Discouraged

[roseofSharon]

Hello, brothers and sisters in Christ. I have a problem and need some advice. First of all, I am a Christian and have been since I was 12. I can testify that the Lord Jesus is a faithful friend and a wonderful master. I am now 23 and am a college student, majoring in nursing. I still live at home with my parents (I attend a community college).

Now, my problem is that I am terribly self conscious and have been battling this thing for... forever, it seems! I am shy and always have been. It is part of my personality. I have an ISFJ personality, if that means anything to anyone. Anyway, just reading Scripture verses in Sunday School takes every ounce of my courage, and even than my heart starts to pound and my voice will shake. This makes me so embarrassed and I'm sure everyone is thinking what a weird person I am. It's the same way at school; just answering a question in class will make me so nervous. So many times I want to say something, but don't because I'm too scared. I have tried and tried to shake this nervousness from myself; I have cried to my Heavenly Father to change me, and some days I do better, but other days are awful. Now, I can talk rather freely and feel pretty comfortable around my family and those I know well. Actually, I probably act like a totally different person at home than I do at church and school!

So, I am so confused. Will the Lord change me? I wish He would, because I'm afraid this self- consciousness will stand in the way of doing my Father's will. I want to help people, to minister to them. Sometimes I want to say something to someone, but am too afraid. I know it doesn't matter what people think of me, but I am constantly wondering what they are thinking about me. I know it's insane, and I hate it, but it sometimes seems I'll be doomed to stay this way until I reach heaven. Should I keep trying to be brave, or should I just give up? Maybe God doesn't want to change me? And someday I'd love to get married, if the Lord so wills, and I am so afraid no one will marry me because of my shyness.

Is there any hope for me? Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me? Am I the only one in the world with this problem?? I need help.

Edited March 12, 2006 by roseofSharon

[chicagoburbite]

Dearest Rose! Let me tell you a bit of my story. I grew up in a Christian home, and have been a Christian my whole life. When i was 23, I suddenly started having panic attacks and anxiety when speaking just as you mentioned!! I used to be able to be in plays, sing solos in church, give speeches. But suddenly I couldn't even be in a small bible study where I would have to speak and get through it. My voice would shake, my face froze, it was horrible!!! I begged God to heal me from it. I tried Christian counseling to see if there was something I didn't realize I needed to deal with. I had others praying for me. I suffered for 10 years. I wasn't able to get certain jobs. I was even afraid of my own baby shower and having to talk to everyone!!

I finally decided to see a Dr. about medication. My counselor in the past recommended it, but I was too scared.. and figured God would just heal me. Well, God loves me, and maybe He was telling me it was OK to go on medication. So I did. WOW I got my life back!

I no longer freeze when I have to talk. I no longer shake when I talk. My voice sounds normal. It's such a relief. wow

I pray that you seek out help. I know how debilitating it can be.

God bless you sister!

Jenni

[backontrack]

Hello, brothers and sisters in Christ. I have a problem and need some advice. First of all, I am a Christian and have been since I was 12. I can testify that the Lord Jesus is a faithful friend and a wonderful master. I am now 23 and am a college student, majoring in nursing. I still live at home with my parents (I attend a community college).

Now, my problem is that I am terribly self conscious and have been battling this thing for... forever, it seems! I am shy and always have been. It is part of my personality. I have an ISFJ personality, if that means anything to anyone. Anyway, just reading Scripture verses in Sunday School takes every ounce of my courage, and even than my heart starts to pound and my voice will shake. This makes me so embarrassed and I'm sure everyone is thinking what a weird person I am. It's the same way at school; just answering a question in class will make me so nervous. So many times I want to say something, but don't because I'm too scared. I have tried and tried to shake this nervousness from myself; I have cried to my Heavenly Father to change me, and some days I do better, but other days are awful. Now, I can talk rather freely and feel pretty comfortable around my family and those I know well. Actually, I probably act like a totally different person at home than I do at church and school!

So, I am so confused. Will the Lord change me? I wish He would, because I'm afraid this self- consciousness will stand in the way of doing my Father's will. I want to help people, to minister to them. Sometimes I want to say something to someone, but am too afraid. I know it doesn't matter what people think of me, but I am constantly wondering what they are thinking about me. I know it's insane, and I hate it, but it sometimes seems I'll be doomed to stay this way until I reach heaven. Should I keep trying to be brave, or should I just give up? Maybe God doesn't want to change me? And someday I'd love to get married, if the Lord so wills, and I am so afraid no one will marry me because of my shyness.

Is there any hope for me? Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me? Am I the only one in the world with this problem?? I need help.

You are not the only person like this! Are you a guy or girl, makes no difference? I married a really wonderful girl just like you explain, or was like that 20 years ago. She is the love of my life still is 3 kids later. She was so shy and scared to talk in public I could not believe it. What drew us together was just that, I had this same shiness but not to this extream! I married at 31 she was 18. Now I tell you look at the age difference that is how shy I was. God put us together and we still are somewhat shy but nothing like we were. This is a true Love story of myself and my wonderful wife 20 years later, good luck with life one never knows how it will turn out and don't worry God is there and knows YOU.

[InternalFlame]

I know what you mean about being shy. I had and still somewhat have a problem with it. I will pray for you

[branchesofHim]

Is there any hope for me? Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me? Am I the only one in the world with this problem?? I need help.

II. Timothy 1

"7": For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

I used to by extremely shy. I wasn't much on speaking in groups or to people I didn't know very well. Then in my early 20's I was part of a youth group at church. I worked with the youth Pastor during the week and he'd feed me scriptures written on a sheet of paper. I'd take those little scribbled verses and learn them to where I could quote them verbatim to him, then he'd give me another one. The Word of God began to fill my heart and mind. (The Word of God produces faith and boldness.) Then I remember one night at a youth meeting the youth Pastor had all of the teenagers pray for me that God would give me boldness. And did He ever! Years later I went on to become the Educational Vice-President of a Toastmaster's International Club where I was employed with the Government. I can talk to anyone, anywhere, and anytime. (Often it's been in places where I truly didn't want to say anything at all!) God has given me boldness in Christ.

May God grant you boldness in Him.

Proverbs 28

"1": The wicked flee when no man pursueth: but the righteous are bold as a lion.

Peace.

[Leonard]

May the Lord give you perfect calmness.

[Iryssa]

My boyfriend has had the same sort of problem...he's perfectly fine around people he knows well, but get him up speaking in front of a large group of people and same thing happens as with you. He's gotten a lot better at it in the past few years, though! I think what's helped his confidence the most is acting. He's been in about six plays since I've known him (including the one he's rehearsing for now, and with each one his confidence (and his acting ability) has grown.

It wouldn't have to be acting (though I think that is the one most directly related to the problem), but find something you like to do and build your skill level in that area...take classes, talk to people about it online, practice...and remember, whenever you're doing something that makes you nervous, you're really doing it to an audience of One (God).

If you're feeling self-conscious, remember: everyone else is too worried about their own flaws to worry about yours.

*smile* I've been thinking how much my boyfriend's confidence has grown...about a year into our friendship, he confessed to me that he got very nervous around girls in particular....he never had any idea what to say, his mouth would go dry, his palms would sweat...a year and a half later, I'd broken up with my boyfriend. I came up to my college town to visit him and my other friends here (I ended up staying for a couple weeks), and found myself drawn to him. I admitted to myself that I'd really been falling for him for a long time, but, remembering what he'd said, I thought nothing would happen. A couple nights later, he kissed me I'm SO glad he got into acting

[TEXASGRANDMA]

Hubby and I are both shy around people who are not family. The first thing we tell a new Pastor is please do not call us to pray out loud. Everyone has always honored our request.

Someone told me that God knew we were shy when He saved us. That He is not upset or shocked about this.

I can remember when I gave my first oral report in English. I stood up and said Lasie is a dog and then fled the room in tears. Teacher actually gave me a B for effort. In my small group Bible study I can read the Bible out loud but I get kind of embarrased because I don't pronounce all the words right.

betty

[roseofSharon]

backontrack, I'm a girl; I guess I forgot to say my name! I'm Anna.

Thanks everyone, for your help. You have encouraged me and given me a lot to think about. I appreciate your prayers. I have one more question, though, if you all don't mind. Should I just be content and accept my shyness as part of the way God made me, or is this shyness and self-conciousness something that is my fault and is something I should try to get rid of?

[Micah68]

You have prayed to the Lord that He will change you and the Lord is always faithful. The problem is that you don't recognize His faithfulness. How do you expect Him to change you? Is He supposed to simply say the magic words and presto, you're different? That's not how the Lord works. He presents you with situations that require you to speak in front of others, such as reading a scripture or answering a question in class. He is being very faithful every day in your life. Now, it's up to you to latch on to your opportunities to overcome. It all depends on your desire. How sincerely do you want to change? If you really want to change, then one day, when you're sick of being that way, you'll suffer through the shaking knees and trembling voice and speak up anyway. I should know -- I'm that way too. Go for it!