To spank or not to spank?

[buckthesystem]

The part in the Bible where it says "spare the rod .......etc." was explained to me as "the rod" meant Christian doctrinal teachings, or good discipline in general, i.e. do not "spare the rod" as in "do not get lax on bringing up your children properly.

As for spanking or physical discipline (I am not talking about hitting children over the head with hunks of steel as our parliament would have you believe that "smacking" children means), I think we have to realise that children are very different. So what works for one child will not necessarily work for others. My daughter (who is now 22 so this is all irrelevant to her, until she has her own kids of course) was a very "easily managable" child. I just had to look at her sternly and she would realise that she'd done something wrong or was doing something wrong and would quickly change her ways. She is still like that and even drives with her seat belt on all the time and keeps to the speed limit. As a child she was (almost annoyingly) "pollyannaish".

However, my youngest son (who is now 20 and his behaviour "out of my hands") was totally different. He was terrible and started by climbing out of his cot before he could walk and climbing over all sorts of things to get at other things. Putting things on high shelves was pointless as he would find a way to get at them. His first act on starting at Playcentre was to spray the fire extinguisher all over the room and let off the fire alarm and then he proceeded to cart sand in from the sandpit and spread it all over the carpet in the library. Not long after he could walk he found that he could reach most places by pulling out drawers and using them as steps or climbing up shelves. By the time he was six he'd had so many bad accidents from falling from great heights that it is amazing I wasn't "done" for child abuse or crashing his bike into things like power poles or brick walls (he even used to ride his tricycle up a hill and rush it down with his feet up on the seat, as fast as he could go).

It was kind of awkward at playcentre because they had a philosophy of "you don't yell at, or hit children, you just REASON with them". You can't really reason with a two year old, in my experience (I do stand to be corrected though) they are about 8 to 10 before you can really reason with them. Before that age I don't think they have the power to understand what might happen, they only understand what is happening now.

With Andy (my son) he would be in the middle of doing something and if I admonished him he would just grin and carry on with what he was doing.

He describes himself as a "risk taker" now, and absolutely opposite my daughter's driving, he drives - not dangerously or agressively - but (in his words) assertively".

In short, to save him from running onto the road and being hit by a car or climbing up on the roof (or the "hose drying tower" at the fire station as he tried to do once - he got about a third of the way when fortunately one of the firemen dashed after him and brought him back) and jumping off, I had to spank him.

So I guess we have to always cater for the individual child. It would be good if the Bible told us how to do it, but I don't think it does. If the interpretation is right and it says that we should not be lax in our teaching of children, then I applaud it.

[followerofjesus]

Sometimes spanking is the only thing that works for an unruly child.

[Times]

You've got about 2 years to decide. I understand you are going to be a grandfather again. Where did I hear that????? Must have been from a reliable source. Could it have been a proud grandpa CONGRATULATIONS grandpa.

[tah]

You do what you have to for the child's sake...

it is not fun to spank a child but it is worth the action ..no discipline is fun..

if a child is in outright rebellion and will not ..

You will need strong discipline and spanking is scriptural..

spare the rod spoil the child...

I thank God my parents were wise enough to spank me..

Love does not let us get away with sinful behaviour..

a disciplined (and that does include spanking)child is happy..

have you ever seen a rebellious child who was? not I...

[elkieDannsa' Air An Drochaid]

The "rod" means like a measurement, ruler, in other words TEACH your child, not hit , hands are for blessing!

We are NOT told to hit our children.

We are told not to break their spirits.

We are told by the "rod" to teach and not to neglect to teach out children of the Lord and how to live pleasing to Him.

I do find that alot of parents need to do their homework and learn how to love and taech thier children. They need to understand each age and what is best for them, spiritually and nutritionally.

Learn how to communicate and help teach your children to communicate with you and others and to call on God.

Bless you child, love your child, encourage good behaviour with positive attention.

Deal with bad behaviour through teaching and prayers..

Hands on folks BLESS YOUR CHILDREN!

God bless

[>> Hannah <<]

i dont care whether its in the bible or not as to whether you can or cant do it... theres no need for it... actions speak louder than words.. but a child can be easily reared well without hitting... i was struck as a child, and actually my dad still hits me now and i will always hate him for it... your teaching to them that if someone does something wrong then hitting is what should happen to them... i dont know how a parent can hit a child and think its ok to do so...

[David from New Bern]

i dont care whether its in the bible or not as to whether you can or cant do it... theres no need for it... actions speak louder than words.. but a child can be easily reared well without hitting... i was struck as a child, and actually my dad still hits me now and i will always hate him for it... your teaching to them that if someone does something wrong then hitting is what should happen to them... i dont know how a parent can hit a child and think its ok to do so...

I have been observing this thread since the beginning, I started it hoping to create thought. There are several key passages that people jump to according to their bias. We all have bias by the way on this issue, it is usually loosely based on our own childhood experiences. We either default to doing what our parents provided for us or we rebell from our parents methods and adjust our own parneting skills too reflect a distaste for our our upbringing. You reflect the later. There are two things that you reveal in your post that disturb me. They are honest statements but dangerous statements. Perhaps they reflect emotion but not conviction.

Your opening "I don't care whether its in the bible or not as to whether you can or can't do it." The Word is our standard and we submit to it. It is not tainted by childhood expereinces but reveals the heart of God and His perfect standard in all of its wisdom. Your later declaration that you hate your father will lead to deep problems and will adversely distort your own parenting skills. I do not say these things just to be confrontive. I pray you will rethink them in light of spiritual truth. This is more than a small issue of culture or personality

[Smalcald]

Spanking is ineffective and simply does not work in my opinion. I think it is usually a result of inconsistent rules in the home and a lack of effective and consistent discipline over time. Thus the need to go "nuclear". Often it is accompanied by anger in the parent. If it worked I would not be against it, but there simply is no evidence that it works, and my personal experience with much different children also backs this up in my mind, it is just not an effective discipline tool.

Also it is very difficult to then teach kids non-violence, when we use violence as a method of control. I think spanking is a sign that you have lost control.

[>> Hannah <<]

There are two things that you reveal in your post that disturb me. They are honest statements but dangerous statements. Perhaps they reflect emotion but not conviction.

Your opening "I don't care whether its in the bible or not as to whether you can or can't do it." The Word is our standard and we submit to it.

Your later declaration that you hate your father will lead to deep problems and will adversely distort your own parenting skills. I do not say these things just to be confrontive. I pray you will rethink them in light of spiritual truth. This is more than a small issue of culture or personality

sorry but on some things i just think its a basic moral of all human beings whether they be christian, muslim, athiest...

So how would you react to your father then if he had constantly hit you all your life....

and i agree it could affect my parenting skills and this worries me alot...

[David from New Bern]

Dr. Spock wrote books and lectured and put this question in the forefront of people's minds 30+ years ago and called for no spanking...and he had no children. It might be interesting to tie the belief with practical experience. Example...I believe spanking has a limited but functional role in early childhood development. It teaches actions have consequences and authority must be adhered to in the home. I beleive when the child gets old enough that substantial force must be used to gain that effect. It is time to find some creative punishment rather that physical striking. I have 3 children...ages 21, 18, 15 and all three are in the church and respectful individuals (most of the time). It is also interesting to note that I disciplined all three according to their personality. My oldest is a female and I could just raise my voice and accomplish discipline. I spanked her probably 4 or 5 times in all of her growing up years. The last spanking I gave her she was probably 6 or 7. My middle child is what Dobson calls a strong willed child. I don't know how many times I spanked him. But, at about age 12 I found creative ways to punish him that he laughs about today. He loves to tell about standing on a chair yo-yo-ing for most of the day and writing creative essays and reading them to the family. My youngest child, I remember spanking only once. He grew up with me be largely distracted pursuing education and ministry. Now at 15 I am having a fairly difficult time getting him to respect authority at times, particularly authority outside the home. He is a good compassionate person, but he has a temper and will get physical. My point is spanking early on is not abusive. I have never been angry physically disciplining my kids...I waited until I had thought it through for maxium benefit