To be or not to be an Elder?

[Rebmilc]

My cousin and her family attend a local AOG church where they have been members for many years.

They have a teenage daughter who was taken under the wing of the Youth leader and his wife and she was really going on well with God.

Over a period of time my cousin and her husband noticed that their daughter's personality was starting to change and that she was becoming very withdrawn which wasn't like her at all. When my cousin questioned her about this she assured mum that everything was ok.

One day my cousin saw a questionable text message that had been sent to her daughter from the youth leaders wife, her and her husband questioned the daughter about this message and she broke down and told them that the youth leaders wife was having an affair with someone she had met outside the church, she was now pregnant and wasn't sure who the father was, and that she had confided in the daughter. That was why she had been withdrawn because of carrying this burden.

My cousin and her husband immediately made an appointment with the pastor and elder, and along with their daughter they told them the story.

The pastor and elder informed them that they already knew about the situation and as they were counselling the youth leader and his wife the matter was nothing whatsoever to do with my cousin and her family. They did advise the youth leader's wife to apologise to my cousin/husband/daughter because of the upset she had caused, which she did. The apology however was insincere since my cousin's daughter knew that the affair was still on going.

Because of the secrecy surrounding the issue and the way in which they were treated by the pastor and elder my cousin and her family left the church and now fellowship somewhere else.

Not long after these events my cousin contacted me to inform me that the youth leader had been appointed as elder of the church and her question was this " In view of the fact of his wife's affair and that they were still willing to make a go of their marriage, did this absolve the youth leader from an eldership appointment"?

I have my own thoughts on the matter but would really like a consensus of opinion regarding my cousins question.

[st. Worm]

My cousin and her family attend a local AOG church where they have been members for many years.

They have a teenage daughter who was taken under the wing of the Youth leader and his wife and she was really going on well with God.

Over a period of time my cousin and her husband noticed that their daughter's personality was starting to change and that she was becoming very withdrawn which wasn't like her at all. When my cousin questioned her about this she assured mum that everything was ok.

One day my cousin saw a questionable text message that had been sent to her daughter from the youth leaders wife, her and her husband questioned the daughter about this message and she broke down and told them that the youth leaders wife was having an affair with someone she had met outside the church, she was now pregnant and wasn't sure who the father was, and that she had confided in the daughter. That was why she had been withdrawn because of carrying this burden.

My cousin and her husband immediately made an appointment with the pastor and elder, and along with their daughter they told them the story.

The pastor and elder informed them that they already knew about the situation and as they were counselling the youth leader and his wife the matter was nothing whatsoever to do with my cousin and her family. They did advise the youth leader's wife to apologise to my cousin/husband/daughter because of the upset she had caused, which she did. The apology however was insincere since my cousin's daughter knew that the affair was still on going.

Because of the secrecy surrounding the issue and the way in which they were treated by the pastor and elder my cousin and her family left the church and now fellowship somewhere else.

Not long after these events my cousin contacted me to inform me that the youth leader had been appointed as elder of the church and her question was this " In view of the fact of his wife's affair and that they were still willing to make a go of their marriage, did this absolve the youth leader from an eldership appointment"?

I have my own thoughts on the matter but would really like a consensus of opinion regarding my cousins question.

An elder must "rule his own house well" (1 Timothy 3). I don't see how anyone who knows this situation could possibly appoint this man to be an elder. Or conversely, if the man concealed this situation in order to become an elder it either means he was not examined properly or he intentionally concealed it. Either way he should be removed as one not meeting the biblical qualifications. Sounds like a mess waiting to happen, especially if the congregation finds out (and they eventually will).

sw

[apothanein kerdos]

My cousin and her family attend a local AOG church where they have been members for many years.

They have a teenage daughter who was taken under the wing of the Youth leader and his wife and she was really going on well with God.

Over a period of time my cousin and her husband noticed that their daughter's personality was starting to change and that she was becoming very withdrawn which wasn't like her at all. When my cousin questioned her about this she assured mum that everything was ok.

One day my cousin saw a questionable text message that had been sent to her daughter from the youth leaders wife, her and her husband questioned the daughter about this message and she broke down and told them that the youth leaders wife was having an affair with someone she had met outside the church, she was now pregnant and wasn't sure who the father was, and that she had confided in the daughter. That was why she had been withdrawn because of carrying this burden.

My cousin and her husband immediately made an appointment with the pastor and elder, and along with their daughter they told them the story.

The pastor and elder informed them that they already knew about the situation and as they were counselling the youth leader and his wife the matter was nothing whatsoever to do with my cousin and her family. They did advise the youth leader's wife to apologise to my cousin/husband/daughter because of the upset she had caused, which she did. The apology however was insincere since my cousin's daughter knew that the affair was still on going.

Because of the secrecy surrounding the issue and the way in which they were treated by the pastor and elder my cousin and her family left the church and now fellowship somewhere else.

Not long after these events my cousin contacted me to inform me that the youth leader had been appointed as elder of the church and her question was this " In view of the fact of his wife's affair and that they were still willing to make a go of their marriage, did this absolve the youth leader from an eldership appointment"?

I have my own thoughts on the matter but would really like a consensus of opinion regarding my cousins question.

An elder must "rule his own house well" (1 Timothy 3). I don't see how anyone who knows this situation could possibly appoint this man to be an elder. Or conversely, if the man concealed this situation in order to become an elder it either means he was not examined properly or he intentionally concealed it. Either way he should be removed as one not meeting the biblical qualifications. Sounds like a mess waiting to happen, especially if the congregation finds out (and they eventually will).

sw

I agree

[Leonard]

Gotta' agree with 'Wormy' here! Absolutely not! While this situation is ongoing, they should be asked to step back, OUT OF ALL MINISTRY FUNCTIONS, until they have sorted it all out, and established a correct path in life.

The paradigm is 'Repentance, THEN Renewal.......'

[nebula]

Ditto on the agreement!

Scripture is clear about the elders of the church being of godly character and behavior - and his household.

[ayin jade]

Add me to the growing list of those who think that this man should not be in the ministry at all while his house is not in order.

[nebula]

But as a church leader you will be called on to council family problems. How can he do so when his own house is in shambles?

It's not about being penalized for his wife's actions. It's about what kind of witness he is.

It would be better to step down from ministry for a season to work out the issues for the sake of the church body.

Think f the impact this whole situation had on the cousin. Is not her soul important? I know what it is like to have a spiritual leader get caught in sin like this, and how devistating it can be to one's faith.

No, for the sake of the body, he ought to step back from ministry until this is resolved.

[darski]

I agree with the majority here. Let the situation be resolved in a Godly manner and after that, his witness will be greater in what God hath done.

The grace that is extended is the belief/trust that he and she will walk in God's path to deal with this.

[ayin jade]

It also has to do with the mans family being more important than his ministry service to church. He needs to restore things within the family before he can properly serve.

[darski]

It also has to do with the mans family being more important than his ministry service to church. He needs to restore things within the family before he can properly serve.

I agree with this as well.

Have you ever noticed how often sin ends up getting around to pride? (That's Satan's third of the big three punch)