Marriage difficulties among Christians

[Ddavid from NC]

If you believe the statistics Christians are experiencing the same divorce rate as non-Christians, and some reports including Barna Research say at a higher rate. So, I would like to discuss this with my brothers and sisters in Christ. What is going on? Are Christian more predisposed to relationship issues and pressures? Are we hypocritical in our application of forgiveness and reconciliation? Are we learning anything when we read and study the Bible about relationships? But should the church respond critically or compassionately to the issue? Should we continue disqualify them from future service in the church for a marriage failure?

[Matthitjah]

Grace to you,

Christians are failing in Marrige because they misunderstand the meaning of Covenant.

Peace,

Dave

[Smalcald]

I think those are very good points David. First I don

[DisneyNut]

Marriage isn't taken seriously anymore. Its looked at as a right to live together in many homes and nothing more. It is difficult in the best of situations but throw in money concerns and children from previous marriages and so forth and people get scared. Divorce is looked upon as the "norm" these days and as sad as that is, it's the truth. Marriage has so many more obsticles now than ever before as well. I was married to a man for nearly 10 years and had no idea that he was addicted to pornography. It was just too easy for him to hide it from me. It is a sacred vow between two people but so many see it as just a piece of paper anymore.

Edited February 18, 2009 by DisneyNut

[Guest Yacov]

In Yeshua's day, the Pharisees in the Hillel group, Yeshua disagreed with because they were mistreating the women. I have seen divorce many times as well. The Family Court system in America really stinks. It is not the way even though many judges are doing the best they can. But the system sets everyone up for failure. Many perjurous, slanderous statements are made that hurt not only children, but the parents as well. I too have a zero tolerance for an adulterer, someone who commits perjury - whether decreed or not, the improper use of alienation, theft, and parents who jerk their children around. Churches used to hold someone accountable when they got a new face. Before accepting them into the fold, the Pastors used to contact the former pastor to see if there was any unlawful behavior going on. It is a serious matter of accountability. Spiritual/religious/pastors/rabbinicals leaders do not do this anymore, as a rule.

This religous leader does. I will not accept anyone into the fold who has been guilty of adultery, perjury, or alienation because the ministry is at stake. It is an ethical issue. I do not have fellowship with anyone that undercuts someone elses authority. If you do not, your authority will be next. Divorce in and of itself is not a disqualification as there are too many factors such as not one persons fault, the other spouse left the other in a similar manner as Rabbi Paul states, etc.

However, this should be taken on a case by case basis so as to not be found arguing with G-d and calling into question the Wisdom of His Court. Making a judicial decision in these cases are paramount. People need to ask for a release of duty from one spiritual authority in order to be accepted at your next place of worship. Otherwise, the new person has no authority and should not be accepted into the fold because the enw person can bring down a ministry. It only takes one spark. A religious leader must protect his flock from any infection, if at all posssible. All done with the compassion of Yeshua.

[Guest AuthorPhilipKledzik]

I have to agree that this is a very grievous problem today. I do want to add that yes Barna's statistics show a higher divorce rate among Christians, however, I don't believe this takes into account all of the non-marital live in relationships that are going on. There can't be divorce if there was never marriage. I also acknowledge that Christians sin in this way as well.

I want to jump back to the problem at hand. I've been reading through a number of different blogs on similar issues this morning. Some of them come back to mind and might be interresting to read here.

Why is divorce so rampant? There are many reasons, and it is true there is not an easy answer. I have not been divorced myself, and no one in my immediate family has been. I'm not boasting just stating that I do not have any first hand knowledge. I have seen a couple my wife grew up knowing go through a divorce. It was difficult to watch, they had been through counciling since she was a child. Finally after their first grandchild was born the papers were filed. One filed, the other fought against it. In the end it went through. I don't know why the one filed, but the other sure didn't want to end the marriage. It was ugly.

Scripture talks about one reason that Moses allowed divorce, adultery. Today, believers and non-believers alike are making new reasons, abuse including emotional, physical and mental. Christ also said to not become unequally yoked. So, those that came to Christ after marriage sometimes use that as an excuse to give up on praying for their spouse and divorce.

In another blog they were talking about how some religions say they believe 98% of Christianity and not the other 2%. Is part of the problem with divorce that many don't want to follow 2% of the Word, or that some mislead others by trying to add or change 2% of what Scripture teaches us? I'm reminded that Satan is the Father of Lies, he comes to seek and destroy - that includes our marriages. He will infiltrate any way he sees an open door.

Adultery isn't just physical either, Christ said if another man looks at a woman he has committed adultery. In another passage Christ tell His disciple to forgive 70 times 70. And yet again, your Father will not forgive you your transgressions if you do not forgive others. Where does this all lead us? Adultery permits divorce, and Christ says forgive. When God forgives us He doesn't take away all the consequences of sin. Yes, we will no longer be seperated from Him for eternity when we believe in our hearts and confess with our mouths that Jesus Christ is Lord. However, just as David was forgiven for committing adulter with Bathsheba and ordering her husbands death, David still suffered the consequences by watching his son die. Some will forgive and yet still reap the consequences that come with divorce. There is so much more that can be said, but it can't all be said at the same time.

My hope is that what I've written is easily understandable, and that you test it against scripture. I try to be true to God's word because I love Him and love my brethern.

Philip A Kledzik

"An Issue of the Heart"

authorphilipkledzik.books.officelive.com

[EricH]

I think part of it is that we have bough into thed way the culture defines the roles and responsibilities of men and women in a marriage relationship.

[Guest LiseO]

If you believe the statistics Christians are experiencing the same divorce rate as non-Christians, and some reports including Barna Research say at a higher rate. So, I would like to discuss this with my brothers and sisters in Christ. What is going on? Are Christian more predisposed to relationship issues and pressures? Are we hypocritical in our application of forgiveness and reconciliation? Are we learning anything when we read and study the Bible about relationships? But should the church respond critically or compassionately to the issue? Should we continue disqualify them from future service in the church for a marriage failure?

My husband and I are separated after almost 24 years of marriage. We are both born-again Christians. He has left on his own accord and is in the middle of a mid-life crisis. He is having an adulteress affair with a non-believer. For 23 of our married years, we had the most amazing relationship in the world.

Seemingly overnight he lost his mind. I am an innocent victim of my husband's sin of adultery. My husband has avoided any Christians this past year, since he knew they would tell him he is sinning and has lost his mind. He has abandoned both me and our 3 children. The church cannot physically find him to do what scripture says in confronting him about his sin since he no longer lives in our home. So if he files for divorce to live with this harlot, I am completely innocent.

If the church were not to let me serve any longer due to my husband's sin would be wrong. For him not to serve, I agree, but I have done no wrong. I do not want a divorce and am praying for a miracle in our marriage and family. Each case is individual regarding divorce. We should be compassionate toward the innocent victims as who can judge them if they have not walked a mile in their shoes?

I think pre-marital counseling in the church for more than 1 session may help lower the current divorce rate. Never in a million years did I even speculate that I may become one of those ugly statistics! I love my husband with all my heart and don't understand why I still love him so much since he has hurt me so very deeply. But God has given me that agape love toward him, and I will honor my vows to him til death do us part, even if he signs a certificate of divorce and according to scripture, in this instance, I would be free to remarry. How can one be harsh on the innocent victims in these divorces? From my own personal experience I am going thru now, I am innocent in God's eyes.

[yesult]

My personal opinion is because the church at large just won't teach marriage according to scripture. The bible says that the only allowable reason for divorce amongst christians is serious sexual sin.

When do you ever hear that preached? I never have - and I've been a christian my whole life.

[RockstarNurse]

If you believe the statistics Christians are experiencing the same divorce rate as non-Christians, and some reports including Barna Research say at a higher rate. So, I would like to discuss this with my brothers and sisters in Christ. What is going on? Are Christian more predisposed to relationship issues and pressures? Are we hypocritical in our application of forgiveness and reconciliation? Are we learning anything when we read and study the Bible about relationships? But should the church respond critically or compassionately to the issue? Should we continue disqualify them from future service in the church for a marriage failure?

My husband and I are separated after almost 24 years of marriage. We are both born-again Christians. He has left on his own accord and is in the middle of a mid-life crisis. He is having an adulteress affair with a non-believer. For 23 of our married years, we had the most amazing relationship in the world.

Seemingly overnight he lost his mind. I am an innocent victim of my husband's sin of adultery. My husband has avoided any Christians this past year, since he knew they would tell him he is sinning and has lost his mind. He has abandoned both me and our 3 children. The church cannot physically find him to do what scripture says in confronting him about his sin since he no longer lives in our home. So if he files for divorce to live with this harlot, I am completely innocent.

If the church were not to let me serve any longer due to my husband's sin would be wrong. For him not to serve, I agree, but I have done no wrong. I do not want a divorce and am praying for a miracle in our marriage and family. Each case is individual regarding divorce. We should be compassionate toward the innocent victims as who can judge them if they have not walked a mile in their shoes?

I think pre-marital counseling in the church for more than 1 session may help lower the current divorce rate. Never in a million years did I even speculate that I may become one of those ugly statistics! I love my husband with all my heart and don't understand why I still love him so much since he has hurt me so very deeply. But God has given me that agape love toward him, and I will honor my vows to him til death do us part, even if he signs a certificate of divorce and according to scripture, in this instance, I would be free to remarry. How can one be harsh on the innocent victims in these divorces? From my own personal experience I am going thru now, I am innocent in God's eyes.

Wow! Thanks for sharing that, and I will definately pray for peace for you! I think maybe this sheds some light on what part of the problem is. First of all, Satan spends more time attacking those who are strong in Christ. He uses more resources to break those people down. I would imagine a lot of strong Christians are constantly under attack in their marriages. And those same Christians are just as human as the other non-Christian portion of the divorced percentage. Also, what if a lot of Christians are married, but one partner grows in Christ and the other doesn't? There is such a wide spectrum of "Christianity" and a lot of people I know who call themselves Christians hold very few of the same moral standards that I demand in my household. That would have to put strain on a marriage. It would almost be easier to be married to someone who believed nothing and didn't care how you raised your children or ran your house, etc. Just my thoughts though.