my friend told me off and called me judgemental

[DaughterofKing]

Ok, so my friend (non -christian friend) writes me that he is in another country having a great time, getting drunk and getting motel rooms and stuff. So I feel like I have to say something, so I tell him that I dont think it is a good idea for him to do that stuff and I will pray for him and his friend.

He then writes me back saying he was offended and so was his friend that I would say that I am going to pray for them. He always tells me that I need to shut up since I am someone who never does anything and I have no idea what I am talking about and that I am preaching to him. Then he listed all the things that I have done wrong to prove his point.

Then he had the nerve to bring up how he had an abortion before and how he used to think that abortions were wrong until he was in the situation and that you cant judge unless you are in the situation and I am delusional.

Argh. I wanna tell him off. I half half a mind to call him a baby killing murderer (Edited by Moderator)

Was I wrong? What should I do now if anything at all?

[mikado5001]

DoK we meet again.

He then writes me back saying he was offended and so was his friend that I would say that I am going to pray for them. He always tells me that I need to shut up since I am someone who never does anything and I have no idea what I am talking about and that I am preaching to him. Then he listed all the things that I have done wrong to prove his point.

You have an idea of what you are talking about. THe HOLY SPIRIT is giving you the idea.

Then he had the nerve to bring up how he had an abortion before and how he used to think that abortions were wrong until he was in the situation and that you cant judge unless you are in the situation and I am delusional.

Argh. I wanna tell him off. I half half a mind to call him a baby killing murderer (Edited by Moderator)

Don't be so cruel with your language to your friend. Especially when calling them a baby murderer, killer, etc. I can understand thier anger towards you. Anger on your position as to their choice of lifestyle. You are, and rightly so, confronting them with the TRUTH. That is hard for them to hear. Be as loving as Christ will allow you to be. And pray for them. Gently tell them why you feel they are headed down a bad path. Satan, not your friend, is the source of the anger. Be aware of this. And be encouraged by it. The fact that Satan is telling your beloved friend to be angry at you, is testimony to the fact that you are telling the TRUTH to your friend. BE ENCOURAGED. And may the LORD be with you!!!

[Iryssa]

To be very honest, I think you need to consider just how much of a friend he's being to you, if he is at all...frankly, this:

He always tells me that I need to shut up

doesn't sound like something a true friend would say.

I don't mean you should ostracize him or anything, but consider: if he is a true friend, he will accept what you say as being well-meaning, not intended to offend him. That being said, though, it sounds like he may have had some bad experiences with Christians in the past, so proceed with caution. Keep being a friend to him, but be on your guard, since he's not being much of a friend to you.

Do be careful in the wording you use in admonishing him...keep in mind that the goal is to be loving toward him, not to make him do exactly as you say. You are being a good friend to him in telling him that what he's doing is harmful and that you're praying for him...just say it gently: "I'm very concerned about you...those things you've been doing are destructive." rather than "You're being stupid, stop doing this dumb crap" (not saying you DID say that, just making up an example).

If he's just gonna jump down your throat when you approach him with love like that, well, maybe you'd be better to avoid the subject (and maybe give him some space...you're the one that knows him, so do what you think is best) until he's cooled down. Keep praying for him...just don't say anything that'll put him on the defensive for a while. If I'm right, and he has had bad experiences with people who have called themselves Christians in the past, it's gonna take him a long time to heal, so you'll have to be very careful.

Keep praying for him...whatever you do, don't abandon that.

[chicagoburbite]

It sounds like your relationship with him might be sort of hostile. Even though I know you would love to see him come to Christ. Jumping down his throat... might not be the way God would have you go about it. Think about how Jesus responded to those who were against Him.

It also sounds like he may enjoy saying things that set you off. If everytime he says something negative you get all angry and tell him off, or go into a big lecture...he may find that funny!

However, that's not how a Christian behaves. My grandpa always said "Kill them with kindness". In other words, be kind to him, love him, and show it with your words... and THAT behavior will win him over to the Lord.

Putting that into practice: If you choose to ignore the negative things he says, and support him when he speaks positively, you'll develop a new and respectful relationship. If he continues to hound you with reports of this and that sinful behavior, even after you ignore it, and change the subject.. then it might be time to end this friendship. Some relationships are "toxic" and do more harm than good.

Let this friend see that there is something "different" about you...and that is Christ. When you are in fellowship with Christ...it will show in your actions

Keep seeking the Lord for answers.

Jenni

Edited January 18, 2006 by chicagoburbite

[chicagoburbite]

OOpps. Meant to post this here.

DOK: It sounds like your relationship with him might be sort of hostile. Even though I know you would love to see him come to Christ. Jumping down his throat... might not be the way God would have you go about it. Think about how Jesus responded to those who were against Him.

It also sounds like he may enjoy saying things that set you off. If everytime he says something negative you get all angry and tell him off, or go into a big lecture...he may find that funny!

However, that's not how a Christian behaves. My grandpa always said "Kill them with kindness". In other words, be kind to him, love him, and show it with your words... and THAT behavior will win him over to the Lord.

Putting that into practice: If you choose to ignore the negative things he says, and support him when he speaks positively, you'll develop a new and respectful relationship. If he continues to hound you with reports of this and that sinful behavior, even after you ignore it, and change the subject.. then it might be time to end this friendship. Some relationships are "toxic" and do more harm than good.

Let this friend see that there is something "different" about you...and that is Christ. When you are in fellowship with Christ...it will show in your actions

Keep seeking the Lord for answers.

Jenni

[Micah68]

You do have a point but perhaps there is a way in the delivery to say it so that he would be more apt to accept it or at least consider that you have a point. You can say it very matter of factly and logically. Then it seems that you could use a review of Matthew 5 and 6. Many of the attitudes that we learn in modern society are not the way that Jesus taught us to live and we have to relearn how to behave. This is not easy because attitudes are very deep down but it is possible to change them. Reading the words of Jesus and meditating on how they would play out in our present day lives is a good way to start. Happy reading!

[DaughterofKing]

But what should I say in regards to his "You have done this and that and this and so you have no right to judge me or preach to me" speech. And should I say anything about his abortion?

[Leonard]

We believe the Word of God is 100% true. It is NOT 'judgmental' to simply tell the truth; it is a REQUIREMENT.

[chicagoburbite]

Just simply telling him this is wrong and that is wrong isn't what witnessing is about. When you want to witness to someone, the first place to start is in our own lives, and how we model Christ to others.

I do not think you would point out his sins. I think you have to wait for a calm moment to talk about God.

DOK, ask yourself "How has God made a difference in my life?" "What parts of the bible have caused me to grow in the Lord". When you can answer those questions... THOSE are the things you should be sharing with this friend.

Jenni

[jenni211]

I think that we have to be so careful that we don't judge... we do it even though we don't realize that we are sometimes. Telling your friend that you'll pray for him is great, but leave it at that. Non beleivers don't always understand that we have different standards of living. What is right behaviour for you, is not for them... Pray, without ceasing, but don't tell them what they are doing is wrong. You'll offend them and when you offend, you have no witness.

God bless

Jennifer

Edited January 18, 2006 by jenni211