Conflicted and Frustrated About Something I Believe(d) God Wants Me to Do.

[MiraculousFaith]

Hey, everyone,

I'm feeling confused and really down about this screenplay I've been writing for the past year. It focuses on spiritual warfare -- something I've dealt with in the past. I thought I knew that God wanted me to write this story and film it, and had a few signs that I thought were "a-okays" to really flesh out the ideas, but right now, I feel so conflicted about it.

I had an unusual conversation with my mother this week, who's more of a pragmatic skeptic and spiritual person than believer, about some of my experiences. She seemed to have every explanation as to why this or that experience wasn't really what I thought it was, and how I couldn't know for sure. I shared some very personal stories, and it felt invalidating somehow to hear it explained away, even though some were dark and a little traumatizing for me. Some of the conversation really seemed odd to me, but I don't know if it's a perspective thing on my part or a true difference in belief.

We've definitely had conversations like this before about spiritual things, but this got fairly deep. For some reason, I just left that conversation very low, as if I could only agree with her explanations. I know someone else can't determine my own beliefs, I just can't help but feel as if I'm the one who's losing; as if I don't really understand what's happened in my life. I can't explain it.

I just have begun to wonder if I should drop the script completely, though I don't want to obviously. Today, I was frustrated with God about something I saw in church history. I don't usually get flustered like that with Him, but ever since I had this convo I've been on edge, like I don't really know if I understand myself or my life.

The irony is, I finally feel like I'm hearing God's voice again this week, after a stressful relationship that had to end for my health and theirs. I finally feel like I'm getting back on my feet, but this is bothering me.

What do you do when you just don't know what to think? How can I still know if this is what God wants? I'm doubting it for the first time in a year. Maybe I'm not to write this story after all? I don't know what else to do but pray and hope it becomes clear again.

 

[branchesofHim]

1 hour ago, MiraculousFaith said:

What do you do when you just don't know what to think?

Don't overthink it. Follow your heart. Shalom

Philippians 2:[5] Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:
[6] Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:
[7] But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:
[8] And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.
[9] Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name:
[10] That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth;
[11] And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
[12] Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.
[13] For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.

Philippians 4:[8] Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

[enoob57]

Seeing how God speaks to us through His Word not feelings and intuitions ... I would seek out through prayer and His Word on all this...

[other one]

4 hours ago, MiraculousFaith said:

She seemed to have every explanation as to why this or that experience wasn't really what I thought it was, and how I couldn't know for sure.

In my 74 years I have watch both myself and others go through the same things.   Go with it and if it's something God wants done you will have things fall into place.    I don't tend to put that much into pragmatic people who are not serious believers.    Like science has for decades, they try and take God out of everything that happens.

If God wants it done it will flow and if he doesn't want it done there will be closed doors everywhere.    And it could be that he doesn't really care one way or another and it can just happen with a lot of work from you.

[MrBear]

Pray it up to God

pray for guidance

’ Lord what do you want me to do with this?, where do you want to guide me?, I open myself to your guidances’

study some people like Neil t Anderson and others experienced with the subject, let the Lord inspire you

It’s weird that you talk about spiritual warfare because whenever I get on a subject that the spirit takes me to really research I tend to go overboard and really get into the scripture for example I have really been interested in Isaiah lately

so when I’m not reading the word I tend to fall asleep with the book of Isaiah audio on a loop because I feel like we can learn a lot even in our sleep and I have a little Bluetooth speaker above my headboard now what is weird is that I’m listening to this as a sleep and occasionally I will wake up in the middle of the night and I will know  ok ..this is about Nebuchadnezzar or this is the song about the vineyard

So I had a dream 2 nights ago and in the dream I could see myself lying in my bed and  my bedroom door cracked open there was a light behind the door

three heads peaked around the door three beautiful girls but there was something wrong with them almost like a crooked spine and they pointed over to the side of my bed which in my dream I had this 1980s boom box I can hear the scripture playing

And one of the girls kept pointing to the radio for me to turn it off

it was almost as if these unclean spirits did not like the fact that I was listening to the scripture and wanted me to turn it off it was weird because in my dream I leaned over and hit the stop button on this little radio but of course in real life what’s going on is it on a loop so it never stops and these three girls creep up to the bed and were basically saying if you turn off the scripture we can have some fun

it was then that I woke up and I remember the first thing I did was pray that God sends angels to protect me from spiritual warfare tonight because I feel like they really do not like the scripture but I just thought it was weird because I haven’t had dreams like that in a while

but it definitely felt like a spiritual attack a temptation to stray away from the word I think these things are very real in fact the Bible tells us these things are very real

I would definitely if you haven’t already research Neil T Anderson I can give you a good YouTube video where he discusses a lot of spiritual warfare

“Can demons read minds Neil T Anderson interview uncut”

I really like his explanations and I read his books I found them very informative I think spiritual warfare is something that people are aware of and we can never have too much material but be aware that when you open those doors the greatest lie the devil ever told was that he did not exist so when you start putting light 💡 on those subjects you do paint a target on your back 🎯 

so keep in prayer read your word let the Lord guide you and support you

SHALOM❤️

 

[debrakay]

I honestly think we have all been at this point one time or many times in our lives.  I'm getting close to 7 decades of experience and still have those times when I wonder just what God is up to and just exactly what does He want me to do.  In fact just last week when I was searching for His answer to my question He said;

John 10:27 - My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. 

John 10:5 - But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.

Whenever I doubt what I have heard or am hearing, I wait until He lays the answer on me.  There have been times the answer to my questions have taken years.  Only He knows the perfect timing and why.  Others will try to tell you what you are hearing and what you are not hearing.  Of course they do not know and it is only their opinion.  If your heart is filled with the Holy Spirit the answers will be revealed to you but it may take patience on your part.  Sometimes a lot of patience.  

I have always like to write and have volumes of journals to show for it.  Four years ago I had a brain tumor removed and started writing all about the experience and how the power of the Holy Spirit moved at that time in my life.  I wrote it all down and have a book completed (not edited at all).  It first I thought it was something for everyone to read but now I think that maybe it was just a part of my experience.  I'm sure He will let me know if there ever comes a time He wants something else done with it.  Everyone has a story but not all are meant to be shared with the entire world and only need to be shared to certain with certain individuals. 

If your plans are really His plans He will continue to prompt you to keep moving forward regardless of what others may think or say.  He is not a god of confusion.  I will be praying that He reveal His plan to you so that you know in your heart and mind that it is confirmation from Him of your future path.

[Who me]

On 1/10/2022 at 9:54 AM, MiraculousFaith said:

What do you do when you just don't know what to think? How can I still know if this is what God wants? I'm doubting it for the first time in a year. Maybe I'm not to write this story after all? I don't know what else to do but pray and hope it becomes clear again.

 

Seek advice from your pastor, youth leader or other Christian you trust.

As your are doing, ask God for confirmation on what you are writing, planning etc.

 

Do remember Gods timing is not the same as ours. Moses spent 40 years as a sheppard before he lead Israel, so put this writing aside for a while, do something else and come back to it and review it.

[AnOrangeCat]

Like others have said, pray about it. But I think you should continue writing it anyway. Why?

At a bare minimum it's an exercise in writing. It helps cultivate and demonstrate perseverance and dedication. Regardless of what comes of your project it's an experience you can eventually look back on and potentially use to guide someone else later on in life. I've been reading I & II Kings lately and there's really a lot in there about being obedient to God even when it seems weird to do so, like Naaman being reluctant to take a dip in the river until he was talked into it.

[MiraculousFaith]

On 1/10/2022 at 11:32 AM, debrakay said:

I honestly think we have all been at this point one time or many times in our lives.  I'm getting close to 7 decades of experience and still have those times when I wonder just what God is up to and just exactly what does He want me to do.  In fact just last week when I was searching for His answer to my question He said;

John 10:27 - My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. 

John 10:5 - But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.

Whenever I doubt what I have heard or am hearing, I wait until He lays the answer on me.  There have been times the answer to my questions have taken years.  Only He knows the perfect timing and why.  Others will try to tell you what you are hearing and what you are not hearing.  Of course they do not know and it is only their opinion.  If your heart is filled with the Holy Spirit the answers will be revealed to you but it may take patience on your part.  Sometimes a lot of patience.  

I have always like to write and have volumes of journals to show for it.  Four years ago I had a brain tumor removed and started writing all about the experience and how the power of the Holy Spirit moved at that time in my life.  I wrote it all down and have a book completed (not edited at all).  It first I thought it was something for everyone to read but now I think that maybe it was just a part of my experience.  I'm sure He will let me know if there ever comes a time He wants something else done with it.  Everyone has a story but not all are meant to be shared with the entire world and only need to be shared to certain with certain individuals. 

If your plans are really His plans He will continue to prompt you to keep moving forward regardless of what others may think or say.  He is not a god of confusion.  I will be praying that He reveal His plan to you so that you know in your heart and mind that it is confirmation from Him of your future path.

I've done very similar things. I've wondered if writing this script is God's way of healing me or helping others work through their own struggles. I'm okay with either one. It's worth it for that alone. Thank you for the prayers!

[Prycejosh1987]

On 1/10/2022 at 9:54 AM, MiraculousFaith said:

How can I still know if this is what God wants?

Everything God wants from someone and for someone is in scripture.