help me please

[nebula]

Hobbie -

Hi!

I just wanted to let you know that I've had the doubts you expressed. I can tell you they are a lie!

I remember in vacation Bible school in either 4th or 5th grade having a very difficult time singing this song that is called "Happiness is." (Happiness is to know the Savior, living a life whithin His favor,...happiness is the Lord) It was difficult because my life was not happy. I was a Christian, but I was not happy. But I manged to sing the song, somewhat - except for the line, "living a life that's worth a livin'...." My life was anything but worth living, and singing that line to me would have been the biggest lie - so I couldn't sing it!

By the time I finished 7th grade, I completely doubted my salvation. I couldn't even remember having given my life to Christ - after believing myself a Christian for so long! I was at a Christian youth camp where I shared this with my counsellor. She gave me some simple advice. Ask Jesus into your life here and now, and then write this date in your Bible that on this day you dedicated your life to the Lord; therefore you have a written record of something you can be assured of and not doubt again! So I did.

It didn't change how I felt, though.

Oddly, or interestingly, during one of the teaching sessions, the speaker said, "If you are in doubt of your salvation, read 1 John every day." For whatever reason, my soul clung to this word. I did just as he said. I read 1 John every day. As I read this, I had absolutely no idea how this 5 chapter book could convince me of my salvation - if anything, some things it says in there would make me doubt. ("If you don't love the bretheren, you are in death." (paraphrase) Yikes! Do I love like that?!) But I kept reading and kept reading. Somewhere by the time school started, I noticed all my doubts and fears were gone!

Now there were other things that happened that summer which worked in me before this, but this was the part I did some actual participation in.

What amazed me even more was that somewhere along the line, I don't remember how much later, but my memory of having come to the Lord back when I was somewhere between 4-6 I had on my own in my bedroom prayed "the sinner's prayer" was restored to me! I can't believe that the memory had been wiped out, but was so thankful it was restored! PTL!!

If you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you shall be saved! (Rom 10:9, I believe).

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourself, it is the gift of God, not of works, so that no man can boast. (Eph. 2: something?)

Romans 6-8 is also a good passage to read and hold onto.

There is a principle about having your mind washed in the Word - I forget the reference off the top of my head. I found this to work in my life. With this I encourage you to do the same. Whether it is what I used or another that you find your soul latching onto - please go for it!

*******************************************

I'd like to say this was the end of my struggles. But, no. I believe I was subject to demonic torment. I know a lot of people believe with good reason that Christians cannot be possesed by demons or anything. My life experience disagrees.

I think the problem is we don't realy understand what it is all about. So, for the sake of argument, I will lay aside the ideas of "possession" and 'oppression" aside and just describe things as I experienced them.

I suffered from fear. I mean the kind of fear you experience watching horror films. I'd go through this every night with the lights out. I would "see" monsters at might. My logical mind would tell me, "That's a pile of clothes on a chair" or "That's my dresser with stuff on it," or whatever, but my eyes would see monsters in this, and I would feel irrational fear that I could not get rid of! People say this is just typical childhood fear, but I never outgrew it! 18 year-old should not be terrified of the dark for no reason!

I did finally find deliverance from that. It came after one night of walking through the woods at night with a friend in prayer - and both of us fighting against these strong feelings of fear (I had no idea why my friend was feeling the things I was. I had these feelings every night; my friend had never expressed such feelings before. I mean, both of us had the exact same impression of being pushed off this bridge we were resting against at one time - that is not normal!). But we resisted and fought against it - clinging even harder to jsut worship Jesus. The next night, I noticed all fear was completely gone! Hallelujah!

I now enjoy nights and being out in the dark. It feels great!

I wish that was it, too, but there's more.

I was with a group on top a mesa overlooking some ancient Native American ruins in New Mexico. Looking back, I realize the place must have been used for religious ceremonies. (There was an ancient stairwell carved into the rock from the ruins to the plateau of this mesa that overlooked the ruins.) I was near the edge with my arms outstretched just enjoying the wind - I love the wind! Out of nowhere for no reason I can fathom, I was completely overtaken by the feeling/belief/awareness? that I was an ancient Native high priestess and I had the power to control the wind! Argh! Actualy, I freaked. Fortunately, I have a strong mind, and I've been taught enough about demons to know that I was somehow under the influence of a religious demon. It would have been so easy to believe this was me and my feelings and gone with what I was feeling - I so wanted to take my belief and play with the wind! But I knew this was a demon, and to go with this would be accepting it - which I was not about to do! I tried rebuking and resisting it, but the feeling wouldn't go away. Argh! Finally, as we drove away from the mesa it left - and when it did, it literally felt like a coating of slime slipping off of me from my head to my feet and off. I immediately felt like myself again, and wanted to have a nervous breakdown but didn't want to make a show in front of everyone else there, so I kept it quiet, but in my thoughts and spirit thanked and worshipped the Lord.

Unfortunately, the experience tormented me for years. Oddly enough, it was released when a Native American minister prayed over me for this! Gotta love it!

******************

Anyway, sorry for the length of this, but I hope that through my testimony you may find hope.

I am reluctant to assume what the cause is behind what you are going through. It is possible there is a physical problem, just that doctors can't find it. Have they tested you for hyper-thyroidism (over-active thyroid gland)?

It could be something demonic. Demons do know how to torment us with fears and lies.

What if all this time that I have been praying and God hasn't heard a word I said. My pastor said once that God doesn't have to come calling a second time, that if you don't submit to him, he could turn his back on you. What if that is what has happened to me, What if I threw away my chance? What if this is his judgment on me? I believe myself a Christian, but I have so many doubts about everything these days.

My Preacher also said that if you were 99% sure you were saved then you are 100 % lost. He also says that God doesn't hear prayers from the Lost, only the Saved (unless it is a prayer of salvation).

Girlfriend - you need to find a new pastor!!!!!!! On other threads, some of us are discussing our experiences of having been trapped in a cult or cult teachings. Now, I'm not saying your church is a cult or anything, but this is most definantly a false teaching of what the Scriptures say!

I hear you expressing the same words and feelings of condemnation I suffered. It is wrong! It is legalistic and pharisitical! I would even say it is demonic! There is absolutely no Scriptural evidence to support what he is saying here. I lived in guilt and condemnation because I was not "perfect."

If you read the Bible, you will a bunch of godly men and women who had their fair share of sinning, but none of them lost their standing with God - maybe punished in severe ways, but never lost favor with God overall. There were only a handful of people who God rejected, but that is because they rejected God first! The high priest Eli and King Saul for instance. They were leaders who were guilty of willful and knowing disobedience to God. I won't say that Ananias and his wife Sapphira lost their salvation, but they were punished with death for deliberately cheating and lying to the Holy Spirit (you can find this in the book of Acts).

I wasn't deliberately disobeying the Lord, but I was subject to weaknesses and I constantly beat myself up over these things. It's been a long process, but the lord has been teaching me that this is not how he sees me. The Scriptures sagz posted are what you should be listening to!

Consider, if you can't point to a specific disobedience to God you committed, what basis is there for believing God has turned His face from you?

If You, O Lord, kept a record of sin, O Lord, who could stand? But with You there is forgiveness, and therefore You are feared. (Psalm 133? or there-abouts)

If you can find something specific, then take this to the Throne of grace! Confess your sin and He is faithful and just to forgive your sin and cleanse you from all unrighteousness. You are never too far gone from repentance.

None of us are ever going to be perect in this world, so "don't sweat the small stuff," as they say. OK?

You aren't going to lose your salvation over participating in this play! If the demon scene is tormenting you, it is possible this might be an expression of something deeper going on.

For instance you could also be suffering a problem of the soul. I found out eventually that I suffer from chronic depression. If you haven't heard of this before, go to google.com and type in "chronic depression." See if you find a description of yourself in it. I did.

There are Christian counselors who are trained in dealing with such things, if you can find one near you. What you are dealing with sounds to me like something you need a lot of healing from. Just as our bodies need the assistance of doctors for sicknesses and injuries, so do our souls need the assistance of trained individuals to aid us in our soul's healing.

I could be wrong on this one - I don't know how you were doing before this play. But I thought I'd throw it out any, just in case.

Either way, it is also good to immerse yourself in praise and worship music. Just worship the Lord! Make a joyful noise if you have to (that's kind-of a joke - get it, joyful noise - then again you may have a great singing voice; I don't know, just trying to get a point across). When I was suffering under the demonic fear, I just used the fear to focus my thoughts on singing praise and worship to God. Hey, if this thing is tormenting me, I'm going to torment it back!

With all that said - May the Lord be blessed in your life. May you know how high and deep and wide His love is for you. May you be free from this torment. May you know Jesus more and more.

[color=red=Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

His mercies never come to an end.

They are new every morning.

Great is Thy faithfulness, O Lord! (Taken from some verses in Lamentations)

[Guest hobbie]

Thank you all for your words of encouragement - I do ask that you say a prayer for me.

I just wanted to let you know that I was PERFECTLY fine until participating in the drama. My vision was better than perfect 20/10 in my left eye and around 20/40 in my right.

I HAD NO PROBLEMS WHATSOEVER - I could sleep anytime, anywhere, anyplace - it didn't matter!

Any more advice would be appreciated!

hobbie

[Anonymous]

Thank you all for your words of encouragement - I do ask that you say a prayer for me.

[Guest dove2]

Hello Hobbie and welcome to the board.

I was demon possessed. The demon was cast out of me many years ago. You do not sound demon possessed to me. I do believe a demon is lying to you about your salvation and your prayers. Be assured that you are saved and that God does hear your prayers. A demon is also lying and telling you that you are going to hell. You say that you are not sure of your salvation. You are not going to hell. Jesus bought you with a price and that price bought your life. Jesus gave His all for you.

However, fear is a terrible thing to conquer sometimes and it sounds like the Judgment House play really terrified you badly.

On the way they are killed in a car wreck. My scene was pretty intense. It was the judgment scene. There were 4 of us in the scene . My character went to heaven but the ones behind me didn

[Guest cynjo59]

Here is another book that may help you. I found it to be one of the most helpful books I've ever read. Joyce Meyer is the author and the book is titled Battle Field of the Mind. She also has another one that is excellent as well- The Battle Belongs to the Lord. Satan has so many ways to attack us and deceive us and this is the very subject she deals with in both books. Hope they help you as much as they helped me!

[Catsmeow]

I personally love Joyce Meyers. When I had a terrible stronghold in my life, one of her tapes on "Legalism" really came to the rescue. It helped me tremendously.

I've found her tapes to be extremely helpful.

[artsylady]

I think your preacher is a bit of a wacko.

That dramatization sounds horrific. Nothing like frightening people into salvation.

I'd check out another church with a kind, gentle and understanding pastor. More along the lines of Billy Graham.

[Guest Teh Wiccan]

I had a similar situation. Recently I had strange horizontal marks across my back. At first everybody thought they were claw marks (y'know, those claw marks ) but they were just stretch marks. Nothing to be too worried about.

[Guest Sweet Song]

I also remembered something strange that I thought I should share with you.- Sometime in early November I noticed a lot of bruising on me that I couldn't explain (I bruise easily anyway) but there was one in particular - it was on my left arm. A long, hurtful bruise - it went through various degrees of color, started out very red then blue, then yellow - I really don

[Willow]

Hey, Hobbie,

I am super new to this board, but spiritual warfare is my passion and specialty. Not that I am a Bob Larson type or have a Doctorate, but because I have been attacked since I was born and will be until the day I die. I am not only a creation of God, but his child. And Satan will stop at nothing to destroy anything that is the object of God's affection. God loves you because he created you. Plain and simple. Satan already hated you just for being here. But, you are in good company! 6 billion people around this globe are in the same boat. But you are a child of God! So you have authority over spiritual darkness you need to become familiar with and use. Prayer is an amazing tool. And the word.

I am rereading the posts to get a better handle on things and I will PM you later on this when I get my thoughts together. Take courage, have no fear, for the spirit of God has not given you a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind!