Dad died March 2nd, 2013

[shoofly08]

 When I'm not depressed and distracting myself then I have to deal with the grief. I'm getting there though it still hurts like hell. Got Kris from church signed on now as some sort of mentor for me or something. Counselling is not gonna help right now making it all about me or whatever. Christian counselling on the other hand...I can list all the good things to come outta it and know Dad is completely healed and restored and not in pain. But it hurts so dam much and I prayed so dam hard and if God is as amazing and powerful as I know he is, he could have done these good things other ways. I know I'll never know the answers and trust God with whatever comes in the future. Not worried about anything, even if we have to move. But still mad that he let it happen. Satan and humans pigheadnesses caused all this brokenness but God could have prevented it. I just want my Dad and get very focused on myself. Church has adopted me know too. Apparently I am know administration...Now sure when I agreed to that but Friday mornings I fold the bulletins and make coffee and even do the prayer over the church directory and have me pray for some of the people as well. I'm telling you they are keeping a close eye on me. Father's day I cried the entire church service then slept until 5pm...I was glad to be at church though. it's very comforting now. For a while it seemed normal not having Dad around but my depression is lifting, not quite gone but getting there, and now of course I have feelings again...When I'm depressed it's almost impossible to put my thoughts and feelings into words despite how bad I may want to communicate. Easier to "show" people I guess so they feel a bit of what I'm feeling. 

 

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151700372136136&l=4357897968039702171

 

Dad got sick in December, pre-leukemia the doctors think and possible other kinds of cancer not detected. It moved so fast. We cared for him at home, there were no treatments to help and he hates the hospital. He passed away March 2nd so it's been four months today. I struggle to talk to others because I feel guilty for still being mad about it. I have seen SOOO much good come out of it and seen at ;east 5 people come to Christ during his last days. My Dad's cousin Lloyd passed away last month from the same condition. We rent our house which is currently up for sale. My older brother is getting a divorce and has had a kidney stone for the last 2 weeks. Both David and Nicki have lost so much weight from the stress. David has been trying so hard to follow God but Nicki refuses to try and fix their marriage. It's tearing the kids apart the atmosphere is so toxic so David is seeing a divorce lawyer but trying to continue to seek God through it all. Kailey at 17 refuses to have anything to do with her Mom who has pulled away from everyone and faith and spends every weekend partying. I just want her to wake up before she loses the relationship she has with her other 2 kids. Cole 13 is starting to get annoyed with his Mom and Haidyn 9 is constantly in tears and stressed. My aunt who has been doing amazing for years on the same meds is now struggling for bipolar depression. My grandpa is getting dementia and is getting weaker and is miserable with everyone. God blessed me with allowing me to be at my best for my Dad's last months, feeling happy and myself. The bipolar is back is full swing now and lost sight of hope that depression is only temporary. 

 

What a year. Honestly cannot see how anyone could make it through any of this without God's strength to stay standing and his hold on your hand to keep your feet from falling, one step at a time. I don't wanna be depressed anymore. I want to feel close to God again without thinking this isn't fair because although I don't understand his ways I really do trust his judgment. Much more reliable than mine when I'm up one moment and down the next. He sent his son to die on the cross and my Dad is now completely healed and restored in heaven. The best thing I could ask for besides one more day with him. Though I know all this and believe all this, I still have all these jumbled up feelings inside. I know being bipolar makes me more susceptible to depression and I'm in the middle of grieving. But I feel like I'm letting God down...

[desi2007]

your post is heartfelt. Stay close to God, He is there, every step of the way with you. Your dad died about 4 months ago? it does take time to mourn, mourning is necessary part of the human process, sometimes up to a year, don't beat yourself up, its never easy letting someone go to death. At least you have memories of him. A good cry is always good, it cleanses the soul. I am sorry for your loss. Always good to express yourself and even writing it down in a journal can help. Remember grief is a long, difficult painful process, in time it will get better. And welcome to worthy, lots of nice people here, if you need me to pray with you just let me know. God Bless You.

 

desi

 

[shoofly08]

Thanks Desi, you actually read the whole thing. I tend to write WAY too much and scare people away. haha. Like you mentioned though, it's kinda like journalling for me. Gets my thoughts out there. Prayer is a big issue right now. I am blessed to have so many people praying for me but it's not the same as hearing it. When my Dad was sick I had friends who actually would call longdistance to pray over the phone and then they would pray for me via facebook everynight before I went to sleep, gave me such peace. And lots of people would pray with us at the hospital and then when Dad was at home. I know they are all still praying for us but I just feel kinda lost. I have talked to God lots and thanked him cuz I am sure aware of how blessed I am midst all this but haven't really asked for anything since my Dad died. Even with my brother's marriage falling apart I ask others to start a prayer chain cuz I keep just remembering how hard and long I prayed for my Dad. And when I'm depressed, prayers have never really come for me, I know he is aware anyways which I am thankful for and I know even though I can['t feel him doesn't mean he's not there, it's just the fog of depression which is a lie. But after 2 months going on 3 of depression, I'm really starting to lose hope that it'll go away. I know it will but it doesn't feel like it will. Depression makes me focused on myself and my grief and I miss oppurtunites to help others. And I know the guilt is another symptom of depression I go through everytime but it gets relly tiring not being able to control my emotions. They run wild and no logic can change em. Depression has lasted many months more than this in the past but that doesn't really help give me much hope right now...

[Guest]

Praying~!

[Littlelambseativy]

Don't be angry with God, He knew what was best for your father and you. To watch your father suffer was not what God intended for you or your father. Did God hear your prayer? Yes, but in His wisdom, He did what was best for you both. There comes a time in when watching someone suffer briefly or extensively that in prayer one must come to a point where the only prayer though chocked in the heart and throat, one must say, "Father, Thy will be done." It is not easy for anyone to part, but knowing it is  not the end but the beginning of life for them and though we are parted for a short time the joy of seeing the Saviour and then the thought of meeting with the loved ones and hugging and rejoicing with them is something to be greatly anticipated. Everyone leaves home for a vacation or school or work and the parting is heartrending but the joy of seeing them again ---- WOW!! They are not lost we are left alone in this sorrowful world for but a short time grieve not - only those without hope grieve, Sorrow - yes but for a time only for you have hope to see him again. Soon we will be - Going home, going home!! 

Pray for your family. Cover them with the blood of Jesus daily and ask God to reveal Himself to them. I firmly believe that though those whom we love refuse to accept Jesus now our prayer do not fail and though they go through the tribulation we will see them again. They will recall how you lived and spoke and loved and how Jesus was your strength. Prayer avails much!! Show them Jesus in your life and leave the rest to Jesus. Pray for them - and love them.

[enoob57]

Prayed... Love, Steven

[missmuffet]

Many Bible characters experienced grief,deep loss and sadness,including Job,Naomi,Hannah and David.Even Jesus mourned

John11:35

Jesus wept.

Matthew 23:37-39

“O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the one who kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing! ³⁸ See! Your house is left to you desolate; ³⁹ for I say to you, you shall see Me no more till you say, ‘Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!’ ”

Grief is a natural response to pain and loss.Their is nothing wrong with grieving.Times of grief serve a purpose.

Ecclesiastes 7:2

Better to go to the house of mourning Than to go to the house of feasting, For that is the end of all men; And the living will take it to heart.

Psalms30:5

For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for life;
Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning.

Through it all God is faithful.We have the hope of Christ,and we know that He is strong enough to carry our burdens.

Mathew 11:30

For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

We can give our heart to Him because he cares for us.

1Peter5:7

casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

 

 

.

[Meta_Agape]

I feel your pain shoofly. My Grandmother passed away from cancer last month in the beginning of July. Her and my great Grandmother were the best friends I ever had both in my family and life in general. Her cancer had recessed about two years ago. No one thought she was going to make it then but I prayed for her all the time and God stopped it and she got a lot better. Over about the last six months the cancer came back again and it got a lot worse, one by one everyone in my family was giving up faith and over time another family member would tell me "It's time for her to go". Untill I was the only one who had any faith left, when I had lost mine, she almost died in the hospital. But I regained my faith and she was able to leave the hospital and be with the family at home for another month. I spent my free time reading everything I could about faith and prayer. Several times I was on my knees crying, praying and yelling to the Lord that I still believed and pleading for him to heal her. But I always had to end it that if it was his will. Some verses in Matthew were very important to me during the time.

Mat 17:14  And when they were come to the multitude, there came to him a certain man, kneeling down to him, and saying,
Mat 17:15  Lord, have mercy on my son: for he is lunatick, and sore vexed: for ofttimes he falleth into the fire, and oft into the water.
Mat 17:16  And I brought him to thy disciples, and they could not cure him.
Mat 17:17  Then Jesus answered and said, O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him hither to me.
Mat 17:18  And Jesus rebuked the devil; and he departed out of him: and the child was cured from that very hour.
Mat 17:19  Then came the disciples to Jesus apart, and said, Why could not we cast him out?
Mat 17:20  And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.
Mat 17:21  Howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting.

Like I said, when everyone had lost all faith she almost died then. I refound faith even as a mustard seed and it grew to a tremendous level. My family was blessed in the end to have almost a whole extra month with her at home at the end. She's not suffering any more and in a waaay better place now, somewhere I often have wished I was at rather than here while suicidally depressed. We don't have the big picture and we don't know the ultimate out come of things, how small things can lead to big consequences in a variety of ways. It's like the butterfly effect principle. It's important to remember that all things work out for the good in Jesus. He knows what he's doing. Everything is already in a state of loss, ruin, death and destruction as it is. It's important to stay focused on the Kingdom of God and the renewed Heaven and Earth. That is the final outcome and he has already won us the ability to be there and enjoy that through his death for us and offering it to us by his grace. Stay focused on that, all this that is here now is temporary and passing away.

Php 1:21  For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

Your Dad and my Grandmother's are all in a much better place now and I'm sure they're happy there and have gained, being there in spirit with the Lord and they are waiting for us. But to live is Christ and we don't know what the Lord has in store for us. Even what bad things happen to us or we experience bad things, we can learn from it and grow and mature more spiritually and have our spiritual character refined through the bad times. To live is Christ, may we find our strength to live by him and in him through his spirit and his strength working in us, giving us the strength we do not have.

2Co 12:10  Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

I'll pray for you, I really hope my message helps you at least a little. God bless.

[Xavier_Fairchild]

Sup shoofly08. Read everything you wrote, even though, it be like, 12:30. Most my family dead or dying too. But the bible talk about death, like it not really the end, more come after that

 

1 Corinthians 15:42-44 “So will it be with the resurrection of the dead. The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable; it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body. If there is a natural body, there is also a spiritual body.” (NIV)

 

God will listen, when you talk to him, he say, he will grant you peace

 

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (KJV)

 

I be praying for you and your family, and I know what you mean bout distracting, cause when it quiet, we just got our own thoughts to deal wit. but everyone here tight like family, God listen, and they listen too. some kind of weird, but they here anyway, and everybody care, keep talkin if it help. 

[NeedYouLord]

Danielle,

You are so loved and I'm praying. I lost my dad, too...and I miss him terribly!!! For me, it's getting easier...I know he is ok now for sure...and I'm staying focused on what God wants me to do on this earth with the time I have left...

 

Every day I want to go to my real "Home" but not yet...

 

Love to you In Him