Being punished for trying to do the right thing!

[Northern lass]

Sigh, sorry to bother you all again but these thoughts are going round and round and I can't get peace.

My daughter is basically punishing me (by pushing us out of her and her children's lives) for what was basically trying to do the right thing. When I responded to her ex's contact about having contact with the children, I thought I was doing the right thing, both as a Christian and as a parent. He wanted contact with his children - she had told me she wanted him to have contact with them. All I did was pass on the message.

I feel as if I have acted in an honest and caring way and yet God is allowing this great misery into my life for it. It feels as if I am being punished for trying to do right. My motives are being misrepresented. I never intended her any harm, or the children - I love them too much for that. I have NEVER interfered. I only passed on a message when he was finding it difficult to get in touch with her. I do actually believe that children should maintain contact with their fathers but as soon as I knew her wishes, I withdrew.

I really can't understand why God is allowing this when I only tried to act in a loving and Christian way. If I'd been more brutal and uncaring, I wouldn't have found myself in this position.

[Benobi1]

i've read the previous posts and something came to my heart as i was reading this one.....

HE wants you to trust HIM and have patience...... Pray and exceptance

also don't let the enemy use this to steal your happiness, i know it is difficult and i struggle with the same thing but put it in GOD's hands, and let go! leave it to HIM... HE is a GREAT GOD, HE is A POWERFULL GOD, HE IS A GLORIOUS GOD AND YOUR UNHAPPINESS TROUBLES HIM, ALLOW HIM TO HELP YOU.......if you give a watch in for repair they can't fix it if you are still holding on to it!!!! ok but don't see this as i am saying that GOD is just there for your need.... i know you have a relasionship with HIM, TRUST HIM, HE will HELp you!!!!!

DEAR LORD JESUS

YOURS IS THE POWER THE GREATNESS AND GLORY FOR ALL ETERNATY

PLEASE BLESS THIS CHILD OF YOURS WITH YOUR PEACE AND HELP HER TO GROW IN YOUR GRACE

LET HER LEAVE THIS UP TO YOU AND LET YOUR WILL BE DONE HERE WITH US AS IN HEAVAN

AMEN!!!!!!

[Guest Biblicist]

Northern Lass,

It is no bother to share in your woes. It's a blessing to be able to pray with you about these situations.

A couple questions. . .

Does the children's father have legal rights to see his children? If he does, then he should not be contacting you to see his children he needs to contact the courts. Even if he doesn't, he should contact the court to get visitation rights, it's not up to you. You can't go back but you can go forward. She'll forgive you with time.

Do you know that you might be able to file for visitation rights to see your grandchildren? It is that way in America, it's worth looking into for your situation. I know that grandparents in America can file for legal visitation, not connected to the non custodial parents visitation. If I were you, I'd check it out.

You should write down five lessons God is trying to teach you through this and five ways you can use it to strengthen your walk with him. I think that would help you understand why this trial is in your life right now.

Always here for you,

Bib

[SueZQ]

((((((((NorthernLass)))))))))))))

You are not being punished by God dear one. Just allow God to love you through this, to show His Victorious Hand through this situation. God can always use circumstances like this for your good and for His Glory.

1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love's complete perfection]. (Amplified Version)

[Northern lass]

Northern Lass,

It is no bother to share in your woes. It's a blessing to be able to pray with you about these situations.

A couple questions. . .

Does the children's father have legal rights to see his children? If he does, then he should not be contacting you to see his children he needs to contact the courts. Even if he doesn't, he should contact the court to get visitation rights, it's not up to you. You can't go back but you can go forward. She'll forgive you with time.

Do you know that you might be able to file for visitation rights to see your grandchildren? It is that way in America, it's worth looking into for your situation. I know that grandparents in America can file for legal visitation, not connected to the non custodial parents visitation. If I were you, I'd check it out.

You should write down five lessons God is trying to teach you through this and five ways you can use it to strengthen your walk with him. I think that would help you understand why this trial is in your life right now.

Always here for you,

Bib

To answer your questions, yes the father has legal rights to see his children. But as he lapsed (went from visiting regularly to not going for several months) he couldn't automatically restart. This caused the children a lot of grief and I fully understand why my daughter didn't want him to restart. At the time he sold me a sob story that he'd been ill etc which I fell for. Then I just passed the message on. Again, if I had had a harder heart, I wouldn't have fallen for it!

Yes I could go to the courts - in the UK the rights are all on the side of the grandchildren having the right to see their grandparents, not vice versa. However, they are all very young so I'm not sure how that would work out and anyway want to wait to see if things can be resolved without that.

I know I have to be patient but I'm struggling with feeling as if I have done something TERRIBLE (due to my daughter's reaction) when my intentions were only to try and help everyone, not least my daughter and her children.

And by the way, this all happened a YEAR ago and at the time she said she understood. I've had no contact with him since she made her wishes clear.

[Guest stevej]

((((((((NorthernLass)))))))))))))

You are not being punished by God dear one. Just allow God to love you through this, to show His Victorious Hand through this situation. God can always use circumstances like this for your good and for His Glory.

1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love's complete perfection]. (Amplified Version)

Northern, one of the things i see far too often is folks blaming the enemy for things that happen. God is not responsible for evil. Your daughter and former son-in-law have choices and apparently do not realize the far reaching effects those decisions have. In effect, it is the children who are being punished for their parets choices. How very sad!

[Guest Biblicist]

To answer your questions, yes the father has legal rights to see his children. But as he lapsed (went from visiting regularly to not going for several months) he couldn't automatically restart. No matter his excuse it is up to the courts to reinstate his visitation, not you. It was wrong for him to try to go through you. This caused the children a lot of grief and I fully understand why my daughter didn't want him to restart. At the time he sold me a sob story that he'd been ill etc which I fell for. Then I just passed the message on. Again, if I had had a harder heart, I wouldn't have fallen for it!

Yes I could go to the courts - in the UK the rights are all on the side of the grandchildren having the right to see their grandparents, not vice versa. However, they are all very young so I'm not sure how that would work out and anyway want to wait to see if things can be resolved without that. I still think you should check with a lawyer to see what sort of rights you have in visiting your grandchildren. stevej is right, your grandchildren are suffering worse than any adults in this matter. They have NO choices.

Again, for your own peace of mind, write down five things that the Lord may be trying to teach you through this and five ways this can strengthen your walk with him.

Bib

[4joy]

Northern Lass. I feel like you are calling for a testimony I have. When one of my daughters was 16 she decided her father and I were too strict and left our home. She moved in with a man that was several years older than her. I was beside myself to say the least.

After a great deal of seeking the Lord I felt he told me she was my daughter before she was yours. Let go and let God. I trusted Him because she truly was his before she was my husband's and mine.At this point I had no idea if I would ever see her walking faithfully with the Lord. All I could do was to trust Him. I knew if I never saw it He would be faithful and she would be wolking with Him.

Many trials happened. She would call and ask for help cooking. My answer was if you had stayed home I would have showed you. She would come for a meal but I would not allow him into my home. (the reason was he knew full well that I disapproved of her living in his home)

This daughter through all that happened continued going to school and graduated. She worked very hard without the joy of family to share and help her through. After graduation she came home with a heart of repentance and humbleness.

She asked to return, of course we joyously said yes.

She started back to church with us and her boyfriend came around dating. A year after that they married. That was all about 20 years ago, he is a fine husband and father of three teenage girls now.

I wanted to share this with you to show you how faithful the Lord is.

He will do what he has said he will do.

[Northern lass]

Northern Lass. I feel like you are calling for a testimony I have. When one of my daughters was 16 she decided her father and I were too strict and left our home. She moved in with a man that was several years older than her. I was beside myself to say the least.

After a great deal of seeking the Lord I felt he told me she was my daughter before she was yours. Let go and let God. I trusted Him because she truly was his before she was my husband's and mine.At this point I had no idea if I would ever see her walking faithfully with the Lord. All I could do was to trust Him. I knew if I never saw it He would be faithful and she would be wolking with Him.

Many trials happened. She would call and ask for help cooking. My answer was if you had stayed home I would have showed you. She would come for a meal but I would not allow him into my home. (the reason was he knew full well that I disapproved of her living in his home)

This daughter through all that happened continued going to school and graduated. She worked very hard without the joy of family to share and help her through. After graduation she came home with a heart of repentance and humbleness.

She asked to return, of course we joyously said yes.

She started back to church with us and her boyfriend came around dating. A year after that they married. That was all about 20 years ago, he is a fine husband and father of three teenage girls now.

I wanted to share this with you to show you how faithful the Lord is.

He will do what he has said he will do.

Thank you for posting this 4joy. It was encouraging.

[Northern lass]

Thank you everyone. I really know what I should believe, but it's a bit like a bereavement. I'm all over the place, sometimes thinking straight and sometimes not.

At the moment the 5 things I think I can learn are

Patience

Patience

Patience

Patience and guess what........

Patience.