Do Teenagers Need to Confess their sins to their parents

[Anonymous Display Name]

In a previous post I confessed to having a porn/masturbation addiction which I was overcoming. 

Now however I am curious as to whether or not I should tell my parents about it. I have always been that one kid that never spoke out in class and never got in trouble at school and got a reputation for being really good and faithful. This reputation makes it a lot harder to tell people and I have only ever told people on this web site anonymously.

I understand telling them might help, although I have already started to overcome this addiction using several methods that have been pretty successful so far, and I'm not sure if I need the help.

I did come up with a plan where they do find out although it's not as awkward. The plan is to write a note explaining everything and then hide it for them to find eventually. It might take a few weeks for them to find, it might take a few years although it seems like a good compromise. 

Also on the note I could have set goals and every time I go a certain number of days without porn I can write it down (for example 30 days without porn). So then if they find in a couple of years form now they'll see that I (hopefully) overcame the addiction and am happy now.

Please tell me what you think of this idea and whether you think I should tell them or not. 

Edited August 14, 2017 by Anonymous Display Name
Rewrote some sentences to make it clearer.

[JohnD]

Going just by the title of the OP...

Parents need to convince their children that they can always bring ANYTHING to them. That there may be consequences, but they can ALWAYS bring anything to them.

1. The parents love them.

2. The Parents may be able to come up with a solution the children hadn't considered.

3. We ALL sin, fall short.

4. Be willing to share with them how we fell short, sinned when we were their age.

Communication is vital in any relationship! Too bad so many folks (parents, spouses, friends, etc.) make communication so difficult.

For example, there may come a time when one might need to help coax a confession out of someone but always needling them over every suspicion will slam that door shut (eventually forever).

I'm thinking of the spouse who usually resorts to lying because they are getting needled over every thing like they are under permanent indictment.

I've seen Christians do this to other Christians.

The ancient Jews did it to each other. 

In my observation this misses the point God was making about sin (which is our very nature until we die or he perfects us at his coming). 

1. Face the fact that we are sinners.

2. Face the cross and believe in the Lord Jesus Christ.

3. Face it, we all sin and screw up. Confess it to God and move on.

In the case of interaction here, we pay the consequences but also move on.

Dwelling or harping on past infractions is also a deterrent to future communication / openness.

Deep subject. And that's just from the title of your original post.

Pray.

 

[JohnD]

3 hours ago, Anonymous Display Name said:

In a previous post I confessed to having a porn/masturbation addiction which I was overcoming. 

Now however I am curious as to whether or not I should tell my parents about it. I have always been that one kid that never spoke out in class and never got in trouble at school and got a reputation for being really good and faithful. This reputation makes it a lot harder to tell people and I have only ever told people on this web site anonymously.

I understand telling them might help, although I have already started to overcome this addiction using several methods that have been pretty successful so far, and I'm not sure if I need the help.

I did come up with a plan where they do find out although it's not as awkward. The plan is to write a note explaining everything and then hide it for them to find eventually. It might take a few weeks for them to find, it might take a few years although it seems like a good compromise. 

Also on the note I could have set goals and every time I go a certain number of days without porn I can write it down (for example 30 days without porn). So then if they find in a couple of years form now they'll see that I (hopefully) overcame the addiction and am happy now.

Please tell me what you think of this idea and whether you think I should tell them or not. 

This might be a topic for the adult section (now that I've read the post).

I don't know.

A bit more complicated subject than the OP implies (which is okay, just saying...).

This kind of topic cannot be answered with a general reply. Like when do you tell your children about sex? kind of question.

I believe hiding our sins from our children promotes isolation on their part... feeling they are beasts or demon possessed when what they are feeling or doing is normal. Chances are they are things to simply over come as we all  had to. But such specific details depends on so many factors like the individuality of each kid.

I probably would not have felt comfortable about the subject even with my father or mother.

"I tell ya when ya get older" was the reply I got a lot of the time from my parents on a variety of subjects. And they never got around to it. Which is another way of promoting isolation. But I suppose learning to deal with that was something I had to do as well.  Getting pretty deep here.

I later found my father was a scrapper (fought a lot). And that he did a lot of things bored teens did in his West Virginia mining town including running moonshine and knocking over outhouses (until old man Drucker was in the one Dad and his buddies tipped over). And his father (my granddaddy)  beat him regularly. Guess he had to. An option that is generally off the table these days.  But I never met a more responsible man in my life than my father was.

The specifics of your post are fodder for another topic about dealing effectively with lust.

I almost would suggest splitting the topics and then applying the results and answers from the one about lust to the one about keeping communications open with your teenagers.

 

[Neighbor]

8 hours ago, Anonymous Display Name said:

In a previous post I confessed to having a porn/masturbation addiction which I was overcoming. 

Now however I am curious as to whether or not I should tell my parents about it. I have always been that one kid that never spoke out in class and never got in trouble at school and got a reputation for being really good and faithful. This reputation makes it a lot harder to tell people and I have only ever told people on this web site anonymously.

I understand telling them might help, although I have already started to overcome this addiction using several methods that have been pretty successful so far, and I'm not sure if I need the help.

I did come up with a plan where they do find out although it's not as awkward. The plan is to write a note explaining everything and then hide it for them to find eventually. It might take a few weeks for them to find, it might take a few years although it seems like a good compromise. 

Also on the note I could have set goals and every time I go a certain number of days without porn I can write it down (for example 30 days without porn). So then if they find in a couple of years form now they'll see that I (hopefully) overcame the addiction and am happy now.

Please tell me what you think of this idea and whether you think I should tell them or not. 

Okay a few thoughts from the peanut gallery here:

 Porn has existed from before the written record of the Bible.

The Bible mentions masturbation in an euphemism "spilling of seed". Over all, the Bible is a pretty blunt book.  The subjects bothering you are not unknown to any saint in Christ Jesus, nor is it unknown to any unsaved person.  It is pretty much known to the entire world. It is even known to at least some animals lower than mankind. 

So, DO NOT LET THE ENEMY SATAN TROUBLE YOU TO DESPAIR, INSTEAD, pray to God, ask of the Holy Spirit to show you Jesus is your Lord and savior, and ask of God what is His will in the matters that concern you.  That is my suggestion for consideration.

Then; read the Bible for comprehension of the subject of concern ,and  also for the certain knowledge that Jesus has already borne the penalty of every sin of every saint in Christ Jesus. There is no sin that He has not taken upon  himself to cover with his blood so that you personally, and I too, may be washed white as snow, to be found as pure before God the Father. This is the great sacrifice our Lord has made for us, in service to  the will of His Father, and out of love for us. His love is an awesome thing. And this is the perfect harmony from God that our enemy Satan will try to distract you from seeing and grasping onto, giving you instead excess worry about this sin and that one.

Your parents, your entire family know of sin. They know of masturbation and most every other sin. God has not left us ignorant of our failings, but He also has made provision for the overcoming of them, plus the forgiveness of them too. He has by Jesus covered  them totally, removed them from his sight, that we may be victorious as Jesus is victorious over sin and sin's price, if we humble ourselves and proclaim Jesus as Lord and savior.

 Do not worry excessively over this. You are facing it, but right now you may  be somewhat  unarmed in your battle.  I suggest  that you seek out the word of God, and yes seek out family, knowing that if they have not introduced the subject they are  perhaps  a little shy of talking about it with you, or simply think it has all been covered at school. Or, I suspect it is more likely they already know of what it is you are worried about, but have not yet found way to  share with you.   I did a rather poor job of explaning to my own children, and that is why I think other parents might also. It is Just my guess on that one, as I am from a generation that learned almost all  of what we know of sexual things  on the street, or even from our parents picturial magazines depicting such activities. And not from Bible or Sunday school nor from youth pastors lessons on life. 

I suggest you reconsider leaving notes around, and instead if you are led to do so, just up and declare you have  an important subject about adult life you need to  share and ask guidance about with your parents. 

Please know too that we are to live in this corruptible flesh for a reason,  that it serves the good purposes of God! Even our failings, trials, and our follies, along with our meritorious moments of kindnesses, do help us grow, grow in His faith, grow in what is called sanctification.

God promises He does not give us anything beyond what we can handle, though truthfully to me  it seems like wow,- I don't know about that  sometimes.  So while it is difficult perhaps, if you are ready to want to  move on past this concern of sin do not do so anonymously. Instead, let it become eventually the testimony of you, your faith in Christ Jesus and the victory that is achieved in His name.

Just to let you know I have heard many a baptism testimony of young men and not so young men  that have as part of their testimony have share of the same plight you suggest you are facing today.

NOT KNOWING YOUR FAMILY SITUATION,  but still since you have asked openly,  I suggest  that it is a good place to start- with family guidance, and perhaps also seeking out additional counseling  guidance, and even an accountability  person. I do suggest you seek additional counsel, and certainly more than just  the few thoughts expressed above. Pray before God and act.

If you desire, why not ask  for prayer from saints in Christ Jesus too? I am adding my own prayer at this time.

Father please guide this young man via your Holy Spirit. Amen.

 

Edited August 14, 2017 by Neighbor

[Zoltan777]

9 hours ago, Anonymous Display Name said:

In a previous post I confessed to having a porn/masturbation addiction which I was overcoming. 

Now however I am curious as to whether or not I should tell my parents about it. I have always been that one kid that never spoke out in class and never got in trouble at school and got a reputation for being really good and faithful. This reputation makes it a lot harder to tell people and I have only ever told people on this web site anonymously.

I understand telling them might help, although I have already started to overcome this addiction using several methods that have been pretty successful so far, and I'm not sure if I need the help.

I did come up with a plan where they do find out although it's not as awkward. The plan is to write a note explaining everything and then hide it for them to find eventually. It might take a few weeks for them to find, it might take a few years although it seems like a good compromise. 

Also on the note I could have set goals and every time I go a certain number of days without porn I can write it down (for example 30 days without porn). So then if they find in a couple of years form now they'll see that I (hopefully) overcame the addiction and am happy now.

Please tell me what you think of this idea and whether you think I should tell them or not. 

If you have loving and supporting family I would say by all means. It's not about confessing your sin but asking their help to support you. I am a father too. He is still young, 7. but I would like to take care of my son if he is having problems later. I would feel "betrayed" if he wasn't asking my help because it means he is not trusting me.

 

I do understand you feel awkward for telling this to your parents but just write a letter and hand it over to them. Don't make such a fuss about it. But it works only if you have a good family!!!!

Edited August 14, 2017 by Zoltan777