So What's Wrong With 'Leave It To Beaver' Type Days/Famili

[georgesbluegirl]

i was referring to "career" as work outside the home, for the sake of simplicity. i was not belittling the task of raising children! =)

[Smalcald]

i never said it would make you a BAD mother. i said that when your loyalties are divided, your not giving all you can to your children, and they will suffer for it. they always do, whether the mother works by choice or by necessity. as for it being what a man wants, many men would gladly give up working for a living to be the stay at home parent. and some men are able to do so.

you still haven't helped me to understand why you would want babies but not feel like taking care of them. that's not a judgement, it is an appeal for you to explain it in a way that it makes sense. you passed judgement on yourself when you said maybe you're being selfish. i'm simply asking for you to help me understand your perspective. try not to be so darn sensitive.

It's just how I feel. I'm not the type of person that can stay home all the time. I need to get out and do stuff other than housework. I'm not saying that being a SAHM is a bad thing (God bless my wonderful mother who worked her knuckles to the bone for us kids)...I'm just saying that I don't feel it is my place. With having said that, i DO feel that I am meant to have children...i'm just not going to stay home with them. AND THAT does not mean my children will "suffer". And if you're going to argue such a loaded statement I would like to see some evidence of this (ie. bonafied research).

Trust me when I tell you that my place is outside the home so that I can help others. And if you knew what I do for a living (and what I plan to do in the future) you would know this.

Sierra

I understand how you feel. Every family must make these choices for how they are going to raise their children. We do know some things though, that kids want and need their parents. The more time you spend with them the better, this is shown by research. Does that mean you can't have a career? No, I don't think so not at all. But remember your mom, I mean here you are well educated with a career in front you, and who put you there? Your mom's commitment, don't you want that for your own kids? But the main thing research has shown is that kids need a stable home, two parents who are committed and in a marriage, and the more time you are with them the better.

But also keep in mind you will have a husband when you have these kids, many couples today can share this work together, or should share it together. Also just because someone stays home for some time with their kids does not mean that they will never have a career. I will say this; until you have those kids, it is very hard to make a decision, until you look into their little eyes, then look around and realize how hard good child care is to find, and how expensive it is when you do, and even then kids always prefer you, to a babysitter, it is indeed a hard choice.

We have done both, gone the childcare route for a little while and now have gone to staying at home with the kids. Both have sacrifice involved.

[Guest LadyC]

i never said it would make you a BAD mother. i said that when your loyalties are divided, your not giving all you can to your children, and they will suffer for it. they always do, whether the mother works by choice or by necessity. as for it being what a man wants, many men would gladly give up working for a living to be the stay at home parent. and some men are able to do so.

you still haven't helped me to understand why you would want babies but not feel like taking care of them. that's not a judgement, it is an appeal for you to explain it in a way that it makes sense. you passed judgement on yourself when you said maybe you're being selfish. i'm simply asking for you to help me understand your perspective. try not to be so darn sensitive.

It's just how I feel. I'm not the type of person that can stay home all the time. I need to get out and do stuff other than housework. I'm not saying that being a SAHM is a bad thing (God bless my wonderful mother who worked her knuckles to the bone for us kids)...I'm just saying that I don't feel it is my place. With having said that, i DO feel that I am meant to have children...i'm just not going to stay home with them. AND THAT does not mean my children will "suffer". And if you're going to argue such a loaded statement I would like to see some evidence of this (ie. bonafied research).

Trust me when I tell you that my place is outside the home so that I can help others. And if you knew what I do for a living (and what I plan to do in the future) you would know this.

Sierra

i don't know why, but somehow i've got it in my head that you're studying in the field of psychology or mental health or something similar. please correct me if i'm wrong, i may very well be confusing you with someone else. anyway, if i'm thinking of the right person, then you should have the bonafide research studies within easy reach. right now i'm not up to doing the research for you, but if you have time, it would be well worth it.

children whose parents both work DO suffer. ALWAYS. some to more degree than others, but none gets by unscathed.

anyway, that's all kinda getting beyond what i wanted to actually address in your post to me. i think i have a little better understanding now where you're coming from. actually i think i have a much better understanding. it seems that you feel that being a SAHM is rather tedious and dull, just being the proverbial housewife, barefoot and pregnant, having no life of her own. and for a lot of women, that's probably an accurate picture. YIKES! if that's what i pictured as a SAHM's life, i'd be itching for a career outside the home too!

but there are ways in which a SAHM can have a fullfilling life without dedicating 40 hours or more per week of time that her children need her to someone who signs a paycheck. (i mean that loosely, your career goals may be to BE the signer of paychecks... or self-employment even.) and many of those ways in which a SAHM can do that would still allow a mom to help others, to serve in her community in ways that bring health and healing to others, with the children being involved to some extent as well.

it's very important for a SAHM to have adult interaction... and unfortunately, many SAHM's get into such a rut that they forget how to communicate with anyone over the age of 2. or 4. or 12. or however old her children currently are.

balance is a good thing, if you have a husband who is willing to share the workload at home so that you can work both enjoy outside work... but it's also critical for moms to understand that God designed us to be the nurturers, not our husbands. dad's can do a great job with their children, but it's a different role than the moms fill. children who have their mom in the home full time are more well adjusted, happier, healthier, and probably more knowledgeable and wise (common sense kind of wise) than their counterparts. i've heard the studies quoted that indicate this to be fact, but have not looked it up on my own. however, it's very logical and makes perfect sense. children placed in daycare do NOT fare as well. or even worse, children raised by teenage babysitters. oh boy, can i tell you horror stories about that. so in essence what i'm getting at is that even if a father shares the workload and child-rearing, the mother should be the primary nurturer in the family... far more so than the father should be.

i'm not the kind of person who has the patience to be the full time nurturer. unfortunately i had to be both breadwinner and nurturer to my children during their formative years, and i resented my children because of it... probably almost as they resented me for it. children need the undivided attention of their parents. they need to feel that they are more important than anything else, including work.

when a mother works, she tends to carry the work home with her. the emotional baggage. she's distracted. she's concerned about what's going on at the office or wherever. she's on call to fill in when someone else can't be there. and even if not, she is still carrying work home with her in terms of stress, and emotional distraction. i'm twice your age, if your nickname indicates your age, and have yet to ever in my life meet any mother who worked full time outside the home who did not bring it home. that includes myself, and my mom, and every friend, acquaintance, and relative that i've known in my life. no matter how much we want to be, we can't all be super-mom. in fact, the only way to be super-mom is to be a super MOM to the kids that know that they will always be her first and foremost priority, no matter what.

[Gerioke]

I find it interesting that so many shows featured or had supporting actors who portrayed single parents. I can list a few but I'm sure there's more.

The Rifleman

Bonanza

Andy of Mayberry

Courtship of Eddie's Father

Julia

Flipper

Sanford and Son

Different Strokes

Dukes of Hazard

Who's the Boss

My Two Dads

[Guest LadyC]

many of them were great shows.... but what does a show portraying single parents have to do with the topic of discussion? (for the record, most of the shows you listed portrayed single parents by widow-hood, rather than by divorce.)

[Gerioke]

many of them were great shows.... but what does a show portraying single parents have to do with the topic of discussion? (for the record, most of the shows you listed portrayed single parents by widow-hood, rather than by divorce.)

I was simply observing that single parents were common place since the fifties. The list I made spans 4 decades. There were plenty divorded characters on TV too, such as The Odd Couple and Mary Tyler Moore's neighbor, Phyllis. I also wondered why Most of the single parents were fathers.

The OP did use Leave it to Beaver as an example, so I don't see where I've gone off topic. I don't believe this thread was intended for feminist issues such as whether mootherhood is a career or vs career. Perhaps that would be subject matter for a different thread.

[sierra21]

I am in the field of psychology. I currently work in mental healthcare. I love my job- I feel it is why God has put me here.

I also want to point out that there are no studies that can prove that women are better "nurturers" than women- this is a sociological construct. Get it out of your head. Seriously. Also- no bonafied studies that suggest that children are disadvantaged by having two career parents. There are tons of correlational studies, but anybody who knows psychology knows that this proves nothing.

Also- I would like to say that I have the UTMOST RESPECT for SAHM's. You have the most difficult job in the world and I commend you for it. With having said that, I am not going to pretend that I am the type of women who would like it. And I'm also not going to feel guilty for not wanting to be a SAHM, it's not ME. Let's just stop harping on the fact that there could ACTUALLY be a woman who doesn't feel comfortable with the idea of being a homeaker.

So much of what everyone has said is driven by cultural and stereotypical stereotypes. There is absolutely no reason why a man can't stay home with his children, and there is nothing wrong with this. There is also nothing wrong with both parents working outside of the home provided that you have a strong family support system (I'm talking grandparents here). I am blessed enough to have a strong support system...and one day I know my mom will be there for my family so that I can do what I need to.

I am currently on the road to becoming a clinical psychologists. LOL only 3.5 years left (hehehe really not that bad in retrospect). I DO plan on making it all work...and with the Grace of God I will do just that. Please don't judge me because I feel that my lifes work is not being a fulltime mom...it's just not that way for some women.

[Guest LadyC]

many of them were great shows.... but what does a show portraying single parents have to do with the topic of discussion? (for the record, most of the shows you listed portrayed single parents by widow-hood, rather than by divorce.)

I was simply observing that single parents were common place since the fifties. The list I made spans 4 decades. There were plenty divorded characters on TV too, such as The Odd Couple and Mary Tyler Moore's neighbor, Phyllis. I also wondered why Most of the single parents were fathers.

The OP did use Leave it to Beaver as an example, so I don't see where I've gone off topic. I don't believe this thread was intended for feminist issues such as whether mootherhood is a career or vs career. Perhaps that would be subject matter for a different thread.

you're right! it seems we've all gotten a bit off topic, so thank you for reminding us what the topic actually was!

[Guest LadyC]

good grief sierra, get that chip off your shoulder will ya? you apparently didn't notice that i was acknowledging that i, myself, was never very good at being the typical suzy homemaker mom, keeping house and tending to the chickens. and for the record, pop psychology is very contrary to Biblical teaching. nothing wrong with psychology, don't get me wrong, but most of what you are taught is not going to line up with the Biblical model of anything. as to the studies that have never proven that women are more nurturing, throw aside the textbook for five minutes and study what God says in scripture.

i'm not judging you, nor was i ever in this thread. i was trying to understand where you were coming from, and i think i got a pretty good grasp when you stopped and explained your feelings. but you are being a tad oversensitive, seeing judgement and attacks where none is there.

[sierra21]

good grief sierra, get that chip off your shoulder will ya? you apparently didn't notice that i was acknowledging that i, myself, was never very good at being the typical suzy homemaker mom, keeping house and tending to the chickens. and for the record, pop psychology is very contrary to Biblical teaching. nothing wrong with psychology, don't get me wrong, but most of what you are taught is not going to line up with the Biblical model of anything. as to the studies that have never proven that women are more nurturing, throw aside the textbook for five minutes and study what God says in scripture.

i'm not judging you, nor was i ever in this thread. i was trying to understand where you were coming from, and i think i got a pretty good grasp when you stopped and explained your feelings. but you are being a tad oversensitive, seeing judgement and attacks where none is there.

Ok who exactly has a "chip on their shoulder"??

This is SIERRA gracefully bowing out.

Blessings.