Response to "Mirror Mirror..."

[Openly Curious]

Well my experience is I avoid the mirror mirror on the wall as best I can as it does a number on me if I don't. It may sound strange but I have problems with my looks in general and I want so much to change my current hair style but last time I did that well I ended up freaking out and literally could not handle the change it was just to much for me to process at the time and I am afraid to try it again because though it may sound funny beautiful hurts me. I am working on my problems but it's not easy. I don't like people to be starring at me as that makes me extremely uncomfortable.

In my beliefs I think a person should dress according to their own convictions and that is between you and God so your witness for God shouldn't be hurt or hindered the way I see it as your job is to share the gospel message if your witness is rejected then it's the message you bring instead of you personally per say. That is my opinion though and I know this old world does judge how we look whether good or bad there will be those on both sides to run you down. I say follow your heart and your convictions in the matter.

OC

[LynD]

if it's normal for me, as a Christian, to not like myself

It bugs me when I read things like that, and people believe it. Let me ask you this, as it was asked to me once by a christian counselor. He asked me, "Do you believe Jesus lives on the inside of you?" I said "Yes, of course." He then replies, "Then how could you not like yourself?" Of course, we are still sinners saved by grace, and should not think more highly of ourselves than we ought, but going around hating ourselves is a pretty bad witness. There's a big difference between humility and feeling humiliation about ourselves. And if people have a problem with your looks, well, that's thier problem not yours.

Edited May 6, 2007 by LynD

[DarkNebulaWelder]

if it's normal for me, as a Christian, to not like myself

It bugs me when I read things like that, and people believe it. Let me ask you this, as it was asked to me once by a christian counselor. He asked me, "Do you believe Jesus lives on the inside of you?" I said "Yes, of course." He then replies, "Then how could you not like yourself?" Of course, we are still sinners saved by grace, and should not think more highly of ourselves than we ought, but going around hating ourselves is a pretty bad witness. There's a big difference between humility and feeling humiliation about ourselves. And if people have a problem with your looks, well, that's thier problem not yours.

Hey, LynD (that's funny, because my best friend is named Lindy)

Anyhow, I totally agree with what you're saying. You've got to understand, though, that at the time this happened, I was at a real Spiritual crossroads. My marriage of 11 yrs. was on the brink of failing, I was jobless, and I wasn't close to God AT ALL. You've also got to understand that FOR YEARS self-loathing was a real issue for me. I've never been an overly-sociable person. I've never had a lot of friends, and many of the people who were my acquaintances thought I was just strange. I've always felt dissociated with everyone, was kind of a social outcast, and for that reason, did not really like myself for a long time.

Even to this day, thoughts creep into my mind of not being good enough, a failure, with terrible social skills. It is in my nature to be shy and withdrawn, and it made me depressed much of the time. Jesus Christ and His love saved me from this internal hell--He brought me the place I am at today, but even so, I still deal with these issues. They can actually consume me, if I stray from the Lord and allow them to. I know it's just my flesh talking, but it is just too easy to fall prey to these thoughts, so I REALLY REALLY have to rely on Him for strength.

I want more than anything to be a loving and effective witness for him, and I know I can be, not because I'm so great, but because I know I am a very loving person, and that that's what the world needs more than ever--Christ's love...BUT, the whole self-esteem issue is one of my profound struggles in life.

Some people struggle with sex, others drugs, others anger...but I guess the whole self-esteem thing would be my "personal demon," so to speak.

But, I know I love the Lord with all my heart, and I know He wants me to love myself, and it's something I'm learning to do WITH HIS STRENGTH...I can't do it on my own, because I know without him, I WILL fail in this area. A lot of people don't understand it, but I guess it's hard to understand when you haven't been there yourself....but you are 100% correct in your statements. It's a daily struggle for me, truly.

[LynD]

I could be you, because you sound just like me. I still struggle with self esteem and self worth issues. I have all my life. I think its a struggle too because we are taught in our christian walk to say, I am nothing, but in Christ I am everything. Its a balancing act I am not good at. I have made some progress, but not as much as I'd like. Forgive me if I seemed calous about it, it wasn't my intent.

[DarkNebulaWelder]

Forgive me if I seemed calous about it, it wasn't my intent.

Oh, I know that. I was just trying to explain my position, or should I say, juxtaposition, because I, also, have trouble balancing the 2. I was more than eager to accept the fact that I was nothing, but the reality of being everything under Christ was a little harder for me to digest. Such an antithesis was a warped part of my nature, and it required a lot of prayer and soul-searching to reach that reality.

Anyhow, it's all good.

May God continue to be with you...I know He loves us both SO MUCH!!!

It gives me so much joy to know.

[DarkNebulaWelder]

we should dress our best, for the Lord, not for showing off what we have or dont have.... look into your heart for how you are dressing.......who are we really trying to impress????? why are we suppose to not do certain things to our hair and beards and cloths????? are we trying to divert someones eyes???? are we becoming a stumbling block for some one else??? are we trying to bring attention to ourselves or to the Lord?????? what is our heart trying to do?????

mike

That's so wonderful to hear you say that about your wife. I think most men should take a lesson from you, my friend!!

OH, and you are ABSOLUTELY right re: make-up. I rarely wear it, not only to dress myself down, but to preserve my skin. It DOES clog the pores, and causes premature aging. It's hard for the skin to breathe through all of that mire.

Just yesterday, in church, I was chatting with this lovely elderly woman, and she told me she thought I was 25 or 26...and I am 36!!! I was enthralled, to say the least.

I attribute it to vitamins, moisturizers, and rare make-up usage.

Edited May 8, 2007 by DarkNebulaWelder

[DarkNebulaWelder]

I think it is disgusting to be working the alter call and see what is known as "plumbers crack" or what some think is so nice to show off, clevage....to have to divert the eyes, close the eyes in order to keep myself clean.

mike

Okay, on this point I agree with you 100%, but I must add something, if you will permit me to.

I was listening to a preacher over the radio a few weeks ago commenting on this very subject. He was basically telling the ladies to "help their brothers out" by dressing modestly and not enabling lustful thoughts in their heads at church. To this point, I agreed, but then he said something I absolutely DISAGREED with:

He began talking about women's purses, and how women shouldn't carry purses in which the strap went between their bosoms. Okay, on this point I TOTALLY disagree, If a woman's purse strap is putting lustful thoughts in a guy's mind, then that's the GUY'S problem, NOT the girls. At that point, I think the guy just has his mind in the gutter, and needs to repent and ask the Lord to help him control his lustful thoughts.

I'm sorry, but some gentleman have a real problem with this, and no matter how a woman dresses, THAT is where his mind will lead him. We ladies can't be responsible for every guy's carnal nature.

Edited May 8, 2007 by DarkNebulaWelder

[Iryssa]

I think it is disgusting to be working the alter call and see what is known as "plumbers crack" or what some think is so nice to show off, clevage....to have to divert the eyes, close the eyes in order to keep myself clean.

mike

Okay, on this point I agree with you 100%, but I must add something, if you will permit me to.

I was listening to a preacher over the radio a few weeks ago commenting on this very subject. He was basically telling the ladies to "help their brothers out" by dressing modestly and not enabling lustful thoughts in their heads at church. To this point, I agreed, but then he said something I absolutely DISAGREED with:

He began talking about women's purses, and how women shouldn't carry purses in which the strap went between their bosoms. Okay, on this point I TOTALLY disagree, If a woman's purse strap is putting lustful thoughts in a guy's mind, then that's the GUY'S problem, NOT the girls. At that point, I think the guy just has his mind in the gutter, and needs to repent and ask the Lord to help him control his lustful thoughts.

I'm sorry, but some gentleman have a real problem with this, and no matter how a woman dresses, THAT is where his mind will lead him. We ladies can't be responsible for every guy's carnal nature.

*laugh* SO true. I mean, seriously, guys, there's only so much we can do to help! I'd say this to that guy: If you're being distracted by a purse strap LEARN SOME SELF-CONTROL FOR PITY'S SAKE!! Yes, I'm sure it's hard, but no one said life was easy, so you'd better get over it.

[Giaour]

If we listened to guys like that, we'd all be in burkas.

[Guest lnj]

Maybe I'm not being understood exactly.

I'm NOT for women being vain and concentrating on their looks as their number one draw card, but I feel discouraged and even more than annoyed when women are made to "hide" what God has blessed them with. (in Christian circles.)

We all have the intelligence to know when one is dressing for attention but don't be ashamed either of what God has given.

It's only after knowing God a little more that I draw my confidence from Him and not what others may say or think.