Question about living together

[pokemaughan]

This is a hypothetical question that may need to be answered for my future:

I'm currently in a long-distance relationship, have been for 3 years

Marriage is desired, but not definite or planned

Question is this: If we live so far away from eachother, how is marriage (in the normal sense) possible without her living in the same place as me? I mean obviously it's possible for it to be something like I get a hotel room for her, propose, and get married on a weekend, so she then can move in with me; but honestly that's a laughable and unromantic method

I mean, another way I thought is if I stay at my mother's house, and she stays at my house before we get married- but that too is a little iffy. It'd be silly for her to get an apartment out here just so she doesn't 'sin' by moving in with me. And on that note, isn't sin a thing of the heart, not an action? If I want her to move in with me so we can get married properly, and not because I want to be impure, is that such a bad thing? I'm aware of the temptation of such a situation, but I'm assuming by that time I'll have enough faith and strength (and a couch to sleep on while she sleeps in bed ) to resist such a thing.

So ya, it's not urgent or concrete, but I've been wondering.

[Guest shiloh357]

It'd be silly for her to get an apartment out here just so she doesn't 'sin' by moving in with me.

That is actually the best option for both of you. There is nothing silly about such a measure. She is not just avoiding sin.

You want a relationship that glorifies God. The idea is not seeing how close to you can get without getting burned. The idea is to get as far away from sin as possible. If that means she has to live in her own apartment then so be it.

I'm aware of the temptation of such a situation, but I'm assuming by that time I'll have enough faith and strength (and a couch to sleep on while she sleeps in bed ) to resist such a thing.

That is just opening the door to sin. Again, the Bible tells us not to even give the appearance of evil.

Even if you werent' fornicating, most people who knew you were living with her, would assume you were and so you would be bringing a reproach upon Christ. You have think outside yourself and what is good for the Kingdom of God.

[OneLight]

I'll echo Shiloh's statements.

[GloryToGod!]

The Bible clearly says that we are to "put off all appearance of evil". Living together whether you fornicate or not give off the appearance of sin. The practice of this style of living together is acceptable in today's culture...but falls short in living a life that gives all the glory to God.

God Bless

[Iryssa]

What about seeing if there's an older couple or something from your church willing to rent her a room for a couple months? Some students rent rooms like that throughout the whole school year.

Is there a reason why it's not an option for you to move closer to her? Also why is it so iffy for her to take your apartment while you live with your mom if you were planning on getting married soon after this proposed move? Sounds to me like that would be a MUCH better option for a Christian couple than you living together, even if it was for the purpose of marriage.

[Guest ~zoe-girl~]

I'll echo Shiloh's statements.

ZOE also echos that from Shiloh~

[pokemaughan]

What about seeing if there's an older couple or something from your church willing to rent her a room for a couple months? Some students rent rooms like that throughout the whole school year.

Is there a reason why it's not an option for you to move closer to her? Also why is it so iffy for her to take your apartment while you live with your mom if you were planning on getting married soon after this proposed move? Sounds to me like that would be a MUCH better option for a Christian couple than you living together, even if it was for the purpose of marriage.

Thanks for that. Sounds like a good idea at the least.

I really don't want to move anywhere, but like I said, hypothetical question that may have a purpose later on.

[kross]

If your parents would have room for you, why do they not have room for her? Since she is the one in the travel mode and is the one looking for a place, why not put her at the parents house? I'm sure you mommy would love to tell her stories and get to know her future daughter more.

[Iryssa]

I really don't want to move anywhere, but like I said, hypothetical question that may have a purpose later on.

Just remember, you moving may seem like a sacrifice right now, but if it's for the sake of the woman you love, it's worth it! Just something to think about anyway...if there are other reasons why her moving would work better logically, then by all means stick to that. But all things being equal, I think it's worth considering. After all, marriage as a whole isn't about doing what we prefer and just hoping one's spouse tags along (or gets dragged along)...yielding to one another in love makes a world of difference. Also, moving is usually harder on women. I'm not sure I could explain that last bit without writing an essay, but if you're curious, there's a couple Focus on the Family broadcasts (part 1 here and part 2 here) that go into it.

[pokemaughan]

I really don't want to move anywhere, but like I said, hypothetical question that may have a purpose later on.

Just remember, you moving may seem like a sacrifice right now, but if it's for the sake of the woman you love, it's worth it! Just something to think about anyway...if there are other reasons why her moving would work better logically, then by all means stick to that. But all things being equal, I think it's worth considering. After all, marriage as a whole isn't about doing what we prefer and just hoping one's spouse tags along (or gets dragged along)...yielding to one another in love makes a world of difference. Also, moving is usually harder on women. I'm not sure I could explain that last bit without writing an essay, but if you're curious, there's a couple Focus on the Family broadcasts (part 1 here and part 2 here) that go into it.

Thanks Iryssa.