enoob57 Posted May 21, 2010 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 35 Topic Count: 100 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 41,180 Content Per Day: 7.98 Reputation: 21,458 Days Won: 76 Joined: 03/13/2010 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/27/1957 Share Posted May 21, 2010 Wow, thread resurrection (from 2005)! That's what I was thinking! After all this time I'm sure they've probably either divorced or solved their problem. The OP hasn't logged on in over five years! Don't ya'll believe in miracles Yes, I believe in them (can't speak for anyone else). I just figure, if they haven't posted here in five years, they probably aren't coming back. you took me serious Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningGlory Posted May 22, 2010 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1,022 Topics Per Day: 0.16 Content Count: 39,193 Content Per Day: 6.11 Reputation: 9,977 Days Won: 78 Joined: 10/01/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted May 22, 2010 Wow, thread resurrection (from 2005)! That's what I was thinking! After all this time I'm sure they've probably either divorced or solved their problem. The OP hasn't logged on in over five years! Don't ya'll believe in miracles Yes, I believe in them (can't speak for anyone else). I just figure, if they haven't posted here in five years, they probably aren't coming back. you took me serious No, I didn't take you seriously, Steven. I was just wearing my serious grown up hat when I wrote that. I don't wear it too often. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enoob57 Posted May 22, 2010 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 35 Topic Count: 100 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 41,180 Content Per Day: 7.98 Reputation: 21,458 Days Won: 76 Joined: 03/13/2010 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/27/1957 Share Posted May 22, 2010 Wow, thread resurrection (from 2005)! That's what I was thinking! After all this time I'm sure they've probably either divorced or solved their problem. The OP hasn't logged on in over five years! Don't ya'll believe in miracles Yes, I believe in them (can't speak for anyone else). I just figure, if they haven't posted here in five years, they probably aren't coming back. you took me serious No, I didn't take you seriously, Steven. I was just wearing my serious grown up hat when I wrote that. I don't wear it too often. Is that the pretty pink one One thing I say for ya- you know how to throw a brother for a loop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shy Christian Posted May 22, 2010 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 23 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 198 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 57 Days Won: 1 Joined: 08/03/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted May 22, 2010 No woman has the right to be beaten either. That's a valid reason for divorce. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missjenny Posted May 23, 2010 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 4 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 68 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/22/2010 Status: Offline Share Posted May 23, 2010 When a mate views porn,there is a valid reason for a divorce because viewing of porn is visual adultery.However divorces leave everyone in a worst situation than they were before with the exception of the divorce lawyers.Children in particular suffer from divorces because children need both an actively present father and mother to develop normally.Specifically,when boys grow up with a partially absent father,there is an increased chance that they will turn to homosexuality;just one more lasting demonic legacy of Ronald Reagan who started the divorce revolution by pushing "quickie" divorce laws through the legislature.Christians are not allowed to re-marry,so divorces create lasting loneliness broken only by acts of adultery.Separation creates the same problem and will only make likely the probability that your husband will find a warm body instead of video screen to satisfy himself.It's far better to stay by your husband's side and use the help of a counselor to overcome his problem,especially since the fault for many men turning to porn lies with their wives who have cut back on their sexually involvement in the marriage and are therefore emotionally depriving their husbands.Most likely,your husband has major problems with his sex life that you need to work out with him using the compromise skills of a well qualified professional marriage counselor. #1 IT is not your fault at all that your husband is looking at porn for one thing!! So, this is false. In my own experience, I was very open to relations and yet my ex was still a voyeour. NO abuse of any kind is your fault!! #2 "NOT allowed" to get remarried is also false. IF it was a sin for someone to divorce, then that is not an unforgivable sin...however, in your case, God is not going to hold it against you as your husband has already breached the marriage...as lusting in the heart is just as important and significant as physically doing it as his heart is now somewhere else. UNLESS it is something that has not become ingrained and habitual and he is truly ready to seek real help and IS doing so... #3 Would you want your children to be exposed to porn???? I agree how important having a father is....HOWEVER I would DEFINITELY NOT want my kids to be exposed to a porn-addicted father!!! THIS defeats the purpose completely! The reason FOR a father is not just to have a father...it is so that we have a decent role model to look to who points us to God and right living...otherwise it can even do more damage as kids will often try the things they see their parents do!!! #4 Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries!!!!! I would encourage you to get Henry Clouds book, "Boundaries" and also he has some other excellent books that would help in this area too. Bless you!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
humbleseeker Posted May 23, 2010 Group: Senior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 6 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 519 Content Per Day: 0.10 Reputation: 2 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/11/2009 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/28/1980 Share Posted May 23, 2010 This is what I think so it realy dosnt have any bearing on what God thinks, but then agai I realy dont know what God thinks. I think its about a man and wifes relationship with each other in more than just looking at porn. The porn I believe is just a system of a much greater problem, that is not knowing Christ or letting Christ take a back seat in ones life. I am sure if he is looking at porn openly than there is other things that are hindering a marriage. I do not believe it is grounds for divorce, Jesus spoke about how we think and the sins we commit by thinking with lust, hate etc... Although I dont know if it was more alligorical in such that we should gard are minds from such things so that we do not commit the worst act, which would be the physical act. All in all divorce is bad, if you want to divorce him I suppose you have a reason, if you love him and want to try to work it out than maybe you should work it out. I have never met a woman that is perfect, or a man. Porn is out there so much in are society a trip to the mall could be grounds for dicorce if you look at the wrong billboard in a lustfull way. Also the grass might not be greener on the other side, my mother divorced my father for her own reasons I admit I dont know them all. I was barley 1 years old and have only heard from both sides later in life and my mother and father both have different stories. Both there stories seemed petty to me, but I just think they made a mistake by getting married becasue they were not comapitable with each other. Well long story short they both ended up remarrying people that I think they could have done without. They are still married to there new husband and wife, but looking at it from a grown childs point of view, I think they would have been better off if never divorced. Although I love my stepmother, and my brother. I could have done without my mothers husband in my life. Iam a child victom of divorce when I was only 1 I am 30 and still have the scars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Massorite Posted May 23, 2010 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 38 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,973 Content Per Day: 0.32 Reputation: 36 Days Won: 2 Joined: 04/26/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/13/1953 Share Posted May 23, 2010 My husband seems to have a problem with looking at adult porn sights. He goes to church and was once active in the church. This year, I can count on one hand how many times he has been to church. The bible teaches that the sin we commit in our hearts is the same as committing the sin. I feel like I have been cheated on. This is not the first time. The last time he got caught, he said he would never do it again. I feel like we should separate for a while and see if he appreciates me anymore at all. The only problem is, we have a 3 year old that I don't want to put through any turmoil. What should I do? You have a lot of advise and some of it is good and some of it is bad. There is a multitude of men Christian or not who are tempted or addicted to porn and it is so easy to view in this day and time. In reality those who can't stop looking at porn are under the bondage of porn. They are trapped in chains and they can't get out. Unlike any other addiction Porn causes a chemical reaction in the brain which stamps that image into the brain and it never leaves. Your husband doesn't need a counselor or the counsel of your Pastor, he needs "Deliverance" from the bondage of Pornography. It is a spirit of lust and that spirit cries out to be fulfilled so if you think that your husband doesn't pleasure him self while looking at porn you are mistaken. There is no such a thing as just looking. They both go hand in hand so every time your husband has ejaculated while looking at porn he has committed adultery. Just ask him if he fells guilty about doing you wrong after having a session with porn and if he is honest he will say yes. It doesn't matter if he agrees to get counseling if he is not ready to break free of that attraction. Your husband needs fervent prayer, he needs to have hands layed on him and the spirit removed from him. But again if he is not willing and ready for that deliverance then it will do no good. As for getting a divorce on the grounds of adultery you have the right to do so according the rules set down by Christ. BUT does God want you to divorce your husband? You need to consult with God on that subject and if you don't get an answer right away you wait until you get one. God hates divorce because when you get married you and your spouse become one spiritually and when you get a divorce you are tarring that spiritual bond apart violently. There are no winners and everybody looses. I don't believe that God ever intended for any one to live in an abusive relationship that is full of adultery, lies and deception and that is what a man who indulges in porn does. I would advise you to sit down with your husband and ask him what he wants to do about his addiction and use the word "addiction" and see what he has to say about it. I wouldn't divorce your husband without giving him a chance to redeem himself both with you and with God and he is better off confiding in a trusted brother whom he can call at any time for help rather then the Pastor. A brother who is willing to be there for him as that brother is needed. A brother he can pray with. Give it some time and you will know what you need to do. If your husband is not willing to confide in someone then he is not ready or he is to embarrassed to do so but the problem is on the table now so give him an ultimatum. Get help or else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missjenny Posted May 24, 2010 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 4 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 68 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/22/2010 Status: Offline Share Posted May 24, 2010 I grew up with an abusive Father...and it has strongly, strongly affected my life. Please let NO one tell you that having an abusive father is better then having none at all...because in your case this is what it is. Porn is abusive, plain and simple...and anyone saying otherwise is ignorant of it. Porn is also evil....and we are to hate evil and cling to what is good. Gal.5:19-21 God of course wants us to stay married...OF COURSE...but not at all costs. (destructive costs) God would never put rules/mandates above the welfare of people. I was also in an abusive marriage where my husband was a voyour. It was something in itself that grew to where he became disrespectful of me, which lead to verbal disrespect, then emotional and sexual....besetting sin grows like cancer. The church I was involved with, which was my own parents church as well, demanded that I go back to my husband after I left the situation....because the mandate about not leaving your husband and so forth was so formost in their mind that they didn't take into account what I was trying to tell them about what was going on within the marriage. Subsequently I was shunned. Never allow abuse. Never allow your children to learn that it is ok to allow abuse/evil. Another poster said something about giving him a "get help or else"....this is very, very important!!! Please do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enoob57 Posted May 24, 2010 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 35 Topic Count: 100 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 41,180 Content Per Day: 7.98 Reputation: 21,458 Days Won: 76 Joined: 03/13/2010 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/27/1957 Share Posted May 24, 2010 To all above who have reasoned in their minds the right and or wrong of divorce- God our Father and Jesus Christ The Son by the testimony of The Holy Spirit hates sin and hates divorce. Therefore you cannot have one and add to it the other and come out of it with a better result! At the marriage of Church and Christ do you wish for the possibility of divorce? Do you read 1Cor 13 and are able to go away with divorce as possible? There are higher places to go with God than the me, myself and I and need of release from suffering! The imitation of Christ Jesus to Love unto the destruction of self is the path of life as He has so illumined this path to us who are willing to see. Do not fear this path for the greatest promise in all of God's Word is our strength John 16:31-3331 Jesus answered them, "Do you now believe? 32 Indeed the hour is coming, yes, has now come, that you will be scattered, each to his own, and will leave Me alone. And yet I am not alone, because the Father is with Me. 33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." NKJV If we just walk in the light of His presence within us we can do all things whatsoever is in our lives given us to do having this mind Phil 4:13 13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. NKJV Prov 18:24 24 A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. NKJV When all else is against you and Christ's presence is all that remains the closeness - you will not be able to tell where you begin and He ends! This is what I pray for all the Family of God in these "the last days". Do we not burn in our hearts for the Glory due our Lord? Love Steven Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
other one Posted May 24, 2010 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 29 Topic Count: 597 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 56,117 Content Per Day: 7.56 Reputation: 27,851 Days Won: 271 Joined: 12/29/2003 Status: Offline Share Posted May 24, 2010 No woman has the right to be beaten either. That's a valid reason for divorce. NO, justifiable homicide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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