What to do when your not sure

[sotphmfm]

What should I do?

I left my husband Dec 8 after a year of screaming hollering and episodes of him naming every fault I have. This caused me to go into a depression and have suicidal thoughts. I didn't have insurance to see a Dr so I handled the depression illegaly until I left. Since then I've been to the Dr and asked to see a phsyciatrist because although the depression is alot less frequent I felt I needed someone to talk to because I have 3 sons that need me to be on the right track. He did nothing.

After being here a week I went to church with my mother and haven't missed a service since except for when I had the flu real bad. I don't know whose speaking to me Him, me, or satan.

Sunday morning a man in the church called me out of my seat during service to the front and said that God was going to fix my marriage. This put a great fear in me. I met this man the first time I went to this church and he is very magnetic (spiritually). He is also highly respected in the church.

My husband and I have been married 11 years and over the last year he has tried to make me fear him. I have to say he finally accomplished this when he came charging at me in a rage. He has apologized and wants to reconcile. I have hardened my heart because I'm afraid of going through it again. (I've even had nightmares) He is going to Dr's to try to find the source of the raging anger and I feel I have to give him credit for that (but it doesn't fix the fear).

Before I left we went to church regularly until he would get upset with the preacher and we would change churches. So I wouldn't allow myself to get attached to anyone.

I feel like I have lived in a box for a long time and now that I'm out I don't know what to do. I've had no friends over the years (everytime I would meet someone my husband would tell me I shouldn't trust them for one reason or another).

I'm living with my mother so I don't have a lot of finances to deal with but I haven't worked in 11 years either so as far as finances I feel like I'm running backwards. I can't think of what to do and have a hard time asking anyone for help even something as simple as asking for a job. I know I need to get over it I just don't know how.

Any opinons or advise would be appreciated

Thank You

[ladypeartree]

just because someone says your marriage is gong to be "fixed " does NOT mean you have to go back into a situation that fills you with fear "Fixing" a marriage can mean anything or nothing ...how do you know that the fixing is not just getting out of a bad situation for good but in a stress free ( as far as it can be ) and friendly way?

Yes I am speaking out of my own experiences here and so my opinion may be tainted but I too left an abusive husband and then with all the promises of change etc etc I went back...two more children later I barely escaped with my life and more importantly the lives of my children so I have to tell you to make allowances for my natural fear of deliberatly walking back into a dreadful situation. That being said it is possible for people to change so I would advise you to take your time, pray about it, think about it then take more time to do the same things again ....DO NOT be pressured into making a decision, take it one day at a time and PLEASE look long and hard , pray and listen to your own instincts too before you make ANY choices that will affect not only yourself but your children too

I can only offer to pray for you and your children and offer to be here if ever you need someone to just talk to ..pm me any time you want

[Leonard]

I can only offer most tentative suggestions at this point, based on my experience as a Pastor for many years. I would not move back in with your husband yet. Separate counseling for your individual issues would seem to be in order. But then you two should also meet with a capable Pastor for solid Christian marriage, relationship, and spiritual counseling. It could be a very long road. But I would not move back together until you are sure genuine change has taken place.

[sotphmfm]

Thank You both very much my anxiety level has dropped a few hundred decibles.

It's quite strange how God can calm us so effeciantly when we think we need to panic.

Thank You

[Guest godanswers]

Thank You both very much my anxiety level has dropped a few hundred decibles.

It's quite strange how God can calm us so effeciantly when we think we need to panic.

Thank You

i'm praying for you and asking God to give you wisdom

[Marnie]

If G-d is going to fix your marriage, He will have already have informed you and this other person would merely be confirming that which you already knew.

[cymba22]

just because someone says your marriage is gong to be "fixed " does NOT mean you have to go back into a situation that fills you with fear "Fixing" a marriage can mean anything or nothing ...how do you know that the fixing is not just getting out of a bad situation for good but in a stress free ( as far as it can be ) and friendly way?

Yes I am speaking out of my own experiences here and so my opinion may be tainted but I too left an abusive husband and then with all the promises of change etc etc I went back...two more children later I barely escaped with my life and more importantly the lives of my children so I have to tell you to make allowances for my natural fear of deliberatly walking back into a dreadful situation. That being said it is possible for people to change so I would advise you to take your time, pray about it, think about it then take more time to do the same things again ....DO NOT be pressured into making a decision, take it one day at a time and PLEASE look long and hard , pray and listen to your own instincts too before you make ANY choices that will affect not only yourself but your children too

I can only offer to pray for you and your children and offer to be here if ever you need someone to just talk to ..pm me any time you want

Well said

[MeCajunboy]

What should I do?

I left my husband Dec 8 after a year of screaming hollering and episodes of him naming every fault I have. This caused me to go into a depression and have suicidal thoughts. I didn't have insurance to see a Dr so I handled the depression illegaly until I left. Since then I've been to the Dr and asked to see a phsyciatrist because although the depression is alot less frequent I felt I needed someone to talk to because I have 3 sons that need me to be on the right track. He did nothing.

After being here a week I went to church with my mother and haven't missed a service since except for when I had the flu real bad. I don't know whose speaking to me Him, me, or satan.

Sunday morning a man in the church called me out of my seat during service to the front and said that God was going to fix my marriage. This put a great fear in me. I met this man the first time I went to this church and he is very magnetic (spiritually). He is also highly respected in the church.

My husband and I have been married 11 years and over the last year he has tried to make me fear him. I have to say he finally accomplished this when he came charging at me in a rage. He has apologized and wants to reconcile. I have hardened my heart because I'm afraid of going through it again. (I've even had nightmares) He is going to Dr's to try to find the source of the raging anger and I feel I have to give him credit for that (but it doesn't fix the fear).

Before I left we went to church regularly until he would get upset with the preacher and we would change churches. So I wouldn't allow myself to get attached to anyone.

I feel like I have lived in a box for a long time and now that I'm out I don't know what to do. I've had no friends over the years (everytime I would meet someone my husband would tell me I shouldn't trust them for one reason or another).

I'm living with my mother so I don't have a lot of finances to deal with but I haven't worked in 11 years either so as far as finances I feel like I'm running backwards. I can't think of what to do and have a hard time asking anyone for help even something as simple as asking for a job. I know I need to get over it I just don't know how.

Any opinons or advise would be appreciated

Thank You

Dear Heart,

I am a male and my recommendation would be to "TAKE YOUR TIME." You have the rest of your life to get it right. Perhaps your husband is sincere and has been made to realize the error of his ways. In any case, you do not need to subject you children to that kind of abuse, not to mention that already some of the boys are learning your husband's ways. Let's all pray that they learn NOT to do some of the things you've spoken of. And we all know that it takes two to make a marriage. I'm praying that the "finances" are not the center of the problem, although it normally is in these difficult times.

Have you talked with your husband about the two of you being able to speak openly to his physician? Perhaps they can shed more light on the causation? Ma'am, only you know your husband as well as he knows himself and if you think he might have a repeat, all you have to do is WAIT! It will only make him appreciate you and what he lost all the more. I will keep you in my prayers as well...Who knows, perhaps this can be a break through in your marriage???

Blessings

Cajunboy

[GeneV]

just because someone says your marriage is gong to be "fixed " does NOT mean you have to go back into a situation that fills you with fear "Fixing" a marriage can mean anything or nothing ...how do you know that the fixing is not just getting out of a bad situation for good but in a stress free ( as far as it can be ) and friendly way?

Yes I am speaking out of my own experiences here and so my opinion may be tainted but I too left an abusive husband and then with all the promises of change etc etc I went back...two more children later I barely escaped with my life and more importantly the lives of my children so I have to tell you to make allowances for my natural fear of deliberatly walking back into a dreadful situation. That being said it is possible for people to change so I would advise you to take your time, pray about it, think about it then take more time to do the same things again ....DO NOT be pressured into making a decision, take it one day at a time and PLEASE look long and hard , pray and listen to your own instincts too before you make ANY choices that will affect not only yourself but your children too

I can only offer to pray for you and your children and offer to be here if ever you need someone to just talk to ..pm me any time you want

Well said

Lady P,

Great advice

[sotphmfm]

Thank you all

For some reason I felt like God might be pushing me and now I think He might just be preparing me.

I will most definatly wait because although my husband and I are talking I can still sense the anger in him sometimes.

There are 2 states between us and he has visited the kids once and plans to come again soon.

It makes me nervous but I did get a protective order so I know I'm protected and God will look over us.

He's pushing for positive responses toward reconciliation from me but as long as I can sense his anger I wont even think about it. Life is most definatly too short to be miserable.

I know he is going through an emotional battle and I sometimes feel for him. However I don't feel guilty. (Should I ?)

I don't think at this time it would be wise to request a talk with his physician. I don't think he would appreciate the sentiment behind the suggestion but I will keep it in mind for future use because I do think it could shed some light.

He is not trusting of anyone (friends, physicians, pastors, or family) so it makes what he is going through all the more harder.

I think the best thing I can do right now is wait and let God take the reins even if it takes months, years or if it doesn't happen at all.

Infidelity has not occurred so I feel that if we never reconcile and divorce that I am still bound by God and will have to live alone until death do us part. Don't get me wrong I'm not looking but I may want to a few years from now.

Thank You All so much I LOVE THIS SITE

Thank You for the Prayers and I will continue to pray also