Women on a Retreat

[mikado5001]

I posted this in the Men's area. But wanted to open it to all brothers and sisters in the LORD JESUS CHRIST!

PRAISE THE LORD first of all. Thanks to a scholarship I am able to go on a much needed retreat this week. Here is the trouble for me. I am a 35yr old, socially awkward, emotionally troubled, overweight gentleman, DESPERATLY searching for a soulmate. I am scared that this issue will be dominating my thoughts on this retreat. I do not know why I am so intent on meeting my soulmate. No matter where I am. Alone or in a group. I seem to be having my 'radar' up for some reason. A sister in church told me that my soulmate would find me, touch my stomache area, be affectionate, and have a sense of humor. I pray that this is true and all. But I wonder why I am so desperate to get married and all. I don't even think I am ready for my wife, let alone kids, deep down inside. I don't go looking for my soulmate in bars or places like that. Or for that matter with concious pre-meditaion. But whenever I meet a woman I find likable. I become this pathetic person giving off really bad vibes, for lack of a better term. One girl I dated wrote me a dear John e-mail explaining how she saw me. She saw me a being in great pain. That is true, I AM. That was the main point. She said she saw me crying, not one, but rivers of tears. And she could not have been a part of my life. Am I hoping for a cure all? I am aware that whomever I marry is going to need to be strong and understanding of what I have to work through. I do, I confess, have many issues.

Again I wonder if I am doing the right thing by going on this retreat. I want to believe that GOD, via a van ride and a 1/2 price cost arrangement, is making the path for me and for a JOYOUS reason as opposed to a lesson reason. This is a yearly retreat and for the 3 years and 8 months that I have been in CHRIST I have wanted to go on this retreat.

How do I not focus on wether my soulmate will be there, or not? And just enjoy the whole shebang? I posted this in the Men's Lounge since I don't think this is a co-ed topic. I may be wrong. (I guess I was wrong since I put it here to.)

I also tend to lay it all out there sometimes.

[KC02]

If you're a stand-up comic, you can't be too "socially awkward." You are clearly too hard on yourself. God makes up the difference in all of our weaknesses.

I'm not sure if you will meet the lady of your dreams at the retreat, but you are gonna have yourself wore-out before you get there. Stop worrying! God has a plan for you; He cares about all of the little things in your life. He will being someone to you, and when He does you will know it.

God bless you brother. Read my tagline.

Edited October 13, 2008 by KC02

[sheya joie]

You know, this may be the LORD's point in providing you with the way to go to this retreat: to help you face up to your fears so you can (as they say) 'let go and let GOD.'

Me, I come from a family of worriers - people who could worry to the point of ridiculousness. My dad has panic attacks because he worries so, and his parents were even worse. I have had to make a conscious effort over the years to not let the thoughts of my head run away with me, nor steal from me the joy of living for fear of doing something wrong or messing up. (My dad is also a perfectionist, as is my mom. Did I get a double dose or what? )

Anyway, I am very fond of this passage:

2Cor 10:3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:

4 (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)

5

Casting down imaginations

, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and

bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ

;

Hope that helps.

[Iryssa]

First of all, I have to say that I didn't find my soulmate until I stopped trying and trusted God to bring him to me on God's time. Remember God's promises:

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Rom. 8:28 (emphasis mine)

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." Ps. 37:4 (Delight yourself in the Lord! Not in fantasies of the white picket fence and a pretty girl by your side!)

And an exhortation to remember:

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God." Colossians 3:1

Also, I KNOW it's hard, but try to consider your time being single as a gift, because you can be wholly focused on God, with no worries such as how you will feed your family. As Paul said:

"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs, how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world, how he can please his wife, and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world, how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. " 1 Cor. 7:32-35

If you are using this time to fret and obsess about when and where and whether you will meet the right woman, you are WASTING this time God has given you! It sounds harsh, but there you have it. God wants you to be focused on HIM, not on your dating life.

I think that this is partially a matter of self-discipline. I think it might be a good idea to try something like this:

Write down a memory verse for you to focus on while you're on the retreat. Whenever you feel your thoughts sliding away from God and onto your love life, take out that verse from your pocket and read it to help you refocus. Or, if you've memorized the verse you want to use already, have a token (like a pendant, or a ring, or even the old string on the finger) somewhere where you will see it often that will remind you of that verse and of your committment to put your focus on God. As our sister Sheya Joie quoted, take captive every thought!

[Guest]

[mikado5001]

Praise God for the awesome advice here. I will use all the tips this weekend.

I am trying to give it to GOD. Sometimes it seems that HE does not want to take it from me. But I embrace all the thoughts and advice. And will give a report when I return.

More is welcome here.

THANKS AND PRAISE HE LORD!!

[stormy612]

Hi Mikado,

Along with the other great advice here, I'd like to add one thing. Keep in mind that everyone going on the retreat is going to fellowship, yes, but also to grow spiritually (I'm not sure what kind of retreat this is, so bear with me if I'm wrong!). Keep your heart focused on spiritual growth, both yours and theirs. If God has someone for you to meet there, He wants a spiritual connection. If He doesn't, He still wants you to make spiritual connections. Focus on what you bring, on those gifts God has given you, to benefit others.

I hope this helps. Have a wonderful time!

[mikado5001]

Hi Mikado,

Along with the other great advice here, I'd like to add one thing. Keep in mind that everyone going on the retreat is going to fellowship, yes, but also to grow spiritually (I'm not sure what kind of retreat this is, so bear with me if I'm wrong!). Keep your heart focused on spiritual growth, both yours and theirs. If God has someone for you to meet there, He wants a spiritual connection. If He doesn't, He still wants you to make spiritual connections. Focus on what you bring, on those gifts God has given you, to benefit others.

I hope this helps. Have a wonderful time!

It's the Jews for Jesus Ingathering. I will take your suggestion to "Have a wonderful time!". I really need to get away for a couple of days. And I pray that this does the trick.

I do want a Spiritual Connection with my Soul Mate. Not a physical one, only. Physically I pray that we are near in age, and that she has great hair.

[Guest ~zoe-girl~]

First of all, I have to say that I didn't find my soulmate until I stopped trying and trusted God to bring him to me on God's time. Remember God's promises:

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Rom. 8:28 (emphasis mine)

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." Ps. 37:4 (Delight yourself in the Lord! Not in fantasies of the white picket fence and a pretty girl by your side!)

And an exhortation to remember:

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God." Colossians 3:1

Also, I KNOW it's hard, but try to consider your time being single as a gift, because you can be wholly focused on God, with no worries such as how you will feed your family. As Paul said:

"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs, how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world, how he can please his wife, and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world, how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. " 1 Cor. 7:32-35

If you are using this time to fret and obsess about when and where and whether you will meet the right woman, you are WASTING this time God has given you! It sounds harsh, but there you have it. God wants you to be focused on HIM, not on your dating life.

I think that this is partially a matter of self-discipline. I think it might be a good idea to try something like this:

Write down a memory verse for you to focus on while you're on the retreat. Whenever you feel your thoughts sliding away from God and onto your love life, take out that verse from your pocket and read it to help you refocus. Or, if you've memorized the verse you want to use already, have a token (like a pendant, or a ring, or even the old string on the finger) somewhere where you will see it often that will remind you of that verse and of your committment to put your focus on God. As our sister Sheya Joie quoted, take captive every thought!

AMEN, AMEN AND AMEN!

[mikado5001]

Just wanted to say that I am leaving for the retreat Thursday. I pray it will be just what the REAL DOCTOR ordered. Again, as I said, I will give a small report when I return on Sunday. Thank you all so much for your honest, caring, and kind words. I'll be putting pics up on my photobucket page.

LOVE TO ALL AND CHRIST JESUS BLESS YOU!!