Unequally yoked

[Greenie]

Greetings,

I know the last time I was here (years ago) I expressed a problem that I am unequally yoked. I grew up in the church. I met my wife while I was back sliding and sinning. A couple years pass and the Lord starts working on my heart again and I start going back to church and repent of my sins. I try my best to get her to go (without being pushy or forceful) but she's been hurt by the church world and now has a jaded outlook on living for Christ. We've gone to bible studies together, I know once she has said the sinners prayer and she believes in Jesus but we just don't fully live it. So now a days I try so hard to live 100% right and still fail in certain areas and it bugs the ever living outta me. So then I get on here or read my bible and she gets upset with me like I'm not spending enough time with her. With all the crap that the world is going through,  I feel like now more then ever is the time to be living right for Christ so I'm so worried about every move I make,  word I speak,  action I do and I feel like its all sin. It's almost like the holy spirit is saying to me "Nope that still aint right" I only feel calm when reading scripture and even then I'm still confused (I feel like I do it to myself because I've tried to listen to different versions of the bible, or listen to different people give different interpretations on the same subjects. Idk if I decern correctly or not) I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm constantly worrying about my salvation and whether or not I'm fully trusting in Jesus. Sometimes I just don't know what to do. Half of me wants to leave and the other half says never give up. I'm trying to run my race and make it to the end. I wanna hear him say well done thou good and faithful servant. Not depart from me for I never knew you. I need help and lots of prayers.

Thanks for listening and reading 

[Tzephanyahu]

Shalom @Greenie

I feel your pain here.  I was in a very similar scenario not long ago.

First and foremost, focus on your own walk for now.  I realise the stress and the urge you feel to have your partner “come along with you”, but the truth of the matter is that it isn’t always going to work like that. 

You’ll serve her the best by first working on you and establishing your own faith.  This will give her a strong framework and example to cling to and follow, rather than the poor examples she has witnessed in the church she was hurt by.

This worked for me and my partner, by the grace of God.  That in her witnessing the change and passion in me, it set an example to her and encouraged her faith, more than any conversation or clever debate would. All praise to Yahweh and thanks to our Lord Yahushua (Jesus Christ).

In essence, what I’m saying is you need to hand her and her faith into the hands of our Father – as scary as that is and irresponsible as you might feel it is!   He works with all of us in different timings, in different ways and even in various forms of communication.  Some move quickly, some move slowly.  But no one should be dragged along reluctantly, forced regularly or guilted into it.  I’m sure you have handled the matter with delicacy, but even the most mildest touch about God can be perceived as a push by some people.  

I’m not guaranteeing you will see results straight away.  I didn’t.  At times I wondered if her heart would ever change!  However, I kept establishing my walk and praying for her privately every day and Yahweh was faithful to open her eyes to the truth – in the speed appropriate for her.

Now, concerning you and your faith.  If you are feeling that you aren’t “there” yet, that salvation isn’t assured and that there is work to be done in your life, the chances are you are correct. And yet, rejoice in that brother!  For disciplining and corrections are signs of a Father who loves us and not one who has cast us aside to feel content in our ignorance.   

May I ask, what do you find the most challenging when it comes to reading the Bible?  What is it that causes the confusion?  I may know of a reliable teaching that could assist you.  I typically only recommend wise teachers who know the whole Word, through and through, and do not push man-made interpretations or theology with it.  

On this matter, you are wise to be cautious of the interpretations by men.  There are many out there who deceive accidentally but even some who do so intentionally.  Reading multiple versions of the Bible is okay but the less literal ones are better to stay away from really.  As sometimes the subtly of a verse can be misunderstood when too much poetic license is taken in some English versions.

However, if you take only one thing away from my reply, let it be this: Do all it takes to reach the stage of having peace in salvation.  This comes through the Word of Yahweh and the Holy Spirit, sent to us in the Messiah’s name.  

If I told you that salvation was at the top of Mount Everest for you to collect for free, I’m sure you would do all you could to climb up there!  How much easier it is to digest the whole Bible?  So study it with the same diligence of university student preparing for his Master’s Degree. Think about it with the same love and passion you would apply to a favourite hobby.  And remember to pray for wisdom each day.  If you do all these things you will then find real peace and the answer for everything.  

May Yahweh bless you with wisdom, insight and peace and open the heart of your partner in due course.

Again, if there is anything in particular that is getting you confused or is a struggle to understand,  please feel free to ask me or this forum.

Love & Shalom

[David1701]

1 hour ago, Greenie said:

Greetings,

I know the last time I was here (years ago) I expressed a problem that I am unequally yoked. I grew up in the church. I met my wife while I was back sliding and sinning. A couple years pass and the Lord starts working on my heart again and I start going back to church and repent of my sins. I try my best to get her to go (without being pushy or forceful) but she's been hurt by the church world and now has a jaded outlook on living for Christ. We've gone to bible studies together, I know once she has said the sinners prayer and she believes in Jesus but we just don't fully live it. So now a days I try so hard to live 100% right and still fail in certain areas and it bugs the ever living outta me. So then I get on here or read my bible and she gets upset with me like I'm not spending enough time with her. With all the crap that the world is going through,  I feel like now more then ever is the time to be living right for Christ so I'm so worried about every move I make,  word I speak,  action I do and I feel like its all sin. It's almost like the holy spirit is saying to me "Nope that still aint right" I only feel calm when reading scripture and even then I'm still confused (I feel like I do it to myself because I've tried to listen to different versions of the bible, or listen to different people give different interpretations on the same subjects. Idk if I decern correctly or not) I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm constantly worrying about my salvation and whether or not I'm fully trusting in Jesus. Sometimes I just don't know what to do. Half of me wants to leave and the other half says never give up. I'm trying to run my race and make it to the end. I wanna hear him say well done thou good and faithful servant. Not depart from me for I never knew you. I need help and lots of prayers.

Thanks for listening and reading 

Look away from yourself to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith.

Ps. 34:4-6 (ESV)

4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. 
5 Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. 
6 This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. 

Heb. 12:1,2 (KJV)

1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

[Who me]

2 hours ago, Greenie said:

So now a days I try so hard to live 100% right and still fail in certain areas and it bugs the

May I ask what you think makes one a Christian?

Is it ' good ' living, not sinning or is it total dependence on Jesus?

 

2 hours ago, Greenie said:

I'm so worried about every move I make,  word I speak,  action I do and I feel like its all sin.

Second suggestion stop listening to those who claim Christians can live a life free of sin. They are deceiving  you.

We all constantly sin and need to return to Jesus for forgiveness.

Every morning and every evening read your Bible and spend time in prayer. In between go to work, come home and spend time with your wife.

On Sunday if your church is open for corporate worship attend it, otherwise watch the online service.

Give your wife time, she needs to learn that not all Christians are horrible..

[LonerAndy]

On 8/6/2020 at 7:46 AM, Greenie said:

Greetings,

I know the last time I was here (years ago) I expressed a problem that I am unequally yoked. I grew up in the church. I met my wife while I was back sliding and sinning. A couple years pass and the Lord starts working on my heart again and I start going back to church and repent of my sins. I try my best to get her to go (without being pushy or forceful) but she's been hurt by the church world and now has a jaded outlook on living for Christ. We've gone to bible studies together, I know once she has said the sinners prayer and she believes in Jesus but we just don't fully live it. So now a days I try so hard to live 100% right and still fail in certain areas and it bugs the ever living outta me. So then I get on here or read my bible and she gets upset with me like I'm not spending enough time with her. With all the crap that the world is going through,  I feel like now more then ever is the time to be living right for Christ so I'm so worried about every move I make,  word I speak,  action I do and I feel like its all sin. It's almost like the holy spirit is saying to me "Nope that still aint right" I only feel calm when reading scripture and even then I'm still confused (I feel like I do it to myself because I've tried to listen to different versions of the bible, or listen to different people give different interpretations on the same subjects. Idk if I decern correctly or not) I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm constantly worrying about my salvation and whether or not I'm fully trusting in Jesus. Sometimes I just don't know what to do. Half of me wants to leave and the other half says never give up. I'm trying to run my race and make it to the end. I wanna hear him say well done thou good and faithful servant. Not depart from me for I never knew you. I need help and lots of prayers.

Thanks for listening and reading 

Get, and read, Pilgrim's Progress.

I'm find it concerning that your response to Christian message, seems different than most.   Most find Christianity, and the message of forgiveness to be a release from the burden of sin.   You seem to be more burdened, and I'm not sure why.

Half of you wants to leave?  Leave what?  If you know the Lord, you can't really leave.   When you find the true G-d of the universe, you can't really just pretend he doesn't exist, anymore than now that I have talked to you, pretend you don't exist.  So I'm not sure what you think you can leave, unless you really haven't met the Lord.   I'm assuming you know the Lord?   Is he as real to you, as your wife is?

Most people feel a release, not a "nope you are still bad".  Get Pilgrim's Progress, and read it.

The only other thing I would suggest, without more detail, is try to not worry about what your wife does.   Your job is to love your wife.  End.   You don't need to worry about if she said the Lord's prayer, or the sinner's prayer, or if she does anything.  There is only one person who deals with the heart, and that is the Lord Jesus.   You do your part.  Love your wife.  Unequally yoked, no longer is relevant.  You are married.  That is final.  You promised G-d that you would love your wife, and focus on your job.

Now you say your wife gets upset if you read your Bible.   Are you reading it silently to yourself?  Or are you reading it out loud, or reading it to her?

Read it to yourself.

Second, are you spending enough time with your wife?   You need to be setting aside time to spend with your wife.  How much time, is something you need to work out with her.  But some amount of time, you need to spend with your wife.   What does that look like?  I don't know.  But some amount of time is required.

A lot of couples do a date night, and perhaps that is something you need to start doing with your wife.

[branchesofHim]

Keep your faith and pursue truth in all. Remember that when you connect physically with another person in marriage or fornication, you actually partake of that person's spiritual belief which ultimately affects your soul. And Jesus can change that. Shalom.

1 Corinthians 6:[15] Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.
[16] What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.
[17] But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.
[18] Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that commiteth fornication sinneth against his own body.
[19] What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
[20] For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.

Matthew 19:[9] And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

1 Corinthians 7:[1] Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
[2] Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
[3] Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
[4] The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
[5] Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
[6] But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.
[7] For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
[8] I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
[9] But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
[10] And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
[11] But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
[12] But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
[13] And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
[14] For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
[15] But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
[16] For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
[17] But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.

1 John 1:[9] If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

If you are breathing, there is hope always in Christ Jesus. Only believe and receive. 

 

Edited August 10, 2020 by branchesofHim
Addition information from scripture.

[Greenie]

Thank you to you all for your responses, I've been taking time to think about what you've said and more importantly what God has to say about it. Waiting on his answers and his time is not an easy task sometimes.

 

On 8/6/2020 at 9:07 AM, Tzephanyahu said:

May I ask, what do you find the most challenging when it comes to reading the Bible?  What is it that causes the confusion?  I may know of a reliable teaching that could assist you.  I typically only recommend wise teachers who know the whole Word, through and through, and do not push man-made interpretations or theology with it.  

Most of my problem is the OSAS topic , I would gladly look into whoever you had in mind. 

 

On 8/9/2020 at 9:15 PM, LonerAndy said:

Get, and read, Pilgrim's Progress.

I'm find it concerning that your response to Christian message, seems different than most.   Most find Christianity, and the message of forgiveness to be a release from the burden of sin.   You seem to be more burdened, and I'm not sure why.

(I will look into that book. )

when I first got saved, it did feel like a weight was lifted. I believed the gospel message, then I was stupid enough to turn my back and go out and do my own thing and got myself all messed up. Backslide for 10+ years. Now coming back feels harder then it should. Another thing I get hung up on is the "true christian" remark. Whose to say who is real Christian or not?!? Am i not a true Christian? 

On 8/9/2020 at 9:15 PM, LonerAndy said:

Half of you wants to leave?  Leave what?

I should be more specific I suppose, I meant leave my marriage , see when I came back to my faith I was on fire for the Lord and I was feeling like she was trying to hold me back. Bring me down, like she didn't want anything to do with church, Jesus, praying, nothing of the sort. So I started to worry this is how it's always gonna be. To this day I pray that the Lord softens her heart and she would have the spiritual blinders removed and we could be a team for the Lord. As of now that's not how it is but I pray things will change. 

(As I write you my response I see how silly I sound about my marriage , especially since I consider myself to be a believer in Jesus Christ) I don't really wanna leave her at all , I just hope things will get better for us spiritually. 

There's more to talk about but I get space brained sometimes , maybe I should be keeping a notebook of my thoughts so I could express them fully lol 

[Tzephanyahu]

2 minutes ago, Greenie said:

Most of my problem is the OSAS topic , I would gladly look into whoever you had in mind. 

Ah, this is topic that has plagued many over the years and still persists to do so today even in this forum.

I'm afraid I cannot help you with this as it really needs to be be a self-realisation from studying the Scriptures and lead by the Spirit.  If I were to share my thoughts it would only start another endless debate with others. People get very emotional on this topic very quickly.

What I will say though is to ignore the interpretations and teachings of others - whatever standing they may seem to have, and consider the matter yourself.   Apply logic, reason and wisdom to the topic methodically - without fear of what the answer will be either way.  Consider the words of the Messiah carefully, His parables, His warnings and His promises.  Consider what seems most the reasonable and understandable to you - based on everything that the Bible teaches and all it's lessons.

But don't be swayed by clever sounding arguments from men, even if they quote scripture after scripture.  One can easily do quote many Scriptures out of context to prove a distorted point.  So try to understand the message of the Bible, as a whole, and directly with the words of the Messiah, in their entirety.  

Love & Shalom

[lovethelord]

Greenie,

I just want to encourage you in your continued walk with the Lord. Read His Word, pray and "listen" to hear his voice, attend church or be with other Christians to support you. You can finish the race you have started. Your wife may complain when your focus is not on her but she is "watching" you and how you live it.  It really is true, I unconsciously watch other Christians in what they say, what they do and their decisions. It helps me as well, because I know the reversal is same about myself and helps me to try and reflect God's light even when I'm not feeling my best. You would probably be the best example of to bring her back into fellowship with the Lord.

[missmuffet]

Question: "If you doubt your salvation, does that mean you are not truly saved?"

Answer: Most believers, at one time or another, have doubted their salvation. There can be several causes of doubt, some valid and some not. If you doubt your salvation, there are some steps you can take to find reassurance, dispel the doubts, and rest in the promises of God.

First, it is good to know that whether or not you have doubts is not what determines your salvation. Some genuine believers struggle with doubt, while some unbelievers who presume to be saved never have a doubting moment (and they will have a rude awakening someday—see Matthew 7:21–23). So it is not automatic that the presence of doubt indicates a lack of salvation, or that the absence of doubt attests to salvation.

One reason people doubt their salvation is the presence of sin in their lives. Hebrews 12:1 speaks of “sin that so easily entangles.” Many true Christians struggle against “besetting,” that is, habitual sins, and this may cause them to doubt their salvation. It is important here to recognize that, despite the Christian’s being a new creation in Christ, everyone still sins. “We all stumble in many ways” (James 3:2). No one reaches a state of sinless perfection in this world. The difference for the believer is the attitude toward sin and the response to it. As Adrian Rogers said, “Before I got saved I was running to sin; now I am running from it. And if I fail, I turn right around and start running away again” (“Assurance of Salvation,” www.lwf.org/discover-jesus/assurance-of-salvation, accessed 4/7/20).

It is also important to know that the presence of sin in one’s life can be a sign that you are not saved. The Bible is clear that willful, unrepentant sin is an indicator of an untransformed heart (see 1 John 3:6, 9; Romans 6:1–2). If you are living a lifestyle that the Bible condemns as sinful, then there is a spiritual problem. Do Christians sin? Yes. Do they willfully continue in sin? No.

If you doubt your salvation because of sin in your life, then confess the sin to God and ask for His forgiveness for Jesus’ sake. Then take steps to not repeat the sin: “Prove by the way you live that you have repented of your sins and turned to God” (Luke 3:8, NLT). The very fact that you recognize sin and struggle against it in your own life is proof that the Holy Spirit is at work. Cooperate with what He is doing.

Another reason people doubt their salvation is the absence of godly works in their lives. The Christian life involves more than turning from sin; it includes doing good. Jesus said that “every good tree bears good fruit” (Matthew 7:17), and Paul wrote, “Let our people learn to devote themselves to good works, so as to help cases of urgent need, and not be unfruitful” (Titus 3:14). There are some who inspect the “fruit” of their own lives, find it lacking, and wonder if they’re truly saved. Their mistrust that they are a “good tree” could be because 1) they have set a higher standard for themselves than God has, minimizing what God is doing through them; 2) they are foolishly measuring themselves against others and their fruit (see 2 Corinthians 10:12); 3) they are being lax in their pursuit of good works; or 4) they are not saved and therefore do not have the motivating love of Christ.

If you doubt your salvation because of a lack of good works, then confess the sin of omission to God and ask for His forgiveness for Jesus’ sake. Then it is time to “stir up the gift of God which is in you” (2 Timothy 1:6, NKJV). There’s plenty of work to do for the kingdom (Luke 10:2), and the Bible gives plenty of direction about the will of God, generally, for Christians. Be careful not to set up false performance standards or compare your good deeds with others’. Ask God what He would have you do, and do that.

Some people, especially those who were saved at a very young age, doubt their salvation because they don’t remember their conversion very well, and they wonder if the decision they made as a child was genuine. Such feelings are common in adults who were saved as children. In such cases, it is good to review the promises of God and remember that Jesus invites children to come to Him (Mark 10:14). Salvation is based on the grace of God and faith in Christ, not our knowledge, wisdom, or sophistication (Ephesians 2:8–9). Jesus promised that those who are His will “never perish” (John 10:28). If doubts persist about the genuineness of your childhood conversion, make sure of your faith. Regardless of what you did as a child, do you believe now that Jesus died for your sins and rose again? Are you placing your faith in Him alone?

Another reason for the presence of doubt concerning salvation is persistent guilt over past sins. We all have regrets about past misdeeds, and we all have a spiritual enemy that the Bible calls “the accuser” (Revelation 12:10). The combination of regrets and accusations can spur much doubt. Fortunately, “the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world” (1 John 4:4). If you doubt your salvation because of guilty feelings, then ask yourself, “Were those sins over which I feel guilty confessed to God?” If so, then know this: God has removed that sin from you “as far as the east is from the west” (Psalm 103:12). This promise stands forever: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

Sometimes, doubting is a good thing. Doubt can, like pain, alert us to a problem that needs addressed. We are to test ourselves to be sure that we are “in the faith” (2 Corinthians 13:5). Be sure that you are born again. If you have trusted Christ as your Savior, then you have eternal life, and God wants you to be confident of your salvation (Romans 8:38–39; 1 John 5:13).

https://www.gotquestions.org/salvation-doubt.html

Edited August 13, 2020 by missmuffet