How much can a Pastor say to his wife

August 31, 2005

They should not be saying one word to their wife, husbands, friends... no one but God. It is confidential. It is never ok. A pastor is protected by confidentiality.... by the law no one else is. Anyone outside the pastor could be called to give testimony in a court and would have to. Let alone the theological problem of the pastor being educated to deal with this and the wife/husband are not. Only in church discipline of a member can something be brought up to the council, the elders, whatever group are leaders who make a decision to kick a person out or not and then only if the member would not listen to the pastor.

August 31, 2005

This is not a gender issue. It goes whether the pastor is male or female and if the person talking is male or female. A male pastor to a female does not change that it must be confidential nor a woman pastor to a man. Both are right and both are confidential. No one else in the church is trained to counsel unless they have been to school for it and the person goes to them.... but no one else in the church has legal protection for confidentiality.

Iryssa · August 31, 2005

They should not be saying one word to their wife, husbands, friends... no one but God.

August 31, 2005

Another word on the women.... it is absolutely NOT outside the bible that women are ordained. As with men, anyone who does not know what they are talking about and not mature both in faith and as a human, does not belong in the ministry. The verses used against women were for a certain case. You are reading mail from one pastor to another regarding a specific problem in a church at the time..... not for all time. It is God who chooses who will serve him in that capacity.

The pastor and spouse are not a team in ministry unless God called it, which is often NOT the case. So don't go there.

Solo pastors.... those whose congregations are too small for two or more are perfectly fine to counsel alone with another. That's partly what insurance is for today.

A generation ago we did not talk like this. Segregating people like this is wrong.

Iryssa · August 31, 2005

As I said...it may be wise to read the situation in whole.

August 31, 2005

It is not a gender issue. People gossip because their hearts are not right with the Lord. Again... a generation ago, people did not think like this or act like this. Being one on one is the way it is. It is the professional nature of the pastoral role to be put in situations to minister where it may need to be one on one. The wife needs to trust the husband and the other way around.

August 31, 2005

I know the situation first hand from the one who began the thread.

Iryssa · August 31, 2005

And you still believe he should not have shown his wife the letter?

kittylover0991 · August 31, 2005

Indeed it is a gender issue! I think everyone would agree that a male pastor being alone in a closed room with a female congregation member, or trading notes with one without the wife's knowledge of the content, brings about the issue of gossip, etc. Again, I believe you may want to take a look at the whole situation before jumping to conclusions.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Why on earth I keep replying on my own thread..I still have no idea... however, as I had said before, there are a few things I want to clear up.. first, my pastor and his wife are very trustworthy.. my problem is that I dont know the pastor's wife well enough to trust her very well yet.. I trust her little, but not enough for this...

Another thing, we are never in a room with a closed door.. when I handed it to him.. we were getting of the bus for visitation.. when i first spoke to him a little.. it was in the hallway outside the chapel.. and last Saturday afternoon.. it was in his office with the door open... the rest of the teens outside stuffing flyers.. and adults coming in and out... there are not "counsel sessions"... it is simply talking and not saying what the topic is outloud.. but still knowing what it is.. i have become very used to that with the old youth pastor

I had thought that it was law that a pastor cannot say something that is in confidentiality to his wife.. but by this point.. it doesn't matter much anymore.. I do agree, however, that he shoudl have warned us upfront that all "letters" are read by his wife also

In a way, it is a gender issue..i feel that I may have made him uncomfortable.. actually.. i probably made him very uncomfortable.. by this point... I am not sure what to say considering the last time I talked to him..

I went to him for accountability and he says one week after I give him the paper "It has been a week.. there shoudlnt' be a problem anymore, right?".. other than that.. things are fine..

Please keep in mind.. I have a great youth pastor and youth pastor's wife.. even though it may seem as though I am ragging on him in my anger.. please.. no more comments about untrustworthy pastors or pastor's wives.. or immature.. or anything like that.. thankyou... they are very trustworthy.. i juts dont' know his well enough yet to trust her

Oh yes.. they only came to this church at the end of May.. that should explain a bit also

Thankyou

Nanners · August 31, 2005

Crystal-

You are right for feeling betrayed. If he was uncomfortable than he should have recommended you talk to his wife. Many YP wives are very active in ministering along side their husband, even though they are not being paid by the church. He probably didn't think twice about sharing your letter with her. But, if you have a grievence, than the biblical thing is to do is to talk to your YP about how you felt so that any resentment that you may hold can not be a tool that the enemy can use agains you. Get my drift.