Do you guys have any relationship advice for me?

[JacquelineDeane55]

So I have finally found someone who is my type who I like A LOT, but I am afraid of asking them out on a date. I just think they are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and everything I ever wanted, but I am afraid to tell them how I feel about them because they might reject me. That is what happened with the last guy I asked out, he broke my sensitive heart really badly and it took an entire year to heal.

I have never dated anyone before, or have ever been kissed by anyone and also, I am still a virgin. So what should I do? Ask them out anyway?

Edited April 5, 2020 by JacquelineDeane55

[LonerAndy]

delete

Edited April 6, 2020 by LonerAndy

[missmuffet]

21 hours ago, JacquelineDeane55 said:

So I have finally found someone who is my type who I like A LOT, but I am afraid of asking them out on a date. I just think they are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and everything I ever wanted, but I am afraid to tell them how I feel about them because they might reject me. That is what happened with the last guy I asked out, he broke my sensitive heart really badly and it took an entire year to heal.

I have never dated anyone before, or have ever been kissed by anyone and also, I am still a virgin. So what should I do? Ask them out anyway?

Remember God does not look at the outward appearance but looks at the heart. God told us that for a reason. Yes, as humans we are attracted to a person physically but that can be very deceiving. Why are you asking men out? Why don't you wait for them to ask you out? If you are a Christian and a praying person I would give this to God in prayer. God has a plan for your life and the right person He wants in your life. I would sit back and see what God has planned. 

[other one]

1 hour ago, LonerAndy said:

I'm assuming you are ready to get married.  If you have no intention of getting married, then you have no business asking a woman out.

Assuming you are ready to be married:  Well.... if you never ask them out, you will never be rejected.   But then you'll never go out either.  Isn't that the same as being rejected, since either way you never go on a date with her?

Since never asking, and asking and being rejected are the same... shouldn't you try to ask her out?

Because here's what I can promise:  If you never ask her out, someone else who is willing to be rejected, will ask her out, and then you'll get to watch her go out with someone else.

JacquelineDeane55 really doesn't sound like a male name.....   and she speaks of the last guy she asked out.   I would be really surprised if this is a male....      So I guess I would have to agree with you that she shouldn't be asking a woman out...

[LonerAndy]

4 minutes ago, other one said:

JacquelineDeane55 really doesn't sound like a male name.....   and she speaks of the last guy she asked out.   I would be really surprised if this is a male....      So I guess I would have to agree with you that she shouldn't be asking a woman out...

Good catch. Thanks.

[LonerAndy]

23 hours ago, JacquelineDeane55 said:

So I have finally found someone who is my type who I like A LOT, but I am afraid of asking them out on a date. I just think they are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and everything I ever wanted, but I am afraid to tell them how I feel about them because they might reject me. That is what happened with the last guy I asked out, he broke my sensitive heart really badly and it took an entire year to heal.

I have never dated anyone before, or have ever been kissed by anyone and also, I am still a virgin. So what should I do? Ask them out anyway?

So I'm responding differently, because someone pointed out that this could be male or female.

So again, I'm assuming you are ready to be married.  If you are not, then you should not date.

For men, and I responded originally to this post assuming you were a man, because I hear what you said from men mostly.  Men fear rejection, and out of fear, never ask the girl out.   They end up creating their own doom, by ending in effect rejected, by never trying.

For women, it's a little different.   I think a woman asking a guy out, is often risky.

If the guy is interested in you, and he's worth dating, he'll ask the woman out.

However, for a girl to ask a guy out, often that doesn't end well in my experience.   Because a guy will go out with the girl, simply because she asked.  But agreeing to go out, doesn't magically make him want the girl.   I can think of half dozen couples, where the girl asked the guy out, and the dated for months, some even years, and then he went his own way.   He was never interested in her to start with, but dated because.... why not?

In my own experience, I had a woman ask me out on a date once.  I agreed to go out with her, only because I admired her bravery for asking.  But the reality was, I was never interested in her, and after that one date was over, that was the end.   Going on a date didn't change the fact I was not interested in her.

So I am generally not a fan of women asking men out on dates.   Just my opinion.

Now, here is where things get complicated.

Just because a woman does not ask the man for a date.... does not mean that she does not initiate the relationship.

So how does that work?   There are number ways that a woman lets a man know he has a chance.  A look.  Eye contact.  Smiling.  Greeting them.   Various things women can do, to use their charm to give subtle hints to a man.

By the way, if a woman has a problem with a man that is coming on to her, she needs only to stop those things.  Smile less at that man.  Less eye contact.  Not greeting him so much.

Now, why is this?

Well here's the dirty little secret of men with romance.  Men in today's culture are cowards when it comes to romance.  Most men take rejection like it's a person attack against their very existence.   As a result, most men would rather never ask a woman out on date, than be rejected.   So the truth is, the average man will never ask a woman out unless he already believes he has a good shot of being accepted.

So if a woman wishes to go on a date with any given a man, they must make the effort make that man believe that he already has a shot of being accepted.

So that's my advice.  Hope that is helpful.

[Abrielle]

On 4/5/2020 at 11:20 PM, JacquelineDeane55 said:

So I have finally found someone who is my type who I like A LOT, but I am afraid of asking them out on a date. I just think they are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and everything I ever wanted, but I am afraid to tell them how I feel about them because they might reject me. That is what happened with the last guy I asked out, he broke my sensitive heart really badly and it took an entire year to heal.

I have never dated anyone before, or have ever been kissed by anyone and also, I am still a virgin. So what should I do? Ask them out anyway?

May i answer as if we were close friends? I hope you don't mind, i am sometimes too direct but i do talk from my heart.

Dear sister @JacquelineDeane55, take some time to ditch the fairy tales, see the man in a fair way. Remember you are not looking for someone who pleases your present expectations. You are trying to find someone with whom to build a sacred institution with God. Romance comes after.

In all honesty, If i saw a woman come after my friend with those questions in mind already (kisses, virginity, etc.), i would tell him: "Run!" I am sorry for telling you this. I truly believe it is unfair to approach someone with so high hopes. He is not all that you are seeing and he doesn't have to be that. He is someone to be known. You are also someone deserving of love and attention, someone to be known. Be in situations where both are present. Be genuine, natural, godly. If he notices you because of your godliness, then you have a wonderful clue about him. God leads.

However, this comes from a woman who is still running. You brave people and your romantic endeavours! My hands are cold just from writing this post. Advice from married people is problably wiser.

In case you decide to approach him now and he tells you "no", don't take it personally. He may not want to date you, but you are not rejected, you are of someone else, who already is living and God will put him in your way, once you both are ready.

[Novus]

Hi Jacqueline.

Is he a Christian? Hopefully you are receiving reciprocating signals that he likes you too - otherwise can be tough on the heart if the liking is only one-sided. However, if he is not a Christian then caution is advised - the Bible limits the relationship. Separation is advised in the area of Romance:

2 Corinthians 6:14-15:

RSV - Do not be mismated with unbelievers. For what partnership have righteousness and iniquity? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Be′lial? Or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?

NLT - Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?

I like the RSV translation as "Do not be mismated with unbelievers," it a literal translation. Here is a sentence which is not good advice but a command from the Lord. Don't let your affections lead you into a mis-mating with a person who is not a Christian. An "unbeliever" in the New Testament means someone who doesn't know Jesus. Jesus said to his disciples "You believe in God, believe also in me." (John 14:1). Therefore, this text is about relationships with those who do not know Jesus.

The word to consider carefully here is "mismated" (Unequally yoked in the KJV). The word is actually a sexual word and it is rightly translated "Do not be mismated." It refers to a very intimate relationship, much more than working together (it does not forbid association with non-Christians). The danger of mis-mating is that the ultimate end product is going to be something that is a mixture between the two (a hybrid of light and darkness). It is going to produce a mixture which is a dilution of both. Here a Christian is absolutely forbidden to marry someone who is not a Christian.

If your friend is a Christian do little things for him to signal that you like him...he may just reciprocate.

Hope this helps?

Best.

 

Edited April 8, 2020 by Novus

[Billiards Ball]

On 4/5/2020 at 6:20 PM, JacquelineDeane55 said:

So I have finally found someone who is my type who I like A LOT, but I am afraid of asking them out on a date. I just think they are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and everything I ever wanted, but I am afraid to tell them how I feel about them because they might reject me. That is what happened with the last guy I asked out, he broke my sensitive heart really badly and it took an entire year to heal.

I have never dated anyone before, or have ever been kissed by anyone and also, I am still a virgin. So what should I do? Ask them out anyway?

Maybe court (dating with Christian rules to protect you) but do NOT tell them all in your heart and all your emotions for a while. Get to know them over time so you can see if the crush is just an emotional cycle that will have another guy break your heart!

 

I recommend highly this book: https://www.amazon.com/Laws-Attraction-Christian-Pickups-Relationships/dp/1499243286

 

[Prycejosh1987]

On 4/5/2020 at 11:20 PM, JacquelineDeane55 said:

So I have finally found someone who is my type who I like A LOT, but I am afraid of asking them out on a date. I just think they are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and everything I ever wanted, but I am afraid to tell them how I feel about them because they might reject me. That is what happened with the last guy I asked out, he broke my sensitive heart really badly and it took an entire year to heal.

I have never dated anyone before, or have ever been kissed by anyone and also, I am still a virgin. So what should I do? Ask them out anyway?

Life is naturally good for people that believe in success and go for it. But life is absolutely fantastic for people that take risks to make life better. I wish you best of luck, and dont be afraid, it is better to try and fail then not try at all.