romans828 Posted July 5, 2017 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 17 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 20 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/05/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted July 5, 2017 I recently read a Focus on the Family article about husbands and wives not becoming close friends with members of the opposite sex. This is kind of related to a question I posted recently on another thread, but I was wondering what Christians' opinions were about this. My husband is my closest friend (behind Jesus, of course!), and I have several very dear ladies who are my friends and accountability partners, and next to my husband and children, I spend time alone with them. I am also friends with their husbands, but I never spend time alone with their husbands - everything I do with them is alongside my spouse and their spouse. I just think Satan uses those kinds of things as opportunities to destroy marriages, and I've seen it happen numerous times ... especially in church. However, I'm learning not everyone feels as I do, and I'm curious if it truly is possible to have a friendship with someone of the opposite sex while you are married without trouble creeping in. So, what do you think? Is it being too careful for a married person to avoid developing a close friendship with a person of the opposite sex? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Culinary Posted July 5, 2017 Group: Junior Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 121 Content Per Day: 0.05 Reputation: 321 Days Won: 1 Joined: 05/25/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted July 5, 2017 My personal opinion and experience on the subject is that you are exactly right. The devil will use these seemingly innocent and purely platonic relationships to destroy a marriage. All parties might have only the best of intentions and yet and still it's just completely inappropriate. You wouldn't leave your front door unlocked in hopes that no one would come in your home. Don't invite other people into your marriage. The devil comes dressed in all matters of ways...and your marriage should be between husband, wife, and God. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
romans828 Posted July 5, 2017 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 17 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 20 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/05/2017 Status: Offline Author Share Posted July 5, 2017 8 minutes ago, Culinary said: My personal opinion and experience on the subject is that you are exactly right. The devil will use these seemingly innocent and purely platonic relationships to destroy a marriage. All parties might have only the best of intentions and yet and still it's just completely inappropriate. You wouldn't leave your front door unlocked in hopes that no one would come in your home. Don't invite other people into your marriage. The devil comes dressed in all matters of ways...and your marriage should be between husband, wife, and God. I agree 100%. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SavedByGrace1981 Posted July 5, 2017 Group: Royal Member Followers: 6 Topic Count: 104 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 2,923 Content Per Day: 0.61 Reputation: 462 Days Won: 2 Joined: 04/02/2011 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/22/1953 Share Posted July 5, 2017 (edited) 1 hour ago, romans828 said: I recently read a Focus on the Family article about husbands and wives not becoming close friends with members of the opposite sex. This is kind of related to a question I posted recently on another thread, but I was wondering what Christians' opinions were about this. My husband is my closest friend (behind Jesus, of course!), and I have several very dear ladies who are my friends and accountability partners, and next to my husband and children, I spend time alone with them. I am also friends with their husbands, but I never spend time alone with their husbands - everything I do with them is alongside my spouse and their spouse. I just think Satan uses those kinds of things as opportunities to destroy marriages, and I've seen it happen numerous tim'es ... especially in church. However, I'm learning not everyone feels as I do, and I'm curious if it truly is possible to have a friendship with someone of the opposite sex while you are married without trouble creeping in. So, what do you think? Is it being too careful for a married person to avoid developing a close friendship with a person of the opposite sex? First, a little background: In September, my wife and I will have been married 36 years. Currently I am semi-retired; she is still working in the medical field but will probably retire in the next year or two. We are both Christians, and neither of us have ever 'strayed'. Over the years, many friends have come into and out of our lives. In most cases, they have been other married couples, and when we would get together socially it was usually as a foursome. When I was working at a college however there were one or two occasions where a married female co-worker and I went to the local 'Subway' and had lunch together. It was a very public place, and there was nothing nefarious about those outings. Our topics of conversation were work, our spouses or our kids. In hindsight though, perhaps even those innocent outings were not wise. Even though I considered my co-worker a friend; I would not have considered her a 'close' friend. But had she been a needy person (she wasn't) or having trouble in her marriage (she wasn't to my knowledge), it could have triggered something that would not have ended well - for either of us. So I think it is good advice to simply avoid these situations. Even though we trust our spouses and ourselves, Satan does have a way of attacking us - even where we think we are strongest. It's always best not to even give him the pretense of a foothold. Blessings, -Ed Edited July 5, 2017 by SavedByGrace1981 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
romans828 Posted July 5, 2017 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 17 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 20 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/05/2017 Status: Offline Author Share Posted July 5, 2017 1 minute ago, SavedByGrace1981 said: First, a little background: In September, my wife and I will have been married 36 years. Currently I am semi-retired; she is still working in the medical field but will probably retire in the next year or two. We are both Christians, and neither of us have ever 'strayed'. Over the years, many friends have come into and out of our lives. In most cases, they have been other married couples, and when we would get together socially it was usually as a foursome. When I was working at a college however there was one or two occasions where a married female co-worker and I went to the local 'Subway' and had lunch together. It was a very public place, and there was nothing nefarious about it. Our topics of conversation were work, our spouses or our kids. In hindsight though, perhaps even that innocent outing was not wise. Even though I considered my co-worker a friend; I would not have considered her a 'close' friend. But had she been a needy person (she wasn't) or having trouble in her marriage (she wasn't to my knowledge), it could have triggered something that would not have ended well - for either of us. So I think it is good advice to simply avoid these situations. Even though we trust our spouses and ourselves, Satan does have a way of attacking us - even where we think we are strongest. It's always best not to even give him the pretense of a foothold. Blessings, -Ed Thank you, Ed. I work with people of the opposite sex, too, and I do stick with just surface information just to be on the safe side! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wingnut- Posted July 5, 2017 Group: Royal Member Followers: 39 Topic Count: 101 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 7,673 Content Per Day: 1.31 Reputation: 7,358 Days Won: 67 Joined: 04/22/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted July 5, 2017 3 hours ago, romans828 said: I recently read a Focus on the Family article about husbands and wives not becoming close friends with members of the opposite sex. This is kind of related to a question I posted recently on another thread, but I was wondering what Christians' opinions were about this. My husband is my closest friend (behind Jesus, of course!), and I have several very dear ladies who are my friends and accountability partners, and next to my husband and children, I spend time alone with them. I am also friends with their husbands, but I never spend time alone with their husbands - everything I do with them is alongside my spouse and their spouse. I just think Satan uses those kinds of things as opportunities to destroy marriages, and I've seen it happen numerous times ... especially in church. However, I'm learning not everyone feels as I do, and I'm curious if it truly is possible to have a friendship with someone of the opposite sex while you are married without trouble creeping in. So, what do you think? Is it being too careful for a married person to avoid developing a close friendship with a person of the opposite sex? It's an interesting question, but not one I think has a definitive answer. I have a lot of women I would consider to be close friends, most of them are married. I have no interest in anything besides friendship, and have no reason to suspect they do either, but how does one really know that? I can say I don't make a habit of spending time alone with any of them, but have on occasion shared a lunch break or something with them. It's probably best to always err on the side of caution though. God bless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted July 5, 2017 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,991 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,689 Content Per Day: 11.80 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted July 5, 2017 A married person can have friends of the opposite sex. It all depends on what you do with that friend. You can go out to dinner with them as long as you are with your spouse. You should not be in a position where you are alone with this person or in an intimate setting just the two of you. It is just not a healthy position to put yourself in if you are married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnD Posted July 5, 2017 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 0 Topic Count: 905 Topics Per Day: 0.19 Content Count: 9,646 Content Per Day: 2.02 Reputation: 5,832 Days Won: 9 Joined: 04/07/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted July 5, 2017 Old JohnD's opinion. Friends are not acquaintances. Too many folks get the two confused. Nor are they coworkers. Oftentimes they are not even family or extended family members. A true friend would NEVER give anyone any reason to doubt them in their loyalty under any circumstance (especially of a sexual nature). Otherwise they are not a friend in the first place... a questionable friend is NO friend. Fiduciary is another word for friend. Greater love hath no man than he who lays down his life for his... If your spouse is not only your friend but your best friend... then you need to look up the definition of all three... friend, best friend, spouse. If you go back far enough you can find archived here my response to the thread title along the lines that no one of the opposite sex can be just friends... I was quite hurt at the time by one who I believe for years was a true friend but she turned out not to be. No it was not my beloved (if the thought crossed your mind). It was just a friend (of us both or so I thought who turned out to be no one's friend). But I have since gotten over the disappointment and regained my senses on the issue. You might ask the question can a brother and sister remain friends after they get married? How about parents of the opposite sex? The core issue is fidelity and without it there was never a true friendship in the first place. IF a spouse is jealous of the friend of their spouse, they are obligated to end the friendship because the spouse takes precedence (obviously). And a true friend would understand that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 It is entirely different from where I sit. I am single. I avoid married men like the plague. I have no sneaky agenda and I never have. I honor the LORD. Why would any sane woman want to put herself in a situation where there can be doubt about intentions? I sure dont. The good Lord gave me commonsense! LOL I dont like nor deserve the stink eye I have gotten from mens wives . I even avoid sitting next to a married man when his wife is there with him at the local opera house/theatre! Ill go change my assigned seating or get a refund before I put up with what I have in the past in this small town I live. I have been treated very unkindly by married women who were jealous of their husbands even talking to me in an innocent conversation about the play! Some men are very coy at attempting to use me as a means to get even with their wives. I only need one to hit me over the head once with a baseball bat. After that,I know it hurts . Oh no. Homey aint playin that If I come across a married couple I know ,I greet the woman first, always! If I am walking towards a couple on the street,I avoid eye contact all together unles I know them. Then Im back to >my eyes are on the woman! . I was even gaslighted at the church by the choir years ago. The men started to avoid greeting me because their wives were insecure. I quit the choir and my choir director begged me back and promised it would be better. If you are a married man;stay FAR AWAY from me! I dont need any drama Satan will use whatever means he can to bring chaos and drama into our lives. We must be first,be aware of that and second; dont give him a foothold to begin with! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnD Posted July 5, 2017 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 0 Topic Count: 905 Topics Per Day: 0.19 Content Count: 9,646 Content Per Day: 2.02 Reputation: 5,832 Days Won: 9 Joined: 04/07/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted July 5, 2017 This is a slightly different subject, Blue. I believe the question (OP) was should married Christians give up friends they already have? If not, I misunderstood the question. SORRY. Some things are because me are polygamous by nature. Don't trust 'em. Then you will have few regrets. I was speaking about actual friendship that transcends the realm of suspicious motives etc. in my previous posts. Married men being buddy buddy with females is destined for a skillet imprint on the noggin. Agreed. As far as the stink eye goes... sometimes women are insecure. Okay a lot of times. But often their men give them lots of reason to be suspicious or in your case leery of what "might" happen (even though it wouldn't with you). I pity them. They can't take ANY chances. Especially if they don't know you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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