mlssufan01 Posted April 11, 2021 Group: Mars Hill Followers: 1 Topic Count: 15 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 73 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 15 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/27/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted April 11, 2021 28 minutes ago, Who me said: By exempt do you mean, not allowed to attend church services? I would turn up any way and if denied access ask very loudly why. Otherwise does this church belong to an organisation with some sort of oversight. Failing that send a designation letter stating your disappointment that the minister will not talk to you. I am allowed to main service and men's breakfast...that's it...no bible studies or other small groups. I don't agree with disturbing worship; for one I would be uncomfortable anyway; but also my personal issue with the pastor should not disturb the worship of other individuals; however then again Jesus did tell us to go and be reconciled before we offer our gift at the altar...so in that regards I would say it would be sinful for the pastor to continue preaching when he is the one unwilling to repent and reconcile. Still; I would not find it wise to be disruptive in that manner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leah777 Posted April 11, 2021 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 19 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,393 Content Per Day: 0.71 Reputation: 1,156 Days Won: 1 Joined: 01/09/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted April 11, 2021 1 hour ago, mlssufan01 said: I am allowed to main service and men's breakfast...that's it...no bible studies or other small groups. I don't agree with disturbing worship; for one I would be uncomfortable anyway; but also my personal issue with the pastor should not disturb the worship of other individuals; however then again Jesus did tell us to go and be reconciled before we offer our gift at the altar...so in that regards I would say it would be sinful for the pastor to continue preaching when he is the one unwilling to repent and reconcile. Still; I would not find it wise to be disruptive in that manner. How would you feel if the pastor wrote a public review about you and state why your access to some of the church activities has been restricted? This may be a different church than from before, but there seems a pattern here of restriction from different pastors. I wonder why? What reason was given for the restrictions? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David1701 Posted April 11, 2021 Group: Royal Member Followers: 8 Topic Count: 15 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 5,731 Content Per Day: 3.51 Reputation: 3,524 Days Won: 12 Joined: 11/27/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted April 11, 2021 3 hours ago, mlssufan01 said: I am allowed to main service and men's breakfast...that's it...no bible studies or other small groups. I don't agree with disturbing worship; for one I would be uncomfortable anyway; but also my personal issue with the pastor should not disturb the worship of other individuals; however then again Jesus did tell us to go and be reconciled before we offer our gift at the altar...so in that regards I would say it would be sinful for the pastor to continue preaching when he is the one unwilling to repent and reconcile. Still; I would not find it wise to be disruptive in that manner. Allow me to do a little detective work here. You have not mentioned the details but you have mentioned that you are allowed to attend larger groups (main service) and men-only groups (men's breakfast). This indicates that there might be a perceived risk regarding small groups and women and/or youngsters. Since you have said that this kind of thing has happened in a previous congregation that you attended, this suggests one, or both, of the following: 1) That there has been communication between the pastor of your present assembly and the pastor of the previous assembly and/or 2) The pastor of the present assembly has perceived something similar to what was perceived by the pastor of the previous assembly This raises a question about your behaviour. Is there anything in your present behaviour that might give others cause for concern (even if the perception is incorrect), regarding, for example, younger women? If there is anything, even if based on a misapprehension, is there anything that you could do to modify your behaviour? Is there anyone at the assembly with whom you could discuss this kind of thing? There are always two sides to a story and we only see a vague version of your side, so it's very hard to offer concrete advice, other than to pray about it, forgive others and find out if there is anything in your behaviour that could lead to negative perceptions. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlssufan01 Posted April 11, 2021 Group: Mars Hill Followers: 1 Topic Count: 15 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 73 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 15 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/27/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted April 11, 2021 2 hours ago, leah777 said: How would you feel if the pastor wrote a public review about you and state why your access to some of the church activities has been restricted? This may be a different church than from before, but there seems a pattern here of restriction from different pastors. I wonder why? What reason was given for the restrictions? well...first and foremost...if he could tell me, directly, why he feels the way he does...this would go a long way in resolving the problem. Secondly--if he were to write a review of my behavior---this would go a long way in doing one of 2 things: a). teaching me where my behavior is wrong or b). result in him being shown he is wrong about my behavior. This is a very big difference between from meeting with him; pointing out his behavior of insulting and abandoning; him acknowledging the sin; but then doing nothing; and then when I have asked what my offenses were, and to be given no clear answer, yet remain in punishment. I do not know the reason for the restrictions; he gave some vague christian-ized answer like "it's hard to love your neighbor when you don't love yourself." Really, i think the main caveat behind all of my frustration is I just want to know what I did wrong, if anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlssufan01 Posted April 11, 2021 Group: Mars Hill Followers: 1 Topic Count: 15 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 73 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 15 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/27/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted April 11, 2021 18 minutes ago, David1701 said: Allow me to do a little detective work here. You have not mentioned the details but you have mentioned that you are allowed to attend larger groups (main service) and men-only groups (men's breakfast). This indicates that there might be a perceived risk regarding small groups and women and/or youngsters. Since you have said that this kind of thing has happened in a previous congregation that you attended, this suggests one, or both, of the following: 1) That there has been communication between the pastor of your present assembly and the pastor of the previous assembly and/or 2) The pastor of the present assembly has perceived something similar to what was perceived by the pastor of the previous assembly This raises a question about your behaviour. Is there anything in your present behaviour that might give others cause for concern (even if the perception is incorrect), regarding, for example, younger women? If there is anything, even if based on a misapprehension, is there anything that you could do to modify your behaviour? Is there anyone at the assembly with whom you could discuss this kind of thing? There are always two sides to a story and we only see a vague version of your side, so it's very hard to offer concrete advice, other than to pray about it, forgive others and find out if there is anything in your behaviour that could lead to negative perceptions. so...i cannot rally give you any information on the 2nd church; as i'm really at a loss as to where this came from; and the churches are so far apart it wouldn't really make sense for my former pastor to contact that pastor--it would be extremely surprising if they were in any way correlated. For the 2nd church, there was no small group or younger crowd or anything; I was actually very cautious about getting too involved; and pretty much laid low for my entire tenure there. As for the 1st church- you can probly find older posts on the matter...but a brief synopsis is that, at the time of the incident the pastor's children were all college age (18-25) and the pastor's son insulted me by saying i was barely tolerable; followed by a complete unexpected cutoff--which resulted in my first and only mental health episode---basically schizophrenic bipolar--and due to hallucinations, turned myself into the police thinking I did something wrong. So, in the very least...I at least tried to make sense of the situation there by telling myself that is why they won't speak to me; but the reality is they had an issue before that episode. Again, the one common denominator here I just want to know why I am always the reject, always the one cast aside, always feeling like I did something wrong; and yet nobody can ever tell me, no matter how hard I search. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leah777 Posted April 11, 2021 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 19 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,393 Content Per Day: 0.71 Reputation: 1,156 Days Won: 1 Joined: 01/09/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted April 11, 2021 (edited) 14 minutes ago, mlssufan01 said: so...i cannot rally give you any information on the 2nd church; as i'm really at a loss as to where this came from; and the churches are so far apart it wouldn't really make sense for my former pastor to contact that pastor--it would be extremely surprising if they were in any way correlated. For the 2nd church, there was no small group or younger crowd or anything; I was actually very cautious about getting too involved; and pretty much laid low for my entire tenure there. As for the 1st church- you can probly find older posts on the matter...but a brief synopsis is that, at the time of the incident the pastor's children were all college age (18-25) and the pastor's son insulted me by saying i was barely tolerable; followed by a complete unexpected cutoff--which resulted in my first and only mental health episode---basically schizophrenic bipolar--and due to hallucinations, turned myself into the police thinking I did something wrong. So, in the very least...I at least tried to make sense of the situation there by telling myself that is why they won't speak to me; but the reality is they had an issue before that episode. Again, the one common denominator here I just want to know why I am always the reject, always the one cast aside, always feeling like I did something wrong; and yet nobody can ever tell me, no matter how hard I search. Did you follow up our suggestion previously and get some professional counselling? I ask because, if you genuinely are at a loss, you may need to consider that you have Dissociative Identity Disorder and are unaware of what your alter persona is doing, and being told. Otherwise this doesnt add up, as no pastor would make such a huge edict for no reason, with no explanation, and while refusing to explain - and for it to happen twice with different pastors and churches. Have you been to other churches between these pastor and churches? If so, what happened there? If I remember rightly, you are in your 30's or 40's - is that right? Edited April 11, 2021 by leah777 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David1701 Posted April 11, 2021 Group: Royal Member Followers: 8 Topic Count: 15 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 5,731 Content Per Day: 3.51 Reputation: 3,524 Days Won: 12 Joined: 11/27/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted April 11, 2021 11 minutes ago, mlssufan01 said: so...i cannot rally give you any information on the 2nd church; as i'm really at a loss as to where this came from; and the churches are so far apart it wouldn't really make sense for my former pastor to contact that pastor--it would be extremely surprising if they were in any way correlated. For the 2nd church, there was no small group or younger crowd or anything; I was actually very cautious about getting too involved; and pretty much laid low for my entire tenure there. As for the 1st church- you can probly find older posts on the matter...but a brief synopsis is that, at the time of the incident the pastor's children were all college age (18-25) and the pastor's son insulted me by saying i was barely tolerable; followed by a complete unexpected cutoff--which resulted in my first and only mental health episode---basically schizophrenic bipolar--and due to hallucinations, turned myself into the police thinking I did something wrong. So, in the very least...I at least tried to make sense of the situation there by telling myself that is why they won't speak to me; but the reality is they had an issue before that episode. Again, the one common denominator here I just want to know why I am always the reject, always the one cast aside, always feeling like I did something wrong; and yet nobody can ever tell me, no matter how hard I search. Your behaviour must be "different", in some way, from what is expected. This does not mean that you are necessarily doing anything wrong, but it could indicate that your thinking processes, the way you speak and behave do not conform to the expected norms. There are certain conditions that can lead to this kind of result (e.g. autism). I am not saying that you have a "condition" (I don't know) but it could be worth investigating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlssufan01 Posted April 11, 2021 Group: Mars Hill Followers: 1 Topic Count: 15 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 73 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 15 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/27/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted April 11, 2021 20 minutes ago, leah777 said: Did you follow up our suggestion previously and get some professional counselling? I ask because, if you genuinely are at a loss, you may need to consider that you have Dissociative Identity Disorder and are unaware of what your alter persona is doing, and being told. Otherwise this doesnt add up, as no pastor would make such a huge edict for no reason, with no explanation, and while refusing to explain - and for it to happen twice with different pastors and churches. Have you been to other churches between these pastor and churches? If so, what happened there? If I remember rightly, you are in your 30's or 40's - is that right? in my 30's, I went to mental health following the initial incident; the general consensus is that i had an episode, I was put on medications; but it was not enough to label as an official mental illness. I have been to churches prior to these 2; and only one afterwards. I did enjoy the last one while I was there; and was really the only church without a significant issue to cause me harm (I left due to work, not due to any issues). Again, I really have no info to give on the 2nd church. The pastor's reasoning in the 1st church was he "wanted to give me the space I need to move forward." again, seemed coded, and at best all I can think of was that since his family outright ended the friendship abruptly, it would be awkward and uncomfortable to be in a smaller setting; but that still begs the question why the need for the abrupt ending. My only inkling is because i am annoying; but i don't really find that to be an acceptable behavior of a pastor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whyme Posted April 11, 2021 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 82 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 2,300 Content Per Day: 1.94 Reputation: 1,125 Days Won: 10 Joined: 02/16/2021 Status: Offline Share Posted April 11, 2021 9 hours ago, mlssufan01 said: If you have had an offense with the pastor; and exhausted every possibility of working things out; have been told you didn't do anything wrong; and have still been exempt from attending certain services; and been blocked by the pastor and his family--at that point do I make the public aware of what happened (probably through an online review service like google or yelp)? I would be lying if I said I wasn't angry; there is a part of me that is; but I'm honestly more upset that I don't even think they think they did anything wrong (i.e. verbally insulting me; abandoning me), and the assistant pastor just sort of avoids everything cuz he doesn't really know what happened, and when we did talk; the pastor talked in code so that the truth wouldn't come out. but anyways; I wrestle with this because I really do care about them, but is it really loving for me to just let them go scott free? Part of me feels like it isn't wise to let people live under that leadership knowing that the pastor could just one day just cut people off with no discussion, no warning--if you've ever experienced that from anyone, it's an emotional trauma like no other; especially from someone you were close with. Ive been cut off with no discussion. It feels horrible. We can find strength in such things though. These things make us weak but when we are weak we are strong. We are blessed when we are mistreated by others if we take it to God in prayer, and pour out our heart to Him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Who me Posted April 11, 2021 Group: Royal Member Followers: 5 Topic Count: 17 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 3,306 Content Per Day: 1.71 Reputation: 1,688 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/27/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted April 11, 2021 5 hours ago, mlssufan01 said: I am allowed to main service and men's breakfast...that's it...no bible studies or other small groups. I don't agree with disturbing worship; for one I would be uncomfortable anyway; but also my personal issue with the pastor should not disturb the worship of other individuals; however then again Jesus did tell us to go and be reconciled before we offer our gift at the altar...so in that regards I would say it would be sinful for the pastor to continue preaching when he is the one unwilling to repent and reconcile. Still; I would not find it wise to be disruptive in that manner. If you have been told you have done nothing wrong, yet cannot attend bible studies, that is the same as having done wrong. The other tactic would be to ask someone about the bible study, making sure you let him know you have been told not to attend and you do not know why. Either why you will cause disturbance in the church. Or you could ask the larger on Sunday loudly and in front of others why he says you cannot attend a bible study. Or leave,but email or write to every member telling them your story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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