Death and Dying

[Guest eagle30]

Maybe you wouldnt feel as bad if you stopped telling yourself that this loved one wasnt saved.

How do you know?

[darkest_red]

time of your life- greenday

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I love this song, especially the line 'It's not a question but a lesson learnt in time'

[Orr v'emet]

Cats, I am so sorry about the death of your loved one. I want to first tell you that what you are experiencing is totally normal. It's difficult to adjust to a "new life" without the person who has died. It's important to know that there is no right or wrong way to grieve really, nor is there a time frame in which you should complete the grieving process. A friend of mine recently lost her father and all she kept saying was, it's been a year, why am I still sad and grieving? Am I even doing this right? She was stressing herself for no reason. There is no right or wrong. Your benefit verses my friend is that you have the greatest Comforter in God. Let me offer a few tips that may help/encourage you....1) try to maintain a routine, 2) get plenty of rest and nourishment (be realistic in your goals..i.e. today I will eat one full meal and get 3 hours of sleep), 3) let people help that want to do things for you...say "yes" to them, and 4) seek out good listeners. Remember also that it's okay to grieve and it doesn't make you less of a christian if you do for an extended period of time. Sorry I made this long but I hope some of it helps! Take care and God bless!

[traveller]

Sis, I certainly can emphatize with you. The old saying "time heals all wounds" is just that ~ a saying. The truth is, only God heals all wounds. Time just puts a distance between you and the initial sharp wound.

And I know exactly what you mean too. There are times when missing that lost one seems unbearable. Just the sound of their voice, or their smile.

How does one cope? I don't know sis, as I don't always think I do such a good job of it. The only advise I can offer? When it gets bad ~ pray, praise and worship. That's all I have found that gets me through those times. Someone told me that you never get over the loss of a child, that you just learn to live with it. I believe that to be true. Daily I am still learning. I have not yet lost a parent but I would think it is the same.

When my son died I was sent a book that helped me somewhat, with the understanding of how grief works. It is called "Good Grief" and deals with the physical aspects of it. Like, it's normal to be ill following the loss of a loved one, for a long time. And it's ok to grieve, to cry, for as long as it takes for YOU to heal, as long as you are not letting depression settle in for a stay. AND don't listen to those that tell you to "get over it" or "be tough and don't let it get you down" or that mourning time should only last so long, etc etc. You heal differently than I do or anyone else does. God created us with emotion and He built in healing mechanisms for us. As another poster said, eat healthy, rest PLENTY, to allow your body to do what God intended.

The only other advise I can offer is to do outside work. Like actual physical work, (gardening etc) AND do something FOR someone else, on a continual basis. I know that you contribute to charities and give in many ways. When I lost my son I looked into sponsoring a child, through Compassion. I selected a precious one from Brazil and it thrills me to no end to get a letter from him. You might think of getting involved in something that is in addition to what you are currently doing, in order to make it a "special" something for your mom. Ya know? Something that will make a connection for you and your mom, that is between you and God.

No one will ever take the place of your mom. Enjoy your memories of her. Don't be robbed of that. I now find myself thanking the Lord for the time that I did have with my son. I wans't always able to look at the positive, and even don't sometimes now. But I'm working on it.

You're in my prayers sis. I know you're hurting.

[waitingforhim]

It also helps to know you're not alone. Many others are going through grief also. Answers aren't as easy to come by as questions-but God is able to catch the tears.