Did you marry a non christian?

[DearJudy,OurLord]

One of my sisters in christ tells me that I should wait for a christian man to come along that i should not invovle myself with a non christian man.....although her advice is thoughtful....i feel that she is dicriminating because if my thought is ..i try to bring people to the lord why not for a non christian that i fall in love with .....and i know it is a good cause to fall in love with a christian man ( wonderful) but then ......you know what i said above... what do u think???

[Shelby]

Oh honey,

That is the same thought of marrying a man so you can mold him into what you think he should be. Those of us who are married KNOW you cannot change a man. I would encourage you to date who you feel God leading you toward. That is your time to witness to them, and pray for God's guidance, but I wouldn't marry him unless he was a true Christian. God tells us very directly do not be unequally yoked. I have friends and family members who chose this very thing, and things that they still feel God calling them to do, are a fantasy now because they do not have the same vision and focus as their spouse. You cannot save him, God will, and he will save the right one.

So no don't count an unbeliever out, but I wouldn't become to serious without their recognition of Jesus as their Savior. There is a connection that no one could understand besides a believer. It is hard even being married to a believer. Because sometimes you are at different places in your walk, and you have different understandings of God and convictions too, so I can't imagine being married to someone who couldn't understand the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and have God as the center of the marriage so that all things are filtered through the love and Grace only he gives.

I have a friend right now who is acting quite desperately to find anyone. She even offered a friend (who has ALOT of baggage) to marry him so that he wouldn't be deported. Seriously, God will provide. I tell her when she stops running around trying to find someone to love her, God is right behind her waiting for her to see that he will love her, and that he has been waiting for her to chill so he could show her the man he has for her.

GBU

[Abigailwc]

Oh no. Do not make the mistake of thinking you can change your mate. I made that mistake and paid dearly. I realized only God can change somebody.

I prayed during the 18 years I was married. My husband (a christian!) never changed but got worse. I am now separated and will probably get a divorce. We sold the house and each went our way. I left for the sake of the children. I am now living with my three children in His peace and love.

Blessings.

[Guest NewPilgrim]

DearJudy,

This sort of advice is both hard to give and hard to accept, but it is a clear message that the bible teaches, a christian and a non-christian marrying is very ill-advised. I'm not entirely convinced that its a sin, but there is no doubt, while things start off rosey, you will not be able to maintain your enthusiasm and faithfulness if you are unevenly yolked. Either your faith will eventually make ur partner bitter or to keep him happy you will give up a lot of your faith commitments and your relationship with God may well suffer for it. Evryone has their hope that "perhaps God will save this person" which is not an unvalid hope, but sertainly no basis on which to get married.

My advice to you would be not only to wait for a good christian man, but the RIGHT christian man. For those who are to be married (which thankfully is the vast majority) God has a particular person laid out for us, but if we choose someone whos great rather than someone whos right, that too can end up somewhat sour. What we need is faithfulness and patience. God knows us, he knows our needs and desires, he wont begrudge us the right partner if he knows thats what we needs, He's our father and he wants the best for us. What we need is the patience and faithfulness to allow him to bring it about. Dont settle for whats good, settle for Gods will, its far better than we could ever manage ourselves.

[Nicks Girl]

One of my sisters in christ tells me that I should wait for a christian man to come along that i should not invovle myself with a non christian man.....although her advice is thoughtful....i feel that she is dicriminating because if my thought is ..i try to bring people to the lord why not for a non christian that i fall in love with .....and i know it is a good cause to fall in love with a christian man ( wonderful) but then ......you know what i said above...

[Work in Progress]

although her advice is thoughtful....i feel that she is dicriminating

If she is discriminating, then so is the Bible. As everyone else said, it says not to marry an unbeliever. (Not to be 'unequally yoked').

By all means, be discriminating when choosing a mate........that's a good thing.

[Keith]

By all means, be discriminating when choosing a mate........that's a good thing.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This was the first thing that jumped into my mind, too! Great advice, WIP!

I posted this in another thread about relationships, but it bears repeating...

Too many people are running around trying to "find the right person." It makes more sense, to me, that we should instead try to "become the right person" first.

Think of what you want in a mate. Then think about whether that person would be attracted to you as you are right now. Are YOU happy with who you are right now? If not, give God the opportunity to do a work in you so that you can become the person you are supposed to be. For God, for yourself and for your future mate.

If you work at getting a mate by your own efforts, you'll have to work to keep that mate. If God finds your mate for you, He will keep you. This is where trust, patience and faith come in to play!

[Kabowd]

You've gotten very excellent advice here. I hope you consider it.

[RustyAngeL]

Even the bible tells us not to be unequally yoked. Waiting for the man God hand picks for you will be worth the wait. Your not going to change anyone. That is the Holy Spirits job. I have been married 22 years to a non christian. He's a good man but I can't do anything to change him. Do I believe God will save him? You bet. My job is to live the life in front of him, and God will do the rest.

[Laura]

EXCELLENT ADVISE FROM ALL ABOVE!!

I am single and would not date an unsaved man. I never have ever in the past until just recently (which was against my better judgment).

I went out to eat with a man (an uncle of a friend). I went with him basically to witness to the man. We did go out to eat the second time, and I was able to share the Gospel.

I invited the man to church, which is in his neighborhood. To date, he has not come (since December). If there was any interest at all in the Lord, he would have come. He did go to church as a kid, so knows of God.

The man is older (as I am) and has money. A couple friends thing I am wrong by not seeing him again, as he could "help financially". HOGWASH. God is not going to send an unsaved man into my life to help financially.

Anyway, be not unequally yolked. This goes for dating also. I have seen tooooo many people that are married to unsaved mates.

I would definitely wait for a godly man, a saved man, even to date.