what is considered marital infidelity?

[eddieper]

Hello to everyone,

I am recently married in July of 2010. Well my question is this, Yesterday my wife had expressed to me that she was planning on sending the father of my step daughter (I hate that word so let’s use my daughter instead) 19,500 dollars from her IRA. Because she made an promise to him over a house they once had together. She has had a sufficient amount of time to make good on this so called promise to him prior to us getting married and combining our finances together, but never has until now. Now when her ex is having a rough financial time do to his own choosing quitting job to job she choses to take these funds from her retirement fund. I have had difficulty with this since the man has not provided not one cent in the support of my daughter. I have paid for airline tickets/ hotel for him to see his daughter and never come between her and his relationship. He rarely communicates with her and sees her once a year in summer but always with difficulty. I have been in her life now since the age of five and I fail to see her reasoning that this will help her in her walk with Jesus. I find this as a huge insult to me and I know some might say well its her money as she also says, but I don’t see like that especially since those funds are for our future as well as that of our now 1 month old daughter and two other children. I have supported her in just about everything but cannot do this here. We have had a bumpy road to where we are now. I have asked her if she is willing to jeopardize our marriage by doing this and she says that she is going to do what is right and my question is by whom him or me your husband. She continues to state that it is not for him but that it is for her conscious. I again asked her why she would provide him with these funds if he has not provided a dime for her schooling clothes food etc. etc. and she continues to state that it is not her job or place to make him pay child support in anyway that that should come from him. I am lost and I am inches away from filing for a divorce and have asked her if she is willing to except losing me our family our relationship over this and her answer is I am doing the right thing. So whom is she doing right by? It feels as if her promise to him is more important that the vow she made to me, Please help and respond with solid GOD based advice.

[ayin jade]

Perhaps this is something your wife needs to do to completely shut him out of her life. It could be for closure of her past with him. Regardless, spending her money on him no matter how you see it, is not infidelity. It almost sounds like you do not trust your wife or are jealous of her past. It sounds like there are deeper issues than this in your marriage. You both need to seek marriage counseling to resolve this.

[GoldenEagle]

Welcome to WCF!

I believe there is probably more to this than just the money. Perhaps you guys should seek a Christian/Biblical counselor? Or meet with your pastor?

God bless you. Praying for your family Eddieper.

In Christ,

GE

[enoob57]

Jn 15:13-16

13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends.

14 You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. 15 No longer do I

call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I

have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made

known to you.

NKJV

Sometimes God brings us to places where we are not prepared to give that much...

by Christ example of complete emptying for me that I might live ... well... what remains

with us that He might not call to this emptying within us? We shall never regret dying

to self and living to another's needs nor shall God forget it in the time of reward!

Remember you are now to her as in same performance and manner as Christ and the

Church! Eph 5:25 and we are just talking about money here (a temporary thing)...

Love, Steven

[gdemoss]

Welcome to Worthy though I believe you probably wont stay around. You have unloaded a serious amount of stuff here that reveals a lot about the growth that is needed in both you and your wife spiritually. I will pray about the matter unto our Father.

Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

2Cr 8:9 For ye know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that, though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, that ye through his poverty might be rich.

I have personally been learning a lot about the application of this in my own life. It is not easy. Nor does it always feel good. But it is the right thing to do always.

[missmuffet]

Your wife and you are having some marital difficulties.You might want to see if counseling would help work out your issues.When you married did you not give a vow to stay together for better or for worse?Well,this could be worse but you are both digging in your heels.Your wife has not been unfaithful has she?, which is a Biblical reason for divorce.Maybe the two of you can sit down and have a really serious heart to heart talk to resolve these issues.You do love each other.....right?

By the way welcome to Worthy

[Jayyycuuup]

Perhaps this is something your wife needs to do to completely shut him out of her life. It could be for closure of her past with him. Regardless, spending her money on him no matter how you see it, is not infidelity. It almost sounds like you do not trust your wife or are jealous of her past. It sounds like there are deeper issues than this in your marriage. You both need to seek marriage counseling to resolve this.

Welcome to Worthy!

And since I am not married, I do believe Jadey has put out very good ideas, but like I said, what do I know lol

[joi]

Praying~

[Guest]

Welcome~!

Praying~!

[eddieper]

I really appreciate the input i guess but not the personal attacks on my person(like you do not trust your wife or are jealous of her past)., but i think some of you have forgotten the mandates which our lord has given us. in marriage we are to become as one that means there is no my money or her money but our money(Regardless, spending her money on him no matter how you see it is not infidelity),. she is to respect my opinion as i hers and we are to come to a compromise that would benefit OUR FAMILY. I AM THE HEAD OF THIS FAMILY AND SHE IS THE BODY OR AM I WRONG ON THIS. My responsibility as head of household is to protect and provide this is not jealousy but my GOD given directive. Do you have 19,500 dollars american that you can throw at someone whom has chosen to act as a fool in every aspect of his life and forget that your first obligation as a married couple is to our Lord, Each Other and Family.

Perhaps this is something your wife needs to do to completely shut him out of her life.

I have enough sense to know that this man will never be shut out of her life that is foolish to even think, as this would have a devastating effect on his daughter regardless of how foolish he is financially he is not a child but a 39 year old man. Being a Godly man does not mean stepping to the side and letting her do what she pleases with total disregard for the welfare of our family. He has done NOTHING to support his daughter. I have in turn purchased tickets placed in in hotels provided money so that she can see him and now I am assuming that I should turn a blind eye because this is ONLY MONEY A TEMPORARY THING. That our church could use to further expand to reach more people with the WORD.

Christ fought for the church he did not sit idly by as it was turned into a Den of Sin. This verse does not mean for you to be a carpet, but it does mean that you lead her and lift her up to our lord.love her with kindness/ tenderness/ etc., hold her accountable

Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

Now you are right that we should seek counsel, which as the spiritual leader of my family I have tried, but she is stuck on giving him this money instead when I told her to speak with him and instead place this money in an account to help her in the future college, house etc. why now is that not good enough? Because she is emotionally tied to him in his time of need is that not infidelity? You do not have to sleep with a man or women to be unfaithful. Thank you for your prayers and God be with you all.