I am so confused

[tsth]

I would not be at peace to marry someone who did not walk in TRUTH. It would have been more noble, had he told you himself. The fact that he withheld this is monumental and speaks of more deception.

In His Love,

Suzanne

[MorningGlory]

I would not be at peace to marry someone who did not walk in TRUTH. It would have been more noble, had he told you himself. The fact that he withheld this is monumental and speaks of more deception.

In His Love,

Suzanne

Absolutely. What if you had married him and THEN found out his secret? Pedophiles are not rehabilitatable, from what I've read, and the recidivism rate for child molestors in the U.S. is above 52% (and that's assuming reporting of incidents). Please think long and hard about this and pray for guidance.

[Guest Carel]

3 1/2 years ago I met a man that I thought had been sent to me by God. We attended the same church. We finally started going out and I fell in Love with him. Six months ago he asked me to marry him. I thought how great is this. We laughed together, prayed together and just enjoyed being around each other. About 3 weeks ago I found out a horrible secret he has been hiding from me. I found out that he was conconvicted on child molestation charges. It happened about six years ago. I was devestated. I broke up with him and I have been miserable, because I still love him. He tells me that he has gone thru a sex offenders class and graduated, and that he has given his life to the Lord four years ago. He says that God has forgiven him and that I should. That he loves me and he is not that person anymore. I have been prayin about this and my mind tells me to let it go but my heart says to give him a chance. Am I better then God that I can't forgive? Dosen't the Bible say that if we don't forgive, we won't be forgiven. I am so confused I don't know what to do. I need help!!!!!

From a human point of view it is difficult to forgive a persons past, especially if it was sex offence for child molestation charges. From a godly point of view you should forgive him,because whats in the past is in the past. But we are human after all. If I were in your position I would feel exactly the same. I would say the only way that you would give true forginess, is if you ask God to give you His mercy and forgiveness in your heart. As I said, we are human and it is in our nature not to forgive people, especially offenders.

If this person is a true child of God he will not do what he did in the past, because he received mercy and grace from God. But remember, satan knows his weakness and he might be temped. How this person will react to temptation will depend on how strong his faith will be at that stage, but God wont give him a plate he wont be able to handle.

Should you get back into a relationship with him? Thats between you and God to sort out. This is where I stop, I dont have the wisdom to help you with that.

I know I didnt really gave you a good answer, I just told you what I know. Pray, be patient and ask God to give you the answers. Dont make any decision until you had confermation from God, I will also pray for answers

Good luck

Carel

[Guest Biblicist]

3 1/2 years ago I met a man that I thought had been sent to me by God. We attended the same church. We finally started going out and I fell in Love with him. Six months ago he asked me to marry him. I thought how great is this. We laughed together, prayed together and just enjoyed being around each other. About 3 weeks ago I found out a horrible secret he has been hiding from me. I found out that he was conconvicted on child molestation charges. It happened about six years ago. I was devestated. I broke up with him and I have been miserable, because I still love him. He tells me that he has gone thru a sex offenders class and graduated, and that he has given his life to the Lord four years ago. He says that God has forgiven him and that I should. That he loves me and he is not that person anymore. I have been prayin about this and my mind tells me to let it go but my heart says to give him a chance. Am I better then God that I can't forgive? Dosen't the Bible say that if we don't forgive, we won't be forgiven. I am so confused I don't know what to do. I need help!!!!!

If he had told you when you first met him about his past sin, repented of, forgiven sin, would you ever have dated him? Did you tell him about your "skeletons"?

My guess is he expected the exact reaction you had and that's why he never told you. Sadly he was correct in his assumptions.

What exactly do you feel the need to forgive him for? Not telling you? Or the actual act? I have a feeling either way he's gonna lose out. What woman is going to date and marry a convicted child molestor?

There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. [Romans 8:1]

I know a child molestor, he is married and has two children. . .daughters. He was never charged with his crime. I am unsure if his wife even knows, but I know, because he molested my niece. Is it right for ME to hold a grudge. Maybe I ought to march right over there and clue her in on his little secret? Wonder if that would change what happened to my niece when she was only 3 years old. Wonder if that would change how angry I feel toward him when I see him or my dear sister, her mother, who has to live right next door to him.

At least your ex knows God has forgiven him.

[Guest LadyC]

God commands us to forgive, but He doesn't command us to bury our head in the sand. bib, i can imagine it would be very difficult to forgive him, and only Jesus can put that kind of love in your heart.... but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be ever watchful of any indication that his children might be being molested. after all, even though God forgives completely, He still watches over His children and intervenes more often than we might think, given the daily headlines of atrocities against kids. God knows that satan comes around throwing temptation in our faces, and God knows that as humans, we often step out from under His umbrella of protection and fall flat on our faces in sin. we should be just as watchful, just as aware, and we should never let forgiveness of an individual interfere with our responsibility to protect others from potential harm.... wouldn't you agree?

[Guest Biblicist]

God commands us to forgive, but He doesn't command us to bury our head in the sand. bib, i can imagine it would be very difficult to forgive him, and only Jesus can put that kind of love in your heart.... but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be ever watchful of any indication that his children might be being molested. after all, even though God forgives completely, He still watches over His children and intervenes more often than we might think, given the daily headlines of atrocities against kids. God knows that satan comes around throwing temptation in our faces, and God knows that as humans, we often step out from under His umbrella of protection and fall flat on our faces in sin. we should be just as watchful, just as aware, and we should never let forgiveness of an individual interfere with our responsibility to protect others from potential harm.... wouldn't you agree?

I am fairly certain this guy is NOT a Christian and never truly repented of his sins. I do believe that God is protecting his daughters though. It's not my place to make it known to his wife. That would be his responsibility. There is no guarantee that he has done anything of the sort to his daughters. I am in no place to judge him at this point in his life.

[Guest LadyC]

I am fairly certain this guy is NOT a Christian and never truly repented of his sins. I do believe that God is protecting his daughters though. It's not my place to make it known to his wife. That would be his responsibility. There is no guarantee that he has done anything of the sort to his daughters. I am in no place to judge him at this point in his life.

i guess i'm on the fence about whether it's your place or not to tell the wife. i guess at this point in time, probably not. but if i knew someone who was going to marry a man who had a history of molesting children, i'd say something, right or wrong. and i don't think i would be wrong in that. it's not gossip, it's caution. it's looking out for someone else's welfare.

but since they've already been married and established a family, telling her now could cause utter destruction of the marriage. best probably to leave it in God's hands, and just be watchful.

[Guest Biblicist]

I am fairly certain this guy is NOT a Christian and never truly repented of his sins. I do believe that God is protecting his daughters though. It's not my place to make it known to his wife. That would be his responsibility. There is no guarantee that he has done anything of the sort to his daughters. I am in no place to judge him at this point in his life.

i guess i'm on the fence about whether it's your place or not to tell the wife. i guess at this point in time, probably not. but if i knew someone who was going to marry a man who had a history of molesting children, i'd say something, right or wrong. and i don't think i would be wrong in that. it's not gossip, it's caution. it's looking out for someone else's welfare.

but since they've already been married and established a family, telling her now could cause utter destruction of the marriage. best probably to leave it in God's hands, and just be watchful.

IF I did anything, and that is a big huge if, I would tell HIM to tell her. That would be the proper thing to do. I think it's wrong to go behind someone elses back and carry stories, no matter how true they are. It's better to advise the offender to share the truth with their loved ones. That way the story is correct and the relationship can be saved through truth.

Before we were married, my husband lied to me about something. When he owned up to the truth I was able to forgive him because he came to me about it instead of letting me find out from someone else.

It is not my place to tell her, it's his.

[anita1]

I want to thank everyone for their input and their prayers. You have given me a lot to think about. I think I knew the answer before but I think it has been confirmed. I have forgiven him for what he has done, and I have forgiven him for not telling me, but like you said, will I always have this doubt. I have grandchildren and I don't think I would ever feel comfortable with him around them. I cringe just thinking about how they have already been around him. He has not been alone with them. I thank the Lord for that. When we started going out I told him all of my secrets, some of them pretty bad, but i wanted to be honest with him. He didn't return this coutesy. I think I would always be waiting for him to mess up. How can I take that chance. I don't think I can. I don't want to live my life in fear. I have prayed and I cannott feel peace from God about this relationship. It really hurts but I have to let him go. I know God makes us new people when we accept him, but like it was pointed out, why didn't he tell me. I do believe that he loves the Lord and is a new man, but I think I would always be wondering. I ask the Lord to forgive me for that. I ask for your continued prayers, both for myself and for James. Thank You

[Guest lovinghim4ever]

Not knowing the full situation make things difficult, but one of my questions would be this:

If you've been going out with this person for all this time and he never told you personally about this, what does this say about his character?

Remember, just because you forgive him, doesn't mean you have to go through with any marriage plans! They are 2 different issues.

A marriage needs to be based on a foundation of honesty and trust.

The fact that he withheld this is monumental and speaks of more deception.

I know a child molestor, he is married and has two children. . .daughters. He was never charged with his crime. I am unsure if his wife even knows, but I know, because he molested my niece. Is it right for ME to hold a grudge. Maybe I ought to march right over there and clue her in on his little secret? Wonder if that would change what happened to my niece when she was only 3 years old. Wonder if that would change how angry I feel toward him when I see him or my dear sister, her mother, who has to live right next door to him.

Why was this man never charged? Was it reported to the authorities? If not, why? Where I come from the law says that if you know a child is being molested and do not report it you can be charged with endangerment of a child. Yes, you should make sure the wife knows. No, that wouldn't change what happened to your niece. And, it wouldn't change how angry you feel, but it could possibly stop it from happening to someone else's niece. The protection and welfare of children is more important than someone's feelings. No, you shouldn't hold a grudge, but that doesn't excuse what the man did or give way to let him get away with it.