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True forgiveness

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I have experienced true forgiveness before and it is very hard to do.  It was not something that had hurt my child but it was something that I had a hard time dealing with

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Hi, Dee. True forgiveness is not an easy thing for most us to do. It takes determination... And a lot of effort. I think it's even more difficult, when the offending person does not ask forgiveness of you. That can really tear you up inside. However, forgiveness is not a suggestion, it is a commandment. Of  course a loving parent such as yourself, would find forgiveness extremely hard to see your child wrongfully hurt. I believe a mother's heart is aligned with the children they brought into this world. A violation to your children, also violates you. I also believe that forgiveness is a decision and not necessarily a feeling. It takes work to accomplish this. Just as it takes effort to love someone who is difficult to be love... It is also a decision. It takes tenacity and perseverance. It is the will of God concerning all of us.




(KJV) Luke 6:36-37  [36] Be ye, therefore, merciful, as your Father also is merciful. [37] Judge not, and ye shall not be judged; condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned; forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.

Edited by BeauJangles

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I've wondered a long time now about the difference between forgiving, and just letting it go, not letting it bug me.

My pastor told me that forgiving someone is truly a spiritual experience. One that God has a hand in. It is not something we do on our own.

Talk shows say forgiving let's you move on, that the anger you feel toward the person doesn't eat at you any longer.

I wonder if I have forgiven, or if I only stuff it all waaaayyyy down. I certainly don't feel like I've had a spiritual experience, but I don't feel angry either. Maybe I'm just burnt out from caring so much. Because really, I just. Don't. Care.


Very good question.


In my opinion, forgiveness is when you forget. If you wake up every morning thinking about what that person did to you, you haven't forgiven them. You need to no longer holding a grudge against that person, and you need let it go. Not just consciously, but in your heart as well. For instance, you may think you have forgiven someone because you made a conscious effort to forgive them in your mind, but whenever you see that person, you feel a tiny bit of loathing in your heart, which means you have not forgiven them yet. Now, as for how to know whether you have forgiven someone or not... I would say that you need to talk to that person and ask God for guidance as well. My dad always tells me to apologize to the person, regardless of who hurt who, and that's one way to show forgiveness. Also, if you practice agape love, forgiveness should be second nature to you. If you're still struggling with forgiving and letting go, then you need to not focus on building your forgiving nature, but building your "love nature". As soon as you learn to love, you'll learn to forgive. 



And here is a harder one, (I think). If someone hurts your child, how much is yours to forgive? I wasn't hurt directly, I suppose the trust was destroyed, the family destroyed, but what am I forgiving exactly? I can't forgive the real sin, it wasn't committed against me. And btw if anyone has any idea how to explain this to others, particularly non-Christians, I'd love to hear it.


If you are personally affected by the event, and feel any kind of hatred or loathing to the person, then you also need to forgive them. Forgiveness is not only when someone does something wrong to you directly, but if they hurt you in any way (even through your child) and you are no longer able to love them, you need to forgive them. In addition, trying to explain this to non-Christians will be very difficult, because they have not inherited God's love, therefore they are more likely to hold grudges and not let go. If I were you, I would preach salvation to them first before trying to teach them how to forgive, otherwise you're fighting a losing battle. 

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For me a good portion of forgivness is for me so that I dont harbor bitterness towards someone. Because it just gets worse and worse and its better to pull weeds before they get big and the roots dig in good.

Sometimes when i really do need to forgive someone but i find i cant i just say please help and God takes it. God wont issue a command if there is no way for us to do it. Nothing is impossible with God. He makes the crooked straight.

If you think you may have unforgivness in your heart purpledee, I recommend searching your heart. My favorite time to search my heart is right before I go to sleep when I am laying in bed no lights. This way its quiet. I ask God to show me any unforgivness so I can repent and I ask for Him to show me whats in me He wants gone. He told us to love and if we make a move in that direction He will help us.

As a child I was hurt. Abused really. If someone hurts your kid get your kid out of that situation as soon as you can and keepmthem out of it. It really messes up a kids head. Even if you have to be poor. Jesus spoke directly about those who offend one of these little ones( kjv for kids)

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hey, i have battled with that same thing, i dont know how to forgive i believe i forgive but the memory still lingers so i wonder is it that i have forgiven or am i just pushing it under the rug in other words letting go?. but i always try to remind myself by using the word of God that we should forgive 70*7

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Purple Dee, cordial greetings to you,

I am writing you in respect of how to understand/recognize/to be sure that i/you have indeed fully forgiven the person who transgressed towards me/you or your child.
Forgivingness anyway only possible through God's Love lively within our spiritual hearts and being.. 

From my own experience: I know that with "bigger issues" one can, after having managed the act of forgiving, yes, sometimes it's a whole process because this forgivingness is not only an act over 1 transgression situation/means an abstract situation or thing happened, but it is also an issue within the relationship between me/you and the opposite person who did me/you wrong/who was hurtefull to me/you.  

So, this relationship, in which forgiving has already taken place, this relationship can have become fragile and delicate but still is existing/wants eventually to be maintained; hopefully a soon and active reconsiliation takes place, has taken place, without the spoken out reconsiliation, no piece and understanding and no continuation/love flow is possible again within this relationship. In this reconsiliation talk, of course the transgressing person has to take over his/her responsibility of having hurt me/you/child. this is a must, because pain has happened and is/was existing and therefore needs a recognition of it in the way that the doer of pain is acknoledging his/her transgression. In this process i will then not feel angry anymore, but the same emotion of being angry turns into the emotion of feeling pitty for the same person and i pretend, only in this very moment a true forgiving and a kind of settling of the problem is possible to come.

Now, how can i/you discern that the process of forgivingness is done/is over towards my/your transgressor:
as soon as i can again - like in a "normal" "functioning" relationships, as soon as i can again have positive thoughts and as i can do good/means labours of love to the former transgressing person and this is of course what i very much wish and pray for you, to come soon and at the right moment which will be determined in God's healing process with you.

Shalom, Loving   
(PS. sorry about my english, my mother tongue is swiss german ;)

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Forgiveness is directly tied into The Person of Jesus and completely sustained

in His Essence called Love...

1Cor 13 Perfectly frames the how forgiveness is accomplished.

Love, Steven

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Blessings Purple Dee...

    Good topic & one to give serious attention too as our Brother Beau has lovingly reminded us that forgiveness is not a mere suggestion that our Lord has made but a command,as is to love one another.............Honesty,I don't think by our own efforts we are truly capable of either ......The spirit of unforgiveness can stay well hidden in the hearts of men & is not the easiest to forsake,only by submitting fully to Christ the Holy Spirit will reveal to us what our reservations are,we must be willing to die to ones self in order to receive the Heart & Mind of Christ......this is why we are to love the Lord with all our heart,our mind & our soul and put Him First................(He will do the rest.).............we have to be willing to surrender all

                                                                                                                               With love-in Christ,Kwik

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Thanks to all

I am feeling better about this now having read the replies. I do not harbour anger or resentment, and I am able to pray for blessings for the person. I am no longer in relationship with him, but I'm fairly sure that I don't need to be I order to have forgiven him. Although some around me seem to think that forgiveness means going back, and have tried to shame me with this like its a lack of faith or something.

I still don't FEEL like something spiritual has happened to me, but I don't think I could be in this place without The Lord andHis spirit. So I guess something spiritual has happened, guess I was just hoping for...some big aha moment, or fireworks or something. Lol

As for my girl, one day she will have to cross this bridge for herself. I pray I'll be able to guide her along.

Thanks again for the thoughtful posts.



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      Yes, I needed to forgive; the problem is, I had no idea of what to do. Oh sure, mother had her designs, which amounted to letting people continue to slap you until you are spinning, but that was not going to work for me either (anymore.) Thankfully there was a day when a prophetic woman stopped me and said, you have to forgive those men who hurt you! I responded with, alright, but how? She said, it's simple, you merely release them from the debts you think they owe you. To be honest, it only took me a couple of days to realize that I was having no impact on them and that my efforts were simply me, judging them. After, what seemed like a lifetime I released them from the bondage that I felt they owed me. Quickly, I began doing that with ex-wives and others that had offended me.
      I have, over time, told these truths to others, only to have them say its hard to forgive!
      I responded briskly with, no, it's not. The only difficult part is you letting go of the imaginary control you think you have. You see, when we set ourselves up as judges and put people into the prison of our minds, we have set ourselves up as God. We have supplanted God and tried to take over His job. In doing this, we have set up our own fates, which James spells out.
      James 2:12-13 NASB So speak and so act as those who are to be judged by the law of liberty. 13) For judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy; mercy triumphs over judgment.
      Since we are not under the law, and yet have an almost identical command in the New Testament, then let's try one more and see if we can find the freedom in it.
      Deuteronomy 32:35 CJB Vengeance and payback are mine for the time when their foot slips; for the day of their calamity is coming soon, their doom is rushing upon them.'
      On one hand, this tells us that all vengeance belongs to God, while on the other hand it speaks to payback, which is His also. Their day will come, whether they be religious or ungodly.
      I will show you Romans 12:19 once again.
      Romans 12:19 ISV Do not take revenge, dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath. For it is written, "Vengeance belongs to me. I will pay them back, declares the Lord."
      By taking yourselves out of the judgment seat, you are putting these people back into God's hand. As the ISV translation says, leave room for God's wrath.
      Alright, there is time for just one more story.
      On a particular day, I was put in charge of the office where I was outnumbered by women who had taught us men, how to install and repair pay phones. A particular lady, who had a horrific case plantar fasciitis, whined incessantly about how she could not do the job. I suspect that I misread her that day, and thought that she was saying that she could not do the added dimension of installing the wiring. I asked her to stay in the office for a moment and proceeded to tell her, in my most Pharisaical tone, that as a Christian I was ashamed of her because, we, as believers, can do all things through Christ. The short of it, within about six months my judgment came back on me, and I found myself ashamed of my actions. I don't know what became of her, but I lost everything dear to me. So, I understand how this works, and you don't want to get into the judgment game.
      As an addendum: 
      4/16/18 Monday morning's Men's study
      Opened with, "Vengeance, we are not to even have the thought!"
      Is this possible?
      Paul, in his letter to Timothy, wrote (2Timothy 4:14,15)
      2 Timothy 4:14-15 AMPC Alexander the coppersmith did me great wrongs. The Lord will pay him back for his actions. 15) Beware of him yourself, for he opposed and resisted our message very strongly and exceedingly.
      2 Timothy 4:15 GNB Be on your guard against him yourself, because he was violently opposed to our message.
      2 Timothy 4:15 MSG Fiercely opposed to our Message, he caused no end of trouble. God will give him what he's got coming.