need a vacation. ... or something....

[JamieWamie]

I just don't know what to do.... if I just need to vent... if I need a hug.... or to cry... I pray and I pray and I pray! But this dark cloud still follows me wherever I go.

I will talk to people at work and they just tell me to dump my boyfriend. I talk to family and they remind me that everything I'm going through is just part of being an adult.

All my stressors are Normal I know, but I'm just about near the point of breaking. ... like I feel like if I were to just hide in a cave than the world would be better off!

I dunno how to explain without turning it into a bunch of scrambled mumbo jumbo.. so here's a list.... I can do lists

- BILLS BILLS AND MORE BILLS

they come every month and I'm terribly behind.... I did the math and I'm roughly $3,275 behind in bills not including the next round coming this month!and my bills are usually around $1600 a month... I HAD good credit. .. I'm too afraid to check it now!

Iv never been behind before but family things happen and I budgeted well but never could make enough to make an emergency savings account. So I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't even afford to feed my babies hardly (I'm glad they like ramen!) And normally I'm not into holidays too much. But it's a pretty terrible fwelding when you know that you won the be able to give your children presents for Christmas!

-landlord big unhappy not very nice person

I pay my rent every month with a cashiers check. For November I asked my boyfriend to get the cashier's check for me and he mailed it as well. And m6 landlord is telling me that he's never received that rent and doug (the boyfriend ) lost the reciept.... which I havent told him that or than he'll claim that we never mailed it out. I went to the bank to see if I can get them to reissue a new one. But they told me that they can't until 90 days after it's issued. I told my landlord this and he wants to evict me if I don't have not only this months rent but November's rent by Wednesday!

-work..... you knew this was coming....

I work 2 full time jobs. 12-16 hours a day, days a week. I love my jobs. I'm a medsurge/ICU tech and work in a nursing home with alzeimers and dementia. ... it's a very rwearing job. And keeping busy helps me to stay distracted from every thing else going on. . .but I get so depressed. My children are growing up without me....I work so much and I still can't support my family. I feel like no matter how hard I try I just can't be good enough. ... it depressing... but than when I'm actually off I'm stressing over how far behind I am!

-boyfriend. ... yup we knew this was coming too!

I love doug. We have been together for 6 years. We have two adorable babies together. ... one is three and the other is two....

when we were together he had a decent job. But than was laid off due to the store closing. .... I figured you know what. ... I love him and he'll get right back on his feet. When we lived in Joplin he found two jobs. Both of which he was fired in two weeks because he worked too slow, couldn't comprehend how to do the job and I even found free cna classes for him too.... which also didn't work out. ... At the time I wasn't too worried. ... I made decent money, we only had one car anyway, I could pay the bills and we were on foodstamps too. Plus I didn't have to pay for childcare!

When we moved to kansas city it was like he gave up. He quit looking for a job, he would say that he was but he never had any applications filled out. It was getting harder for me to keep up with housework because since I was making more money I had to get a second job... and those 12-16 hour shifts suck.... so our house is messy for 6 days a week and I clean it on my day off. I work the overnight shift and usually when I come home the babies wake up and I'll make them breakfast. And I'll try to get doug up which usually requires sending babies into tickling him or a Glass of cold water or whatever. And when I get up there's a food mess. The babies are running around with a messy face and messy hands, and doug is on Facebook. ... I work every weekend so I ask doug to take them to church and he forgets every week as a matter of fact doug won't take them anywhere just because he forgets.... I just had to pay his traffic tickets withe totaled to be $745 and he wrecked my car at the beginning of the year which cost my tax refund. Honestly I'm unsure of how well he watches the babies and doesn't even work with them on their preschool stuff I got them. I talked to him about this time and time again. And all he does is nod hid head and say yeah I know, or I understand.... my friends tell me that I'm taking care of a man child and I need to dumb him.... which I understand and I've often times thought about it but I do love him and all I ever wanted in life was a family that wasn't torn apart. Plus if I left him than where would he go... I kicked him out once because he called me a whore. And he lasted all day before coming back crying, sunbured and dehydrated. Honestly I think I could cut him off if I knew that he would be okay and still be in the babies life. Than I think about what I would do without a babysitter . But than again he hardly takes care of them anyway.

Iv been so depressed I just feel like disappearing. I don't know what to do anymore . My best isn't good enough and the light at the end of the tunnel looks an aweful lot like an oncoming train!

I know this is kind of a choppy read but I'm doing this at work and on my phone so in between typing this I'm taking care of people =)

[other one]

Tell your boyfriend to get lost. That will put you in a position to find someone who will love you rather than use you.

[Tinky]

Praying for you!

 

And I agree with other one - your boyfriend is a weight pulling you down. How he can even show his face around you, knowing how hard you work while he is contributing nothing, amazes me.

 

I would only recommend this as a last resort, but you can file for bankruptcy and either get your debts down to a manageable level or erased.  

 

Have you spoken to your Pastor? Usually there are funds available to help out parishioners in need. 

[OneLight]

Doug is not being a father, a boyfriend or any help, according to your post. He seems to be a freeloader just hanging around allowing someone else to pay his way through life, and is satisfied with being broke and doing nothing. My advice, as with others, is to file for custody and have him leave. I know it is a hard thing to do, but he does need to wake up and get a real life, not one from any social media. This is a form of abuse.

I would not file for bankruptcy, but would seek help rearranging your finances to you can make ends meet. Check with every state agency to see what is offered to someone in your situation. Be honest with those you speak with. Tell them what your day/week is like, not what you want it to be like ... that will come later. They need to understand where you are now before you can make any short term goal to get out of this mess.

Praying.

[JamieWamie]

I don't know if that's a very Christian thing to do though. .... and although he's never been diagnosed I think he may have some mental problems like aspergers or something.... I just don't know what to do thinking about leaving him just depresses me more but it does seem like the only thing I would have control over, than what? I'd still be in debt, a single mother with a torn apart family and alone =(

[Tinky]

 

 

I don't know if that's a very Christian thing to do though. ....

 

 

But Jamie, living with and having children with a man you are not married to is not Christian either. 

 

Take that step and trust God for the outcome.  

[The_Patriot21]

I don't know if that's a very Christian thing to do though. .... and although he's never been diagnosed I think he may have some mental problems like aspergers or something.... I just don't know what to do thinking about leaving him just depresses me more but it does seem like the only thing I would have control over, than what? I'd still be in debt, a single mother with a torn apart family and alone =(

 

actually, I dont want to sound judgemental, but it is the christian thing to do. The Bible speaks against living with one another outside of marriage-this is one of the practical reasons. Now, with that aside, like Im said im not here to throw stones, he is obviously freeloading off of you. Even if he has mental disorders, thats no excuse at all. I know lots of people with mental disorders that work, and take care of kids-and know what responsibility is. They seek help. And I am sure, that this guy, has, or at least had, some positive things about him-otherwise, you would have never gotten involved with him in the first place, but right now, all your doing is enabling him. Your giving him free room and board, free food, use of his car, no consequences for his mistakes, and all the benefits of marriage without the commitment, and hes turned, over time, into a freeloader, and continuing to enable him-will not only make things worse for you and your children, but ultimately, worse for him to. He may get depressed, violent, turn to alcohol, etc. Bad behavior will simply get worse as time goes on, and unless you do something other enable him, there will be no turning him from his path.

 

I realize you love him, and I apologize if I have offended you or came across as harsh in any way, my goal here was not to preach or judge but to simply help you see. Sometimes, like in this case, I think the loving thing to do, for you, your family, and for him, is to kick him to the curb. It sounds harsh, but its the right thing to do. Thats not to say that things can't be reconciled-be very clear with him, if he wants you, he needs to A: get and hold a job. B: get help. have him seek counseling or a doctor for any possible mental issues. perhaps you two do some counseling together. C: let him see the kids, on occasion but he has to not only show up but take an interest in them. and once hes proven he can do these things-actually marry you. but only after hes proven he can be responsible in all the previous areas. You don't have to "give up" on him. But you do need to do something about him.

[JamieWamie]

I'm sorry I know that you mean no harm by that and I knew that someone would say that but we were living together and had kids before I was Christian. Thanks for all your insight and advice but I think maybe I just needed to vent, I'm very sorry to waste your time I hope you all have a great week =)

[The_Patriot21]

I figured that was the case, but that doesn't change your current situation any, the current situation will only continue to deteriorate unless something is done. And your not wasting our time, thats why this forum is here for. Ill be praying for you and your family.

[toloveandtohold]

So sad to hear what you're going through but know that God is there to help and guide you! I'm also in the same situation where I have to take 3 jobs to support my niece and nephew being that they were left by their mom due to my brother's porn addiction. It's very frustrating and exhausting, but also very rewarding. Have you tried taking online jobs so at least you'd earn while you watch your kids? You could also sell the things that you don't really need so you'd get extra bucks.  I suggest you remind Doug over and over again his responsibilities and if he still can't perhaps you need to leave him. Is there a way that you could ask your parents or siblings for any assistance in taking care of your kids? Or maybe talk to Doug's parents? Maybe they could enlighten him. I wish that you'll eventually overcome your problems. Don't forget to take care of yourself. Best of luck Jamie.