If You Wish You Didn’t Exist

[Guest clancy]

On 7/30/2020 at 9:45 PM, Chicken coop2 said:

When I was 9 years old I started praying to God every day to kill me.

Few years ago I attempted suicide by hanging.  

I felt myself leaving my body. 

Then I heard a voice yell no.

Then like an explosion. 

There I was on the floor trying to figure out what happened. 

The rope broke. 

I still want to go as soon as possible. 

However, God's will not mine. 

So, what I do now is not commit suicide one day at a time. 

Every night at midnight I promise God I will not commit suicide for this new day. 

And I pray to Him to help me not break that promise. 

I posted this in case my system can help others. 

Life can be so overwhelming one day at a time helps. 

Let us endure one day at a time and focus on the Kingdom of God. 

Praying that you continue to keep your promise to God.

 

i have never contemplated suicide....but as a Christian ( new babe) I was in the depths of despair for a long time....a big black hole...looking back, The Lord taught me a lot from that experience...but was blinded to it at that terrible time.

[Fidei Defensor]

13 minutes ago, clancy said:

Praying that you continue to keep your promise to God.

 

i have never contemplated suicide....but as a Christian ( new babe) I was in the depths of despair for a long time....a big black hole...looking back, The Lord taught me a lot from that experience...but was blinded to it at that terrible time.

Indeed, the black hole of futility. I have felt that of late myself. 

Brings to mind what King Solomon felt, “Futility of futilities,” says the Teacher, “futility of futilities! Everything is futile!” What does a man gain from all his labor, at which he toils under the sun? Generations come and generations go, but the earth remains forever. I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.” (Ecclesiastes 1:1-4, 14)  

[David1701]

57 minutes ago, Fidei Defensor said:

Indeed, the black hole of futility. I have felt that of late myself. 

Brings to mind what King Solomon felt, “Futility of futilities,” says the Teacher, “futility of futilities! Everything is futile!” What does a man gain from all his labor, at which he toils under the sun? Generations come and generations go, but the earth remains forever. I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.” (Ecclesiastes 1:1-4, 14)  

Yes, Ecclesiastes is all about the futility of seeking what is "under the sun", for its own sake.  These things only have meaning in fellowship with the Lord and seeking to please Him.

[Fidei Defensor]

7 minutes ago, David1701 said:

Yes, Ecclesiastes is all about the futility of seeking what is "under the sun", for its own sake.  These things only have meaning in fellowship with the Lord and seeking to please Him.

They can be a comfort to read when you are in the black hole of futility and feeling like nothing matters. 

Too often brethern engage in apologetics to try and help bolster the faith of the one in the abyss of futility, when they need to know this feeling is normal, and to have some company in their feeling, “Rejoice with those who rejoice [sharing others’ joy], and weep with those who weep [sharing others’ grief].” (Romans 12:15).  

[David1701]

18 minutes ago, Fidei Defensor said:

They can be a comfort to read when you are in the black hole of futility and feeling like nothing matters. 

Too often brethern engage in apologetics to try and help bolster the faith of the one in the abyss of futility, when they need to know this feeling is normal, and to have some company in their feeling, “Rejoice with those who rejoice [sharing others’ joy], and weep with those who weep [sharing others’ grief].” (Romans 12:15).  

We need to know the way out of the feelings of futility; and there is a way out.  Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness.

I do sympathise with those who feel futility (I've felt some of that myself recently); but, I'd rather have someone point me to the light than sit there with me in the dark.

Edited March 3, 2021 by David1701

[Marathoner]

It's so good to see you here again, @Fidei Defensor. You have been missed, my friend.  

[Fidei Defensor]

1 hour ago, David1701 said:

We need to know the way out of the feelings of futility; and there is a way out.  Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness.

I do sympathise with those who feel futility (I've felt some of that myself recently); but, I'd rather have someone point me to the light than sit there with me in the dark.

I wasn’t claiming sit in the dark, of course tout the “blessed Hope,” but discernfully, allowing the person to express their feelings of futility like King Solomon in Ecclestastes 1:1-4, 14 but also pray with them casting the abyss on Christ: 

“casting all your cares [all your anxieties, all your worries, and all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares about you [with deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully].” (1 Peter 5:7) 

Rembering Christ can get us through, He experienced the abyss and futility at Gethsename and Calvary. 

Edited March 3, 2021 by Fidei Defensor

[David1701]

6 minutes ago, Fidei Defensor said:

I wasn’t claiming sit in the dark, of course tout the “blessed Hope,” but discernfully, allowing the person to express their feelings of futility like King Solomon in Ecclestastes 1:1-4, 14 but also pray with them casting the abyss on Christ: 

“casting all your cares [all your anxieties, all your worries, and all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares about you [with deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully].” (1 Peter 5:7) 

Rembering Christ can get us through, He experienced the abyss and futility at Gethsename and Calvary. 

Amen to that.

[Fidei Defensor]

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:15-16) 

I believe this passage is for tempatation but also a promise for any struggle, including despair, futility, and the temptation of suicide. 

Edited March 4, 2021 by Fidei Defensor

[Guest clancy]

8 hours ago, David1701 said:

We need to know the way out of the feelings of futility; and there is a way out.  Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness.

I do sympathise with those who feel futility (I've felt some of that myself recently); but, I'd rather have someone point me to the light than sit there with me in the dark.

“We “need to know the way out......

What I’m going to say of my own personal walk with the Lord ,David.

“I “needed to know nothing on how to get out of my depths of despair, I was in it for a reason....I learnt so much from it.....it changed my life....it was the Lord who brought me out of it...

Just my belief,David....nothing personal to you.