Christian colleague really draining me

[RdJ]

I just saw this on Facebook:

 

[Thewhitedove]

On 11/26/2023 at 2:50 PM, Renskedejonge said:

I just saw this on Facebook:

 

Wow that is so thought provoking! I loved it, thank you

[Thewhitedove]

Thanks for the prayers and advice.

Today she annoyed me. And you know what, I didn't even know if I'm turning into a bully now because I'm spending so much time with someone who drives me so mad that I mentally pick apart everything that she does. Nobody likes her and I've found myself joining in when they talk about her. A big part of it is that I feel less alone and less like I'm going crazy when I know its not just me. 

Colleague is doing more now but wants me to guide her along every step of the way, and I need that mental energy for myself. She outright asked me if I'd complained about her to our boss and I said that yes, I had. She wanted more details but I felt it was very invasive and so ended the conversation. She ran off and seemed upset. She said some things that really pulled at me, like how she feels like her just existing upsets me, and how she thought we were friends but it seems to be a one way thing.

I'm consumed with disliking her at this point. I don't want to be unkind or unprofessional but I can't stand her, and it comes out. She told me that I need to tell her every time she does something wrong but I think that's unfair on me. She said it takes every fibre of her being to organise herself in the day and that she has been open about her neurodivergence. I told her that's her issue to sort out and she needs to find strategies to manage. I feel so guilty but she's just not equipped for the job. 

[BK1110]

12 hours ago, Thewhitedove said:

Thanks for the prayers and advice.

Today she annoyed me. And you know what, I didn't even know if I'm turning into a bully now because I'm spending so much time with someone who drives me so mad that I mentally pick apart everything that she does. Nobody likes her and I've found myself joining in when they talk about her. A big part of it is that I feel less alone and less like I'm going crazy when I know its not just me. 

Colleague is doing more now but wants me to guide her along every step of the way, and I need that mental energy for myself. She outright asked me if I'd complained about her to our boss and I said that yes, I had. She wanted more details but I felt it was very invasive and so ended the conversation. She ran off and seemed upset. She said some things that really pulled at me, like how she feels like her just existing upsets me, and how she thought we were friends but it seems to be a one way thing.

I'm consumed with disliking her at this point. I don't want to be unkind or unprofessional but I can't stand her, and it comes out. She told me that I need to tell her every time she does something wrong but I think that's unfair on me. She said it takes every fibre of her being to organise herself in the day and that she has been open about her neurodivergence. I told her that's her issue to sort out and she needs to find strategies to manage. I feel so guilty but she's just not equipped for the job. 

Praying for strength from God to keep it together.

May I advise you to pray to God to help you battle the sins of gossip and bitterness? Being around her must make it so hard. Rely on God's strength to see your heart and mind through these trials.

[Thewhitedove]

34 minutes ago, BK1110 said:

Praying for strength from God to keep it together.

May I advise you to pray to God to help you battle the sins of gossip and bitterness? Being around her must make it so hard. Rely on God's strength to see your heart and mind through these trials.

You're so right. I know, I know! The gossip is a sin. So is the bitterness. I really struggle with this all. I have to spend 8 hours a day with her, with an hour's break on a good day. I'm turning into a horrible person and don't know how to claw things back. 

[BK1110]

1 minute ago, Thewhitedove said:

You're so right. I know, I know! The gossip is a sin. So is the bitterness. I really struggle with this all. I have to spend 8 hours a day with her, with an hour's break on a good day. I'm turning into a horrible person and don't know how to claw things back. 

Admit that you can't. Come to God as a little child, which you are to Him. Admit that you have no power of your own to hold yourself back. Pray for His strength to enter you. We are asking for a miracle here...but it is a miracle God has promised to us:

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you.” -- John 14:15-17

[Thewhitedove]

I've been trying, so hard. Praying every day, digging so deep. I'm starting to absolutely dislike her so that everything she does bothers me and I hate myself for being like this! I feel like such a horrible person! When I open myself up to feeling compassion for her, I end up getting unwell. I feel like I can't protect myself when I leave myself open to her manipulation. 

[RdJ]

2 hours ago, Thewhitedove said:

I've been trying, so hard. Praying every day, digging so deep. I'm starting to absolutely dislike her so that everything she does bothers me and I hate myself for being like this! I feel like such a horrible person! When I open myself up to feeling compassion for her, I end up getting unwell. I feel like I can't protect myself when I leave myself open to her manipulation. 

But why aren't you mad at the boss who is the cause of all of this? The boss dumps her on you. She at least has the excuse that she has autism, but the boss does this on purpose cause it's cheap or something. The boss doesn't care that that other woman left and that all of you get her dumped on you like an extra load, unpaid. The boss has to create a function for her if they can't fire her and leave you alone.

[Thewhitedove]

24 minutes ago, Renskedejonge said:

But why aren't you mad at the boss who is the cause of all of this? The boss dumps her on you. She at least has the excuse that she has autism, but the boss does this on purpose cause it's cheap or something. The boss doesn't care that that other woman left and that all of you get her dumped on you like an extra load, unpaid. The boss has to create a function for her if they can't fire her and leave you alone.

She was employed by a previous boss who has since left. The new boss spoke to me and said it needs to be sorted but as the colleague has autism, the school could get sued if they treated her unfairly. She is protected by lots of anti discrimatory legislation. 

[RdJ]

19 hours ago, Thewhitedove said:

Thanks for the prayers and advice.

Today she annoyed me. And you know what, I didn't even know if I'm turning into a bully now because I'm spending so much time with someone who drives me so mad that I mentally pick apart everything that she does. Nobody likes her and I've found myself joining in when they talk about her. A big part of it is that I feel less alone and less like I'm going crazy when I know its not just me. 

Colleague is doing more now but wants me to guide her along every step of the way, and I need that mental energy for myself. She outright asked me if I'd complained about her to our boss and I said that yes, I had. She wanted more details but I felt it was very invasive and so ended the conversation. She ran off and seemed upset. She said some things that really pulled at me, like how she feels like her just existing upsets me, and how she thought we were friends but it seems to be a one way thing.

I'm consumed with disliking her at this point. I don't want to be unkind or unprofessional but I can't stand her, and it comes out. She told me that I need to tell her every time she does something wrong but I think that's unfair on me. She said it takes every fibre of her being to organise herself in the day and that she has been open about her neurodivergence. I told her that's her issue to sort out and she needs to find strategies to manage. I feel so guilty but she's just not equipped for the job. 

I had an ex with autism. He would do that too. I have autism. It's so hard for me, so you must be always patient and my sweet caregiver. I cannot stand it if the chair is one day here and the next day there, so you must keep it normal for me. Everything in the same place with 3 small kids. Hello. I'm not your mom. Go bother your mother with that. He also didnt work or clean. No I'm autistic. It's so much harder for me. I don't care. I put him on bread with cheese and he had a job in 2 weeks. I left his filth where he dropped it and eventually he started to wash it when he had nothing left. 

I get that you get irritated, but chose to forgive her and let God do it, the forgiving if you can't. Just say you chose to and say to her that you can't handle it to also take care of her and maybe ask what makes her think that you can, just because you have no autism. No I can't. I don't hate you, but I cannot handle this. That's it. Go ask the principal for help or to get another function or do whatever, go ask your mom for help maybe, but leave me alone.

I think I would have already run away screaming to be honest.

But don't do the things she has to do. If it becomes a mess let the parents complain and good luck. Not your problem.

Protect yourself. It's not your responsibility.

Edited December 2, 2023 by Renskedejonge