He basically made fun of me in front of everyone and told me to go ahead and leave, he'd find a way home. I left, and he didn't come home until 5:30 the next morning. I thought he couldn't top that until this last weekend. There was another party that I didn't go to because it was some of the same people, and he had told me I could drive separate and go home when I wanted to. He didn't come home until 10:00 the next morning. We're so disconnected that I feel like I don't even know him anymore. We don't go to church, and the few friends that I do have are happily married with babies, and I definitely can't talk to my family about it, I feel like I have no one to turn to for advice. It's like we're room-mates, not husband and wife. It's so hard to talk to him about anything because he just blames me and tells me everything is my fault. I'm trying to get up the nerve to ask him to go to counseling, but I'm scared that he'll blow that off.

[RustyAngeL]

First off, are you both christians? If so then I would suggest going to a good bible believing church together. If he won't go with you, go without him. It sounds like he needs to grow up. I don't know how you can respect a man who lets his wife sit there while there men using foul language then telling you if you don't like it you can live with your parents. There is no respect there and that isn't love..However I really would suggest getting into a good church. Once your there speak to the pastor. If you don't get some help and something doesn't change this marriage will end, and God never want's to see that. He is in the business of restoration and he can restore this marriage if you both want it.

Edited January 10, 2005 by Rustyangel

[Guest mnipper]

First off, are you both christians?  If so then I would suggest going to a good bible believing church together.  If he won't go with you, go without him.  It sounds like he needs to grow up.  I don't know how you can respect a man who lets his wife sit there while there men using foul language then telling you if you don't like it you can live with your parents.  There is no respect there and that isn't love..However I really would suggest getting into a good church.  Once your there speak to the pastor.  If you don't get some help and something doesn't change this marriage will end, and God never want's to see that. He is in the business of restoration and he can restore this marriage if you both want it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

We are both Christians - I grew up more involved in it than he did. And our backgrounds are different. My parents have been married for 35 years, we went to a private Christian scool, and my parents are very set on good morals, and keeping your family name clear. His parents are divorced, his dad was a foster child who got into lots of trouble and was in jail for a while, his mom is very hard to deal with - always nagging, always criticizing. I don't think he ever learned respect for a woman, because he speaks to his mom the same way. Which really is the same way everybody speaks to his mother. A lot of people have told me that he needs to grow up, but how do you get somebody to do that when he's so stubborn? That's why we argue so much about his friends, I think. I'd rather that he hang out with the ones who are married and who respect their wives, to see how normal marriages work, because he does act more like them when he's around them. But when he's around the others who aren't married and who are even younger than he is, I think he wants to impress them and acts exactly the way they do - macho and cocky. We talked the other night about our definitions of friends, his being anyone who isn't a relative, and mine being anyone that I can call any time night or day who'll be there for me when I need them. I wish he'd go to counseling so that we could learn how to communicate without being so mean to each other and hurting feelings.

[Leonard]

He's trying to be Peter Pan: "I'll never grow up!" He really needs some Pastoral counseling on how to BE A MAN NOT A BOY.

[Nicks Girl]

I think you definitely need to get into a good church. Even if he won't go with you. I would stop nagging him about it. maybe you could find someone to talk to about this, and PRAY for him. LOTS. It would be great if you could get him into some good Christian counseling with you.

[Guest mnipper]

He left me a little over a week ago. He says he is tired of arguing, and that whatever was there between us when we first started dating is no longer there. He thinks it's better to have wasted two years together than ten or fifteen. I've tried to get him to try to work it out, and go to counseling, but all he wants to talk about is dividing our property and filing for divorce.

[other one]

*praying*

May the Lord deal with him before he gets himself into a place he can't return.

*praying*

[Annette443pink]

He left me a little over a week ago.  He says he is tired of arguing, and that whatever was there between us when we first started dating is no longer there.  He thinks it's better to have wasted two years together than ten or fifteen.  I've tried to get him to try to work it out, and go to counseling, but all he wants to talk about is dividing our property and filing for divorce.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Do you think he has been true to you in the marriage? I know God hates divorce & I'm not for it because of that but if he has committed adultery I'd say let him go. He sounds pretty worthless and definitely has no interest in God at this point. I know you can't be happy right now but it's a good thing there aren't any kids involved. That is the worst part of divorce in my opinion because kids are innocent victims.

I felt like divorcing my husband at one time but hung on because of God. It has worked out now. It'll be 9 years in March & I'm glad I stuck with it. This has been our best year of marriage. My husband was bad but not as bad as the description you give of yours. The only thing that saved us was God. We both gave our hearts to Him and started living for Him as best we can.

Annette

[Leonard]

This guy has already dishonored his marriage vows. He's to cherish you as Christ cherishes the Church. Let this baby-boy go play Peter Pan if that's what he's going to do. Don't get stuck with him. Imagine what a worthless father for your children he would make in this kind of state.

I pray he grows up quick, but I don't hold out much hope. Don't just 'drop him;' 'drop kick' him out the door, pronto!

[Guest mnipper]

He always said that he hadn't cheated on me - but since we've been separated, I honestly wouldn't put it past him. The way he's acted in the past, staying out late or all night, and not telling me where he's been, has always made me suspisious. He has always said I just have to trust him, but I believe that you should act like you want to be trusted.

He says now that even if we wanted to work it out, we couldn't because of my parents and the way they would treat him from now on. But I believe if he wanted to work it out, he'd do whatever it took, even with my parents. He's just looking for a reason to blame me for it not working out. I really don't believe in divorce, and I don't really think that we've tried at all to make it work out, but I'm trying to make myself believe that I can't make the effort for both of us. If he doesn't want to try, there's nothing I can do.