Why a woman will not leave an abusive marriage

[missmuffet]

1. Fear. Perhaps she has been threatened.

2. She does not know what a healthy marriage looks like. She may have come from an abusive home. So she thinks this is normal.

3. Embarrassment.

4. Low self esteem and no self respect.

5. Love. She loves the man and hopes that he will change and learn to love you as well.

6. The abuse relation cycle. The man abuses his wife and then tells her he is so very sorry. He tells her he will never do it again. He showers her with gifts and takes her out to expensive dinners. Everything is ok for awhile until.....he does it again. This is a pattern and will never end.

7. Financial reasons. The man makes sure she has no money so she can not make the choice to leave him.  She is wondering how she will pay an attorney and how her and possibly her children if there are children involved will make it financially. The man tells her that she will be on the street. But that is not the case. He is responsible for his abuse and for his wife and children's financial situation. There are many attorneys who donate their time and will set up a legal separation or divorce on what the woman's financial situation is. Sometimes the attorney will do pro bono( for free).

8. A pastor or a religious figure has told her that she can not leave her abusive marriage because it is not Biblical and she would be creating a terrible sin.

4,000 women die each year due to domestic violence.

 

Can you think of any other reasons?

 

[missmuffet]

6 minutes ago, Yowm said:

Do you think some women have a built in magnet that attracts them to abusive men?

I mean as a youth, I had seen a number of girls who when on various opportunities to choose between a 'nice' guy and a 'thuggish brute' they would keep choosing the latter. I suspect many of these ended up in an abusive relationship.

I think that their are certain women that abusive men will go after. The abusive men know which women will put up with their abuse. A number of things go into that. There are women who will be in an abusive relationship and that will break up and then they will get involved with another abusive relationship. That is when the women needs to get counseling to find out why she is attracted to abusive men and why they are attracted to her.

[HisFirst]

Number 4 should be number 2. 

[ladypeartree]

There is also the fear that no one will believe her ( my ex husband was an expert at hiding the physical evidence of abuse ) and if no one believes her she may lose her children if he can convince people she cant look after them and he can ..happens more than you know

Also there is the threat that he will harm the children if she takes them away /leaves him  Fear for your children keeps more women in abusive relationships than fear for themselves

No place to go whilst the problems are sorted

Pressure from family who don't want to deal with " the embarrassment "  ... yes it still happens

 

[HisFirst]

On 19 September 2016 at 2:53 PM, missmuffet said:

I think that their are certain women that abusive men will go after. The abusive men know which women will put up with their abuse. A number of things go into that. There are women who will be in an abusive relationship and that will break up and then they will get involved with another abusive relationship. That is when the women needs to get counseling to find out why she is attracted to abusive men and why they are attracted to her.

Physical abuse covers all echelons of society too - just like child abuse.

Edited October 7, 2016 by HisFirst

[HisFirst]

22 minutes ago, ladypeartree said:

There is also the fear that no one will believe her ( my ex husband was an expert at hiding the physical evidence of abuse ) and if no one believes her she may lose her children if he can convince people she cant look after them and he can ..happens more than you know

Also there is the threat that he will harm the children if she takes them away /leaves him  Fear for your children keeps more women in abusive relationships than fear for themselves

No place to go whilst the problems are sorted

Pressure from family who don't want to deal with " the embarrassment "  ... yes it still happens

 

Yes LP, so true.

[Flsnookman]

All valid reasons, I have another. Often the abused and abusers come from homes where abuse occurred in childhood so they believe these actions to be normal. If a person witnessed abuse growing up they may have a hard time convincing themselves that it is wrong and that it is NOT the "way it is". No one should ever stay in a relationship where they are physically abused, not only do they endanger themselves but they help continue the cycle when their children witness the behavior.

[missmuffet]

5 hours ago, ladypeartree said:

There is also the fear that no one will believe her ( my ex husband was an expert at hiding the physical evidence of abuse ) and if no one believes her she may lose her children if he can convince people she cant look after them and he can ..happens more than you know

Also there is the threat that he will harm the children if she takes them away /leaves him  Fear for your children keeps more women in abusive relationships than fear for themselves

No place to go whilst the problems are sorted

Pressure from family who don't want to deal with " the embarrassment "  ... yes it still happens

 

Yes, because a man can come off as the most reputable and kind person to the outside world. But when he gets behind closed doors with his family he becomes a monster.

[missmuffet]

2 hours ago, Flsnookman said:

All valid reasons, I have another. Often the abused and abusers come from homes where abuse occurred in childhood so they believe these actions to be normal. If a person witnessed abuse growing up they may have a hard time convincing themselves that it is wrong and that it is NOT the "way it is". No one should ever stay in a relationship where they are physically abused, not only do they endanger themselves but they help continue the cycle when their children witness the behavior.

Yes, there are usually reasons why a person becomes an abuser. My first husband was an abuser. He had some really deep serious problems. When he was about 11 he had to have a Bakers cyst taken off of the back of his knee. The doctor has told the father that he needed to walk on the leg and exercise it as much as possible because his son was limping around and hobbling on it since it was painful. Well, the father made his son some bunny ears. He told him if he was going to hobble around like a bunny then he could just wear these bunny ears. The father made his son wear these bunny ears everywhere. That is not the only thing the father had done as far as abuse.

[HisFirst]

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-05-08/davoren-maintaining-the-veil-of-silence-around-domestic-violence/6455060

 

Reporting on domestic violence - media role