If you're thinking of marrying

[Guest Biblicist]

I realize that it's written from a secular point of view. However, is there a list such as this written by a Christian? I have not seen one. Maybe we could make one up.

1. What is their relationship like with the Lord?

Knowing the Lord is not enough. Having a daily, personal relationship with Him is of utmost importance. Not just rote daily reading and prayer either. It's a lifestyle. So many diet plans say it's a lifestyle change. Shouldn't salvation be a lifestyle change? Having a spouse who exhudes Christ in all aspects of life is a real blessing. Especially in a man, it's a rare quality indeed.

Deuteronomy 6:4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD:

5 And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.

6 And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:

7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

8 And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes.

9 And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.

Anyone else want to add to this list?

[Marnie]

I realize that it's written from a secular point of view. However, is there a list such as this written by a Christian? I have not seen one. Maybe we could make one up.

1. What is their relationship like with the Lord?

Knowing the Lord is not enough. Having a daily, personal relationship with Him is of utmost importance. Not just rote daily reading and prayer either. It's a lifestyle. So many diet plans say it's a lifestyle change. Shouldn't salvation be a lifestyle change? Having a spouse who exhudes Christ in all aspects of life is a real blessing. Especially in a man, it's a rare quality indeed.

Yes! You are so right. To me, that is a given. A potential spouse must be a man after G-d's own heart.

To answer another question, no Dennis is not a Christian but he is a conservative Jew and I know he does speak to church groups about different topics relating to family issues. In fact, we had him here at my church last year, not in a Sunday service, but another event on marriage and family relationships. We paired Dennis up with a Christian family counselor and it was very enlightening.

[kat8585]

If I remember right, Dennis Prager is Jewish. He has an excellent talk radio program.

Precious Spouse, your ideas are the main things to look for. And will this person share a spiritual life with you. I learned this the hard way, by not waiting long enough to see before I married. We are now divorced.

[Guest Biblicist]

I am sorry if I thought this was written by a secular writer. The title and the references to "chemistry" and sex threw me off a bit. Thinking of getting married, and asking about your physical relationship are secular ways of thinking. If a couple is thinking of getting married they should not be having a physical relationship yet.

I read Dennis Prager's website, there is no reference to his relationship with the Lord. Under "About Dennis" it talks about his achievements and how moral he is but not anything about his testimony. That is important to me if I'm going to take advise from someone. Naturally, you can understand why I thought he was not a Christian.

2. How does the person treat their parents.

Studies have shown that a woman will treat her husband the way she treats her father, and she will expect to be treated the way her father treats her. Likewise, a man will treat his wife the way he treats his mother. Always look for respect shown to parents by your perspective spouse. [i guess it's a good thing to meet the parents before you get married.]

Exodus 12 Honor your father and mother that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God has given you.

Proverbs 10:1 The proverbs of Solomon. A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother.

[Smalcald]

Being a believing AND practicing Christian are very important. However they are a necessary but NOT sufficient condition for a good marriage.

I know many committed Christian women who I would not want to be married to.

[quieth3art]

2. How does the person treat their parents.

Studies have shown that a woman will treat her husband the way she treats her father, and she will expect to be treated the way her father treats her. Likewise, a man will treat his wife the way he treats his mother. Always look for respect shown to parents by your perspective spouse. [i guess it's a good thing to meet the parents before you get married.]

Nononononono, I do not want any man to treat me the way my father treated me. I loved him, for sure, but he was always so distant and unemotional. He was so worried about meeting the needs of the family that he didn't have time to be a part of the family.

I do like the question, though. Meeting a potential spouse's parents can give you valuable insight in how they have learned to relate to others they love. But then what does that say about me? I was always somewhat shy and maybe even fearful around my father. My mother, on the other hand, eventually became my best friend and we have a gentle and respectful way with each other.

[Marnie]

What a fascinating discussion. I put this up because, for some reason, I dunno...the topic caught my eye. But, the discussion here makes me think of something I'd like to throw out. I believe that as believers, our primary source of "counseling," if it is needed, should come from a competent Christian counselor. I think this would apply to all areas of of counseling, premarital, marital, financial, etc. However, I also believe that truth is the truth from whatever the source, including a fine man like Dennis. Considering that many of the Proverbs, for example, were not unique to Solomon or other Biblical writers but rather they were common sayings of the day. Jude also quotes from non-biblical writings. So, may we not glean useful truth from non-Christian but reputable sources?

Just a thought.

And, by the way, I would judge any potential husband against the example set by my father--my earthly father--as he was always a perfect gentleman around my mother and treated her with the utmost in respect and honor. I would want to be treated no less.

[Floatingaxe]

This was put there for me Marnie and I thank the Lord for it, this has been confirming something the Lord has been speaking into my heart for sometime.

Blessings, H.

Truster: Get thee to a counsellor!

[Guest Biblicist]

Marnie,

I appreciate that you respect Dennis as a "fine man". And yes the Truth is still the Truth no matter the source. However, for me, the source better have some sort of relationship with the Lord if he's going to council me. My pastor is a fine man, but you would not know that since you do not know him or what his relationship with the Lord is. I could tell you but that would only be my word.

You are correct, any counseling we get should be from a competent Christian councilor, that's why my pastor and some other's in our church have been training with NANC, The National Association of Nouthetic Counselors, some people have heard me speak of them before. You can learn all about them at their website.

Colossians 1:28 We proclaim Him admonishing every man & teaching every man with all wisdom, so that we may present every man complete in Christ.

Admonishing = Noutheteo is in the present tense which indicates Paul was continually admonishing, warning, cautioning, etc. Nouthetic counseling is, "to impart understanding," "to set right," "to lay on the heart".

Something I have noticed in parallels to father/daughter and mother/son relationships. Women tend to marry men like their fathers. . . and men, tend to marry women like their mothers. Either that or they completely rebel and marry someone exactly opposite. Either way, your parents play a huge role in the spouse you choose to spend your life with. It is not something that should be ignored.

In His Mighty Grip,

Bib

[Marnie]

Hey Bib,

We are on the same page here. My pastor is credentialed with the AACC, the American Association of Christian Counselors, and for me, I would see him before anybody else because I know that he first of all a genuine man of G-d, and then a highly competent and professional counselor. I guess what I was getting at was obtaining a kind of "secondary knowledge" from a variety of other sources and people. Using the discernment that is available to all believers, I believe this is a good idea.

I also wanted to mention as well, that really the best Counselor of all is the Holy Spirit, who dwells within all believers. We are told that He would lead us to truth, presumably through the Word of G-d. Any counseling from any man should only confirm and buttress what the Word plainly says.