Looking for a reason

[Afal]

Thanks Northern Lass for the hugs and prayers.

The good news is that I am no longer a zombie! Medication free and zombie free for the moment!

[Scarletprayers]

little sister!

[Afal]

Hi big sister!

I'm doing OK today!!!

[ladypeartree]

WHHHHooooo HHHHOOOOOOOO and praise the Lord

millions of cyber hugs coming your way

use some today and put some away till you need them x 1000000

[damo1]

from damo1

To Afal

i read what you stated hear and i hope you can come to a place wear you can trust jesus and alow him to heal and restore what ever has been taken and what has been brokken

some one that has been there i can say honestly god took all that has ever happend to me as child and he showed me how much he loves me how much he cares for me and replaced that lonliness with his peace

i had sufferd i had been beaten as a child to the point of being told by my own father that i was not wanted and i was no son of his

i have been on my own since i was 14yrs old not knowing what it was to be loved or to be appart of a family every day was a fight for me every day i would come up with ways of ending my life yet no matter what i tried it was as if something or some one was stopping me

i have been kicked in the guts many times my friend i have been taken advantage of many times i found it hard to fit in i found it hard to communicate because of the anger in me

i turned to drugs to heal the pain i was feeling yet when i woke up there it was hitting me right in the face

i grew up living in and out of goverment youth refuges i moved around a lot because i could only stay in these youth fefuges for 3 months sometimes 6 months i ended up also staying in sevral mens hostels as well hear i was 16yrs old sleeping in some of the run down hostels for homeless people around older men and younger ones

to the point wear i ended up living on the streets in kings cross my home was the streets my bed was a run down old building my blanket was a dirty carpet i slept in an old run down motel with 30 other street kids these people became like a family

we ate from organizaions that helped homeless people i would shower only once a month i never washed my clothes as people would pinch what you had i had no money so i learnt to survive the streets as best as i can

i even ate food that was thrown in the bin or left behind a dumpster i would sleep threw the day and i would stay up at night as it was not safe for a street kid young males got raped just as females and the gays wear the worst offenders as the wall was not far from wear i slept and men who drove down one street wear lots of boys stood selling them selves to make money would also check the old run down buidings also people from other suburbs would come into the cross its self for a night out and would for fun gang up on a homeless person

this was my world my friend i would sit on gutter with sevral others and watch the world go by watch people drive by in there fancy cars and see familys going into macdonalds for lunch and it would hit me hard to the point wear i would get angry and start to curse god and ask him why was this happening to me why was i going threw this why was i born into a world wear no one wants me

i tried to end my life one time i poped 21 tablest i did not know what they wear until the drs told me they wear heart stoppers and again i was told i was very lucky and the dr said some one is watching out for you

early in 1988 when i came out of jail i found my self in a church invited by a friend who is no longer a christian she is now a lesbian in a relationship with another women hear i saw something that i never saw in my own home men being kind to their wifes and to there children men giving each other a warm embrace and what i saw it just made me think at the end of the service i came down the front but it took 3 weeks before i could come to a point wear i could give my life to god and when i did i knew and found out who was looking after me it was jesus

the pain the anger the abuse the harsh bashings i experianced while at home from the age of 5 right up to the age of 13 and even being raped by my father this all went and ther was a peace for the first time

i grew up in a world that was violent i saw violence at its best and i saw what this did to my female friends i worked in the strip clubs run by the criminals who wear in the mafia i took rap for something i did not do but was promissed the world as i was inside once and new how to handle my self in jail

i ran also from god yet god got me in 2001 as i came to a point in my life wear i was sorry for what i put my first wife threw i became my father and was violent towards my wife and my only son i found it hard to love him and when he would come for a cudle i would push him away early in august 2001 god got me to a point wear i could not run no more i nearly killed a man and this is how god got me

let me say its been the best thing he did and i thank him for my life and for what he did for me on the cross i am nearly 40yrs old and today i have a new partner who is a pastor her self and soon to be my wife i am going to marry her in jan 2008 and i can honestly say

god is real and he cares for us so if you can give him a chance and let him take what you are going threw i am sure you wil thank him

he helps me when i need the help at night times he replaces what i feel with his peace and just shows me he cares he even shows me he is there as i feel this warmth come over me

so i hope this shows you by me oppening up to you that you are not alone and that god does care

are you around other christians are you in a supportive church please find a church that you can call home as hear you wil find people will embrace you and welcome you and be there for you

i wil pray for you and wil pray for you every day take care blessings from damo1

[Afal]

use some today and put some away till you need them x 1000000

Wow! That is soooooooooooooooo kind of you LPT! I have never been given that many hugs before all in one day!!!!

PS - I feel a bit mean only sending 2 back to you!!!

OK then, here are another 2 just because you are so special!!!

[Afal]

Hi Damo,

I am sorry that things have not been easy for you in your life, but I am glad that things are now going much better for you.

I am a Christian but I struggle with my faith when I have bad triggers from the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Then everything appears so bleak and hopeless. I am trying to keep my mind focused on Jesus through these dark times, but sometimes it is so dark that I can't see anything at all.

Thank you for sharing some of your life story with me. I do believe that God is my only hope. My doctors are absolutely useless and have given up on me, but God hasn't. He has sent a wonderful Christian man into my life who loves me despite the problems with the PTSD.

Due to the isolation of my present location, I do not have a church to go to, but in a few months time, I will be moving to a new area about 500 miles away and there I will definitely have a church to belong to.

Thank you for the time it took to write to me.

God bless you

[Scarletprayers]

I'm so glad your feeling better today!

[Guest Biblicist]

Hello Afal,

I was wondering if you would be able to tell us more about your Gentleman friend?

How did you meet?

How long have you known each other?

Stuff like that.

Enquiring minds want to know!

Bibs

[Afal]

Enquiring minds want to know!

Ah yes, but I think this is an opportunity for you to develop your patience, don't you??????????

Bibs

PS - When the time is right, you will be told ... honest!!!