Struggling...

[Rachel72]

My name is Rachel. I am a recovering gambling addict and my husband is still going. I cannot say that I am really recovered, it is by God's strength He gives me that I am not there, I guess. I stay away now.

Why do we have to struggle so much. Once we ask for forgiveness, why does it have to be a constant reminder every single day of the damage that has been done to our finances?

I am so worn out. I know money should not matter in life. But, when you don't have any, it becomes a huge burden.

My husband says God does not answer his prayers by letting him win the lottery, and I told him that the way he desires money is not something I think that God will honor. That he is wrong to go to God for money, because he wants it to cover all our bills. That is all he thinks about.

I am fed up. I have been in the prayer room so many times to ask for prayer. I figured I better not post anymore prayers, I have been needing so many.

I feel like I don't have anymore strength. I feel like I should be away from my husband. I don't feel like we should be together right now. I love him, but my head is just confused, and so is my heart.

I never thought my marriage would come to the point where I thought I wanted to separate. I really never did. I don't know if it is my depressoin or if it is God telling me to leave for awhile.

I get frustrated cuz he does not know Jesus like I do. I urge anyone reading this, if you are contemplating getting married to a non Christian, and you happen to be a Christian, like me, DON"T get married to that person. God gave me a warning before we went on our second or thid date. I was sleeping, I woke up, and felt like I was melting into the mattress. I felt really heavy, and I really feel God warned me supernaturally not to marry my now husband. Why didn't I listen? I felt like He told me not to further this relationship. This is something I feel He put inside my head to hear.

They say to live and act out our Christianity, that is the biggest sort of witnessing we can do for others, especially our unsaved spouses.

I don't know why I am so bitter. I hate money. I want to be debt free as much as he does, but it is not going to happen any time soon, and I am so tired of hearing him talk about it.

Thanks for listening. Any thoughts on what I have written are welcome, even if they are something I probably don't want to hear. I am open. I am game for anything right now...

Kindly,

Rachel72

[MrLuke]

Why do we have to struggle so much. Once we ask for forgiveness, why does it have to be a constant reminder every single day of the damage that has been done to our finances?

Once we have asked forgiveness, we must remember that we have recieved it and then not cling onto all the "what if's?" and "am I forgiven?" kind of thoughts. Leave your sin at the cross and move on with the Lord's strength to better things. It will be hard because, like you said, there is that constant reminder but like with anything we do there are always consequences of our actions. Even after we have repented and recieved forgiveness.

My husband says God does not answer his prayers by letting him win the lottery, and I told him that the way he desires money is not something I think that God will honor. That he is wrong to go to God for money, because he wants it to cover all our bills. That is all he thinks about.

If nothing else, the one thing I've noticed and learnt about God is that if He is going to bless you with anything, money in this case, then it isn't going to be by the obvious means. What I mean is, if your husband won the lottery one day, would anyone see the miracle in that and give any glory to God (apart from maybe your husband) since hundrends of people have won the lottery and see it all as chance? God works in mysterious ways and comes up with solutions via the most unlikely of sources which demonstrate His power.

I feel like I don't have anymore strength. I feel like I should be away from my husband. I don't feel like we should be together right now. I love him, but my head is just confused, and so is my heart.

I never thought my marriage would come to the point where I thought I wanted to separate. I really never did. I don't know if it is my depressoin or if it is God telling me to leave for awhile.

I get frustrated cuz he does not know Jesus like I do. I urge anyone reading this, if you are contemplating getting married to a non Christian, and you happen to be a Christian, like me, DON"T get married to that person. God gave me a warning before we went on our second or thid date. I was sleeping, I woke up, and felt like I was melting into the mattress. I felt really heavy, and I really feel God warned me supernaturally not to marry my now husband. Why didn't I listen? I felt like He told me not to further this relationship. This is something I feel He put inside my head to hear.

They say to live and act out our Christianity, that is the biggest sort of witnessing we can do for others, especially our unsaved spouses.

I don't know why I am so bitter. I hate money. I want to be debt free as much as he does, but it is not going to happen any time soon, and I am so tired of hearing him talk about it.

Thanks for listening. Any thoughts on what I have written are welcome, even if they are something I probably don't want to hear. I am open. I am game for anything right now...

Kindly,

Rachel72

Well all I can suggest to that is say that you pray long and hard about what to do with your marriage. Consult your pastor (I'm assuming you have a church you belong to?) for prayer and guidance; look up some Christian marriage cousellors/guidance and see how that goes so long as you talk to your husband first and make sure he is alright with going to that kind of thing.

Does he know how you are feeling towards him, your marriage? It may be a good idea to sit down together and get some things out in the open if they aren't already.

[xyzisme]

Okay, I started to type this once and then I lost it all. I wanted to tell you that there are a lot of folks going through this poverty thing. It does terrible things to a marriage. Don't let it. I have been poor for about forever, and in the begining it used to eat away at me. I would blame my husband,and myself, and we would fight like cats and dogs. Sometimes, we just have to let God handle the details. If your breathing, and your warm and dry and safe, then that is something to be thankful for. Love doesn't have to be dependant on comfort although it is easier to love when we are comfortable. I just started to worry less and less about things. Trusting God more and more. The help doesn't come in the form of a large windfall, but by his daily provision. Thats how the prayer goes right, day by day our daily bread. I have had bear cupboards, and said hey Lord, the well is running dry, and before the end of the day food arrived. At first I felt like a real bum to take handouts, but then i learned that there is as much to be learned from recieving as their is from giving. We always want one big answer to all our problems, well we do have it. God is that one big answer. Let him handle things, day by day. Just trust him, and breath and watch a little, you'll see he really does provide. I was two months ago seven month behind on my house payments. I got my tax money back, and paid it all up, had the check in the mail, the day before the bank called to evict me. I even got more back than i figured because IRRS said I made and error and they corrected it in my favor. It gave me just enough to catch up. (Now postal dating is something to thank God for). Guess what, behind again, and i know i'm doing my best, so I just keep hanging in there with a praise and a smile, because, I know he did it for me once, he'll do it again.

I wish I could offer more, but I just advise you give yourself time. Be the hang in there kid, and pretty soon it will start to hurt less and less, because you will be changeing into a more trusting Christian.

[kjw47]

My name is Rachel. I am a recovering gambling addict and my husband is still going. I cannot say that I am really recovered, it is by God's strength He gives me that I am not there, I guess. I stay away now.

Why do we have to struggle so much. Once we ask for forgiveness, why does it have to be a constant reminder every single day of the damage that has been done to our finances?

I am so worn out. I know money should not matter in life. But, when you don't have any, it becomes a huge burden.

My husband says God does not answer his prayers by letting him win the lottery, and I told him that the way he desires money is not something I think that God will honor. That he is wrong to go to God for money, because he wants it to cover all our bills. That is all he thinks about.

I am fed up. I have been in the prayer room so many times to ask for prayer. I figured I better not post anymore prayers, I have been needing so many.

I feel like I don't have anymore strength. I feel like I should be away from my husband. I don't feel like we should be together right now. I love him, but my head is just confused, and so is my heart.

I never thought my marriage would come to the point where I thought I wanted to separate. I really never did. I don't know if it is my depressoin or if it is God telling me to leave for awhile.

I get frustrated cuz he does not know Jesus like I do. I urge anyone reading this, if you are contemplating getting married to a non Christian, and you happen to be a Christian, like me, DON"T get married to that person. God gave me a warning before we went on our second or thid date. I was sleeping, I woke up, and felt like I was melting into the mattress. I felt really heavy, and I really feel God warned me supernaturally not to marry my now husband. Why didn't I listen? I felt like He told me not to further this relationship. This is something I feel He put inside my head to hear.

They say to live and act out our Christianity, that is the biggest sort of witnessing we can do for others, especially our unsaved spouses.

I don't know why I am so bitter. I hate money. I want to be debt free as much as he does, but it is not going to happen any time soon, and I am so tired of hearing him talk about it.

Thanks for listening. Any thoughts on what I have written are welcome, even if they are something I probably don't want to hear. I am open. I am game for anything right now...

Kindly,

Rachel72

Hi Rachel. i know a couple that was kind of in your situation, the man was a christian but his wife wasnt, i wish he was here to speak to you, but it took 20 years of him holding fast to his faith in God ( and i am sure 20 years of problems) but by his faith and example his wife became a christian. Alls we can do as your friends is pray and and have faith that God will give you the strength to hold on to your promise to God of this marriage. The only biblical reason given in Gods word for a divorce is adultery. I know that your problem is likened to a mountain by Jesus, but faith the size of a mustard seed will move this mountain. Sometimes things seem like an impossibility to us but all things are possible with God, Hold on to your faith in him always. We are here for you also, All of us have some kind of mountain in our lives and we all need each other as well as needing God to make it through, none of us can do it alone. Keep the faith Rachel. In the end you will have been strengthened possibly to be able to move some other mountain. You are in my prayers.

[Rachel72]

Please know that I would never consider divorce. I take my marriage vows very seriously. I am just struggling with so much noise in my head about all of this stuff, and the only thing I can think of right now is being alone. But, I cannot do that. Don't have the money to live separately, and I won't live with someone else, to share the rent.

Thank you for all your replies. Didn't know you cared to put so much into your replies, I mean, I know people here care, but I didn't think this much, Gosh, you guys have blessed me.

Thank you. And, thank you to the one who said she was poor, and 7 months behind house payment. Thanks for the encouragement and the testimony.

Basically, in a nutshell, I am just t-i-r-e-d. How do I give it to God when I am faced with it every moment I am not working? Can't buy this, can't eat that for dinner, too expensive, get gas in next town, too expensive, cannot go to movie, don't buy any DVD rentals, how can we afford that? how are we gonna pay this?

And, we did it to ourselves. We put ourselves in this mess. And, then we have the gall to get mad cuz of how we are struggling.

I don't get it...

Rachel

[dakota190]

Rachel,

now that God has your complete attention, and he has gotten you to get out of his way he can do a work in you and for you. he had to break me down in much the same way a few years back to lead me out of a 9 year drug addiction, so he could save this hard headed ol southern boy, from himself. i am gloriously saved, i was saved from much sin. i am not perfect i still struggle from time to time, not with drugs or alcohol, but with issues from today and yesterday. sometimes God comes to my rescue, other times he walks with me while i pass through my issues, to either get over or heal from my issues and problems and to learn how to not make the same mistakes.get deeper into the word of God and allow him to show you how to rise up. put you obsessions into God's hands and let him deal with them for you. as an addict i feel certain that you as the rest of the addicts, have obsessions and compulsions, i know i did. but when God saved you from the addiction. you have been permanently saved, salvation is not a loaner, it is permanent, only you can allow yourself to fall back into addiction. it is a long and sometimes a difficult road, but allow the Lord to walk it hand in hand, together!!! be prepared for some tough times, but also watch for when he opens the windows of heaven and pours out blessings, too large and too many to be caught by you alone. he'll bless you and then help you carry them.

God Bless and know we as a body will pray for you, hang tough and don't ever give up, once you have felt and enjoyed the touch of the Lord, you can't go back and be happy!!!

[xyzisme]

I guess my advice seems a little dumb, because I didn't tell you That I was saved and my spouse was not. I didn't tell you that we almost divorced. I didn't tell you that I found out two days before we were married that he was doing something i thought he had given up, and I married him anyway (even after the warning). Time is a hard thing to give someone, but it really looks different after the time has passed. I almost left him to, packed and moved actully, but found i was still miserable and poor, but now heartbroke and lonely. It took three years to work through the first time he got himself fired from a good job because of poor attendance. And it took a lot more years to get over other things, but God can fix things if we trust in him too. He can fix this too. He started going back to Church with me when I came home, and he has kept it up to. I don't advise you to leave. If you need a breather take one, find a parent or a friend and flop on the couch for a few days. I bet you'll find like I did, that you don't think he can live without you and your worried about how he feels and how he's making it. I was home in three days. Of course I had also complicated our marriage by letting hi m think I was willing to leave him. That took time to work out to. Still working on it in fact, when we fight, I get a lot of I supose your going to pack your bags. But we are better. Much much better, and it was time and God that Got us through day by day, and in more time, we'll be better still. Pray for him, don't push him, and hang in there. God will take your vows seriously only if you do. Try not to stress on the money. That was the cause of everything that went wrong with us. Put the stuff in it's place, and your marriage higher, and God higher still, and just keep breathing. I had that melting sensation too when things were at their worst. For me it was the walls, I just wanted to melt into them and dissappear. Don't let that stuff set into your mind. Find something to do and someone to help, there is always someway you can help someone, it builds up your self esteem and helps you feel better. HAng in there and I will remember you in my prayers. God can handle this, I am proof.

[Rachel72]

I met Poof in prayer request forum last nite. Your words are not dumb. You are telling me about your life, and your life is not dumb, either. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I don't feel so alone anymore. Just reached a point, tonite, where I am frustrated to a breaking point. I just want to scream. I cannot have children. And, sometimes all of this stuff is just too much to handle. And, I ask God to take me Home, but He doesn't. I cry for Him to rescue me, but He does not come get me. Yes, it is an easy way out of a hard and difficult life that I just cannot seem to hang onto anymore.

Thank you...

Rachel

[xyzisme]

hey, I know about what's for dinner. Those donations the church get are things nobody else wants, but I just take it as a challenge. download music from the internet, and games for my kids too. Get my movies at the Library for free if we can't afford to rent, or swap with friends and family and watch the one they have i haven't seen while they watch mine. Have had many a meal of hotdogs and canned green beans, but that don't matter. I just became a more creative cook, and a much more frugal shopper. Started buying these ten pound bags of chicken leg quarters frozen with parts of the feathers still on them, ACK ACK. Thawed them peeled the skin off, and made lots of good stuff, chicken soup, barbeque chicken, chicken pot pie, chicken an dumplings, this stuff i proudly called chicken junk which is chicken pieces in mushroom soup with canned vegetables over noodle. IT is actually good. Started to hate chicken, but whenever Isee those bags on sale for 3.90 I buy one, got one in the freezer now. I will just have to be more clever than poverty is. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, dear freind, and you are capable of more than you think. If life is a challenge then take the challenge, I bet you are a winner.

[xyzisme]

I really wish I had the words of comfort for you. I used to sleep a lot when I was troubled. Things always seemed better after a little rest. Maybe you should go take a little nap, say a prayer first, and then try to relax. Things always seem worse when we are fatigued. That fearfully and wonderfully made stuff, is true about the body God gave us to. It does some wonderful healing while it's asleep. The mind heals to, and God talks to us in our dreams. Just hang in there, there is a whole society of people on this web sight that pray for each other. I am sure that many prayers will not go unheard by God. What's that scripture in that one song, "Come now and let us reason together, come now and talk it over, though our sin be as red a scarlet he'll wash us whiter than snow." It always reminds me of him putting his arm over my shulder and leading me to a quiet place under a tree, where we can talk, about anything and everything. That's what you need right now. Take some time and just go and reason with him and talk things over. God Bless you

and be well.