wordsower Posted August 21, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 42 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,545 Content Per Day: 0.19 Reputation: 30 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/18/2002 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/27/1968 Share Posted August 21, 2004 Some of you here know my issues with my husband. I'm not going to go too much into that. He has gotten worse instead of better and is now popping pills like most people eat m&m's. He works but I know a lot of his money goes to that, anyways.. He promises one thing and does another, has no accountablity, takes no responsibility. OK, just call me Isabel and him Nabel. I feel that God has told me to stay here. Once I prayed for a word from the pastor and that day he preached on the importance of fathers, said a "bad" dad is better than no dad at all. Another time I prayed about it and opened the bible right to "God hates divorce" in Malachi. Another time God told me to lift him up. I do that, but not as consistently as I know God wants me to because I get so tired of it. (sorry God) Lately He told me to endure and He would work it all out to His Glory and purpose. I had planned to move back here (to Chattanogga, just moved back) and stay home a year but my husband has already gone back on the amount of money he is supposed to contribute to paying the bills. Of course, it's my fault since I put too much pressure on him and he can't concentrate on work. (gag) So I prayed if God didn't want me to go back to work He wouldn't let it work out and I called my old boss up. He said someone just turned in a notice on Friday and he would love to have me back. I have control issues. No one has ever taken care of me, I've taken care of myself since I was 15 and I have a hard time trusting anyone to take care of things. I feel like I am worthless sitting home, even though I know somewhere that I'm not, I still feel that way. The fact that my husband has never taken care of anything in his life and is in trouble for not paying child support and could go to jail any day for that doesn't help. So, is it ok to go back to work or am I just not trusting God to supply all of my needs according to His riches in Glory? I didn't mention either, trying to be totally honest here, that my husband makes me feel inferior, like I am under his control when I don't work. I keep the house spotless and he finds stuff to pick on and frankly, I like the position of being able to pay my own bills and tell him to clean the house if he wants it clean. :X I have a submission problem, obviously, but this man has never been a leader or a provider or honest or faithful. So, there you have it. I know if you all were in the world what you would tell me, but I need to do the right thing. Thanks for your help! Sabra Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stilllearnin' Posted August 21, 2004 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 15 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 195 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/23/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/16/1959 Share Posted August 21, 2004 May God bless you for your honesty. It's a hard call to make...are you not trusting God if you go back to work? I would say not, it is possible that God's timing is why you can go back to work. Remember the story about the guy who was in a flood and he prayed and ask God to send him help. A rowboat came, a rubber raft and a helicopter also and he told them all three that they didn't need to help him because God was going to. When he drowned and went to heaven, he asked God why He didn't rescue him. God's reply was, 'I sent you a rowboat, a raft and a helicopter, what more do you want?' This could very well be your helicopter. stilllearnin' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
other one Posted August 21, 2004 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 29 Topic Count: 598 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 56,129 Content Per Day: 7.56 Reputation: 27,857 Days Won: 271 Joined: 12/29/2003 Status: Offline Share Posted August 21, 2004 I wish I could loan you my six brothers- - in - law, Your husband needs to meet them. If he is doing drugs (the pills he's popping) he needs help and someone needs to interfere in his life. If it were my wife doing that and I had tried and failed to get her to quit, I'd make sure there was plenty of them in the house and call the police. It would be for her own good, for that leads to violence and death most of the time, and maybe not only for him. Just my2 ecnts. sam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wordsower Posted August 21, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 42 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,545 Content Per Day: 0.19 Reputation: 30 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/18/2002 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/27/1968 Author Share Posted August 21, 2004 You're right Sam, It's hydrocodone, valiums and xanex. Probably 8-15 a day. He's a walking zombie and has absolutely no feelings about anything, he's numb. He goes to church with us and every Sunday he gets SO mean and embarrassing and hateful. He's jealous that I'm in the choir and says I have a boyfriend in there, he hates me on this computer, same thing. But he's never here much so I don't try to provoke a fight by being on here when he's home. He says he'll leave if he can have our son who is 4, FAT CHANCE! Jail might be the best thing for him, he is a year behind on child support from a previous relationship before I knew him. Sometimes I think, if my daughter were in this mess I'd want her to leave so why does God want me to stay? I know, His ways are higher than mine. I do want to paint the picture fairly. He does work everyday, does contribute, just not consistant amounts, he isn't abusive, at least physically and he doesn't drink or do any other drugs that I know of. He was abused his whole childhood, has no reference to live by, his mother is a nutcase and he doesn't know who his real dad was. I divorced him for 5 years from 1996-2001 but he never really left for more than 6 months and I know I sound spineless but I have no one to help me and when I think of doing all of this with 3 kids alone I panick! When we divorced in 1996 we just about starved to death. We had no phone, I couldn't pay my car so I hid it, had no insurance, I wasn't a christian then and in 2001 I was present when he cried like a baby and gave his life to the Lord, but I'm thinking it didn't stick or something cuz his fruit is not of the Spirit that I can see. Well, enough of that. Send those brother in laws down if they can kick his blessed assurance! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trinity Posted August 21, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 92 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2,244 Content Per Day: 0.31 Reputation: 63 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/30/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted August 21, 2004 Look um ... you don't want your 4 yr. old son starting to act like his father, because what the father does the son most likely will pick up. I would seriously watch the way your son is acting and if he starts acting like his father it might be smart to take him out of that situation, because you don't want your son to do the same thing your husband does to you to some other Girl. And if your son see your husband taking Drugs, he will justify it in his head that its ok to do drugs, because dad does drugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wordsower Posted August 21, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 42 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,545 Content Per Day: 0.19 Reputation: 30 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/18/2002 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/27/1968 Author Share Posted August 21, 2004 No one sees him take the pills, not even me, he hides them and sometimes I find them. But you are right, he is a terrible example. I worry more about my girls becasue they are the ones that suffer with the void of no father. They say boys are more molded by thier relationship with their mom, which makes sense since my mother-in-law is a fruit cake that never took care of any of her kids. She moved to TX when my husband was 13 and left him a note. He found it when he got home from school. Her husband (which was not his father) took him in several times and was a very good man, he just died last year but apparently didn't have much influence. I grew up without a dad and he died when I was 19 so I know first hand how girl's turn out without a dad. I got married at 17, divorced at 20, remarried at 21 to this loser who is a mirror image of my dad. I'm trying to do the best for them, I feel they are most important, not me. Just wish I knew for sure what the best is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trinity Posted August 22, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 92 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2,244 Content Per Day: 0.31 Reputation: 63 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/30/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted August 22, 2004 --Deleted-- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adstar Posted August 23, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 12 Topic Count: 75 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 3,399 Content Per Day: 0.43 Reputation: 1,307 Days Won: 1 Joined: 09/01/2002 Status: Offline Share Posted August 23, 2004 Hi Wordsower I feel that God has told me to stay here. Once I prayed for a word from the pastor and that day he preached on the importance of fathers, said a "bad" dad is better than no dad at all. Another time I prayed about it and opened the bible right to "God hates divorce" in Malachi. Another time God told me to lift him up. I do that, but not as consistently as I know God wants me to because I get so tired of it. (sorry God) Lately He told me to endure and He would work it all out to His Glory and purpose. All you can do is continue to follow your convictions with perseverance. Now i know that can be very hard and i understand in your situation it can be very hard indeed. But in the end we must persevere to the end when we are convicted by the Spirit to stay on a course. You have a right to be worried about your son. But sometimes a son who sees the hurt and suffering that has been caused by addiction will be strengthened to resist the temptation of drugs and abstain from drugs for the rest of their lives. Different people react differently to the troubles in their young lives. My dad refused to drink alcohol because of the trouble it caused in his early life. Our family has a history of being adversely affected by alcohol. I also decided when i was young not to drink alcohol for the same reason. i have a brother and a sister who are having a bad time with alcohol now. It's a tragedy to see someone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yukon Posted August 23, 2004 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 27 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 658 Content Per Day: 0.09 Reputation: 6 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/20/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/01/1965 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Hi!! know that I am praying for you!! I see the drugs your husband is addicted too. First you need to get him help and to see his doctor and let the doc know that he is miss using these drugs. Doctor's can get into trouble if their patients are abusing the medication they gave them. These drugs that he is just taking will start to harm is organs and then he will have to take meds to repair the damage. No matter his mood, you need to contact the doc and seek help for him. Your son needs to grow up in a comfortable home, not afraid of his dad or wondering wht dad is acting weird. I am praying for you!! Yukon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tsth Posted August 23, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 297 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 5,586 Content Per Day: 0.69 Reputation: 193 Days Won: 1 Joined: 04/09/2002 Status: Offline Share Posted August 23, 2004 Dear wordsower, Is your pastor and church a Biblically sound church? If so, have you gone to your pastor for counsel and help? That is what I would advise, you need support, and if you bring your husband to a point of accountability within the church, that will either press him to realize he's got a problem, or it will have him packin. If he chooses to abandon you and family, you should have your church body as a support and help during this time. Just a suggestion. Biblically, if he's claiming to be a Christian, he should be held accountable by the Christian body, and encouraged as well. Your church may have a men's accountability group already? You might check into it. In His Love, Suzanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts