Interacial Dating

[Guest hooahwife]

I am so conflicted here. I raised my children to treat people the same, despite the fact that I wasn't raised that way. Now my daughters are teenagers and they want to date outside their race. I feel like I am probably making a big deal out of something I shouldn't. I still can't help not liking it. It just drives me crazy and I feel horrible for feeling this way. It is contrary to what I know is right. I have prayed for God to help me here, but I just can't have peace about it. I hope that you all don't think I am an ignorant hick, but most people are like I was. They say it shouldn't matter, but they are really happy it is an issue that they just don't have to deal with. Can anybody help???

[Gerioke]

I live in a neighborhood that is somewhat prejudiced. My personal opinion is that it comes from fear out of lack of knowledge. The most important thing about their relationships is that they have a common faith. My parents come from a mixture of backgrounds. German, Irish AmericanIndian, Ukrainian and Pennsylvania Dutch. I didn't turn out too bad and I have a very diplomatic mind.

I don't know if this helps but that's my take on it

[Scarletprayers]

Been there done that! I was just like you, race DOES NOT matter. Brought all 3 of my children up that way. Our house was always the house all of the kids came to, black, white, asian, hispanic.........it didn't matter. Until my daughter started to date of the boys.

Suddenly I found myself feeling the same you are. And I felt terrible about myself because of it. Its ALLOT easier to say it, than it is to live it. I just told my daughter how I was feeling, and that I knew it was wrong and how badly I felt about the way I was feeling. I asked for her help, because the way I was feeling was DEAD WRONG!

Just talk to your girls, tell them honestly how your feeling. Don't let how your feelings now, change the way you know you should feel. After awhile the fears ease, you get to look at it from the inside out, instead of the outside in. When it comes down to it, you find out, he is just a boy. With the same hopes and dreams as any other boy his age. Just pray and ask God to help you thru this, because he will. And, you'll find your a much better person, once your on the other side of this. Because you actually went thru it and came out the better for it.

[Gerioke]

Is it because of concern for your kids or concern about what others might think?

If your kids are old enough to be dating then they are old enough to deal with outside pressures.

[Trust & Obey]

I live in a neighborhood that is somewhat prejudiced. My personal opinion is that it comes from fear out of lack of knowledge. The most important thing about their relationships is that they have a common faith. My parents come from a mixture of backgrounds. German, Irish AmericanIndian, Ukrainian and Pennsylvania Dutch. I didn't turn out too bad and I have a very diplomatic mind.

I don't know if this helps but that's my take on it

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Hey, I have family in Uniontown!

[Trust & Obey]

How old are your kids? Dating/courtship should be done with marriage in mind, not as an extra-curicular activity.

Call me old fashioned. But, I don't know if I'd be letting my daughters under 18 be dating at all.

[Guest hooahwife]

Thank you for your honesty Kahlan. Your situation sounds exactly like I am going through. I guess I just needed to know there were other people out there who had been through the same thing.

Been there done that!  I was just like you, race DOES NOT matter.  Brought all 3 of my children up that way.  Our house was always the house all of the kids came to, black, white, asian, hispanic.........it didn't matter.  Until my daughter started to date of the boys.

Suddenly I found myself feeling the same you are.  And I felt terrible about myself because of it.  Its ALLOT easier to say it, than it is to live it.  I just told my daughter how I was feeling, and that I knew it was wrong and how badly I felt about the way I was feeling.  I asked for her help, because the way I was feeling was DEAD WRONG!

Just talk to your girls, tell them honestly how your feeling.  Don't let how your feelings now, change the way you know you should feel.  After awhile the fears ease, you get to look at it from the inside out, instead of the outside in.  When it comes down to it, you find out, he is just a boy.  With the same hopes and dreams as any other boy his age.  Just pray and ask God to help you thru this, because he will.  And, you'll find your a much better person, once your on the other side of this.  Because you actually went thru it and came out the better for it.

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[Guest hooahwife]

Well it is both. On the one hand I don't want my kids putting themselves in a situation where they are going to have a tough time right off the bat. I am not the type of person who likes conflict at all. I know that they will face some tough words from certain members of the family and some may even disown them or at the very least, not be very nice. I guess I am concerned about what others will think, but it really still goes back to the fact that I don't want to face others calling my child names or even calling me names. I guess I did use the word "dating" a little lightly. My girls are 14 and 16 and neither one actually date yet. But they do have friends that are boys, that they talk on the phone with, or sometimes hang out in front of our house. I don't feel that most of the boys are the ones I would want for my girls anyway, no matter what color they are. Trust and Obey, I agree that dating should be done with marriage in mind. I tell my girls that all the time. I had my girls, when I was a girl myself and although I came from a Christian family, my parents were naive and I was kind of a wild teenager. My husband and I are desparatly trying to make sure that theyknow the most important thing is that they stay pure for there future husband and that husband HAS to be a Christian...I do know that is really the most important thing, even if he is pink with yellow polka dots. I guess I am worried my kids will not share my beliefs, but I am trying to live on the Proverb, Train up a child in the way that they should go and when they are old, they will not depart from it. That scripture describes my life. I guess I just need to keep praying about it. I am an army wife and we move around alot. We have been at our current location for about 10 months and it has been the hardest for me as far as meeting new Christian Sisters. We go to a great church, but I feel like an outsider because this isn't a large military community and most of the other families aren't like us. It is just different. I am glad I found this site. Thanks to you all again. I will keep praying about the situation.

Is it because of concern for your kids or concern about what others might think?

If your kids are old enough to be dating then they are old enough to deal with outside pressures.

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[ayin jade]

Ive been married 15 yrs to a man who is a different race. We have not had much at all in the way of problems as a result of it. My brother married someone of a different race too. They have faced a few problems, but not many. It wont affect your childrens happiness. They wont care about anyone's antagonism over that. In fact, it will just show them who loves them and who doesnt, whom they can count on, and whom they cant. Please read my sig line, the passage from Galatians. We are all one people in Christ. The color of our skin is meaningless to our relationship with the Lord, and with each other.

[Guest Bro David™]

The color of our skin is meaningless to our relationship with the Lord, and with each other.

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I love that quote Jadey !!

I am the end result of a mixed Race Marriage too...

Indian and French, sorry but perhaps I would like to give another perspective.

Sometimes we just talk with our mouths and not with our minds.

It is one thing to teach and instill inter racial harmony in the minds of our children.

We should also remember that For parents it is not so easy to deal with that, should the kids choose someone of another race to fulfill their lives with.

There will be initial Thoughts and Worries but it all only stems from mis-understanding not a bad heart or anything.

Given that understanding it is best that it is left at the feet of our Lord in Prayer for guidance and a better leading into the situation.

Let God build the hearts and homes of our children, for we are but His Children.