How many times do I have to repent about this?

[Figure of eighty]

4 hours ago, Katie Rose Müller said:

I have been angry with God. It took a bit to diagnose that because we all know it's wrong to be angry with Him. I have been through a lot of stuff medically with little relief and I was getting frustrated and angry. Had a lot of issues mentally for about a year or two until I finally confessed my sin. And I went before God and was just honest and said, "I know it's wrong, but I'm angry and frustrated with you." And I told Him I needed help; I couldn't do this anymore.

I had to come to terms that sin from past generations had caused my problems, not Him. He wasn't just torturing me for the sake of torture. I was in the world and I would suffer in the world just like every one else. I wasn't immune from it, just because I was a Christian.

The Church at Smyrna was told be faithful unto death, that they would suffer persecution. They didn't escape and neither can any of us. Once I confessed my true emotions, asked to help navigate through those emotions and came to terms that this was the world, things improved dramatically.

You have to change the way you think of and towards God; you have to confess your own sins; you have to accept the reality of your situation that it is what is because we are in the world and not immune from the effects of sin. If someone is foolish and starts a fire and it catches the whole neighborhood on fire, the neighbors did nothing sinful or wrong, but suffered loss because of one person's incompetence. And we too, get burned, not because we did anything inherently bad, but because other people made mistakes.

Forgiveness, confession, and retraining your thoughts on how you think of God is the only way to overcome.

 

I think I'm gonna get on medication first..to help with my thought's no matter how much I repent the anger and hate comes back... just doesn't seem to go anywhere. 

Since it's still lingering I think perhaps I need medical intervention to help my head. 

[Figure of eighty]

12 hours ago, Debp said:

Did you say the sinner's prayer or did you pray it?    Just mouthing words you don't really mean won't work.

Maybe you haven't gotten to the end of your rope yet?   Most people in desperation cry out to the Lord sincerely.   And the Lord hears and answers.

 

My conversion was sincere.. 

[Figure of eighty]

11 hours ago, christsavedme said:

Your letter deeply moved me. Your experience of finding relief from nightmares through repentance, yet still struggling with trust, is particularly telling. It suggests that while your spiritual instincts are sound, there's a deeper wound that needs attention.

I want to validate that keeping God at arm's length is a natural human response to pain. Throughout history, we see this pattern in both individual lives and collective experiences. But I've observed that this defensive position, while protective in the short term, often deepens our isolation and suffering over time.

Regarding medication - while it can be a valuable tool (and you should discuss this option with a qualified medical professional), it's important to understand that what you're experiencing isn't simply a chemical imbalance. It's a powerful spiritual and emotional wound that likely needs multiple approaches for healing.

I would gently suggest considering three paths forward:
1. Professional counseling to process your trauma
2. Spiritual direction with a trusted priest or spiritual advisor
3. Gradual steps toward rebuilding trust - both with God and others

Remember, even Mother Teresa experienced long periods of spiritual darkness and doubt. You're not alone in this struggle, and it doesn't make you any less faithful or worthy.

Idk I feel like I'm not a Christian moat have warm loving feelings towards God and I don't. I'm mad at him, angry, disappointed.  I don't trust-- I don't want to be bc I don't want to be let down by Him.  I'll only trust him for things I can't control like death and life after. That's it.

 

Idk , I'm not a toy He can mess over. Idk I just feel real Christians don't feel like this. I wonder what am I don't here. My feelings for God has definitely changed. 

 

Edited November 28, 2024 by Figure of eighty

[Katie Rose Müller]

9 minutes ago, Figure of eighty said:

I feel im gonna need medication for that part. I thought I had a handle on my intrusive thoughts but I don't. Im just gonna try to get medication from my therapist to try and help me.

Nothing wrong with seeking help. I hope the medication and therapy helps! Perhaps God is pointing you in that direction?

[Figure of eighty]

1 minute ago, Katie Rose Müller said:

Nothing wrong with seeking help. I hope the medication and therapy helps! Perhaps God is pointing you in that direction?

Perhaps. I hope so too. Hope it's not a horror show.

[Katie Rose Müller]

My Dad and I were actually discussing the other day, that from what we can tell about the resurrection of the dead, is that God gives people as much time as they need to repent and change into His spiritual likeness.

Isaiah 65:20 “No more shall an infant from there live but a few days, Nor an old man who has not fulfilled his days; For the child shall die one hundred years old, But the sinner being one hundred years old shall be accursed.

This seems to imply that in the resurrection, someone who is 100 years old is still considered a child. Looks like mankind will live a long time:

Isaiah 65:22 They shall not build and another inhabit; They shall not plant and another eat; For as the days of a tree, so shall be the days of My people, And My elect shall long enjoy the work of their hands.

There are trees known to be over 1000 years old. So don't beat yourself up; or bring yourself down. God knows how hard it is for some people to overcome, especially if they're dealing with any form of mental illness, esp. if that mental illness has been brought on by trauma. As long as you're sincere that you want to walk with God, but are struggling, God's not going to write you off. He is going to give you time. Unlike what some Christians try to portray, now is not the only day of salvation. The resurrection is not an immediate judgement of eternal life or hellfire; judgement looks like it'll be at least 100 years, and up to even 1000.

Use whatever avenues you need to, to get the help you need: medication, therapy just don't give up or let go. God has given us our whole lives to overcome, and may gives us another life in the resurrection to pick up where we left off.

2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.

As long as you don't give up, neither will He. Being a Christian and overcoming the world is a hard thing. Perhaps also seek spiritual counsel, maybe there is a lot of demonic activity bringing you down? I was undergoing OCD/Intrusive thoughts as well and it took about 2 years to settle it out, but I know demons were antagonizing me at the same time because they perceived my weakness. So I had to tackle that issue as well. Have you also had a physical check-up, I was dealing with chronic anemia and I think the anemia, iron infusions and just stress of the illness was also exacerbating my symptoms. Maybe make sure that you don't have an underlying physical problem that's causing you to struggle.

God knows we're physical and if a piece of us is worn down, it affects the whole system. Ask God to lead you to the right diagnoses; right medication; right therapy; the right tools to help you. He won't ignore you if you're sincere about the help, as I know you are sincere because if you weren't you wouldn't be here posting. You'll get through this. I'll be praying for you.

And to add: when I was having it really hard, I actually wrote affirmations on myself (on my thigh) it was a hidden place that no one could see but me, but every time I saw it, I reminded myself that if we ask anything in His name He will do it. Maybe write an affirmation for yourself and read it every day, multiple times a day?

[Marathoner]

16 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

I'm not trying to sound like a wet mat but I really haven't been pursuing God. I'm not a good Christian. I still struggle with anger and resentment twds God. Sometimes I feel im not Saved at all... 

I feel like a fake but I'll pray God takes this anger away. Bc I know it's wrong. 

You can't control emotions... have you come to understand this yet? Who told you that you must repent of something you have no control over? 

You are not the illness. This is made clear by the admission that these out-of-control emotions are "wrong." Consider this: if you were phony or insincere, would you be here on the forum agonizing over what you cannot control? 

[Marathoner]

33 minutes ago, Figure of eighty said:

My conversion was sincere..

Write that down and carry it with you.

[Figure of eighty]

11 minutes ago, Katie Rose Müller said:

My Dad and I were actually discussing the other day, that from what we can tell about the resurrection of the dead, is that God gives people as much time as they need to repent and change into His spiritual likeness.

Isaiah 65:20 “No more shall an infant from there live but a few days, Nor an old man who has not fulfilled his days; For the child shall die one hundred years old, But the sinner being one hundred years old shall be accursed.

This seems to imply that in the resurrection, someone who is 100 years old is still considered a child. Looks like mankind will live a long time:

Isaiah 65:22 They shall not build and another inhabit; They shall not plant and another eat; For as the days of a tree, so shall be the days of My people, And My elect shall long enjoy the work of their hands.

There are trees known to be over 1000 years old. So don't beat yourself up; or bring yourself down. God knows how hard it is for some people to overcome, especially if they're dealing with any form of mental illness, esp. if that mental illness has been brought on by trauma. As long as you're sincere that you want to walk with God, but are struggling, God's not going to write you off. He is going to give you time. Unlike what some Christians try to portray, now is not the only day of salvation. The resurrection is not an immediate judgement of eternal life or hellfire; judgement looks like it'll be at least 100 years, and up to even 1000.

Use whatever avenues you need to, to get the help you need: medication, therapy just don't give up or let go. God has given us our whole lives to overcome, and may gives us another life in the resurrection to pick up where we left off.

2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.

As long as you don't give up, neither will He. Being a Christian and overcoming the world is a hard thing. Perhaps also seek spiritual counsel, maybe there is a lot of demonic activity bringing you down? I was undergoing OCD/Intrusive thoughts as well and it took about 2 years to settle it out, but I know demons were antagonizing me at the same time because they perceived my weakness. So I had to tackle that issue as well. Have you also had a physical check-up, I was dealing with chronic anemia and I think the anemia, iron infusions and just stress of the illness was also exacerbating my symptoms. Maybe make sure that you don't have an underlying physical problem that's causing you to struggle.

God knows we're physical and if a piece of us is worn down, it affects the whole system. Ask God to lead you to the right diagnoses; right medication; right therapy; the right tools to help you. He won't ignore you if you're sincere about the help, as I know you are sincere because if you weren't you wouldn't be here posting. You'll get through this. I'll be praying for you.

And to add: when I was having it really hard, I actually wrote affirmations on myself (on my thigh) it was a hidden place that no one could see but me, but every time I saw it, I reminded myself that if we ask anything in His name He will do it. Maybe write an affirmation for yourself and read it every day, multiple times a day?

I'll ask him to lead me to the right medication

[Debp]

3 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

I feel im gonna need medication for that part. I thought I had a handle on my intrusive thoughts but I don't. Im just gonna try to get medication from my therapist to try and help me.

Did you ever try getting into the Word of God and remember to use God's Word (verses that apply) when these thoughts assail you?   If you do, those thoughts will lessen more and more as time goes by.   Your mind will be renewed.

A few of us have encouraged you to get into God's Word.   I think you said you would try to make time for it.   Did you?