Pornography

[LadyRaven]

what should a wife do when she catches her husband looking at porn twice! im at a loss, first time he promised he would never do it again and i forgave him. and now i caught him again....both times he tried denying it and i just knew the truth, it ripped me apart and now i dont know if i can ever look at him the same again. iv forgiven him, but i dont know if i can trust him again. i feel so betrayed...and worthless in his eyes.(im 8 and a half months pregnant so its not like i feel pretty anyways)

he loves the Lord very much but he cant seem to shake his addiction. when i try to talk to him about it he clams up and cant seem to say a word. iv prayed and prayed about this and i still dont know what to do. am i even ment to do anything? should i leave it between him and God?

~grace~

It's adultery. How would you approach it if you found him in bed with another woman?

It's also an addiction, how would you approach it if you found him as an alcoholic drunk?

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I could pop off and tell you what to do, but if you don't have the follow through, what I would suggest will not help it will only make it worse. So take that in mind when you consider what I say.

What I did with my exhusband after finding it one too many times is that I had an intervention, like you do for an alcoholic. I told him that he was to seek treatment and counseling from our pastor and whatever course the pastor recommended. I also cut off any way for him to get to it easily. I had all the money, credit cards, checkbook and cash. He packed his lunch, therefore he could not buy mags. If he needed a hair cut I demanded a receipt and the exact change. I had a password on the compy and also had both a porno blocker and a snooping device on the compy. He knew about one but not the other and I had passwords which he would never figure out. I would have full access to all his email, and told him that if I caught him with it again I'd leave.

well, he went to Korea and found someone else who didn't care about his addiction and left me for her. But ... That last act was the last in a series of interventions that I did not back up. That last one I did, I left once and was gone for 4 months when he got himself in treatment and the pastor asked me to come home on my ex's behalf. He knew I was serious when I left. After each other time I made a strong stand, yelled, cried and complained and made demands but never backed them up. I let him make excuses and promised to keep the matter quiet. The last time people knew why I left, and I stood my ground.

Chances are, if he'd been stateside he'd have messed up again because I wasn't enough in his eyes. I also know this is all bubkas and it's his problem and not mine. Just remember that, it's his problem, not yours.

[Footsteps]

It might help your hubby out to get with a strong Christian at church who will be an accountability buddy to him and help him to fly straight, pray, and seek God.

Grace, this is also a time for you to trust in the Lord and grow in whatever way He wants you to. Jesus loves you with an infinite love and He understands what feelings you are going through while being pregnant. Go to the Lord and tell Him all the things you are feeling and experiencing and ask Him for the peace and strength you need to get trhough this difficult time. God has a mighty work He wants to do inside of you also.

I'm payaing for you and your hubby.

God bless...

[Joshua-777]

Porn is a hardcore addiction, and somthing scary to get into, once someone bits the hook, only by the Lord you can stop. The best thign to do, is keep God number one at all times, pray for him, with him. Keep strong in the Lord, and start studying it, if you nag him and nag him, it creates a rebelion, but if you keep grounded in the Lord, He's going to have victory over this. It's somthign I have struggled with, My girlfriend is patient, and she's someone I can go to when I'm struggling with it, instead of falling in temptation. It's about the Lord and his Glory, he will prevail and have victory, pray about it, and pray for him, with him, and start getting into bible studys with him.

[redeemed098]

Hello grace,

My name is Ben and I am speaking to you for the reason that I can relate to your husbands problem. I struggle with it myself. There is however a difference between MY problem and your husband's.....

I KNOW that what I am doing is wrong grace. I know that no good thing can come of it. I also know that it is purely self indulgence.

Your husbands greatest problem is that he doesnt see that he HAS a problem.

The first thing I would like to say to you grace is that I do not know you or your husband and I know nothing about the state of your relationship with each other or your marriage.

Can I share with you grace that the two greatest influences in mans life are his wife and the Holy Spirit of God. These are the only restraining influence a man is able to depend upon for victory...If a man has not been given the gift of celibacy as Paul was, then his sexual drive will always be strong. It will always be seeking ways of satisfying itself and all too often these ways are ways that are detrimental to relationships and not beneficial at all.

Straight-up grace, from what I have witnessed in this thread, the problem is not YOURS.....It can be simplified by stating that if your husband is not going to listen to the Holy Spirit of God, then he is most certainly not going to listen to YOU. His decision making is coming out of his desire to satisfy himself and his own needs. In the process of doing this, he is hurting those who DO love him.

YOU are not the cause of what is happening and unfortunately grace, you are also NOT the answer to his victory. Im sure you are already aware that you cannot save him from this.

I once heard a professing Christian psychologist say that when he interviewed people in crisis he would start by asking them the same question. This is the question.

"How is your relationship with God..?"

Often puzzled, the people would leave having felt no real breakthrough in their attempt to resolve the issues. However, these people would often call him some hours or even days later and tell them that they had really sat down and asked themselves this question over and over again, and come to the conclusion that their relationship with God was not very strong.

Your husband may claim to love the Lord grace, but his actions prove quite contrary. As I said, I know this because I love the Lord too, yet struggle with the very same thing. I have no partner and in that respect I am grateful that the only one I am hurting is only myself. I battle and I struggle day in and day out grace, and often I cry and ask the Lord to stop me from sinning.. He doesnt stop me though grace.. I have to submit to the conviction of the Holy Spirit, I have to make my decisions based and founded on the truth of Gods word and allow my conscience to commend or convict me of "right" and "wrong" decisionmaking.

Your husband needs to submit too grace.....As I said previously, YOU and the Holy Spirit are the only restraining influence in your husbands life. Everyone else including myself can offer no more than advice or commentary. God said that "He who finds a wife, finds a good thing." He also commended marriage as a vital part of a mans walk, claiming that "It is for this reason a man shall leave his mother and his father to be UNITED with his WIFE." A mother is NOT a restraining influence over a mans sexuality. It is in relationship with God and relationship with his WIFE that there is a bond of Holiness. "A cord of three strands is not easily broken."

It is about submission grace. We are called to seek first the kingdom of God and his Righteousness....FIRST...Seek FIRST...Seek NOTHING else but God...and ALL these things shall be added unto you......We seek the one who blesses, not the blessing...The blessing will follow...

Your husband MUST submit to God as indeed so must I. I recognise my weakness and I recognise my battle, but until your husband recognises HIS, you are in for a difficult time. I can only suggest grace that you Love him and hold him up in prayer....He is in more of a battle than you realise...This is the time the devil will try to intervene and cause division in your relationship. He will do this grace by getting you to focus on YOU and how YOU have let your husband down..

Truth is grace, you havent let anyone down. Your husband is in bondage and needs to be set free. If he is not willing to submit to the will of God and the conviction of the Holy Spirit, there is NO man alive that can change that. It is his lack of a relationship with God that brings this about......He might say he loves the Lord, and he might say that he loves YOU, but his actions are contrary to what he professes to believe. I think even HE must know that.

The answer....???? Prayer, counselling, accountability, maybe all of these can help a little, but the battle is the Lords and only HE can bring true freedom.

Just as with myself, your husband will only stop seeking these ways of fulfillment when he allows God to be his fulfillment. You are his wife grace, but you can only do so much.

Do NOT blame yourself. Do not let the devil take control of your mind and thoughts. "Take all thoughts captive and bring them into the obedience of Christ."

Believe what Gods Word says, NOT the Lies of the devil.....Take encouragment from this thought grace...If your husband really does Love the Lord and he really is seeking Gods will, then this is ALL part of the victory. God is putting your husband through the refiners fire. Fortunately as his wife, you have chosen to go through the same fire with him. For Better or for Worse. There is no defeat "In Christ." You cannot lose a battle that was already won 2000 years ago on a roman cross. If you want to be biblically correct about it, the battle was really won before God even created the heavens and the earth.....Jesus is the lamb who was slain, "since BEFORE the beginning of the world."

Hang in there..!

Regards,

Ben.

[Floatingaxe]

There is a Christian website called Covenant Eyes, which will be a major help to those who are in bondage to pornography, offering internet accountability. An excellent site!

http://www.covenanteyes.com/

[terter]

Here's another Christian website - blazinggrace.org

I got permission from the guy to post his url.

He was into pornography for a long time - I think 15 years - and has info for both those involved as well as family members.