Divorce support thread

[anitarose]

Hey....

This might be related to what I'm going through, but I wanted to ask you guys to pray for me...I'm going through a self-pity thing lately, with calling myself ugly and fat. One person wanted me to go through the Bible and look up all the verses about what God thinks of me, but I can't get out of the book of Psalms. I know that God loves me, but I think my problem is coming in that I just don't seem to be able to find a MAN (human, flesh and bone) that does. I thought my ex did, but he just used me to cover for his lifestyle and to have someone to support him WHILE he lived his lifestyle. I know I really can't do anything about it until after I get this divorce, and I know that I want to take a very long time, but it's still frustrating, knowing that by the time I get my head straightened around to get into a relationship, the rest of me won't be worth getting into a relationship. I hope you know what I mean.

I think all I've ever wanted is one person who would care for me and love me just for me and not what I look like or for what I could do for them. It would be nice to have a man that could "stroke my ego" so to speak. Is that too much to ask? Or am I asking for it too soon?

Thanks.

Anita & Chikachu

[RGR]

Well my soon to be ex called tonight (as she has for several nights now) to talk to the kids. I stayed right beside them as they talked and I was informed by my oldest that she wanted to talk to me.

I brought up what Lee (my oldest) had said about the drinking and about the acting up. She vehemently denied doing it but I reminded her that I would believe him more than I would her.

I also brought up the fact that the bar she's been frequenting is home to crystal meth. She's, again, vehemently denying that she's doing any drugs. I reminded her that the kids are at the age they see everything and will let me know what's going on!

I told her that I was just as interested in her in getting this worked out and settled w/o having to do lawyers and P.I's. I told her that if she wanted to play stupid (not the word I used, btw) that I would fight back though.

[CSLewis]

I am having the opposite problem. I am getting hit on by women at work, school, and all of my family and friends are trying to line up a "good" girl for me. Personally I don't want it - not right now. But it is a huge temptation. I became a christian a few years back and I havent gone without sexual gratification for this long since I was a teenager. But I know that God has someone perfect for me and so I will wait.

It is right to wait until after the divorce is finalized to date.

Me and my dad (who went through a divorce about 5 years ago) came up with the 1 year 1 month. It just seems that rebounding is a really bad idea and hardly ever work out. So if you have been married 5 years you need to wait 5 months after the finalization of the divorce to date.

Anita you are beautiful and you don't need a man to tell you that.

peace

CSLewis

[anitarose]

I am having the opposite problem. I am getting hit on by women at work, school, and all of my family and friends are trying to line up a "good" girl for me. Personally I don't want it - not right now. But it is a huge temptation. I became a christian a few years back and I havent gone without sexual gratification for this long since I was a teenager. But I know that God has someone perfect for me and so I will wait.

It is right to wait until after the divorce is finalized to date.

Me and my dad (who went through a divorce about 5 years ago) came up with the 1 year 1 month. It just seems that rebounding is a really bad idea and hardly ever work out. So if you have been married 5 years you need to wait 5 months after the finalization of the divorce to date.

Anita you are beautiful and you don't need a man to tell you that.

peace

CSLewis

So...by your calculations I will have to wait a year and 4 months before even considering dating or anything else....hmmmmmm.......

Thank you for your comment, though, CS....it is appreciated....and I know I don't need a man to tell me that, but it's nice when one does....

Anita & Chikachu

[RGR]

CS, I understand what you're saying. I went out to eat the other day and the young lady who was waiting on me stopped and talked to me a while. It was a dead day at the restaurant and I didn't say anything about going through a divorce or anything of that nature, but we just talked in general about work, etc.

The next day I went back to eat again and she talked to me again, still about work and other eating establishments and the like. Later on that day, I brought the kids back and my mother to eat out (actually that night). Well, she was there to wait on us and later my mother said that she thought the young lady was "interested." On one hand, I'm flattered that someone who is obviously cute would be interested, but on the other hand I'm not going to date and I have no idea if she's even a Christian or not. It does get tough!

[anitarose]

Hm. No one hits on me. Wonder why?

[CSLewis]

I found my friends again. I got myself some new clothes and a haircut and I feel good about myself. Our value is not dependant on other people- but I promise you if you go out and do some things- I don't know meet some new christian girl friends. Go and have some fun. Let yourself have some fun. Have a positive atitude because this too shall pass. People will take notice that you have something different. We can't be in a position to love anyone else if we can't love ourselves. That is what the 1 month 1 year is all about. Shedding all that baggage and starting over. My dad had to go two years after my mom ran off. He went fly fishing in Colorado for like two months. That may not be possible for someone who is not self employed but you get my drift.

peace

CSLewis

[Donnierae]

Well, this is a deep subject with all of us learning a new way of life. I feel the frustration from all who are going thru a divorce, I have been thru THREE . All abusive. I came from a disfunctional home { as they call it these days. My parents divorced when iIwas 6 , there were three children at the time all under 7. We grew up divided, I went thru sexual abuse for 5 years as my mom didn't believe me till years later. My older brother came to live with us when He was 12, badly damaged from a wicked step-mother. My mother had ,had another child from her 2nd marriage. Money was very tight, life was fighting for survival. So, I married at 16, my mom never tried to stop me , infact encouraged it. I was married 16 years, had two children and knew by the 2nd year my husband was into porn. He also hid it in the attic, We had rough years with him not being a father only to critize his children. Then my kids at 12 and 14 said when we are 18 we're out and never coming back. Oh, I forgot to tell you, he was a choir leader, church assistant to our minister, we left the church at my doing because of the hyprocrise. Our chidren did learn right from wrong which I am eternally grateful.Anyway I decided, my children would always be in my life, so I divorced him. Then here I am unaware of the world and it's EVIL, I go to a bowling ally for someone to talk to . They sell alcohol, you got it. I got it way tooo late. I then married two and half years later to a alcoholic in recovery, that I had gone with 2 years. That was no good. He started drinking again and I hadn't stopped completly. I was well on my way. Then after my 2nd divorce I remarried , 13 years later after a relationship with this 26 year retired sarg.who loved to use his fist and mouth, Well, after separating 6 x's I finally said HIT THE ROAD.. I had gone into treatment 2 years earlier and was sober..Praise God , He showed me what humility was when I sat on a cold cement slab, my second DUI.. He gave me strenght to say this relationship was not His doing. I still knew there was a God, or I would have been dead by then. Today, I am on disability after years of lifting patients in a nursing home and doing heavy lifting. I am 59 living with my 39 year old son in my home. I am at PEACE. No yelling screaming, or verabal, or phyiscal abuse.for 7 years. I am where my Father wants me to be. Today, I share the word where ever I go. I believe we go thru hard times in order to give strenght to others. God has blessed me by giving me lost souls to bring to Him. That's what we are here for.Also, My daughter has contacted her father and he choses not to be a father or grandfather, his loss. But I never told them bad things about him, they found out for themselves. Just as I did about my father, Funny , I have found history repeats hits self UNLESS we break it. My children and grandchildren are my life--After my Savor..We will survive only IF we put our trust in HIM,,Praise Him forever. I am looking for my flight out of here...

[chicagoburbite]

Wow Ron, thank you for your story, and your willingness to share it. I'll share my story sometime when I get a chance.

Thank the Lord that the kids are with you!!!

Jenni

[RGR]

Wow Ron, thank you for your story, and your willingness to share it. I'll share my story sometime when I get a chance.

Thank the Lord that the kids are with you!!!

Jenni

I guess what still amazes me is that she didn't even fight me for them! She asked would I do joint custody and I told her that I didn't think joint custody was a good idea given her lifestyle. She simply told me afterwards that, well, she wasn't going to fight me and she signed an agreement giving me custody!