Arka Posted October 21, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 6 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 32 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 6 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/05/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted October 21, 2014 Should one date at all? I don't think so, but I can't find any scripture to back that up. I can only find verses dealing with marriage, not specifically courtship. Sex outside of marriage is clearly forbidden; however, what about other acts? My younger brother is 15 and says he's a Christian, but he constantly has a new girlfriend and is always kissing them and doing other things...but he says that because he's practicing abstinence, it's OK. Is it? Is there any wisdom I can give him that would help rein in his behavior? I don't think that it's good for him to be all over all of these different girls. I'm very concerned for him and just want to help him lead a good, Christian life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hall7 Posted October 21, 2014 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 75 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 1,385 Content Per Day: 0.32 Reputation: 491 Days Won: 5 Joined: 04/25/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted October 21, 2014 I don't believe the Bible forbids dating, how else can we get to know the love of our lives without dating him/her first... It's not easy to control a boy of that age, as he gets older and becomes closer to God his spirit will change. He knows God and God knows him and that's the most important thing at the moment. Keeping him close to God by the means of prayer and church attendance is the best thing to do for now, the rest will follow... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwikphilly Posted October 21, 2014 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 96 Topic Count: 307 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 18,143 Content Per Day: 4.62 Reputation: 27,832 Days Won: 327 Joined: 08/03/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted October 21, 2014 Blessings Arka I do agree with Hall.......& I think it is wonderful that as the older Brother you are right there to watch over little Brother......thats beautiful.Younger siblings always tend to look up to their older brothers & sisters......I think even more important than words,your actions will speak volumes to him.......believe me,it sounds like you guys are very close,he is watching Talk about YOU and the way you respect women,how you will wait for marriage to be intimate,how whats in your heart is what God sees & you want to be approved and put a smile on His Face.....in ear shot,around him or to him(make him think ,not feel accused or condemned........do you know what I mean,,,,,,)there are very subtle ways to make a young mind ponder certain things........ Oh,& the more time you spend with him doing really fantastic stuff the less time he will have for girls & dating.......people just really want to be loved,accepted and sometimes (especially young people)they look in all the wrong places.....JMO With love-in Christ,Kwik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willa Posted October 21, 2014 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 68 Topic Count: 186 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 14,247 Content Per Day: 3.33 Reputation: 16,658 Days Won: 30 Joined: 08/14/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted October 21, 2014 Our youth pastors refrained from all but holding hands. No kissing even prior to marriage. They were not alone till after they were engaged but met publicly in groups of strong Christians and with family. No sneaking off to an empty room to be alone or closing doors. I told our sons it is not being respectful to each other to do those things. Not an easy task these days. One thing that our sons wives remember is that they had never been treated so respectfully by guys before. But they learned most of that from their dad's example, by the way he treated me. Having said that, our older son would walk in the back door after college and yell, "woman, where's my food!" just to get a reaction from me. He loves to "pull my strings". He would get the routine lecture about honoring his father and mother. But we both knew what he was up to. It was a playful if mischievous challange. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Patriot21 Posted October 22, 2014 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 28 Topic Count: 338 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 15,710 Content Per Day: 2.45 Reputation: 8,526 Days Won: 39 Joined: 10/25/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/27/1985 Share Posted October 22, 2014 I think the Bible is clear on no lust and no sex before marriage. But beyond that it leaves the "way" you meet your future spouse open to a lot of wiggle room. Im a big fan of courtship over dating (it does work, me and my wife courted. she was my first and my last woman) (oh and ps were still married) however you choose to do it-God and purity need to be foremost in your relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sevenseas Posted October 22, 2014 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 30 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 3,373 Content Per Day: 0.76 Reputation: 683 Days Won: 22 Joined: 02/28/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted October 22, 2014 Should one date at all? I don't think so, but I can't find any scripture to back that up. I can only find verses dealing with marriage, not specifically courtship. Sex outside of marriage is clearly forbidden; however, what about other acts? My younger brother is 15 and says he's a Christian, but he constantly has a new girlfriend and is always kissing them and doing other things...but he says that because he's practicing abstinence, it's OK. Is it? Is there any wisdom I can give him that would help rein in his behavior? I don't think that it's good for him to be all over all of these different girls. I'm very concerned for him and just want to help him lead a good, Christian life. Sounds like someone who says I will just unwrap the chocolate bar, I will look at it but I won't eat it. then they touch it, then they lick their fingers and it tastes good Then they break off a piece and another and eat them but as long as they have not had the entire thing, they can say 'I did not eat the chocolate bar.' I'm guessing you probably know that what your brother is doing is not right or you wouldn't be here asking. The actions you describe, pretty much sums up all teen age relationships that end with the teen age girl becoming pregnant. You might explain to him that a Christian puts the well being of the other person before their own. What about your parents? What is their take on his behavior? Personally, I would not let anyone 15 years old to date. They are not old enough to even be personally responsible for much of their own behavior. I think that seeing or even 'liking' members of the opposite sex, at that age, within a group setting is fine. Your brother's behavior is both dangerous and might have life long implications if one of the young ladies were to become pregant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fez Posted October 22, 2014 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 683 Topics Per Day: 0.12 Content Count: 11,128 Content Per Day: 2.00 Reputation: 1,352 Days Won: 54 Joined: 02/03/2009 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/07/1952 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Should one date at all? I don't think so, but I can't find any scripture to back that up. I can only find verses dealing with marriage, not specifically courtship. Sex outside of marriage is clearly forbidden; however, what about other acts? My younger brother is 15 and says he's a Christian, but he constantly has a new girlfriend and is always kissing them and doing other things...but he says that because he's practicing abstinence, it's OK. Is it? Is there any wisdom I can give him that would help rein in his behavior? I don't think that it's good for him to be all over all of these different girls. I'm very concerned for him and just want to help him lead a good, Christian life. Sounds like someone who says I will just unwrap the chocolate bar, I will look at it but I won't eat it. then they touch it, then they lick their fingers and it tastes good Then they break off a piece and another and eat them but as long as they have not had the entire thing, they can say 'I did not eat the chocolate bar.' I'm guessing you probably know that what your brother is doing is not right or you wouldn't be here asking. The actions you describe, pretty much sums up all teen age relationships that end with the teen age girl becoming pregnant. You might explain to him that a Christian puts the well being of the other person before their own. What about your parents? What is their take on his behavior? Personally, I would not let anyone 15 years old to date. They are not old enough to even be personally responsible for much of their own behavior. I think that seeing or even 'liking' members of the opposite sex, at that age, within a group setting is fine. Your brother's behavior is both dangerous and might have life long implications if one of the young ladies were to become pregant. What Sevenseas said..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozzy Posted October 23, 2014 Group: Seeker Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 40 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 11 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/28/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted October 23, 2014 The sin is the sin of fornication for unmarried people to take part in sexual acts. Paul described a lot of the sexual sins in Romans, where he warns against masturbation, petting, homosexuality, etc. So, any sexual act outside of marriage is forbidden, but I think your question is more along the lines of should unmarried people be kissing and becoming somewhat intimate with each other. I think kissing in and of itself is not a sexual act. We kiss our mothers, our family, our friends, we hug and comfort each other. But of course there is more intimate kissing, French kissing, etc. that are done to arouse the sexual passions that we all have. If a young man and woman sit on a couch and engage in lots of kissing for great lengths of time, all that does it stir the passions and greatly tempt them to perform the forbidden acts. So, some light kissing to get to know each other I think is fine, but that may lead to heavy kissing with problems arising from not being able to stop. I think the term dating has changed over the years. We see young people, even as early as junior high, wanting to EXCLUSIVELY date one person for a long time. By this point they have watched years worth of movies telling them there is one true love or soul mate out there, that once the love feeling happens you should focus on that one person. We all know that isn't true, that we would be compatible with lots of people, but our kids are growing up with that distorted image. So they meet someone they like at school and feel they need to be exclusive with them. They act like it is a marriage type relationship, try to spend all their time with that person, and act wholly devoted to them. This leads to increased intimacy, and with a constant barrage of media and music telling them to have sex, they end up doing it. So, that is the kind of dating that should be avoided. The kind of dating that is good is to go out on dates with many different people. Do not become exclusive, but hang out and see what attributes you like and what you don't. As young people learn these things, they will be prepared when they are adults to find the kind of person they know they like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Persuaded Posted October 23, 2014 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 249 Content Per Day: 0.07 Reputation: 107 Days Won: 2 Joined: 06/29/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted October 23, 2014 I ran across an article on this from some homeschooler friends recently that seems interesting. It was a refutation of courtship as a method of choosing a spouse. Basically, it described how folks a hundred years ago often did this, with a simple rule that young folks couldn't date the same person until they had dated two other people in the meanwhile. This enforced a certain casualness to the dates, while widening the field of prospects. When youth pledge to be faithful or go steady, they invest their hearts into the other person, get fixated on that person, and start seeing that one person as their one, best chance to find love. Ending such relationships is by "breaking up" which is hard to do (cue the song), and by inertia many just stay in the first relationship that they commit to. By casually seeing lots of prospects, a youth has a chance to see that person in comparison to many others, and get to know them as a friend first, before establishing a commitment or romantic layer to the relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluerose00 Posted October 30, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 5 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/30/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted October 30, 2014 doing how GOD wants a relationship between man and woman to be Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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